

Transform Your Summer Staples Into Fall Favorites
It's officially fall, ya'll!
Summer 2020 looked nothing like anything any of us could have ever imagined. Above all, I have learned to meet each day with a new rhythm because you never know what the universe might throw at you. The same can be said for fall – as much as I adore fall, it can be difficult to know what to wear and when.
As a fashion enthusiast, I find it thrilling to reinvent some of my favorite staples. I'm all about shopping for the next season but sometimes you gotta use what you already have to make magic. That's exactly what we we have done and we can't wait for you to see. Keep scrolling to see some heat we created by transforming a smock dress, coordinate set, slip dress and maxi skirt.
Smock Dress + Booties
Curated by Charlie Photography/xoNecole
No need to say goodbye to your smock dresses because they are easily transitional. This dress was one of my favorites this summer and I was determined to find ways to make it a fall favorite. Because this dress has long sleeves, it makes for an easy transformation.
Co-ord Set + Button Down + Thigh High Boots
Curated by Charlie Photography/xoNecole
Coordinate sets are my go-to staple year round. Why, you might ask? Because they are so versatile. Take this MIX BASIC RUCHED BIKER SET from The Mix Boutique – you can alter this one set in a million different ways. I opted for a classic, white button down, thigh high boots and a beret to serve up major fall in Paris vibes. With the temperatures on shuffle like my favorite playlist, you never know what the weather gods have in store. Dressing in layers is the key to mastering fall.
You could go a different route by breaking the set down and coupling each piece with other staples. For example, you could rock this crop top with some stylish sweats, a leather jacket and stilettos. You could also wear the biker shorts with an oversized flannel shirt and chunky sneakers.
Slip Dress + Turtleneck
Curated by Charlie Photography/xoNecole
Slip dresses were a hit this summer and this fall you can continue to rock them with ease as long as you pair them with a top that will keep you warm on the cooler days. In this new season, slip dresses can be the perfect date night alternative. From turtlenecks to soft sweaters to camo jackets, you can play around with different tops for effortless styling.
I couldn't wait to rock my Clove Chain Detail Square Toe Diamante Fishnet Court Kitten Heel from Ego Shoes but this look would be just as fly with a pair of Converse or a pair of Doc Martens.
Maxi Skirt + Sweatshirt
Curated by Charlie Photography/xoNecole
It's the color palette for meeeeee! This getup screams autumn-time-fine. Maxi skirts can be a saving grace because they are elegant, fashionable and can be styled for various occasions. I decided to make it my own with an artsy sweatshirt my ex left behind; shoutout to him! I love a good maxi skirt because it gives you the coverage needed for the drop in degrees.
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Featured image by Curated by Charlie Photography/xoNecole
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Joce Blake is a womanist who loves fashion, Beyonce and Hot Cheetos. The sophistiratchet enthusiast is based in Brooklyn, NY but has southern belle roots as she was born and raised in Memphis, TN. Keep up with her on Instagram @joce_blake and on Twitter @SaraJessicaBee.
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From Monogamy To Polyamory: 'I'm In An Asexual Poly Marriage With My Husband Of 7 Years'
Have you ever wondered what it's like to be asexual and in an open marriage? Relationship Coach Mikki Bey shared her first-hand experience with us as well as answered some of our burning questions.
Like a lot of people, Mikki met her now husband, Raheem Ali, online. As soon as they met, they instantly fell in love and got engaged on their first date. Just 90 days after they met, the couple tied the knot and have now been married for seven years. Raheem and Mikki aren’t your typical married couple, and despite being married for almost a decade, their marriage is anything but traditional. Mikki and Raheem have what she calls an "asexual polyamorous marriage."
Defining Her Sexuality
It wasn't until last summer that Mikki found the language to define her sexuality. "I didn't have the language for it until last summer," she explained to xoNecole. "Looking back, I just thought sex wasn't my thing. It was never enjoyable for me, and I'd go years without even noticing.”
Mikki always thought she was broken because she had no interest in sex. Mikki noticed after her friends came to visit and started discussing their sexual fantasies that she realized something was different about her. “At that point, I knew something was definitely different about me since I do not have sexual fantasies at all. It was truly news to me that people are at work thinking about sex! That was not my experience.” This led to Mikki researching asexuality, which she soon realized fit her to a T. “It felt like breathing new air when I was able to call it by name," said Mikki.
"Looking back, I just thought sex wasn't my thing. It was never enjoyable for me, and I'd go years without even noticing it."
Asexuality refers to people who experience little or no sexual attraction, experience attraction without acting on it sexually, or experience sexual attraction differently based on other factors. Like most things, asexuality falls on a spectrum and encompasses many other identities. It's important to remember, however, that attraction and action are not always synonymous: some asexuals may reject the idea of sexual contact, but others may be sex-neutral and engage in sexual activity.
It's possible that some asexuals will have sex with someone else despite not having a libido or masturbating, but others will have sex with a partner because it brings a sense of connection.
From a Traditional Marriage to Kitchen Table Polyamory
Although Mikki never really had a high sex drive, it wasn’t until after the birth of her son, that she noticed her sex drive took a real nosedive. “I never had a high sex drive, but about a year after my son was born, I realized I had zero desire. My husband has a high sex drive, and I knew that it would not be sustainable to not have sex in our marriage at that time.”
She was determined to find an alternative to divorce and stumbled upon a polyamory conversation on Clubhouse. Upon doing her own research, she brought up the idea to their husband, who was receptive. “It’s so interesting to me that people weigh sex so heavily in relationships when even if you are having a ton of sex, it’s still a very small percentage of the relationship activity," Mikki shared.
They chose polyamory because Mikki still wanted to be married, but she also wanted to make sure that Raheem was getting his individual needs and desires met, even if that meant meeting them with someone else. “I think that we have been programmed to think that our spouses need to be our 'everything.' We do not operate like that. There is no one way that fits all when it comes to relationships, despite what society may try to tell you. Their path to doing this thing called life together may be different from yours, but they found what works for them. We have chosen to design a marriage that works for us,” Mikki explained.
"We have chosen to design a marriage that works for us. We both consent to each of us having everything from casual sex partners to lifetime partners if it should go there. We believe love is abundant and do not limit ourselves or each other on how we express it."
She continued, “We both consent to each of us having everything from casual sexual partners to lifetime partners if it should get there. We believe love is abundant and do not limit ourselves or each other on how we express it. Our dynamic is parallel with kitchen table poly aspirations.”
Kitchen table polyamory (KTP) is a polyamorous relationship in which all participants are on friendly terms enough to share a meal at the kitchen table. Basically, it means you have some form of relationship with your partner’s other partner, whether as a group or individually. A lot of times, KTP relationships are highly personal and rooted in mutual respect, communication, and friendship.
Intimacy in an Asexual Polyamorous Marriage
Mikki says she and her husband, Raheem, still share intimate moments despite being in a polyamorous marriage. “Our intimacy is emotional, intellectual, spiritual, and physical, although non-sexual. We are intentional about date nights weekly, surprising and delighting each other daily, and most of all, we communicate our needs regularly. In my opinion, our intimacy is top-tier! I give my husband full-body massages, mani-pedis and make sure I am giving him small physical touches/kisses throughout the day. He is also very intentional about showing me his love and affection.”
Raheem and Mikki now use their lives as examples for others. On their website, thepolycouplenextdoor.com, they coach people interested in learning how to be consensually non-monogamous. “We are both relationship coaches. I specialized in emotional regulation, and Raheem specializes in communication and conflict resolution. The same tools we use in our marriage help our clients succeed in polyamory."
Mikki advises people who may be asexual or seeking non-monogamy to communicate their needs openly and to consider seeking sex therapy or intimacy coaching. Building a strong relationship with a non-sexual partner requires both empathy and compassion.
For more of Mikki, follow her on Instagram @getmikkibey. Follow the couple's platform on Instagram @thepolycouplenextdoor.
Featured image by skynesher/Getty Images