OK. Before we get all deep into this, let me just put a disclaimer up. It's been proven that, on average, a man can have an orgasm in a little under five minutes (no shocker there) while us ladies, we need a good 20-25 minutes or so (although one study said the average time is 13.5 minutes). I am a huge advocate of the female species gettin' theirs—and enjoying every moment of the process—as often as possible so, by no means, is this article about how to rush the overall process. Quickies are cool (and sometimes very necessary), but I don't know any woman who always or only wants sex to last as long as the commercial break between her favorite television show.
With all of that out of the way, what I'm about to share is how to make the peak of sex happen quicker—just in case you want to have several back-to-back, you want to have simultaneous ones with your partner more often or you simply want to teach your body how to not take 20 minutes if you don't want to wait that long.
As a heads up, there's a far greater chance that you can shave somewhere around 10 minutes off of your time if you do at least five of these things during each of your sessions. The good news about that is, as you're about to see in just a sec, I can't see one good reason why you wouldn't want to check all of these off of your sex-sessions-to-do list at least every other time you have sex with anyone. You'll see why I say that in just a minute.
Become a “Sextpert”
Thankfully, I've never been with a man who wasn't a fan of foreplay. Not only did they all enjoy partaking in it, they liked to mentally "set the stage" hours, days even, before anything went down; only my experience of pre-play was a bit different. Back when I was sexually active, I don't remember people being as text-consumed as they are now. I don't know about you but I know women in their late 70s who prefer doing it to talking on the phone!
Since that's the way it is in these streets, you might as well get good at sexting. From what I hear, it's one of the best kinds of foreplay when you and your partner are not in the same room with one another. If you're not already a pro at doing it, some sexting apps you might want to try are Kaboom (it functions like a sexy form of Snapchat), Confide (it makes screenshotting virtually impossible) and Dust (it not only encrypts your messages but no personal data is required; all you need is a name and password). Another thing that you can do is become fluent in sex emoji language. The Cut is a site that features a pretty extensive sex emoji list. Other than that, just remember to use your imagination and have lots of fun!
Now that you know how to protect your goodies—in word and in deed—from everyone but your partner, you can dirty text and nudie shot to your heart's content. I'd venture to say that just about anyone is ready to climax after sexting their partner all day long.
Extend the Foreplay
Speaking of foreplay, does it really need to go on record that the longer it lasts, the easier orgasms will be? Kissing. Fondling. Massages. Strip teases. Sexy board games. Making out (indoors or out). Impromptu lingerie (or nude) modeling. Shaving your man's face. Letting him shave you elsewhere. Bathing together. Enjoying a meal of nothing but aphrodisiacs. Discussing each other's fantasies. Something all of these things have in common is they qualify as being foreplay. The more build-up there is leading to the sex, the better the sex will be once it happens. So get off of the foreplay clock, take your time and enjoy each other.
Light Some Jasmine-Scented Candles
One of my favorite medical-related websites is Dr. Axe and he just happens to be a fan of one of my favorite scents—jasmine. According to him, jasmine essential oil reduces anxiety and stress, fights depression, relieves chronic fatigue syndrome, is a reliable PMS remedy and is also a tried-and-true aphrodisiac. The reason why it works on the arousal tip is because jasmine is able to increase your blood circulation, body temperature and overall breathing rate.
Placing jasmine directly onto your body is definitely one way to get you and your partner revved up. Taking a shower together with jasmine oil in your diffuser and then lighting some jasmine-scented soy candles (soy ones last longer and burn cleaner) in your bedroom is a great idea too; being that it will heighten your sense of smell, and women with strong smelling abilities are able to have more orgasms. It's proven.
Tell Him “More Neck Time, Please”
A few years back, TIME published an article about what science considers to be women's most intense erogenous zones. Guess what won out? It wasn't just the standard breasts and clitoris; it was also a woman's neck, forearm and abdomen. The neck is what intrigued me the most, so I went to look up why.
Apparently, our necks are extremely sensitive to light touch; especially the nape and back of the neck. As far as a man's favorite foreplay go-to spot, our breasts, they respond well to pressure and vibration; however, because they are so sensitive, there needs to be a switch-up in focus. After too long, it can be less sexy and more annoying. That's why men should explore more than just…the obvious.
Anyway, sex experts say that the more our neck is played with, the quicker an orgasm will come.
Bring Some Coconut and Cinnamon Oil into the Mix
If you want to speed up your climax, more lubrication is most definitely gonna help you to get the job done. A lot of doctors sing the praises of coconut oil because it's a natural option that contains antibacterial properties. I will give you a heads up that although coconut oil is dope, it can sometimes be a little too harsh. If after using it, you feel itchy, it could be because the properties in it have disrupted your pH balance. In this case, an alternative is sweet almond oil or an organic lubricant brand like Sliquid Organics Natural Lubricating Gel (it's pretty affordable on Amazon).
Once you've got the right oil, add a little cinnamon essential oil to it. Not only is it naturally sweet to the taste buds, but it provides a tingly sensation that will set off more than a couple of fireworks!
Get Your Belly Button Some (More) Attention
Here's the phrase for today—"naval fetishization". It's all centered around the fact that some of us are able to have orgasms when our belly buttons are given the much-needed attention that they deserve. What makes it all happen? Legend has it that when our belly button is stimulated, it arouses the vagus nerve which is a nerve that connects our brain to our cervix. When that happens, an orgasm is just around the corner.
Sounds to me like that's one more place that men shouldn't underestimate. Point your partner into that direction and let me know if that triggers anything for you.
Be a Queen Who’s “Queening”
You are a queen, so why wouldn't you be out here queening? What is that exactly? It's the slang term for face-sitting. As far as the cunnilingus portion of why this will give you an orgasm faster, I'm thinking that's obvious—it's all about positioning oneself. When you're on your back, your partner is more in control. When you've over his head, you are. And when you can control his mouth, all kinds of amazingness ensues!
Get into the “Cat” Position
I remember once seeing two cats have sex. It was super fascinating. The female cat was on her stomach while the male cat was on her back, seemingly biting her neck (if you think I'm making it up, you can watch it all go down on YouTube here). Not to get too graphic or personal but when I saw that, I thought to myself, "maybe cats are my spirit animal" because I am a big fan of that position myself.
The reason why we humans like it is because a man can better control how deeply he penetrates as we women are able to stimulate our clitoris simultaneously. As a direct result, quicker and much more intense orgasms. It's the blended variety too.
Become More of a Missionary
The missionary position is a classic one; that's because it's been able to give women orgasms since the beginning of time. From the on and offline research I've done, sex experts and women alike agree that the combination of the eye contact, kissing and comfort of their partner's body enveloping them all play a direct role into why this is the kind of sex position that can give you a faster orgasm.
Even if you think it's a little on the boring side, give it some points for being mad reliable. Because it is.
Breathe Deeply
Television and the movies tend to depict a lot of things incorrectly. For me, the first two that come to mind is labor and sex (not necessarily in that order). Back when I was getting my birthing certification in order to become a doula, I took a series of Hypnobabies courses (the same birthing class that Meghan Markle took). One of the things that it taught was the importance of deep, slow and focused breathing.
As life would have it, the way to have a lot of fun while making a baby is to deep breathe when you feel like you're about to climax as well. When you deep breathe during sex, it increases blood circulation. The more that happens, the more likely you'll be able to have one in record time; a really powerful one too!
So, if you've been he-he-hee'in during sex or labor, that's been working against not for you. You're much better off breathing in, holding for a count of 3-5 and fully exhaling. Next time you bring a baby into this world, the contractions—or pressure waves as we call them in hypnobabies world—will be easier to handle. And, as far as your bedroom action goes, your orgasms will come so much quicker. (Someone put Hollywood actors on game about that. Thank you.)
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
___
Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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That’s why, over the years, I’ve been intentional about figuring out ways to get more agua into my body without feeling like it’s a chore or something to dread. And now, I want to pass some of those hacks on to you, just in case you happen to totally relate to where I am coming from.
If something that you want to do more of right through here is get extra H2O into your system, here are 10 tips that can absolutely help to make that possible.
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1. Invest in a Fun Water Bottle
There’s a far greater chance that you are going to drink water if you have a water bottle around you. So, cop yourself a cute one — one that will help you to stay motivated. A tumbler that I purchased some time back, just because I thought it was cute as hell, simply says, “Make Better Coochie Decisions” (amen?-LOL). Honestly, that doesn’t just have to apply to sex but how you treat your vagina overall — and that includes making sure that “she” has all of the fluids that she needs.
2. Try Some Sparkling Water or Mineral Water
At this point, I should take stock in Waterloo. It currently is my favorite kind of sparkling water and it has definitely made getting more water into my system easier to do. That’s because I will add some limes to it or a bit of fruit juice to it and that makes drinking water less “meh” for me. Another type of water that has bubbles in it is sparkling mineral water; it can also be beneficial since it contains magnesium, potassium and calcium.
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3. Go Halfsies with Your Other Drinks of Choice
Speaking of making some all-natural soda (which is basically what happens when you add juice to sparkling water or sparkling mineral water), you can find yourself drinking more water while consuming less calories if you fill up your glass with half of your favorite fruit juice and half of some sparkling water. More times than not, the juice doesn’t even taste watered down. Try it before you doubt me.
4. Collect Some Infused Water Recipes
I’m forever gonna be a fan of infused water; that’s because it’s water that has fresh fruits and/or veggies in them — and it doesn’t get any healthier than that. Plus, infused water tends to take on the taste of whatever fruits or vegetables that you put into the water (if you let the stuff soak for a couple of hours), so that the water doesn’t taste so boring and bland. Wanna try a few recipes? You can check out some here and here.
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5. Make Slushies Instead of Smoothies
Are you someone who enjoys consuming smoothies? Well, if you want to get more water into your system, how about going with a slushie instead? Although it is true that some smoothies have water as a base, the most bomb ones use milk (or a milk alternative) or yogurt. Slushies, on the other hand, typically go with crushed ice (which is frozen water) instead. That said, some (pardon the pun) cool slushy recipes can be found here, here and here.
6. Use Water As Your “Drink Chaser”
Another great thing about water is it can help to keep you from overeating; it does that by causing you to feel full if you drink it while you are eating. And speaking of calorie-counting, if you don’t want to give up your favorite drink at mealtime, one way to keep from downing 2-3 glasses of it at a time is to use water as your “chaser.” What I mean by that is, after enjoying a glass of your favorite beverage, “chase it down” with a glass of water. That should satisfy your want for what you want without overdoing it.
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7. Eat Foods That Are High in Water Content
Another way to get more water into your body is to eat foods that have a ton of water in them. Some that top the list include lettuce (96 percent); cucumber (95 percent); zucchini (95 percent); celery (95 percent); strawberries (91 percent); cantaloupe (90 percent), and peaches (89 percent).
8. Have a Ball with Your Ice Cubes
Ice cubes are frozen water, right? That’s why most of us prefer to enjoy our drinks before the ice cubes melt because melted cubes water down whatever it is that we are consuming. And so, for this very reason, add more ice cubes to your drinks — and have fun making them. You can add juice, fruit and/or mint leaves while making your cubes. That way, they are aesthetically-pleasing; plus, they will also add more flavor to your water once the ice cubes actually melt.
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9. Add Some Non-Alcohol Cordial to Your Water
If you’re fine with just having a tad of taste in your water, why not add a bit of cordial to it? Cordial is simply a type of tonic, syrup or sweetener (that can contain alcohol or not) that can help to make your water more…interesting. Some alcohol-based cordials can be found here. Some non-alcoholic recipes are located here.
10. Technically, Herbal Tea Counts
Tea is always gonna be my thing. That’s why I’ve penned articles on it for the site like “10 Different Ways Herbal Teas Can Fit Into Your Beauty Regimen”, “10 'Uncommon' Teas You Should Add To Your Stash (& Why)” and “I've Got 10 Teas That Will Help You To Age (Even More) Gracefully” And y’all, if you want to get a lot more water into your system yet a tall glass of water only isn’t your — pardon the pun — cup of tea, make some iced herbal tea instead.
It’s basically water with some herbs tossed in and, if you add some honey or raw organic coconut palm sugar to it, it will be a really sweet treat that will still be extremely hydrating (and very healthy) for you.
Water that is a bit more exciting for you…now. LOL.
Drink up!
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