Well damn. Who would've thought that the topic of shower sex would be so complex? On one hand, while some reports indicate that over 70 percent of men want to engage in shower sex, I also noticed that 80 percent of non-sport related injuries are usually due to something that has to do with sexual activity—the kind that oftentimes happens in the shower. When I asked some people who I personally know to share their thoughts on the topic, many women told me that the idea of shower sex turns them on; however, whenever they've tried it, things seemed more crowded and awkward than anything else.
While I definitely roll my eyes whenever I see a sex in the shower scene in a movie or on television, it's not because I think that great shower sex is impossible; it's because I think the way that it's usually presented is mad unrealistic (that goes for most sex scenes, to tell you the truth). For starters, there is some intentional pre-shower sex shopping that needs to be done. Secondly, shower sex isn't really meant to be spontaneous. You need to plan out what's gonna go down on the front end. If you do that by taking the 12 tips that I've got for you today into account, you very well could be on the way to discovering how to make shower sex better.
1. Get a LED Showerhead
When it comes to the biggest mistakes people make when trying to have better shower sex, I'd have to say that not having the right kind of showerhead absolutely tops the list. First of all, you need one that is adjustable because those are the kind where you can play around with the water pressure and, you can position the head to spray, pretty much anywhere that you want it to. This makes it easy to switch around due to height or to apply the pressure to certain spots (if you know what I mean).
Also, make sure that your showerhead comes with LED lighting. That way, the water can appear to be all kinds of colors while you're in there doing your thing. It's your own light show that can be exciting and sexy. For some of the best adjustable showerheads, click here. For some of the best LED showerheads, click here.
2. Buy a New Shower Mat
Whenever I try and get couples to consider shower sex, one of the main things they bring up is being afraid of slipping around everywhere in the process. I totally get that. That's why it's so important that you have a firm shower mat on the bottom of your tub. In my opinion, you might want to go with one that is designed specifically for seniors because it will definitely have a solid non-slip factor to it.
A good example of what I'm talking about is OTHWAY Non-Slip Bathtub Mat Soft Rubber Bathroom Bathmat with Strong Suction Cups. You can check it out for yourself here.
3. Cop Yourself Some Suction Handles
While we're on the topic of making shower sex safer, something else that you might wanna cop are some suction handles. They are portable cups or rails that grip pretty darn well on flat or non-porous walls in your bathroom. This makes it easier to maintain your "position" because you'll have something (else) to hold on to. The main thing to keep in mind with these is they aren't permanent fixtures. This means that, after a week or so, you will probably have to "re-stick" them.
Also, don't rely on them to hold up the entire weight of you or your partner; they simply exist for assistance's sake. Again, places that specifically make things for seniors are probably the best starting point for selecting the best suction handles. My two cents are that you begin here.
4. Add Some Silicone Lube
As far as what to buy, I've got two more things to add to the list. First is some lubricant. While that might seem crazy to say, considering you are in so much water 'n all, the reality is that water is not a good lubricant.
Matter of fact, just using water alone can make sex more uncomfortable because it has a tendency to wash away your natural lubrication. While a water-based lubricant is OK, when you're already in a ton of water, it's best to go with one that contains silicone. They are definitely great at making everything "more slippery".
Also, they won't damage latex condoms like oil-based lubes can definitely do. As a bonus, many of them are free of glycols and glycerin—two things that have the potential for causing irritation in the genitalia region. Some of the best lubes on the market this year can be found right here.
5. Try Some Edible Shower Gel
One more purchase. Another reason why shower sex is sometimes not as hot as folks initially envisioned is because they're honestly trying to do the absolute most up in there. Most of us don't have a large enough shower to sit in (at least, not that two people can sit in), so we're working with limited space. That's why I don't recommend that you and your boo thang decide to wash up and have sex, at the same time, in there (more on that in a bit).
That said, when it comes to this particular recommendation, I'm all about going with some edible shower gel. If you're not looking to "get clean" so much as you're striving to get dirty, go with something that you can lather-and-lick with. After doing a bit of digging around, it seems that Shunga is a pretty popular brand. If you want to buy a bottle or two of their edible exotic fruit shower gel, you can get some of it here.
6. Bring Some Music In
One more "prop" that I think is an absolute must is music. You can turn up your entertainment system, bring in your phone or invest in a Bluetooth showerhead. Sometimes shower sex doesn't seem all that sexy because, I mean, sex is happening in the bathroom. But if you set the scene with some of your favorite sexy music (and also a few rose petals on the floor of your bathtub and perhaps even some aromatherapy), it can transition the space into something more erotic and less, well, functional.
7. Clean Up First. Here’s Why.
OK, I'm hoping that it's a given that the bathroom needs to be cleaned up before trying to have sex up in there because I can't think of anything more off-putting than a nasty ass bathroom space. For this tip, what I mean is you might want to actually wash up before coitus.
Like I said a sec ago, trying to multitask by having two people in that little bit of space to wash up and then have sex is not only potentially exhausting, it can end up getting you so frustrated that you find yourself saying, "Forget it." Both of you having a seven-minute shower alone and then hopping into together can relieve some of the stress of shower sex. That way, you can just focus on having a lot of fun instead.
8. Engage in Foreplay. Beforehand.
I've shared, numerous times, in articles about sex (specifically orgasms) on this platform that while it pretty much only takes a man around five minutes to climax, it can take us somewhere around 20. That's because we oftentimes need more foreplay in order to get fully aroused. Hey, if you want to spend the time of a sitcom in the shower, have at it. I ain't mad at you.
I just wanna plant a seed and say that you probably have a better chance of fully enjoying the experience if you engage in some foreplay before getting into the tub. Like oral sex, for example? While it might look sexy in the movies to see it happen in the shower, between all of the water and then the crammed space, it actually may prove to be more "profitable" if you do a lot of that first, outside of the bathroom. Feel me?
9. Get into the “Right” Position(s)
Let's get real. Not all sex positions are created for the shower. To be honest with you, if you're not, at least a little bit flexible, this could also cause shower sex to get on your nerves because you need to be able to at least bend down and touch your feet. Right?
Standing up and wrapping a leg around your partner and/or doing a modified version of doggy style (by bending your waist halfway without actually kneeling down) are pretty comfortable positions that can definitely help you to get the job done. Oh, and if your partner is strong enough to hold you up—even better.
10. Make the Water Make Sense
Some folks mess up because they actually make moves that result in the water that's coming from their showerhead to be more of a nuisance more than anything else. Back to oral. I'm not sure why giving oral sex would be the jam for us unless we absolutely don't care about getting our hair drenched—even then, all of that water pouring down from the showerhead can make it hard to breathe.
On the other hand, the adjustable showerhead that you (now) have? While you're in that modified doggy position, you can always use it to stimulate your clitoris at the same time. And chile…CHILE.
Also, some people just hop in there without testing the water temperature to make sure that it's suitable for both individuals. That's why you and yours running your hand underneath the showerhead beforehand is a good idea too. Bottom line, water is your friend. Just make sure to apply it in a way that makes sensual sense.
11. Stay Present
This particular point about shower sex applies to sex, in general. If you go in with the goal of accomplishing something specific, you could end up getting either disappointed or, quite frankly, pissed off. Yes, a few mind-blowing orgasms would be absolutely awesome yet even if that doesn't happen, how about relishing in the fact that you got to spend some quality time with your partner and create some new memories?
If the focus is about just staying in the moment, enjoying each other and seeing where the next moment will take you, I'm pretty confident that you will have a good time—even if it doesn't totally end up being like the shower sex that you've seen on the tube or big screen.
12. Extend It to the Bedroom Afterwards
And finally, no one said that you had to "finish" in the shower. Sometimes, like courses of a meal, sex needs to be taken in, in stages. Foreplay before the shower, some intercourse in the shower, orgasms after the shower. If it's in this order, it still sounds like a really good time to me. How about you?
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at firstname.lastname@example.org. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
This article is in partnership with Sensodyne.
Our teeth are connected to so many things - our nutrition, our confidence, and our overall mood. We often take for granted how important healthy teeth are, until issues like tooth sensitivity or gum recession come to remind us. Like most things related to our bodies, prevention is the best medicine. Here are five things you can do immediately to improve your oral hygiene, prevent tooth sensitivity, and avoid dental issues down the road.
1) Go Easy On the Rough Brushing: Brushing your teeth is and always will be priority number one in the oral hygiene department. No surprises there! However, there is such a thing as applying too much pressure when brushing…and that can lead to problems over time. Use a toothbrush with soft bristles and brush in smooth, circular motions. It may seem counterintuitive, but a gentle approach to brushing is the most effective way to clean those pearly whites without wearing away enamel and exposing sensitive areas of the teeth.
2) Use A Desensitizing Toothpaste: As everyone knows, mouth pain can be highly uncomfortable; but tooth sensitivity is a whole different beast. Hot weather favorites like ice cream and popsicles have the ability to trigger tooth sensitivity, which might make you want to stay away from icy foods altogether. But as always, prevention is the best medicine here. Switching to a toothpaste like Sensodyne’s Sensitivity & Gum toothpaste specifically designed for sensitive teeth will help build a protective layer over sensitive areas of the tooth. Over time, those sharp sensations that occur with extremely cold foods will subside, and you’ll be back to treating yourself to your icy faves like this one!
3) Floss, Rinse, Brush. (And In That Order!): Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s not what you do, but how you do it”? Well, the same thing applies to taking care of your teeth. Even if you are flossing and brushing religiously, you could be missing out on some of the benefits simply because you aren’t doing so in the right order. Flossing is best to do before brushing because it removes food particles and plaque from places your toothbrush can’t reach. After a proper flossing sesh, it is important to rinse out your mouth with water after. Finally, you can whip out your toothbrush and get to brushing. Though many of us commonly rinse with water after brushing to remove excess toothpaste, it may not be the best thing for our teeth. That’s because fluoride, the active ingredient in toothpaste that protects your enamel, works best when it gets to sit on the teeth and continue working its magic. Rinsing with water after brushing doesn’t let the toothpaste go to work like it really can. Changing up your order may take some getting used to, but over time, you’ll see the difference.
4) Stay Hydrated: Upping your water supply is a no-fail way to level up your health overall, and your teeth are no exception to this rule. Drinking water not only helps maintain a healthy pH balance in your mouth, but it also washes away residue and acids that can cause enamel erosion. It also helps you steer clear of dry mouth, which is a gateway to bad breath. And who needs that?
5) Show Your Gums Some Love: When it comes to improving your smile, you may be laser-focused on getting your teeth whiter, straighter, and overall healthier. Rightfully so, as these are all attributes of a megawatt smile; but you certainly don’t want to leave gum health out of the equation. If you neglect your gums, you’ll start to notice the effects of plaque buildup, which can irritate the gums and cause gingivitis, the earliest stage of gum disease. Seeing blood while brushing and flossing is a tell-tale sign that your gums are suffering. You may also experience gum recession — a condition where the gum tissue surrounding your teeth pulls back, exposing more of your tooth. Brushing at least twice a day with a gum-protecting toothpaste like Sensodyne Sensitivity and Gum, coupled with regular dentist visits, will keep your gums shining as bright as those pearly whites.
In the crazy world of dating, so much attention is placed on the behavior during actual dates. Whether it is choosing the right outfit or making a good first impression, the focus tends to center on the in-person time spent together. But something that often gets overlooked is the significance of "between date behavior (BDB)." BDB is not just generic good morning text messages (that can be sent to 10 women in one minute), but rather text check-ins during the day and even nightly phone calls. This is the time when two people are apart but still find time for connection.
It is during these in-between moments that the foundation of a truly meaningful relationship is often built. A glaring example of what happens when there isn’t BDB is the early relationship between Carrie and Big from Sex and the City. At the beginning of the series, she was so hyper-focused on the time she spent together that she ignored that Big wasn’t calling or texting her often between dates. Instead, he would reach out and send cars based on his convenience… and not hers.
When it comes to dating, don’t be Carrie!
BDB in Dating
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Please realize that 80-90% of your time will NOT be with your partner while seriously dating, so the BDB will also be a significant part of your relationship. Here are some other reasons why what happens when you're not together is just as, if not more, significant than the hours spent face-to-face…
One of the key factors that makes BDB so crucial is authenticity. When we are with someone on a date, it is easy to put on a front (show one’s representative), showcasing our best qualities and concealing our flaws. But it is in our day-to-day interactions, the text messages and phone calls, that our true selves shine through.
Consistency in behavior is an indicator of authenticity. And authenticity builds trust. And trust is the cornerstone of any meaningful relationship.
Speaking of trust, it is one of the foundations of a successful relationship. Building it doesn't happen in a single evening. It's the consistency in behavior between dates that solidifies trust. When your person consistently communicates, shows interest, and keeps it respectful in the moments between your dates, it is reassuring that your potential partner is seriously interested and invested in the relationship.
Also, in between dates, the channels of communication become lifelines that connect two people and nurture emotional intimacy. How you communicate and what you choose to communicate about can significantly impact a growing relationship. Consistent, thoughtful messages and meaningful conversations like sharing your thoughts, dreams, and vulnerabilities can help create a strong emotional bond. Being supportive and understanding during difficult moments can bring you closer together.
While the time spent on a date is super important, the BDB, I would argue, should not be slept on. It's the glue that holds the connection together, builds trust, and sets the stage for a healthy, long-lasting relationship. So, the next time you find yourself waiting for that next date, remember that the journey between those dates is just as significant, if not more so, in the grand scheme of building a meaningful connection.
Hope this helps!
Coach Anwar is a certified dating and relationship coach who has 13 years of experience helping Black and brown women date with strategy, meet relationship-ready men, and get into the best relationship of their lives.
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