How We Met is a series where xoNecole talks about love and relationships with real-life couples. We learn how they met, how like turned into love, and how they make their love work.
One thing I've been seeing return to my social media feed is the opportunity to travel. Since the top of 2020, the world has been trying to figure out what "catching a flight" will look like in the future. And when you travel with your bae, it is an extraordinary experience that should be on everyone's bucket list. On a baecation, you are able to unwind from the daily Zoom meetings and experience another culture together. It's also another way to really take your intimacy to another level and grow closer to your boo mentally, physically, and emotionally.
One couple who prioritizes their love for travel and love for each other are digital creators LaNaiza Kelly and Mahdi Gaines. Originally from New Orleans, LaNaiza and Mahdi met each other at work when Mahdi noticed LaNaiza around the office and attempted to get to know her. One day, Mahdi joked that whenever she was around him, that there should be a smile. This exchange turned into an authentic relationship where they'd go everywhere together, including traveling the world.
As their love for each other grew, they created their own platform, Love at First Flight, where they share their journey of love and travel. This is a couple that knows how to put the bae in baecation. After three years, LaNaiza and Mahdi are still showing up for each other through amazing global experiences and smiling every step of the way.
In this installment of xoNecole's How We Met, LaNaiza and Mahdi share how their love story is based on honesty, authenticity, and unlearning bad habits.
How We Met
Mahdi: I was in marketing and she was in sales. I actually transferred over to the sales department and that's when we met. LaNaiza used to walk around with this mad look on her face. She is not a morning person. One day I asked her, "Why do you look so mad in the morning?" And she told me, "Don't worry about it." My response was, "Well, you need to make sure you smile when you're around me," and she told me she will make sure she smiles next time.
LaNaiza: Yeah, I think it was a pretty well-known thing at work that I was not a morning person, so I never looked happy in the morning. Then this guy tried to tell me to smile, and I was like, "OK." I am super-sarcastic, so every time I saw him after that I had the biggest smile on my face. That's really how things got started. It was just a bunch of sarcasm with each other.
First Date
Mahdi: Usually LaNaiza and I would hang out, but it was always with a group. But one day, we decided to go to this place called Barcadia. She came over that evening to my place and she was all dressed up. She blew my mind when she showed up. I felt I was underdressed. We had a really good time that night. It was amazing.
LaNaiza: I was a ball of nerves that night. I was actually really nervous and tried to avoid any kind of feelings toward him. I wasn't looking to be in a relationship, but he was very persistent. We hung out a lot already, but I felt that this time was different and it was turning into something more. I started freaking out. But that night was a really good night at the end of the day.
The One
LaNaiza: I think the moment when I started to like him, I was thinking to myself, 'I don't want to do this anymore.' But I couldn't deny it, you know? I would notice myself feeling salty if I couldn't hang out with him sometimes, so I had to be honest with myself that I was ready [for a relationship].
Mahdi: It was pretty early on for me. Even when we were hanging out, I noticed that I stopped wanting to hang out as a group and more one-on-one with LaNaiza. At a certain point, I kind of knew that a relationship with her was where my mind was going. One night we were hanging out at this club and I told her, "You know what, what's going on here? I'm interested in you for real.'" I kind of laid it out on the table.
"At a certain point, I kind of knew that a relationship with her was where my mind was going. One night we were hanging out at this club and I told her, 'You know what, what's going on here? I'm interested in you for real.'"
Favorite Things
LaNaiza: I love that Mahdi is super goofy. He has a great sense of humor and can make friends with anyone you can imagine. I really admire that about him because sometimes I can be a little standoffish. He still embraces that inner child in him. I believe that's the core of who he truly is.
Mahdi: LaNaiza has this hard outer shell that everyone knows about but she has the biggest heart ever. She cares about people, animals, you name it. That is something that really attracted me to her. Earlier on when we were dating, I noticed that soft heart. That really means a lot to me.
The "L" Word
Mahdi: I think it was a couple of months into the relationship for me. We moved so organically and I had strong feelings for LaNaiza. We were so close and she was my best friend. I could talk to her about anything even before we became a romantic relationship, so when we finally got together, it just clicked. This was everything I ever wanted and I have never felt this way about anybody. I started thinking about my future and she was the only person I wanted to be in it with me.
LaNaiza: For me, I knew I loved him but I didn't want to admit it. When I started to feel my walls coming down and I was comfortable to just be myself around Mahdi, that was when I knew. I used to never think about the future with someone and it just felt right with him. It was just one of those things where when you know, you know.
"I knew I loved him but I didn't want to admit it. When I started to feel my walls coming down and I was comfortable to just be myself around Mahdi, that was when I knew. I used to never think about the future with someone and it just felt right with him. It was just one of those things where when you know, you know."
Love Lessons
Mahdi: What I've learned about love is that when you love somebody, you give that person the real you. A lot of people like to put up a front or try to be someone else in order to fit this ideal partner. But with LaNaiza, she is unapologetically herself. She reminds me all the time (laughs). I love that because that makes me want to be unapologetically myself too.
LaNaiza: I have learned that love is a job. It is a continuing thing that you have to work toward every day. There are times where we butt heads, but if you really love someone, you have to put in the work and the effort to keep the love alive—to show up for one another.
Early Challenges
LaNaiza: In the beginning, we were both coming out of serious relationships. We were both in unhealthy relationships where we developed bad habits. We had to unlearn those habits in order to be with each other. We were honestly figuring out how to love essentially and learning how we would want to receive love. One habit I had to unlearn was communication. I am not good at communicating (laughs). I am very quick to express when I am angry. But for me it was learning how to express how I'm feeling when I am feeling it. Instead of holding it in and blowing up later.
Mahdi: For me, I had to unlearn a lot of things. I felt that I had to take care of everything like I did in my previous relationship, but LaNaiza taught me that I don't have to do everything. We are a team. With her, I feel like I am in a true partnership. I have never felt like this before. I remember we went on our first trip to Puerto Rico. The room was in my name and we were checking in. At first, I was going to take care of everything, but then LaNaiza stepped up and handled the check-in—honestly, better than I would have. As I watched her, I thought to myself, "You know what, I like this!"
Individual Self-Care
LaNaiza: We both have busy lives, so I think it is important to carve out some time for hobbies. One of my favorite things to do is salsa dancing. It's a time for me to be social and it's also how I like to unwind. Mahdi and I spend a lot of time together so we try to carve out our alone time when we can.
Mahdi: So LaNaiza is a night owl and I'm an early bird. So I like to get a morning workout [in] at around 6 a.m. It's a good start to my morning and it helps me clear my head. Then when night comes around, I'm already tired but LaNaiza is still working on emails and things. It just works because she knows I'm out for the count anyways.
Shared Values
LaNaiza: I think one shared value is just being honest with each other. I think that should be the foundation in any relationship.
Mahdi: We also talk about our life goals a lot to each other. We keep each other motivated and focused on what the end goal is. We have meetings about it and everything.
For more of LaNaiza and Mahdi, follow them on Instagram @loveatfirstflight_.
Featured image via Love at First Flight
'K' is a multi-hyphenated free spirit from Chicago. She is a lover of stories and the people who tell them. As a writer, 9-5er, and Safe Space Curator, she values creating the life she wants and enjoying the journey along the way. You can follow her on Instagram @theletter__k_.
Exclusive: Melanie Fiona On Making High-Vibrational Music & Saying Yes To Partnership
Melanie Fiona is back! After taking a little more than a decade-long hiatus, she has officially made her return to music and blessed us with two singles, “Say Yes” and “I Choose You.” While both singles are very different from each other, they both reflect who she is today and the type of music she wants to make. In our conversation, the mom of two expressed what she learned during her time away.
“It's interesting, even when I said it is like coming back, I don't ever feel like I really left because I was always still performing. I've still been public. It's not like I went into being this recluse person or version of myself, but the thing that I really learned in this process is that I think things take time,” Melanie says in a xoNecole exclusive.
“I think often we're so caught up in it, being on the timing of demand or popularity, or, like, striking while the iron is hot and the thing that I've learned is that everything is on God's time. That's it. Every time I thought I would have been ready, or, like, things were taking too long, I had to reship some things, personally, professionally, in my life. I also gave myself permission to make a living, not just make a living, but make a life for myself.”
Making a life for herself included getting married to Grammy-nominated songwriter Jared Cotter, starting a family, and embracing new landscapes, such as podcasting as a co-host of The Mama’s Den podcast. She also began doing more spiritual work and self-care practices like meditation, sound healing, Reiki, acupuncture, and boundary setting, which allowed her to get in touch with her inner voice.
“I wasn't putting out music, and I wasn't experiencing a number one record, but I was being a number one mom,” she says.
“I was experiencing things that were allowing me to heal and get in touch with myself so that I could make new music from a space of joy and freedom, and excitement again because I definitely feel like I did lose some excitement because of just politics and industry and what it can do to your mental health and even your physical health. So giving myself the space to really just say, ‘Hey, it's okay. Everything's right on time.’”
The joy and excitement are felt in one of two new singles, “I Choose You,” which is more of a lovers rock vibe, a tribute to Melanie’s Caribbean roots. While the Grammy award-winner is known for ballads like “It Kills Me” and “Fool For You,” she is becoming more intentional about the music she makes, calling it high-vibrational music. She says her music is a “reflection of my life,” as it captures every facet, from hanging out with friends to riding around in her car.
“Say Yes” has the classic R&B vibe Melanie is known for. However, both songs are inspired by her relationship. Melanie and Jared got married in December 2020, and the Toronto-bred artist dished on their relationship. Fun fact: he is featured in the “Say Yes” music video.
“When we first started dating, I had come into that relationship post a lot of self-work. I had gotten out of a long-term relationship, I had a year and a half to date and be by myself and do a lot of work on myself alone. And when we met, I remember feeling like this has to be my person because I feel it,” she says.
“And so when we went into that relationship, and we started dating, I was very clear. I was like, I know what I want. I'm very clear on what I need, and I'm not going to withhold my truth about myself in this process because of pride or fear of rejection. I know you love me, but I'm coming with my heart in my hand to let you know that if we're gonna get there, we have to put fear aside and say yes. So that was kind of like my open letter to him, which is why the video is us having a conversation.”
Melanie also shares that saying yes to her partner has empowered her in many ways, including motherhood and showing up for herself. Her new EP, also titled Say Yes, will be available at the top of 2025.
Check out the full interview below.
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Feature image by Franco Zulueta
Waiting To See If They Are ‘The One?’ These Dating Tests Will Prove If Bae Is A Keeper Or A Counterfeit.
We’ve all been there: you meet the special person who sweeps you off your favorite stilettos. The rose-colored glasses are glued on tightly, and the butterflies in your stomach are fluttering and leave you woozy in infatuation and hope.
You can’t wait to dive into the group chat and gush to your girlfriends that you’ve finally met someone worthy of the goodness of you. And then the caveat hits. “I dunno, girl, I hope they are the one. We’ll see.”
While some women resort to the auspices of time sorting their nebulous love life out, the rest of us with little-to-no patience for wasting precious time, scram to our arsenal of weeding out mechanisms, aka relationshiptests.
Deploying CIA operative-level strategic tests just to prove whether bae is a keeper or a counterfeit may conjure a hard eye roll, deep sigh, or exhaustion–because who really wants to add one more task to an already booked and busy agenda? No one wants to play mental gymnastics when love should ideally come effortlessly. But the more intentional and prudent you are in the initial stages of dating–the more time, energy, and resources you save in the long run. (Not to mention, save on any potential heartbreak).
Here are four tried-and-true relationship tests:
The Soup Test
If your momma, auntie, or granny ever warned you, “Never buy a man a pair of shoes, because they’ll be the same shoes he’ll walk out of life with,” and yet, you proceeded without caution because you were so desperately in love that you bought him Jordans for his birthday on credit anyway, then you already know that gifting bae accouterments–anything from a homecooked meal to material goods–is a defining factor to test whether he’s a seat filler or the main attraction.
One judicious woman on Threads has coined her relationship test as “the soup test.” She suggests, “If you wanna know if someone actually likes you or views you as a convenience/space filler, try the soup test (as long as you’re open to getting dumped lol).”
She hypothesizes, “If you make your situationship something nice to eat as a gift (soup, a nice dinner, banana bread, etc.), they will likely break up with you within the week.”
Meanwhile, the person who does value you and desires a long-term relationship will appreciate you and your thoughtful efforts.
Both men and women are confirming that the Soup Test has merit. One woman shared, “I was seeing a guy for a couple months and made him cupcakes for his birthday. I never got the cupcake holder back…”
One bold man admitted, “Broke up with my last girlfriend after she tried to cook a meal for me in my flat after looking after my pet while I was away. She thought it would be a sweet thing for when I got home, I felt like it was part of a pattern of her trying to make my space ‘our’ space and over-inserting herself into my life. So I guess this is anecdotal evidence from the other side that ‘the soup test’ works 🤦🏼♂️. Still feel like an arsehole.”
The Sick Test
Taking wedding vows, promising to love your spouse “in sickness and in health,” isn’t just for married folks; it’s a great temperature test to unequivocally determine if the person you’re dating cares for you and has imprinted you as a meaningful part of their future.
I’ve been using the “sick test,” for nearly a decade, when I noticed how the vast majority of the men I was casually dating (and had high hopes that it would evolve into more) would disappear during my quarantine and resurface once I was back to good health. Only in rare instances, did a couple of long-term partners show up in my time of need, or display deep empathy.
Like my platonic male friend who I had zero attraction for. He’d send both me and our mutual girlfriends care packages whenever we were under the weather. Naturally, upon reflecting on the countless ways he showed up for me, like none of his predecessors, I fell in love with him. His generosity ignited a relationship that lasted four years.
The sick test taught me that if you tell the person you’re dating about your infirmities and they say, “Aww, feel better,” girl, run! Delete, block, and move on because if he or she doesn’t care about you at your lowest, there will likely be more areas of your life that they will be absent or unsupportive in.
Conversely, when you’re the one with a robust roster, the sick test can immediately give you clarity on who to kick to the curb. In the initial stages of meeting two guys–one was a talent manager, the other was an entrepreneur–I’d gone on lovely dinner dates with both guys when the talent manager abruptly became sick and had to cancel our second date. I gave him a long list of healthy natural remedies to quell his flu and wished him well.
Around the same time, the entrepreneur with who I had undeniable chemistry and visions of birthing his children, had also come down with a cold, and though I had a jam-packed work schedule and lived 35 miles away from him, I eagerly offered to buy the same healthy natural remedies I did for the other guy and trek out to his house to make sure he got them.
And then it hit me – I had to snip the talent manager from the short-listed roster. Once I came down with a nasty cold months later, and the entrepreneur was by my side to take care of me, it confirmed that the sick test facilitated the best man winning me over.
The Provision Test
If you are seeking a provider, discerning whether they have a provider spirit before you co-sign the lease, start a family, or say “I do,” will save you tremendous time and effort. Many women often ask, “How do I know if he’s a provider?”
Internet dating guru, Leticia Padua, aka SheraSeven advocates to test to see if a man is a provider by asking him to fulfill a financial need.
“If he offers to do something for you financially; If you come up with a fake problem that costs money to solve, and he solves it.”
A girlfriend of mine was dating a successful Black engineer for a few months, and she had a real problem to solve. Her engineer beau boasted that he was great at building things, and if she ever needed anything to let him know. As such, when she ordered a brand-new orthopedic bed that required assembly, she decided to see if he was a man who was committed to his word and would fulfill her need.
When he asked her what her weekend plans were, she lamented that she needed to spend considerable time assembling her oversized bed. He brushed off her laborious task and said they’d connect the following weekend. It wasn’t until she subsequently broke the courtship off and voiced her concern over his lack of help that he said he would have assisted her if she had asked.
Though she failed to directly ask for his help, a true provider would’ve heard her problem and provided a solution. He would’ve paid for a service like Task Rabbit or rolled up his sleeves since he flaunted that he was “a great builder.” Men who are bonafide providers are generous givers who love to solve a problem. While men who prioritize themselves, are takers who will do the bare minimum or not even lift a finger when you need their help.
The Removal Prayer
Social media is abuzz with endless anecdotes and comedic skits sharing the consensus of the infamous prayer that will expeditiously usher in newfound clarity to the situationship or relationship you’re in.
Coined as “the removal prayer” it’s a simple request, petitioning God to reveal if the person you’re dating is The One. When you can’t see the forest from the trees, the removal prayer mashes the gas pedal on sifting through the frogs and your prince.
But as with any test, you must brace yourself for what happens next. If you don’t have the strength to cut the wrong one off, don’t worry, God will discard them before you can say “amen.” I can’t tell you how many dates I wasted hoping, waiting, and wishing it would work out. After trying every draconian measure in the playbook, including abstinence, I was still coming up immeasurably short. One day, I threw up my hands and relinquished my miserable dating life to God.
Upon exchanging numbers with any new suitor, I began to always ask God to reveal their true character and intentions, and to remove them if they are not “The One.” Ever since then, I’ve witnessed countless counterfeits masquerading as husband material, surreptitiously vanish.
Sometimes, it stings when the one you had lofty hopes for evaporates into the air–especially if you’ve invested several months or years. But it’s better to cut your losses sooner than later and create a healthy space for the right one to find you.
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Featured image by Getty Images