If you read the title of this and were like, “Damn sis, we’re not even officially into spring yet” — yes, you would be correct. Actually what inspired this piece has nothing to do with bikini weather but a conversation I was having with a woman about how she’s super subconscious about oral action with her boo and it’s mostly because she doesn’t like how her bikini line looks.
Our day-one readers and supporters know that we do our best to cover as many “It’s not talked about publicly, so let’s talk about it” topics as possible. Plus, in the spirit of wanting as many women as possible to enjoy cunnilingus fully (just sayin’) while also getting their line right for the summer season, here are 12 things that you can do yourself to get your bikini line exactly how you want it to be.
1. Buy Panties That Actually Fit
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It’s wild how we’re always talking about how many women wear bras that don’t fit them properly (which is reportedly STILL holding at 80 percent; I know that I thought I was a DDD for years and I’m actually an H) yet it never seems to come up, just how many of us don’t want panties that fit as well as they should too.
Case in point, when I went for my latest waxing, I asked my waxer if a bump that I could feel right in the crease of one of my butt cheeks was an ingrown hair. She told me that it looked like a build-up of keratin from the elastic of my panties. She also said it happens often, especially if our panties are too tight or we sleep in them.
Welp, that is definitely a sign to keep sleeping naked (more on that later).
As far as knowing if your panties are too snug for your own good — if they leave marks; if they cause the skin around your hips to bulge out; if you’re getting wedgies often — you need to go up a size. For the sake of your bikini line and comfort, make sure that you do.
2. Exfoliate That Area
Ever since I’ve been going to either waxing or sugaring appointments, shaving is a thing of the past. However, my waxer (and when I go, sugar-er) tells me that I still need to exfoliate my bikini line after my appointment with her; then at least 3-4 times in between our next appointment. After the appointment, so that I can remove any tiny bits of wax that might be left behind that could potentially clog up my pores/hair follicles. In between appointments, in order to remove dead skin that could result in tiny bumps and ingrown hairs, if I’m not careful.
So, whether you are a shaver and need to do this in order to prep your skin for removing hair or you need to do it for the reasons I just said, make exfoliating your bikini line an absolute must. As far as what you should exfoliate with, a homemade sugar scrub like the ones YouTuber Whole Elise features in this video here should suit you just fine.
3. Attempt Some DIY Sugaring
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Speaking of sugaring, I’m actually a big fan of it (I just go to my waxer more because she’s more…accurate in removing all of the hair that I want to get rid of than my particular sugar-er is; plus, sugaring is oftentimes more expensive). Since the paste is made up of (usually) nothing other than sugar, lemon juice, and water, it contains no chemicals. It’s easier to make at home. And, since sugaring “sticks” to the hair and dead skin cells alone, it tends to be less painful than waxing (and leaves less skin irritation). Finally, a real plus is, if you’re looking for a method that leads to permanent hair removal over time, sugaring is that one.
4. Never Shave Against the Grain
Back in my shaving days, no matter how much I heard that I wasn’t supposed to cut against the grain of how my hair naturally grew, I stayed being hard-headed because I liked how close the shave was whenever I did it that way. When it comes to my legs (because I still shave those), ingrown hairs have never been an issue — oh, but when it comes to my bikini line? Yeah, that was a hot ass mess.
So, even if you know this rule already, because it is one of the greatest causes of razor-related mayhem, it really is a good idea to remember the cut in the direction that your hair actually grows. Also, as far as your razor itself goes, believe it or not, you are supposed to replace it with another one no less than every seven shaves. So yeah, the one that’s been holding on for dear life in your shower? I’ve got a really strong feeling that it’s beyond time to give that up — stat.
5. Use Deodorant After Shaving
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Hmm. Now here’s something that might be your “something new” for the day. Were you aware of the fact that deodorant can be an awesome addition to shaving your bikini line? How in the world does that work? Good question. The aluminum that’s in deodorant contains astringent, antibacterial, and anti-sweating properties. So, if you swipe some deodorant onto freshly-shaven skin, it can help to keep the bacteria from your razor and the irritation that your bikini line might experience down to a minimum.
6. Put Witch Hazel on Razor Burns or Razor Bumps
If there’s one thing that I think everyone should have at least two bottles of, it’s witch hazel. It’s cheap (you should be able to easily find a bottle for under five bucks). It’s easy to find (local drug and grocery stores carry it). And the skin benefits are totally off the charts! The properties in witch hazel are potent when it comes to reducing inflammation, soothing skin irritation, providing the top layers of your skin with antioxidants, and, thanks to the tannins that are in witch hazel, it can help to protect your skin from long-term surface-related damage too. All of this is why witch hazel is top-tier when it comes to using it as a skin astringent should you happen to notice any razor burns or razor bumps.
7. Soak in Some Apple Cider Vinegar Bathwater
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Okay, so there are powerful antimicrobial properties in apple cider vinegar that make it ideal if you’re looking for a way to bring relief to irritated skin or to restore the pH balance of your skin. This is why apple cider vinegar bath soaks are ideal if you’re fighting a yeast infection and why it’s also ideal if you want to speed up the healing process of razor burns or bumps that are around your bikini line. As a bonus, apple cider vinegar serves as a pretty effective exfoliant that’s able to remove the dead skin that may be clogging up your hair follicles; this too can also keep razor bumps from forming.
All you need to do is fill up your bath with really warm (but not super-hot) water. Pour in two cups of apple cider vinegar and soak for 20-30 minutes. A word of caution, though — if you’re tempted to dab some onto a cotton ball and apply it directly to your skin, words cannot express the kind of stinging that you’re in for. Moral of the story: apple cider vinegar should ALWAYS be diluted before applying it.
8. Try Silicone Gel Sheets on Other Scars
If you’re not familiar with what a silicone gel sheet is, probably the best way to explain it is it’s an adhesive, made out of silicone, that you can apply directly to any scars that you have. Over time, the silicone will remove much of the irritation that’s associated with the scar as well as soften its appearance.
The cool thing about this option is silicone gel sheets are pretty easy to find. Two examples are the ones that Walgreens sells here and Walmart sells here.
9. Add Onion Extract Gel to Keloid Scars
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Something else that has been getting a lot of thumbs up lately, as far as scars are concerned, is onion extract gel. From what I’ve read and researched, the properties in onions help to kill bacteria, reduce inflammation and even lighten dark marks over time. All of this is why some experts say that it’s an effectively all-natural way to treat keloid scars if you’ve got any around your bikini line region.
For the record, it won’t happen overnight (some keloids can take years to fully heal, if they ever do at all) but it is something to keep in mind if you’d prefer to take a holistic approach to them.
10. Apply a Combo of Shea Butter and Tea Tree Oil Every Night
Whether you’re looking to heal razor bumps, even out the skin tone of your bikini line, or just keep that part of your body smooth and youthful-looking, I can personally vouch for the fact that a mixture of shea butter and tea tree oil will get you what you need.
The fatty acids, vitamins A, E, and F, antioxidants, and emollient (moisturizers that deeply hydrate your skin) properties of shea butter are great at soothing your skin as well as healing it and improving the appearance of your bikini line’s complexion.
As far as tea tree oil goes, the properties in it help to soothe inflammation (it’s pretty much an overnight solution for reducing the appearance of zits), kill bacteria, and help to heal dry skin and eczema-related symptoms.
I tend to mix a half teaspoon of shea butter with 1-2 drops of tea tree oil (a little goes a long way) and rub it on my bikini line. It’s been keeping it looking amazing ever since.
11. Get a Professional Vajacial
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Even with all of the at-home tips that I provided, I ain’t gonna lie to you — there is nothing like having a professional tend to your lady parts and this includes treating it to a facial (which is commonly called a “vajacial”) about once a season.
Typically what happens with a vajacial is an esthetician will apply a cleanser that’s specifically made for that area of your body. Then they will deeply exfoliate, remove any ingrown hairs, apply a mask that will help to tighten up the pores, and do a treatment that will help to even out your skin tone. Sometimes, they may recommend a chemical peel too.
My two cents? Take a picture of “her” before a vajacial and then take another one after it’s been done. When I tell you that it’s damn near like a day and night difference? I am absolutely NOT exaggerating.
12. Sleep Naked
We touched on this earlier but just because repetition can always be beneficial for memory’s sake — please sleep naked. Not only will your nether regions be thankful for a break from the underwear that you have on for hours on end, but there are also a bunch of other health-related benefits that come from doing it too including a regulation of hormones, a stabilization of body temperature, and a reduction of stress.
Do all of this and you’ll be well on your way to a fabulous bikini line — whatever you, umm, want/need it for. #wink
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- The Best Panties For Your Vagina - xoNecole ›
It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Reset Your Relationship: How To Start 2025 Strong With Your Partner
As the calendar turns and a new year unfolds, many of us are laser-focused on our career goals, fitness resolutions, and vision boards that outline the journey to our best selves. But amidst all the planning and self-improvement, have you made room for another important part of your life? Your relationship.
It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Step 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Step 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
Step 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
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Sex & The New Year: Single Women Get Candid About Their 2025 Intimacy Goals
Fail to plan, plan to fail. It is certainly a saying that all of us have heard at one point or another; however, when it comes to sex, specifically, and definitely when it comes to women who aren’t married or in a serious relationship, I’m not so sure that plans are encouraged as much as they probably should be. I don’t just mean planning to get tested with partners or planning to use birth control — hopefully, those things are a given (right?).
What I mean is, if you are someone who likes to sit down and come up with resolutions for the new year, when it comes to your sex life, what exactly are you resolving to do? What sex-related goals do you actually have? Because if you don’t know and you kind of just let life “happen to you,” the way you end 2025 may not be the way you planned…because there never was a plan in place.
All of this is why I decided to ask 10 single women to pause, ponder, and then produce a semi-formal sex plan that they would be willing to share with y’all. Although a few of them were taken aback by my request at first, by the time they gave me their answer, each woman found it to be something that they would be doing annually moving forward — because, like everything else in life, knowing what you want out of sex, for yourself, is essential. And you certainly increase your chances of getting what you desire…when there is a plan in place.
*Middle names are always used in these types of interview pieces so that individuals can speak freely*
1. Hannah. 28.
Giphy“Girl, my sex plan is to stop having sex with my ex-fiancé. When we broke off our engagement 16 months ago, I’m not sure if either of us thought that we’d keep having sex like we were still together. But who wants to keep racking up bodies or risking getting an STD? Plus, the sex with him? I have never had it so good and so consistent. But when you asked me about putting a ‘sex plan’ together, and I really thought about how our relationship has no future — I accept that I need to let that last part of us go. Otherwise, I could date someone and still be having sex with my ex. I’m not going to tell him [her ex] about my plan until after our date on New Year’s Eve. Don’t judge me. I’m a work in progress!”
Shellie here: Check out “You Love Him. You Prefer Sex With Your Ex. What Should You Do?”
2. Alexie. 34.
Giphy“I’m gonna have me some multiple orgasms, dammit! I am so tired of reading about them and not being able to relate. I think women have been conditioned to think that even getting one is something that we should be grateful for — you know, kind of like that Salt-N-Pepa brag about getting knocked out for the night after one ‘shot.’ No ma’am. I wanna know what it’s like to cum, pause, cum again, pause, and cum again. I’m going to make that my mission for the entire year. I’ll let you know how it goes.”
Shellie here: Check out “How To Have Mind-Blowing Multiple Orgasms. Tonight, Chile.”
3. Thalia. 27.
Giphy“I want to learn how to enjoy oral sex more — not giving, receiving. I’ve always liked the power that comes from giving a man head, but I haven’t met a guy who makes receiving it feel as good as my girlfriends talk about. Whenever it happens to me, I feel annoyed; it’s almost like a dog is licking on me or something. Everything just feels wet, sloppy, and aimless. I’ve got a guy friend who says that he can get me what I’m after. I’m considering him because I’ll be damned if I’m out here giving out all this good head, and I end up dying not knowing what everyone else is even talking about!”
Shellie here: Check out “Sooo...What If You HATE Oral?” and “Okay. So, This Is Why Oral Sex Is Probably Not Satisfying You (Fully).” and (just in case) “How To Preserve Your Friendship After BAD Casual Sex”
4. Icelynne. 30.
Giphy“‘Get over a man by getting under a different man’ is some bullsh-t. All you do is up your body count. The guy I’ve been seeing, the kissing is good but the sex isn’t that great, but I really like him. In the past, I would just move on, but now that you ask me to come up with a plan — I think the plan is to try and make sex better. You get older, and you realize that sometimes you ‘click’ immediately with someone, and sometimes, you need to be more patient. It’s not that the sex is bad, it’s just that I’m used to good sex being easier. Learning to talk about my needs and working with someone to meet them — that’s the plan for next year.”
Shellie here: Check out “Do You Lie About Your Body Count? Here's Why You Shouldn't.,” “6 Things About The Whole 'Body Count' Debate That Should Be Discussed” and “Is There REALLY Such A Thing As 'Bad Sex'?”
5. Gabriella. 45.
Giphy“I’m sick of reading about all of the different kinds of orgasms that you can have and barely knowing what a [clitoral] one feels like. If I can have a nipple orgasm, then I’m going to have one. And I can have one by myself? In my sleep? [Shellie here: Yes, sleep orgasms are an actual thing] And what’s this, you can come just from someone kissing you, right? What the f-ck?! I’m on mission to be able to say that I’ve had every type of orgasm there is. The interviewing process for this mission is about to be so funny, too. I already know.”
Shellie here: Check out “U-Spot Orgasm, Fantasy Orgasm & 6 Other Orgasms You Should Try Tonight”
6. Terrika. 33.
Giphy“I’m leaving faking orgasms in my rearview mirror. It doesn’t help anything. All it does is make men think that they’ve accomplished something that they haven’t and make me resent them for doing it. I hate to say it, but I’ve been acting like I’ve cum for so long that I can’t even remember the last time that I’ve had a real orgasm — oh, yes, I can, and it was two damn years ago! I think because I like sex, even if I don’t cum, is why I’ve put up with it for so long. I’m not getting any younger, and I need to make sure I end up with a man where I don’t have to do any pretending. 2025 is going to be my year. I am speaking it into existence!”
Shellie here: Check out “Why You Should Stop Faking Orgasms ASAP” and “So, 10 Women Sat Down And Told Me Why They Fake Orgasms...More Times Than Not”
7. Persephone. 38.
Giphy“I want to experience sexcations all over the world. I find it fascinating how much sex gets better for me whenever I’m in a new environment. If that can happen just with a different hotel or an Airbnb, I can only imagine what it would be like to make love in London, Cape Town, or Barcelona. It’s also sexy to get to know someone better in a different space. I met a guy [last year], and our connection is strong. We’ve been talking about stamping our passports together. We haven’t had sex yet. I think an international sexcation being our first time, would be perfect for the new year.”
Shellie here: Check out “Married Couples, It's Time For A Sexcation!” and “This Is How To Create The Best Kind Of ‘Sex Bucket List’”
8. Evelyn. 29.
Giphy“I want to know what ‘making love’ feels like. Is that weird to say? Coming into sex, I was what my friends say is a ‘late bloomer’ because I didn’t have sex until my junior year [of college]. It wasn’t random, but it wasn’t with a guy who I loved — well, I loved him as a friend and still do, but it wasn’t a romantic type of thing. I was curious and trusted him to try it out. I don’t regret that, but since, there have only been a few others, and the pattern has been the same: sex with friends and nothing mind-blowing. [In 2025], I want to wait until I’m in a serious relationship and then have sex. I keep hearing that love-making is the best. I have no clue. Would like to know.”
Shellie here: “Unforgettable: 10 Men Open Up About That 'One Experience' They'll Never Forget”
9. Tamiko. 41.
“I want to take a break [from sex]. During my marriage, we had so many sex problems that once we divorced, I definitely made up for lost time. It was mostly because I felt like I was being ‘sexually gaslit’ by my husband — like I couldn’t get the sex that I was after, and it was my fault. Now that I know that it wasn’t a ‘me problem,’ it was an ‘us issue,’ and I’ve gotten all of my ‘itches scratched,’ I’m ready to learn some other things that make me tick outside of the bedroom. I’m not necessarily declaring abstinence for a year, but I am done with my nothing-more-than-sex quest. Next time, it will be someone who gets me excited in more than just the bed.”
Shellie here: Check out “I've Been Abstinent For 12 Years. Here's How.” and “6 Genuine Signs You're Making An Emotional Connection With Your Sex Partner”
10. Lana. 51.
Giphy“My plan is to be more open-minded — not so much when it comes to my standards for a partner but the things that I’m willing to do sexually. I’m not the most conservative person on the planet, but when it’s always in the back of your mind that you can get pregnant, that can make you more cautious. I’m on the tail end of menopause now, so I suddenly feel more adventurous. With a steady sex partner, I’m ready to try whatever and do whatever. Sex that exceeds anything I’ve done before…that is my 2025 plan, girl. Let’s go!”
Shellie here: Check out “What Having Sex After Menopause Is Like, According To 10 Women”
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