'Pebbling' Is Something That We Should Do In All Relationships More Often

What Is the Origin Story of “Pebbling”?

Are you ready to feel old? How absolutely wild is it that the documentary (that actor Morgan Freeman narrated) The March of the Penguins is 20 this year?! One of my favorite things about it is how well the penguin fathers were at taking care of their young. And what does that have to do with pebbling? Well, pebbling is something that we actually have learned from — yep, you guessed it — penguins.

Apparently, whenever a penguin (specifically a Gentoo one) wants to show a romantic gesture towards its partner (or the one who they want to partner with), something that it will do is pick up a pebble and either bring it to them directly or place it where they have decided to build a nest. Pebble nests are ideal because they protect against the bitter cold while also keeping newborn baby penguins safe. Pebbles: a small thing that makes a huge impression. And that is pebbling in a nutshell.

Why Pebbling Is Beneficial in Every Kind of Relationship

And just how does this translate to us humans? Well, the term “pebbling,” for us, is basically about doing small gestures for the people in your own life as a way of expressing how much you care for them. For teenagers, it oftentimes comes in the form of sending their friends a GIF, TikTok video, or meme for the other person to laugh at, relate to, or know that they are being thought of. For adults, it can be something like sending a “you crossed my mind” text, seeing a cute mug on Etsy and sending it to a friend, or having your partner’s favorite dessert waiting on them when they get home. Basically, it’s also small deeds that, because they are so thoughtful, can make a pretty big impact on the lives of the people in your world.

And just why is pebbling so relationally effective? Just think about it. When it comes to grand efforts, those are oftentimes somewhat expected, because we tend to reserve those for special occasions like birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays. And although they are certainly appreciated, they’re not exactly a surprise. Oh, but when someone does something for you, no matter how small, that is totally out of the blue, it conveys that you are on their mind. And don’t let it be something that you really like, boy.

Example? One of my favorite memories of my late fiancé (who will have been gone 30 damn years this fall…amazing) happened back in 1995. He was from the south side of Chicago and, at the time, Nashville didn’t have a MAC counter. I knew about MAC, though, because my mom would sometimes buy me things from there whenever she would travel to New York for business. Anyway, I was super fond of their chestnut lipliner at the time and so, when Damien randomly asked me if there was something that I would like when he went home to visit at the beginning of that semester and I mentioned the lipliner — it tripped me right on out when he brought me exactly that…many weeks later.

Was the lipliner bomb? Yep. However, it was the pebbling that provided the true “ripple effect,” because 1) he retained what I said and 2) it proved that he had me on his mind while he was gone. And that is an example of how pebbling can benefit relationships because who doesn’t want to be thought of? Who doesn’t want someone else to show, tangibly, that they heard and are special? Who doesn’t like little surprises along life’s way?

That’s how pebbling can benefit the person who is on the receiving end. And just what does it do for the giver? Well, kind of like how skipping rocks/pebbles tend to have a ripple effect, so does pebbling. I’ll expound.

How Pebbling Blesses You, the Giver, in the Process

Even if you’re not an avid Bible reader, I’m pretty sure that you’ve heard it’s more blessed to give than it is to receive — and yes, that does come directly from a verse in Scripture (Acts 20:35, to be exact). Okay, but aside from how spiritually refreshing it is to give to others, did you know that it comes with proven health benefits too?

Giving helps to lower your risks of depression; decreases your blood pressure; improves your self-esteem; puts you into a better mood; can give you a stronger immunity, and even increases your longevity (which ties into another Scripture which says, “So are the ways of everyone who is greedy for gain; It takes away the life of its owners.” — Proverbs 1:19 — NKJV).

Beyond that, something else that I think is beautiful about giving is it has a way of planting “seeds” into someone else’s life. Based on what you decide to give, can help them to achieve a goal, give them a more positive mindset, or keep them encouraged if they are tempted to lose hope. It can also “amplify” their personality. What I mean by that is…a friend of mine? She has a metaphorical fist-pumping hard into the air (if you know, you know) at least 10 months out of every year. LOL.

Just recently, I purchased her a sweatshirt that features one of my favorite quotes by the late and great civil rights activist John Lewis. It roughly cost me forty bucks (including shipping). Oh, but as much as my friend likes sweatshirts and makes IG posts, it will plant all sorts of seeds into her platform and life. On the flip side, she knows that I like fresh flowers a lot and there are times when a boxed bouquet will pop out of nowhere. It makes me feel loved. Again, seeds planted.

Yeah, when you know that what you are doing for someone will, at the very least, make them feel seen, how could that not automatically bring happiness into your own life? Even if it is…a “pebble” kind of token.

“Pebbles” Take the Pressure Off

Perhaps the best thing of all about the act of pebbling is no one has to go broke in order to do it. Handwriting a note of love to your partner, encouragement to your child, or support to a friend counts as pebbling. Writing a letter for someone to open “just in case” (just in case they are having a rough day or just in case they aren’t feeling well) counts as pebbling.

Creating a quick video on your phone with a joke or a great story about your relationship with someone and sending it their way counts as pebbling. Printing off some inspirational quotes on colorful paper, putting them into a mason jar, and gifting it/them counts as pebbling. Scheduling a virtual coffee date with a long-distance friend counts as pebbling. Curating a playlist for someone counts as pebbling.

DIY’ing some coupons counts as pebbling. Putting together a photo collage from pics on your phone with a special someone and texting or emailing it over to them counts as pebbling. Running an errand for your bae that you know they hate doing counts as pebbling. Shouting out someone on social media for all of the reasons why you adore them counts as pebbling.

And do you know what all of these things have in common? They don’t cost a dime. While yes, getting someone their favorite scented candle or knitting someone a scarf also counts as pebbling, I just want to make sure that it’s also on record that the brilliant thing about being a pebble-person is you don’t need coins to be one. You just need to be thoughtful, you just need to set aside a little bit of time, and then you need to execute. That’s it.

___

The mission (should you choose to accept it): Think of 3-5 people this week who you can “pebble.” Determine to do something different for each individual (something that fits their uniqueness) and try your best to have it cost as little as possible. That way, you can get into the habit of giving without feeling like it has to cost you something. As a “pebble-r” myself, I can vouch for the fact that, before you know it, you’ll be pebbling all over the place…while inspiring others to do the same.

A woman by the name of Rashida Rowe once said, “Relationships are about 'give and give,' not give and take.” In other words, relationships — healthy ones, anyway — are all about reciprocity. When folks learn that giving doesn’t always have to be extravagant, that pebbling is another way to go, it makes “giving and giving” so much easier to do.

You’ve got more pebbles to share than you probably think.

Give one. Then another. And then another.

Then watch the “ripple effect” that it (ultimately) has.

Beautiful.

Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.