If you’re someone who has a sleep routine (or you’re seriously thinking about creating one), please make sure that you incorporate scent into it. Although things like a cooler temperature in your bedroom, incorporating nature sounds (like rain or ocean waves via a sound machine or even a YouTube channel) and even sipping on some tart cherry juice are proven ways to get you the quality of rest that you’re after, science says that your sense of smell shouldn’t be overlooked.
In fact, aromatherapy is quite powerful when it comes to promoting calm and relaxation, helping to put you into an optimistic mood, reducing stress, preventing insomnia, and improving how soundly you are able to sleep throughout the night. And so, since I’m such an essential oils fan (and I truly am!), let’s get into 10 that will help you to rest well — thanks to the way that they smell along with a few other benefits that they are able to offer you too.
Essential Oils for Better Sleep
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1. Lavender
When it comes to essential oils that are best for you in the “rest and relaxation department,” lavender may be the most popular one. That’s because it is well known for doing everything from reducing pain and inflammation and making menstrual cramps less intense to lowering anxiety and increasing your melatonin levels. On a super scientific note, something else that’s cool about lavender oil is it works with your body’s neurotransmitters in order to reduce restlessness if you happen to be someone who doesn’t sleep soundly due to tossing and turning all throughout the night.
2. Cedarwood
Although I’ve always liked the earthy scent of cedarwood, something that caused it to earn my respect was reading about how it’s an all-natural way to improve the attention span of children who’ve been diagnosed with autism and ADHD. Beyond that, as far as calming oneself goes, cedarwood oil is able to soothe arthritic discomfort, reduce coughing (if a cold is what’s keeping you up), decrease the itchiness and irritation that comes with eczema, lower your stress levels, and, yes, improve your quality of sleep if you’re someone who happens to rest yet not really…rest well.
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3. Patchouli
Another oil that has a solid reputation for decreasing bodily inflammation is patchouli. Some other things that make it stellar are the facts that it helps to ward off depression-related symptoms (if that is what keeps you up at night), puts you in a better mood, boosts your immunity (so that being under the weather doesn’t prevent you from catching some zzz’s) and it even intensifies your libido — ‘cause chile, ain’t nothin’ like the sleep that you get after having an orgasm…or two. Oh, and it absolutely must go on record that patchouli oil also acts as a sedative if you’ve been dealing with insomnia as of late as well.
4. Marjoram
Women who are looking for an all-natural way to regulate their hormones (check out “5 Signs Your Estrogen Is Too High. 5 Signs It's Too Low.”) might want to speak with their doctor (or homeopath) about trying marjoram oil. Some research says that it can help to balance hormones which can make PMS and the latter stages of perimenopause more tolerable (which can make falling and staying asleep easier to do too). Marjoram is also helpful when it comes to reducing pain, easing digestion, and alleviating anxiety.
Plus, since marjoram is an oil that is high in magnesium and magnesium is a nutrient that can help you to get to sleep, stay asleep, and then wake up feeling refreshed — so long as you’re not pregnant or breastfeeding (you should consult your doctor first if you are because it can sometimes produce side effects in your case), you definitely should give marjoram a shot.
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5. Ylang Ylang
Typically, when I think of the essential oil ylang ylang, what comes to my mind is how it can make for a very eventful evening…if you catch my drift (check out “Ultimate Climax Hack? 10 Scents That Make It So Much Easier To Orgasm”); however, it can actually help you out in more areas of your life than just your bedroom. Ylang ylang is another oil that helps to reduce pain and anxiety. Something else to keep in mind about ylang ylang is if you’re having a hard time falling asleep due to something like a headache or even respiratory issues, putting a couple of drops into a diffuser could bring some relief. That’s because ylang ylang is also classified as being a sedative — one that can even help to lower the blood pressure in your bae (healthy men) if need be.
6. Fennel
As a doula, something that I’m well aware of is the fact that fennel seeds can help (some) mothers to produce more breast milk. It doesn’t stop there, though. If sleep is evading you due to gas or constipation, fennel oil can help you out there. Some scientific research also says that it’s the kind of oil that can help you feel less anxious if you’re trying to rest after a long hard day. And, since fennel is known for making sleeping better when it’s in tea form, I don’t see why it wouldn’t do the same thing as an essential oil too.
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7. Valerian Root
If you’re looking for the kind of essential oil that will help you to relax, on pretty much every level, look no further than valerian root. The properties in it are going to help to calm your nervous system, soothe headache tension, lower your stress levels, decrease menstrual cramp discomfort, bring relief to hot flashes (that come with perimenopause) and yes, it’s an all-natural approach to insomnia as well. Although many choose to use it in supplement form, applying valerian root oil to pressure points like your feet can also provide a very relaxing and impactful effect.
8. Jasmine
If you check out my article, “8 Natural Aphrodisiac Scents, Where They Go & How To Make Them Last” from back in the day, you’ll see that jasmine is another essential oil that is considered to be a pretty potential one if you’re looking to boost you (or your partner’s libido). I get why too because its floral-meets-fruity scent can be quite sensual. Beyond the bedroom, jasmine can help you to feel less stressed and anxious, experience less menstrual-related discomfort, and make you feel less depressed — and yes, it contains properties that qualify the oil to be a sedative. This is especially the case if you blend it with another soothing essential oil like lavender.
9. Clary Sage
If pretty much nothing but perimenopause symptoms are what’s keeping you awake at night, you might want to keep a bottle of clary sage oil on your nightstand because it can help to decrease night sweats by naturally “leveling out” the estrogen that may be on a bit of a roller coaster ride in your system right through here. Other things that this oil can do is reduce stress and help to relax your system. Not to mention the fact that if menstrual cramps are what’s keeping you up, some women say that rubbing some of the oil (add a carrier oil like sweet almond or avocado to the oil to dilute it a bit, please) to your abdominal region can provide quite a bit of relief.
10. Vetiver
Final one. In my opinion, it’s kind of surprising that vetiver essential oil isn’t mentioned more in the holistic care space. For starters, it has been celebrated for providing support for children with ADHD as well as decreasing nervousness and anxiety in adults. Some other ways that this oil can benefit you is it’s the kind of aphrodisiac that raises testosterone levels while lowering cortisol ones (cortisol is a stress hormone that’s in your body) which can intensify orgasms and promote great rest — and yes, it’s also mentioned quite often in the sleep-inducing space.
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You know, I once read that since 2010, the amount of people who rely on sleeping pills to get to sleep has pretty much doubled. Since the side effects of the long-term use of over-the-counter sedatives include things like headaches, muscle weakness, digestion issues, and even louder snoring and sleeplessness, consider trying one of these essential oils before popping a pill. As you can see, not only can certain oils help to lull you to sleep — but they can help in so many other areas too. Happy resting, chile.
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And today? Today, I’m going to share something that, if you are married, you can do to improve your sex life that is actually super easy and hella effective. It just requires moving into a different space. Yes, literally.
Read on, and I’ll explain more.
Get Out of the Bed, Y’all. It’s Time.
GiphyThere’s no telling how many times I’ve said over the years that I agree with interior designers when they say that the purpose of the bedroom is sex and sleep — no more, no less. And that alone makes it pretty obvious why the “default location” for copulation is a bed. It’s private. It’s comfortable. Plus, it’s such an ideal location for foreplay, intercourse, and afterplay (which typically consists of quite a bit of cuddling), too. And since beds/bedrooms are so ideal for sexual activity, it’s very easy to take the “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” approach and just stay in that space most, if not all, of the time.
The challenge with that is, if you’re not careful, boredom can creep into your bedroom — and since I think we all can agree that a satisfying sex life is an essential part of any healthy relationship, boredom isn’t something that you should just shrug off, especially since one study revealed that about a third of Americans are currently not very thrilled by what’s happening up in their bedrooms these days.
Not only that, but I once read an article that said sexual boredom is why there is an uptick in masturbation, lower sex drives, an increase in cheating, more relational conflict, and a ho-hum take on relationships overall.
Now, are there seasons when sex is going to seem less exciting than others? 1000 percent (check out “The 'Seasons Of Sex' That Married People Go Through”). And so, if you’re reading this and you happen to be someone who plans on getting married someday, that is something that you should absolutely keep in mind. However, to the married folks, those seasons can happen less (or you can get through them faster) if you’re more intentional about doing things that can keep your sex life fresh and stimulating.
And one of those things includes…GETTING OUT OF THE DAMN BED.
5 Benefits of Having Sex Outside the Bedroom
GiphyOkay, so what are some of the benefits that come with making this minor coitus-related tweak?
1. Getting out of the bed is spontaneous. While reading an article that featured a survey of 500 Americans and 500 Europeans on their favorite place to have sex, the top rank was in public. I’m pretty sure that’s because it’s risqué, it’s random and the spontaneity of it all can be stimulating as all get out. Look, even if you’re not down for having sex in a restaurant or club bathroom, technically your backyard is still considered to be “public.” Pitch a tent and try it there. If you wait until nightfall, the fresh air and stars alone might get your adrenaline going…in ways you never expected.
2. Getting out of the bed is fun. It’s hard to be bored when you’re having fun and when you’re exploring something different with your partner, that can open the door to discuss new things, to laugh about new experiences, and to enjoy the trial and error of experimentation. Plus, laughter has been proven to release endorphins (feel-good hormones), which can make having orgasms easier. Besides, it’s kind of hard to not laugh, at least a little bit, when you’re in the midst of having a really good time — sex should also be considered a really good time.
3. Getting out of the bed can introduce you to new approaches to intimacy. Say that your man suggests going down on you on the countertop in the kitchen one day, out of the blue. I don’t mean during the midnight hour, either. I mean, when the sun is still out, and the curtains are slightly drawn. If normally, you’re down for some oral, yet you prefer to engage in pitch blackness while lying back on your mattress, being on the counter could “hit angles” that you didn’t know existed while being in the light could boost your sexual confidence in ways that you didn’t quite predict.
4. Getting out of the bed can teach you something else/different about your partner (and yourself). One of my clients once told me that when her husband recommended having sex in a Starbucks bathroom (one of the cleaner bathrooms, I’ve heard), she said that it caught her so off guard that they ended up having a long conversation about sexual fantasies. As a result, they decided to come up with sex-themed bucket lists every six months that consist of new things that they want to try. She said that it’s been one of the wisest moves that they’ve ever made. You can learn more about how to make your own by checking out, “This Is How To Create The Best Kind Of ‘Sex Bucket List.’”
5. Getting out of the bed can make your bedroom feel “new” again. You know what they say — absence makes the heart grow fonder, and if you aren’t always having sex in that bedroom of yours, that can actually make you “miss” it sometimes, especially if you decide to do some redecorating (as far as bedding and candles, etc. go) a couple of times a year.
As you can see, doing something as simple as having sex somewhere other than your bedroom can create a whole new world, quite literally, as far as your sex life is concerned.
One of the Best Places to Have Sex
What if I’ve got you convinced to get out of your bed, and, yet, you’re not quite ready to do anything that’s considered to be “too crazy” just yet? No problem. All you’ve got to do is head towards the place where apparently most people use as a safe out-of-the-bedroom go-to: their living room couch.
In fact, couches are apparently so “sex popular” that a few years back, GQ published a piece entitled, “Couch Sex Is the Best Sex.” Why? Couches are comfortable. Couches are different from a bed.
Also, the sex position possibilities that come with the help of a couch are pretty endless. Not only that, but when I asked some of my clients how they felt about having sex on their own couches, several told me that the 69 (oral) sex position is on a whole ‘nother level, thanks to the armrests on their couch (you’re welcome — LOL). So, if you’re wanting to “ease out” of the bedroom, sex-wise, try your couch. For starters.
15 Other Places to Have Sex (If You Haven’t Already)
GiphyNow that I’ve hopefully at least got you to consider getting out of the bedroom (period or far more often), let me share a quick list of places to try — in case you need a bit more inspiration:
1. The laundry room — with the cycle running, it’s like a huge vibrator.
2. The dining room — afteran aphrodisiac-filled romantic dinner. You’ll probably already havesome sex condiments within your arms’ reach.
3. In the shower. Before you hate, read this first: “So, This Is How To Make Shower Sex So Much Better.”
4. Against a wall — any wall. Have you noticed that some of the hottest sex scenes in movies are filmed up against a wall? It’s great for oral sex as well as intercourse.
5. In one of your closets. It’s in a close proximity, and you can hold on to racks that hold your hangers. Plus, it’s pitch black in there if dark is your thing…even in the daytime.
6. On throw pillows on the floor. Over the holidays, I watched a video of Nick Cannon with his firstborn twins at his house. One of his rooms is a theater room that’s filled with nothing but throw pillows. Personally, I’m a big throw pillow fan because they are cozy, comfy, and a great option for sitting on the floor. “Floor sex” conveys “gotta have you now” and the more lust that’s in the air, chances are, the better the sex will be.
7. In a rocking chair. Someone was recently telling me how amazing sex is in a tantra chair. When I looked one up, it reminded me of a chaise lounge. Anyway, that did get me thinking about how chairs can make for deeper penetration and super close face-to-face intimacy. If you step it up and get in a rocking chair, you can control the speed of the intercourse in a cool way. Try it and report back.
8. In a sleeping bag on your deck. Cuddling with your hubby is already going to get your oxytocin levels up. It would be a shame to let them go to waste, so strip naked from the waist down and engage in spoon sex. No one has to know (which is a part of the thrill!).
9. In an office. His or yours. I mean, even if it’s a home office, it qualifies.
10. Via a trampoline. I mean, you might’ve bought one for the kids. However, after you read Elite Daily’s “4 Sex Moves To Try On A Trampoline & Take Getting Frisky To New Heights,” you might wanna get one for yourself. #wink
11. On a truck bed. Down a country road. It’s rustic, raw and romantic. If you don’t have a truck, borrow or rent one. It’ll be worth it.
12. On a road trip. Rent an SUV that has tinted windows. While heading to wherever you’re going, stop and have sex in random spots along the way. This is where quickies can come in hella handy.
13. On the hood of your car. I mean, it can always be in the garage…if you’d prefer.
14. Airport parking lots — in the cheap section. Hey, if public sex is your thing, you can try those same tinted windows that I just mentioned in the airport lot sections that are super far from the airport because they are cheap. If you go up in there after midnight, barely anyone is around. Just sayin’.
15. While on a sexcation. Pretty sure it’s time for one of those, anyway (check out “Married Couples, It's Time For A Sexcation!”).
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It’s actually a husband who once told me that it’s hard to get bored with your partner, so long as you both really desire each other and mutually want to keep your sex life strong. Changing locations can help with this, so use this year as the year to give it a shot. You might be surprised by how a simple shift can make sex the very kind that you’ve been longing for (lately)!
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