Uh, About That Salon Manicure. How To Treat Your Nails While You're Stuck At Home.

Recently, I had to do something that damn near broke my heart. See, for the past couple of years, I've been someone who went to see my nail tech religiously so that I could take care of something that I got from my mother and my mother's mother. It's something that is actually one of my favorite features—my hands, including my nails. They are long, they've got a dope curve to them and, I am definitely the kind of chick who likes to rock all kinds of random color and design combos. But between this quarantine that we're all currently in and also reading the article, "Are your nails too long? A doctor explains why trimming them and removing chipped polish may help prevent the spread of coronavirus" (le sigh), I decided that it was time to bite the bullet and take my powder acrylic and gel polish off. Ugh.
Only those who have mani/pedis on their self-pampering list can truly get that, while there are certainly a billion more important things to be concerned about, that doesn't take away from the fact that not being able to get our nails done can be a real punch in the gut. It's not about being vain or frivolous; it's about making a point to do something that is just for us that makes us feel good. And, if you're used to going bi-weekly to the nail salon like I am, it's about adjusting to this new normal until…who knows when?
If you totally feel my pain and either you're well past a fill-in or your nails look straight crazy right now and you're not sure what to do about it, I've got some DIY tips that can help to get you through—until you and your own nail tech can be reunited once again.
How to Safely Remove Gel (and Acrylic and Powder-Dipped) Nails

It actually took me a while to get onto the gel manicure train. The main reason is, I didn't want to spend the extra coins. But between constantly hacking away on this laptop of mine, washing dishes and, quite frankly, simply being harder on my nails than I need to be, about a year ago, I gave up the ghost; it's one of the best decisions I've ever made. The only thing I don't like is that sometimes, removing the polish can be a beast (some drills are better than others). So, I was kinda trippin' at first when I tried to figure out how to get the polish from my last salon appointment off of my nails.
If that's your current dilemma, all you need is a bottle of 100 percent acetone (something that also works really well for me is ONYX Professional Gel and All Nail Coatings Soak Off Nail Polish Remover Coconut which I got at Walmart), a file (a 180-grit file is probably best), some cotton balls, a glass bowl and some foil.
If you're going to cut down your nails, do that with a pair of fingernail clippers first. Then, in order to remove the top coat of your gel polish, file all of your nails until the polish looks super dull. Cut a piece of foil into 10 strips (one to cover each nail). Now it's time to pour the acetone into your glass bowl and to pull out your cotton balls. I recommend cutting each cotton ball in half; that way, they won't be all bulky when you place them onto your nails. Put half a ball into the acetone first and then on each nail. Then cover the ball up with some foil. Let the foil sit on your nails for 15-20 minutes. When you remove each strip, you should notice that your gel crumbles right off. And what if you happen to have powder dipped nails? The same steps apply. Just make sure that you follow-up the removal process with some nail cuticle oil or jojoba, sweet almond, lavender, coconut or tea tree oil (every day, for about a week) so that your nails won't get dehydrated.
Note: If you plan on removing all of your acrylic too, follow the same steps. Just keep in mind that, based on how many fill-ins that you've had, getting the acrylic off will take considerably longer. Shoot, I re-watched the movie, How to Tell You're a Douchebag (DeWanda Wise, Charles Brice) and some other film before most of it was gone. Plus, I had to use an e-file in order to get the remnants off. But the patience is what prevents you from damaging your natural nails. Besides, during this quarantine, it's not like you've got anywhere to go…right? Might as well get some binge-watching in while you're soaking.
How to Give Yourself a Gel Manicure

Now that I have nothing on my nails (and they are considerably shorter), I'm actually going to let them chill for a while. I can't remember the last time my nails haven't been covered in something and sometimes breaks are good so that nails can breathe. But if you want to keep the gel polish going in your own world, I totally get it. Here are the steps that you need to follow. (By the way, remember that you'll need a cure lamp for this; there are some pretty affordable ones on the market if you don't own one already; click here to check out a selection.)
- Clip your nails to the length that you want them to be.
- With a fingernail file, file them into the shape that you desire so that they are smooth and even.
- Use a buffer to remove any natural oils that may be on the top of your nails (so that your polish will "stick" better).
- Use a cuticle stick to gently push back your cuticles.
- With your gel kit (check out "Love Gel Manicures but Hate the Price? Try These At-Home Gel Nail Kits" if you want some suggestions on which one to buy), apply an extremely thin layer of the base coat on one hand. Put it underneath a cure light for 20 minutes, then repeat with your other hand.
- Next, apply your first coat of gel polish to one hand. If you happen to get any of the polish onto your skin, dip a nail acrylic brush into some acetone to remove it. If you skip this step and the polish remains on your cuticles, your polish will peel a whole lot faster. Place your hand into your cure lamp for another two minutes, making sure to do this same step for every layer of polish that you apply.
- Apply your top coat and let your hand sit in the cure lamp for 2-2 ½ minutes. Lightly tap the index finger of your other hand onto a couple of your polished fingers, just to make sure that they don't feel sticky and the polish appears smooth. If you don't feel "messiness", you're dry.
- Finally, soak a cotton ball into some rubbing alcohol and rub each nail; it's what will get rid of any "tackiness" or residue that your nails may have. And you're done!
If you are someone who is more of a visual learner, some YouTube sistahs can walk you through this entire process. Check out some how-tos here, here and here. If you'd prefer to powder dip your nails instead, this video has some tips that I thought were super helpful.
How to Do Your Own Acrylic Fill-In

Yeah, this one right here, I don't have nearly enough patience to attempt on my own. But again, right now, we've really got nothing but time, so if you're down to do your own fill-in, I'll include a list of what you'll need, along with a couple of links to YouTubers who can walk you through how to do fill-in your own nails.
- Cuticle Remover
- Cuticle Pusher
- Buffing Block
- Acid-Free Primer
- Nail Dehydrator
- Dappen Dish
- Acrylic Brush
- Acrylic Powder
- Acrylic Liquid
- Top Coat
You can also stop by a local drugstore to pick up a fill-in kit like Kiss Her by Kiss Acrylic Fill Kit for Nails. Here's the video that can walk you through how to DIY this.
How to Make Press-On Nails Last

I'mma tell y'all what—these upgrades in press-on nails truly boggle the mind! One place where you can check out a variety of lengths, shapes and styles is Etsy. If you want yours to last longer than just a couple of days, make sure to apply them with nail glue (a lot of people are super fond of Mia Secret Super-Jet Strong Glue) instead of the adhesives that they typically come with. Speaking of, a YouTuber that I enjoy due to her straight-to-the-point-super-chill delivery says that using that particular glue helps your press-ons to last a whopping three weeks at a time. Her name is Korryn J and she even has her own line of press-on nails. Go here to check out her instructional video and visit Her Fave Boutique to see her signature nail section.
How to Maintain Natural Nails

Even if you decide to go without doing any of this for the time being, that doesn't mean that your nails have to be out here looking a hot and crazy mess. Here are a few things that you can do to keep your natural nails looking beautiful while you're at your crib.
Exfoliate your hands. Dead skin cells can have your hands looking drier and older than they should. A half cup of sugar (brown or white), one-fourth cup of olive oil, and five drops of your favorite essential oil will create a hand scrub that will make your hands feel and look at least a couple of years younger (no joke). Using the scrub while you're in the shower is one of the easiest ways to apply and remove it with as little mess as possible.
Moisturize your hands, nails and cuticles. Please don't be walking around your house all ashy. Remember the cuticle oil alternatives that I mentioned earlier? Apply those on a daily basis so that your hands, nails and cuticles can remain soft and smooth.
Keep your natural nail tips clean with baking soda. Do you want to rock the totally au naturale look? If so, something that will keep the tips of your nails super white is to brush them with baking soda. Just dip them into water, sprinkle some baking soda on an old toothbrush and gently scrub underneath each nail. It will get all of the gunk out while lifting your nails up a shade or two (once a week is more than enough; otherwise, you could dry your nails out).
Vicks to the rescue for (minor) nail fungus. If after you remove your polish or tips, you happen to notice some fungus, applying Vicks VapoRub will help to heal it within a matter of days. (Oregano oil and tea tree oil will too.)
Petroleum jelly can help you to "stay between the lines". Does it seem like, no matter how hard you try, you always seem to get polish on your cuticles (and everywhere else) when you polish them yourself? One way to avoid this is to dip a Q-tip into some petroleum jelly and outline your cuticles with it before applying your nail polish. That way, the polish will not get onto your actual skin.
Vinegar makes your polish last longer. If the last thing you want to think about is painting your nails again any time soon, pour some white vinegar onto a couple of cotton balls and apply them to your nails before you put on your base coat. It will remove any oils or residue, plus it will help your polish to last longer.
(Another hack: If your polish seems to have a hard time going on smoothly, try putting it into the refrigerator for 15-20 minutes. That should fix the problem.)
Ice alleviates chipping polish. One reason why I don't personally polish my fingernails often is because I am super meticulous. If I see a mere chip of polish on a nail, I'm over-obsessing. If you can totally relate, but you want to paint your nails anyway, soaking your hands into a tub of water that has several ice cubes, after you've painted your nails, will help to set the color and prevent chipping. Just make sure to let your nails dry on their own for about seven minutes before placing them in the water (making sure not to hit the ice cubes).
Whew. I know I didn't cover everything but hopefully, this will tide you over. At the very least, you don't have to hold onto polish or fill-ins until…who knows when? You now have a few hacks that can make your nails look presentable. No need to thank me. We're all in this together. I got you, sis.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
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Your October 2025 Monthly Horoscopes Are All About Magnetic Love & Divine Timing
October is about the power of attraction. This is the month to set your intentions, create space for a new beginning, and find your balance between the past, present, and future. There aren’t many astrological transits this month, signaling more possibilities in the air and an opportunity to create that which you desire.
We begin the month in Libra Season, and Libra Season is always the time of year when love is the highlight. With Juno also entering Sagittarius on October 1, right as we begin the month, it’s about committing yourself to a new adventure, to the gifts of love, and to perspectives that heal and bring you closer to another.
October 2025 Astrology: An Overview
Mercury enters Scorpio on October 6, and Mercury in Scorpio only knows depth. The conversations being had this month are inspiring, transformative, and a little more blunt than usual. This energy is good for the power of persuasion and for asking for what you want, especially within business and financial matters. On the same day, we have a Supermoon in Aries, and this is a powerful Full Moon for reflection, owning your power, and letting go of the insecurities that don’t resonate with what you want for yourself and your future.
Venus, the planet of love, moves into Libra on October 13 after being in Virgo for the past month, and after some time of healing and clarity in love, Libra is here to bring in the romance. Venus loves being in Libra, and this energy creates new beginnings within relationships and provides a little extra magic in this area of life. With Pluto going direct in Aquarius on the same day after being retrograde since May, life and love move forward mid-October, helping provide more stable and nurturing foundations in your personal life and community as well.
The New Moon of the month occurs in Libra on October 21, making it a beautiful time for manifesting romance, balance, and harmony in your world.
This New Moon aligns with the Sun in Libra, and it’s all about letting a new beginning transform your world and the love in your life for the better. Scorpio Season officially begins on October 22, and Neptune retrograde enters Pisces on the same day, bringing in some water sign energy into the mix. As we close out the month, it’s time to renew, honor the transformations occurring, and know that your dreams aren’t as far out of reach as they may seem at times.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see what October 2025 has in store for you.
What October 2025 Has In Store For Your Zodiac Sign
ARIES
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleOctober is all about perspective, Aries. This is the month to trust the divine timing of your life, and not let the what-ifs overwhelm you. With the Sun in Libra, your sister sign, for most of the month, October is about building connections, finding your balance in love, and knowing that you are worthy of what your heart is seeking right now. We have a Supermoon in your sign on October 6, and emotions are a little heavier this month, but also healing. Give yourself grace, and let go of what isn’t working for you.
Venus is in your house of love from October 13 until November 6, and there is a lot to look forward to when it comes to romance and the relationship dynamics in your life as you move through the month. It’s about being confident in your power of attraction and letting love come to you right now. Before October comes to an end, we have a New Moon in your 7th house of love as well, and with all this energy in your relationship zone, life changes for you in love for the better in October.
TAURUS
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleOctober is a spiritual month for you, Taurus. You are thinking a lot about your next steps ahead, and are getting organized, focused, and aligned. The Supermoon on October 6 is a time of reflection for you, and you are entering the month ready to let go of the past, heal, and create space for something new in your life. This month is all about trusting your intuition and letting your wisdom guide you in your personal growth and evolution.
You are more than where you have been, and this month is a reminder of that.
With Mars in Scorpio and in your 7th house of love all month, you are motivated by the partnerships in your life right now. Your love life and relationships are where the action is for you this month, and you are honoring your passion and direction here. Venus, your planetary ruler, moves into your house of health mid-month and into November, and you are leaving October seeking healthier habits, daily routines, and relationships. Overall, this month is helping you align with your vision.
GEMINI
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis month is a fresh start for you, Gemini. Your heart is free, love is beaming, and you are feeling larger than life. This month is about taking a leap of faith in yourself, honoring your confidence in life, and being your biggest advocate. With the Sun in your 5th house of self-expression, romance, and happiness, and with Venus entering this same area of your chart mid-October, there is a lot to look forward to right now, and things are looking up for you.
On October 21, we have a New Moon in a fellow air sign, and this is a good time to set your intentions for creative projects, hobbies, romance, and your overall happiness in life. There are a lot of little moments of magic unfolding for you this month, and this New Moon is one of them. Before October comes to an end, Mercury, your ruling planet, enters Sagittarius, and this brings open communication into your relationships, and you are having lively conversations and insights.
CANCER
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis is a transformative month for you, Cancer. You are moving through closure, healing, and depth as you navigate the opportunities that are coming into your life, with the stability you are seeking. With the Sun in your 4th house of home and family in October, this is the month to spend more time in your safe spaces, connect with your loved ones, and get grounded. You are also more focused on your financial world right now, and this is a good time for building new foundations for yourself and looking at the bigger picture when it comes to your career and life goals.
Mars is in your house of romance and happiness for the entire month, and this is one of the highlights of your life right now. You are passionate about your joy and all the things that light you up inside, and you are protecting your peace and giving more of your energy to your pleasure. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Libra, highlighting your home life, and some Cancers may be moving at the end of the month or getting the opportunity to turn a page here. Overall, this is your month to reflect, go within, and make sense of what has been restricting you from feeling stable.
LEO
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleOctober is about taking things one day at a time and being patient with what is presenting itself to you, Leo. This month, you are getting your ducks in a row and gaining the clarity needed to create a new beginning in your life. The month begins with a Supermoon in a fellow fire sign on October 6, aligning in harmony with you and fueling your need for adventure. You are going over the wisdom you have gained as of late and how it has shifted the way you navigate your life and see the world around you.
On October 13, Pluto goes direct in your 7th house of love, after being retrograde here since May. This is bringing in more balance, empowerment, and passion into your love life, and this is a positive change of energy for you after a time of some power struggles within your relationships. Before the month comes to an end, we have a New Moon in Libra, and this New Moon is the best time to set intentions for clarity, communication, and connection. October is about taking your time with things and knowing that everything is working out in your favor at the end of the day.
VIRGO
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis October is about finding your balance, Virgo. There is a lot of energy when it comes to your finances this month, but you may be overworking or overcommitting yourself in the process. Honor the opportunities and responsibilities in your life, but make sure you are equally taking care of your health and prioritizing your time and energy so that you don’t burn out. Venus, the planet of love, is in your sign until October 13; use this energy to your benefit and let things come to you.
You are a magnet for abundance, romance, and support if you allow yourself to receive it.
On October 13, Venus moves into your 2nd house of income, and your relationships are a supportive place for you to lean on right now. Your love life and partnerships are where your financial world is evolving this month, and this is a good time to ask for what you want; you never know what may happen. At the end of the month, Neptune goes retrograde in your sister sign, Pisces, and you are taking a step back and reassessing what love means for you right now. Overall, October is about remembering that you don’t have to do it all alone, Virgo.
LIBRA
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleLibra Season is here, and it’s your time to shine and thrive! This Libra Season changes everything for you, and October is when you really begin to feel this shift in your life. The Sun is in your sign until October 22, and it’s time to put yourself first. With a Supermoon in Aries as we begin the month as well, you are letting go of any unhealthy attachments or relationship dynamics that take you away from yourself, and are moving into deeper clarity.
On October 13, Venus, your planetary ruler, enters your sign, where it loves to be the most. With Venus in your sign for the rest of the month, love takes on a new tone, and you are feeling more love for yourself and where life is taking you right now. To end the month, we have a New Moon in Libra, and it’s time to set your intentions for where you want life to grow for you over the next year. This is a month of embarking on a new journey of self, and allowing what is inspiring you right now to build your confidence in yourself and your relationships.
SCORPIO
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleOctober is about honoring your freedom and your power to decide, Scorpio. A lot is going on for you this month, and you have the passion and energy to see things through. Mercury, the planet of communication, moves into your sign at the beginning of the month on October 6, and this is going to help you get your ideas across, making it a good month for business matters, networking, and getting inspired. With Mars also in your sign for the entire month, life moves forward for you in transformative ways in October, and you are a force to be reckoned with.
On October 13, Venus moves into your house of closure, healing, and endings, and you are ready to close one chapter of love and create space for a new one. You are in a contemplative space when it comes to matters of the heart, and you are ready to let go of any heaviness you have been feeling here. Scorpio Season officially begins on October 22, and you are ready to begin again. This Scorpio Season is about owning your confidence in life while letting go of insecurities or self-doubts that have been getting in the way of that.
SAGITTARIUS
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleEverything unfolds for you in a beautiful way this month, Sagittarius. You are flowing well with the energy of October, and life opens up to you. With the Sun in your 11th house of aspirations, dreams, manifestations, and community, you are feeling in balance with your desires and your reality, and are bridging the gap here. This is a month of friendship, believing in your dreams, and creating space for love. With Juno also entering your sign at the beginning of the month until the end of the year, you are attracting soulmates into your life.
On October 6, we have a Supermoon in a fellow fire sign, allowing you some closure in love and a chance at healing. Your heart is feeling renewed, and you are owning your power in creating happiness in your life. Before the month ends, Mercury moves into Sagittarius, where it will be until mid-November, and inspiration is heightened. Pay attention to the guidance you are receiving this month, the conversations you are having, and the light bulb moments that are going off for you right now.
CAPRICORN
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleOctober is about going within and connecting with the guidance of your soul, Capricorn. You are taking more time for yourself this month, and rightly so, as you need time to fully process what has happened so far this year. Pluto goes direct in your 2nd house of income, and this moves things forward when it comes to your earning potential, abundance, and values.
The key this month is in valuing yourself, your perspective, and what you are building in your life right now.
On October 21, we have a New Moon happening in your career zone, and this is a good time to manifest your goals within your professional world. Put yourself out there, show up, and know that you are worthy of success and that your dreams aren’t too big for you. As we close out the month, Mercury moves into your house of closure, even further facilitating your desire for contemplation and alone time this month. Overall, October is about taking care of your mental health, owning your successes, and finding your peace.
AQUARIUS
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleOctober is a new beginning for you in love and in life, Aquarius. Your heart is feeling inspired, and there is a lot to look forward to right now. The Supermoon at the beginning of the month will be occurring in your 3rd house of communication, giving you the answers you have been looking for and helping you close the door on a chapter in your life that left you feeling misunderstood or misdirected. You are ready for a change of pace this month, and you are receiving that as we begin October.
Mid-October, Pluto goes direct in your sign after being retrograde since May, and this is a huge breath of fresh air for you and your path ahead. You may have been a little harder on yourself while Pluto was retrograde this year, and now you feel ready to forgive, move on, and own your power. Before the month comes to an end, we have a New Moon in Libra, and you are embarking on a new adventure. The end of the month is a good time for traveling, exploring, and gaining a new perspective.
PISCES
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis month is giving you the guidance, perspective, and passion to see yourself with clear, loving eyes, Pisces. There is a sense of feeling more overwhelmed with life lately, and October is allowing you to gain the insight needed to move on from this energy, or at least see more of the gifts of what has occurred. On October 6, we have a Supermoon in an area of your chart having to do with self-worth, values, and income, and it’s time to see the gifts of what you have been investing in and valuing in your life, including yourself.
Let go of the need to play it small or count yourself out of important conversations, and know that you deserve a seat at the table.
With Pluto going direct in your 12th house of healing as we end the month, you are finally getting the answers you have been looking for emotionally, and it’s changing your perspective on your commitments in life and making you feel empowered. Before the month ends, Neptune goes retrograde in Pisces, and you are going to be moving through a personal revolution as we close out the year. You are inspired by change right now, and this month is what kicks starts this metamorphosis within you.
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Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
9 Women Over 40 On Living Childfree & Reimagining Motherhood
I never imagined a life without children, but here I am, a single, 41-year-old childless lesbian, planning my next big adventure, while others post cute, back-to-school photos of their kids on social media. The shift in perspective occurred after years of pressure from myself, as well as from the people in my environment.
"Marsha, you're the last of the cousins without a child. What's up?" my male cousin questioned. Back then, my throat chakra wasn't as strong as it is now. So, instead of explaining how problematic his probing was, I replied, feeling defeated, "It's not that easy."
People rarely ask men why they don't have children. In fact, they're seen as unicorns if they've made it to their 40s without procreating. But women, we're held to a different standard. We were gifted with the superpower of nesting and nurturing a soul within our bodies. For nine months, women sacrifice their anatomy, enduring life-altering changes, to bring a human into the world.
It's an honor to be a mother, and at one point in life, that's all I wanted. So, when my partner of seven years wasn't ready to explore marriage and building a family together, we went our separate ways. I dedicated 2019 to getting pregnant, from medical turkey basters to Intrauterine Insemination, to no avail. It was mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausting, so at 35, I decided to wait until I was in a loving relationship. I had lots of time—or so I thought.
Five years later, I was no closer to motherhood.
I was in a relationship, but I knew she wasn't my person. I developed fibroids, which hijacked my body with irregular bleeding for a year and a half. The hard truth was, no matter how much I wanted this for myself, I had no control over when it would happen. So, after a couple of therapy sessions, I was encouraged to redefine how motherhood looks for me. Adoption or fostering a child still allowed me to explore my maternal instincts, without the pressure of a timeframe.
It was then that I removed the bricks that were weighing me down.
Redefining Motherhood On My Own Terms
That reframe prompted me to examine my life and identify the root of the pressure I felt. A huge part of me knew that I tied my worth to becoming a mother.
Carrying and birthing a child is a sacred experience gifted to a majority of people with a uterus. I had to realize that I'm worthy, period. Women were created to be more than the canal to life.
I also acknowledged that my desire to become a mother stemmed from wanting to love a child the way I needed to be loved growing up. We spend our adult lives identifying the source of the wounds that were created during our adolescent years so we can heal them.
I had a seemingly normal upbringing with a mother who loved me and tried her best, but there were moments in my adult life when I had to re-parent myself. I knew motherhood would be a healing experience for me, but I also understood that was a selfish reason to have a child.

Writer Marsha Badger, 41
Photo credit: Jonathan PearsonFinding Peace In A Childfree Life
Now, at 41, I've made peace with my decision not to have children, which allows me to finally experience life without the pressures of finding love and having a child before it's "too late." I am whole as I am, so I stopped looking for motherhood to complete me.
Society treats childless women like lepers, insinuating that something must be wrong with them if they haven't had children. And because we're the only vessel to bring life into this world, it became an expectation. But the truth is, motherhood isn't in the cards for everyone, and that decision isn't up for negotiation. When I decentered finding love and becoming a mom, I experienced a sense of peace and freedom.
There's a community of women struggling with the idea of motherhood and whether there's room for it in this chapter of their lives, and you're not alone. I asked 8 women over 40 six questions. The responses were honest, refreshing, and rooted in their truth. Here's what they had to say.
8 Women Over 40 Share Their Truths About Living Childfree
Lisa Smith, 50+

Courtesy
“I realized motherhood wasn’t in the cards for me in my 20s, but I have pursued motherhood in the past. Very briefly and for someone else and not me...a part of the problem was I didn't enjoy trying... ew. I didn’t feel pressured by society, but I did get asked why (I didn’t have children) a lot. That never made me want one though. I find people don’t like that answer. I'm so great with my decision."
“I have never really had a regret. I almost feel guilty saying it because it defines womanhood in some people's eyes. I'm really a woman with no kids and very happy about it."
"I have been around plenty of children all my life. I was a dance teacher, a Sunday school teacher, a girl scout troop assistant, and I've hosted numerous events for the children in my life. With all of that, nothing in me had that desire to be a mother. I don't hate children and I'm not selfish. However, my biological clock never ticked. I never got that instinctual thing that said, 'Have a baby.' I just didn't want one and it's okay, right? Well, at least it is to me, and my life is great!”
Cheresse Rogers, 41

Courtesy
“Honestly, I can't say there was an exact time that I realized motherhood wasn’t in the cards for me. I have sickle cell so I've battled back and forth for many years about it. That was my main reason why. But if I really had to put a time down when I first had a serious thought about it. I would say my early 20s. At one point in my life I did start looking into what it would take to adopt a child."
"But I never tried to get pregnant myself. Being a lesbian plays a part in my decision making. I will say even though personally my stance hasn't changed on carrying my own child, I am open to either adopting or my partner carrying. That is fine by me.”
“I wouldn’t say I felt pressured by society to have children. I will say at times it can be bothersome to have people keep asking. I've learned that my womanhood is not defined by whether I'm a mother or not. I believe I've lived and I'm living a life of meaningful and loving connections."
"That's what life is about. How we show up on this world. When I go to bed at night, do I sleep well knowing I made a positive impact on others, or did I do something that made me happy that day? That’s something to be proud of. That's what I think of when defining fulfillment.”
“I would say, to any other woman living with a chronic health issue or even to women who are not, do what feels right for you. Research your options. Talk to your doctors. I think at times we put our eggs in one basket. There are so many ways these days to become a mother. I know so many people want to experience the joys of carrying a child. But if you can not for whatever reason. Consider adopting or a surrogate if that's in your means. Do what makes you happy.”
Cam, 62 (asked to be anonymous)
"I have never pursued motherhood. I realized motherhood was not in the cards for me the very moment my mother explained that my ovaries produce eggs that might be fertilized by sperm and grow into a baby. I wasn't full of fear, hate or disgust. My thoughts just crystallized, and I asked my mother if I could have my ovaries removed because 'I knew I didn't want to have babies.' She told me no doctor would do that to me."
"I was thinking how silly it would be to spend a lot of time and money on tending to my ‘periods’ when I knew I was not going to make use of this ‘wonderful function.’ For the record, ten-year-old me genuinely knew myself. I am proud I never abandon my truth."
"I can’t have it all, all the time. Maybe that’s why momma wouldn’t let me get my ovaries removed. I had a lifetime of learning about cycles! I lived with them, through them, and accepted them. I guess that’s the secret of life.”
“Fulfillment on my terms is growing and pruning, living an examined life. I like learning and challenging myself. I like deciding how to spend precious time. I love laughter and laughing at myself. I love keeping folks around me who really accept me warts and all. And when I have the recipe just right…I get wonderful batches of fulfillment that balances the unpleasant elements of living.”
Sabrina Servance, 41

Photo credit: Teri Hofford
"I haven't pursued motherhood. If anything, I avoided it like the plague! When I was in my late twenties, I was still single and at that point, had never had a partner. It was always drilled into my head that the older you got, the harder it would be to have a baby. I reflected on the things I went through: I was severely bullied growing up and also suffer from mental illness, I couldn't imagine my own child going through the same things."
"The longer I thought about it, the more I knew motherhood was not for me. I was far too anxious to handle it and frankly, just didn't want to. Looking at how society is, I am glad that I stuck with my decision not to have children. I love being an aunt! But being a mom is not for me. I feel that the decision was the right thing for me."
"When I was single, I definitely felt it as the majority of my friends were getting married and having children. People kept asking me when I was going to have children, 'Why hadn't I tried?' And when I got married, forget it. The societal pressure is even worse. Eventually, I felt comfortable telling people that I had no desire to be a mother, which people HATED hearing."
"I think that so often, as women, we spend too much time doing what we think we're supposed to do rather than what we want to do. Motherhood is a huge step, and it's okay not to be sure if you want children. It's also okay to say you want children and then change your mind."
"All those people questioning your life choices aren't going home with you to raise your baby, so do what's best for you. I define fulfillment by being able to live life the way I have always dreamed of and pursuing things that weren't possible when I was younger."
Chanel Banks, 44

Courtesy
“I realized motherhood might not be in the cards for me when I started to tap into myself. When I started to become more aware of myself and understand the sacrifice of what motherhood would look like for me. I have pursued motherhood in the past. But as times have changed and I’ve gotten older, I see my life and society through a different lens."
"I didn’t feel pressured by society. Being a mother is a personal choice. If anything, society has allowed me to view motherhood from a bigger point than just myself."
"I feel good about that decision today. Sometimes we have to ask ourselves why we really want something and answer honestly. Do you want it for you? Or for the idea? Do what is best for you and no one else.”
“I define fulfillment on my own terms as living authentically, with freedom and purpose. For me, that means creating a life I love. Nurturing my passions, traveling, and growing as a woman and wife. My joy comes from designing a life that reflects who I truly am.”
Krystle H, 41

Courtesy
"I realized motherhood was not in the cards for me because I haven't been blessed to have a man who is a loving, humorous, fun, outgoing, generous, king and provider. I never pursued motherhood or felt pressured by society. I am happy I never attempted to pursue motherhood with any of the men I dated on a long-term basis because I have no intentions of being a single parent."
"As I approached my 40s, currently at age 41, I have reflected heavily on my past experiences. In looking at these experiences in retrospect, none of these men were providers."
"Although relationships are not guaranteed to be eternal, it is very important to select your partner wisely and carefully. If we aren't meant to continue our relationship, I need to know that he has the ability and mindset to coparent and/or financially provide for his children."
"To me, fulfillment is great health (physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual), financial stability, happiness, good family members and good friends, a stable, solid dwelling, and self-sufficiency. If motherhood is meant for you, it will be for you. Do not allow society to pressure you into motherhood if you are not financially, mentally, and emotionally prepared to be a parent."
Ashia, 40

Courtesy
"I learned that motherhood might not be in the cards for me at 37, when I had my second miscarriage. For the second time, my body was rejecting what seemed to be 'natural.' I got pregnant a month after getting married (not planned, but loved), and it only lasted 11 weeks. I have an autoimmune disease, and although I stopped taking the medicine to suppress/help a year before getting pregnant, my body rejected the fetus. Three years later, I got pregnant again, this time with twins, and my body rejected it for the second time."
"I don't feel pressured by society at all. For a long time, I was afraid to get pregnant, or rather, because of trauma. I used to always say, 'I never want to be my mom to my children, and why would I choose to bring a child into this world that could be born with the same disease as me, and go through the same health issues I've gone through?'"
"And then, on the other hand, I'm the only child who can have children, and I sometimes wonder--although they never say--if my parents feel any emotion about not having grandchildren. I don't let it affect my decision in any way. Because I'm the one who has to keep choosing this life, for the rest of my life. And I don't know if I've reached that level of adulting yet."
"I'm fulfilled because I am here. I am taking the trips, reading the books, going to the events, and still being present for myself and my friends/family. I can choose to show up when I'm whole and can love you from a good place, or lock myself in the bedroom for days on end and not feel obligated to 'perform' because a little is dependent on me."
"There are days when I want to have a baby, and there are days when I am grateful I don't have a child to depend on me. Because some days I don't have the mental capacity to deal with myself, let alone a child. I really commend women who choose to be parents. For anyone who is on the fence, I say just be. Give yourself grace and patience to do whatever YOU want. Not society, or your family, or even FOMO (this is a terrible reason by the way), decides FOR YOU. You're the only one who has to live this life."
Christina L., 42

Courtesy
"I am on a journey of self-discovery, and motherhood is my calling, but I remain open to redefining what that means. After 10 years of navigating fertility challenges and undergoing three procedures to enhance my chances of conceiving, I have faced setbacks. However, my spirit remains unyielding. I am wholeheartedly embracing the possibilities of adoption or the use of donated eggs as we forge ahead."
"When I decided I was ready, I was referred to a fertility clinic to address my low egg count and advised to start the IVF journey immediately for a chance at motherhood. While my partner wasn't ready at the time, I believed they were my person, so I chose to wait. A year later, I opted for UFE, the less invasive approach, to preserve my opportunity for a vaginal birth."
"Eight months later, I underwent a procedure to clear the debris left by dead fibroid tissue in hopes of improving my chances, but still, I faced challenges, and my periods began to lessen. The following year, I completed a gastric sleeve surgery, transforming my health and shedding 100 lbs."
"Despite not yet achieving my dream of having children, I began to reimagine motherhood, embracing the resilience and strength that come from my journey, knowing there are still many ways to nurture and love in this world."
"For a long time, I hesitated to pursue motherhood, but I realized waiting held me back from making my dreams a reality. I found the courage to prioritize my own journey over my fears of failure as a mother and worries about a partner's shortcomings. Embracing my path became my true expectation. I feel guilty because I should have addressed this more practically a long time ago, saving my eggs. My procrastination may have robbed me of the chance of having a child biologically."
Featured image courtesy of Christina L.









