January 11, 2019 was my last day working at a 9-5.
As I walked out of my dusty old office and said 'bye Felicia' to that boss that I couldn't stand, I just knew that I would be entering into my ultimate girlboss life as a full-time CEO. But then, the unexpected happened.
During the first few months as a full-time entrepreneur, I was a hot mess. My days were all mixed up, I either was working too much or too little, and honestly, I just didn't have a lot of direction in the way I tackled my day.
Because of this, I found myself in those first few months lacking focus, feeling unsure of myself, and struggling more than necessary. During this time, I knew that one of the most important things that I needed to do was learn how to effectively start my day. The start of your day has so much influence and impact on how the rest of your day will flow, so I knew it was critical for me to get that in order so that everything else could fall in place. It wasn't until the end of the spring that I finally got a grip on my new life as a full-time entrepreneur, but once I did, life as an entrepreneur became more fruitful and my business began to blossom.
Fast-forward to today, I'm one year in as a full-time entrepreneur and I'm still learning. Even though I have a pretty great system now, I've been wanting to pick the brain of some of my favorite boss women on how they spend the first hour of their day.
Here's what these leading ladies shared with me:
Kezia Williams
Courtesy of Kezia Williams
CEO of Black upStart
"I can be the wealthiest Black woman in the world, empowered to own any asset at my fingertips. But if I do not have time, my wealth is worthless. I cannot buy one minute of time. I cannot bargain another to own theirs. I cannot trade my minute for the next man's. My minutes are mine alone and every day I wake up, my cup is replenished with 1,440 marvelous, irreplaceable minutes of opportunity. I start my day at 5am because frankly - like Wiz said - it's some real boss shit.
"I can be the wealthiest Black woman in the world, empowered to own any asset at my fingertips. But if I do not have time, my wealth is worthless."
"I invest my minutes in appreciating intangible commodities: prayer, to-do lists, personal notes, #ProfessorKez videos because my first energy is always my best, cardio and finally CNN. My early morning initial investments - I try to multiply during the day - spirituality, organization, responsiveness, values, energy and information. And when late evening comes - and my body acknowledges I can't pour from an empty cup, I take care of me. Rest and repeat."
Isa Watson
Courtesy of Isa Watson
Founder & CEO of Squad
"My early mornings are dedicated to getting my mind and body right for the day. I wake up by 5:30am each day and the first thing I do is look out of my NYC window that overlooks the Hudson River and say the following sentence aloud: 'Today I feel grateful for [insert gratitude].' I do a short 5-10-minute meditation, followed by an 8-minute Tae Bo routine and a 10-12-minute conditioning workout that my younger brother makes for me each week. A shorter, but effective, workout like this in the morning is most conducive to my productivity throughout the day.
"Moving out of my morning self-care practice, I then get dressed, catch up on emails and prepare my lunch. Making and bringing my lunch to work has helped me get a bit healthier and save a ton of money."
Alicia Scott
Courtesy of Alicia Scott
Founder/CEO of Range Beauty
"The first hour of my day is crucial to set my intention for that day. I always begin with prayer, my daily devotional, and meditation for the first 30 minutes. Next, with breakfast, I review my weekly to-do board which is a whiteboard that has the days of the week listed and each day is divided by Morning, Afternoon, and Evening (great Target find!). I set this up every Sunday for the week ahead and then adjust the night prior or throughout the day. This helps me block out when to begin and end tasks and I use it with my weekly planner to stay focused. After this, I typically check emails and respond to any urgent requests."
LaKeasha Brown
Courtesy of LaKeasha Brown
Chief Juicing Officer at 1987 Juices
"I wake up everyday before 7am, I spend time with nature, God, and my priorities for the day. No emails, phone calls or social media. Before I put my feet to the ground, I meditate. In bed, eyes closed but mouth open and upward. 'Thank you God for waking me up this morning. Thank you God for every breath in my body. Thank you God for my peace of mind. Thank you God for an amazing day today, and thank you God for everyone one who experiences you through me today. Give me strength, give me courage, give me wisdom. Amen!' This sets the tone for the entire day.
"I then map out the entire day in the bathroom by order of importance and time. I write out my top 3-5 major tasks/goals for the day and set alarms to them in my phone. Setting an alarm to each goal reminds me to complete it but the time in between each alarm ensures that it's actually completed before moving on to the next. I'm extremely intentional about completing tasks, it's a form of self-care for me to finish what I'm setting out to do. I rarely plan more than 5 major goals a day, this helps me stay on track and makes sure I don't leave items for tomorrow to handle.
"From there, I drink my first cup of warm water, I make my green juice for the day (a Green Mile from 1987 Juices) and have my second cup of water before making breakfast. It's important to start the day off feeding your body with energy. This has done wonders for my digestive tract, mood and keeps my energy up daily.
"Next, I check my bank account. When it comes to money. I plan the big picture and break everything down into daily deposits. For instance, If I want to save $5k for at the end of the month, it starts with daily deposits of $167 daily. Checking my account each morning keeps me mindful about my flow of income and spending. Lastly, I step outside and smile at the sun. I spend a lot of time indoors. Whether it's pressing in the kitchen or at our Grab & Go location. The sun and the air are like charging stations in the morning. I plug in and go."
Yve-Car Momperousse
Courtesy of Yve-Car Momperousse
Founder of Kreyol Essence
"I wake up between 3am-5am, depending on what my intentions are for that day. In the first hour, I try to focus on some aspect of self-care to center myself. I often listen to one of my favorite podcasts such as Jay Shetty's On Purpose Radio, Oprah's Super Soul Sunday, Red Table Talk with Jada, or TD Jakes.
"I try to work out three times a week so when my body needs physicality, I either do CrossFit or go for a good run. For those mornings when I need to be reflective, I turn to journaling, meditation, and prayer. I know this is quite a mix of activity but when I direct my morning, I own the day versus it owning me."
"When I direct my morning, I own the day versus it owning me."
Featured image courtesy of Isa Watson
Originally published on February 17, 2020
Why can’t (more) singles just be single and be okay with that? Good Lord. Why does there need to be some sort of relational play-on-words to make it sound like we’re with someone — even if we’re not?
Now masturdating? Even though it’s not even close to being a “real” word, it’s something that also brought a laugh outta me — although it was then followed by a genuine smile. The laugh because I almost immediately caught the play-on-words. The smile was due to the intention behind it all.
If you’re not familiar with what masturdating is and you’re curious about why you should even care, take a few moments to at least skim through what it’s about and why I think participating, as a single person, is a pretty cool (and effective) concept.
@knotlukas Masturdate: a date w oneself
What’s Masturdating All About?
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Masturdating. Okay, so let the word marinate for just a moment. What does it sound like? Yeah…exactly. And since a huge part of masturbation centers around self-pleasure, it’s cool to explore how “self-dating” could produce similar (as far as pleasure is concerned in a broader sense) results. Because masturdating is all about spending quality time with yourself, pampering yourself, treating yourself— and yes, taking yourself out on dates.
Any of you who may think that masturdating is a consolation prize — and a pitiful one at that — for not being able to go out with another human being or get that dream $200 first date that social media was all in a tizzy about last year (bookmark that) — personally, I think that you’re the demographic who needs to try out masturdating first and the most. Why? Off top, I’ll share my three good reasons.
3 Reasons To Strongly Consider Masturdating
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1. It’s an intimate way to get to know yourself better. I’ve been working with couples for a pretty long time at this point and if there’s a pattern that I see arise, OFTEN, it’s that two people are oftentimes so busy trying to “find their person” that they didn’t even know who they were. As a direct result, they found themselves in a relationship with someone who only complemented the “kiddie pool version” of who they were.
That’s why it can be so beneficial to spend time getting to know yourself on the “deep end” of things: what makes you tick, what your passions are, what you want most out of life, what are your interests beyond obvious things — and masturdating can help you to discover all of this. Whether it’s traveling alone or taking out a weekend to drink some wine and journal, the more you get to know yourself, the clearer you’ll be about who complements you on a romantic and friendship level.
2. It will definitely help to boost your confidence levels. I guess since I’m an ambivert, I don’t really get why people freak out at the mere thought of going to a restaurant or movie alone. Personally, I think it requires a helluva lot more energy and gumption to wait around and plan stuff with other people (#Elmoshrug). However, whether you’re an introvert, extrovert, or ambivert, there’s no way around the fact that the more comfortable you get with doing things alone, the more your confidence levels will increase — no, soar — because of it.
One article that I read on the topic said that doing things alone can make you more creative, improve your mental health, and help you to be totally okay with being alone (so that you’re not “needy” for other people’s attention). A psychotherapist from a New York Times article on the benefits of spending time alone said, “Getting better at identifying moments when we need solitude to recharge and reflect can help us better handle negative emotions and experiences, like stress and burnout.” And when you’re able to stare negativity in its face without flinching, how could that not make you bolder, more self-secure, and hopeful about your life?
3. It will teach you to value your time more effectively. In every facet of your world, you’re gonna operate from a healthier place if you’re operating from a “full cup” rather than an empty one. When it comes to this topic, think about it — if you’re constantly waiting on someone to call you to go out or wishing for a dream date with some guy, all you’re doing is wasting precious time that you could be spending taking a cooking class or hell, hiring a chef to make you dinner at your own home.
Indeed, waiting has two sides to it: when it’s in the form of patience, it is indeed a virtue, yet when it’s wrapped up in the notion that you’re not really living life unless you have an audience…it is totally working against you. Choose wisely.
10 Solo Date Ideas To Help You To “Master” Masturdating
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So, what if you’re someone who has either never considered actually masturdating before or you don’t really know what to do beyond dinner and the movies? Here are a few ideas to consider:
1. Attend a workshop or masterclass that you’re interested in. If there’s something that you’ve always wanted to learn, sign up for a workshop or masterclass. The cool thing about this option is there are probably some in your city, as well as some that you can find online (like here) that are convenient and affordable.
2. Binge-read at a local coffee shop. Aside from their coziness and oftentimes inviting scents, I once read that a lot of us gravitate to coffee shops because we can be around people without having to actually socialize with them. So, if you want to “hang out” while still being able to enjoy a bit of solitude, take a book that you’ve been trying to finish to a local coffee shop, order your favorite latte, and sit in a big-ass comfy chair. Usually, you can sit there for hours, and the staff will be just fine with it (another bonus).
3. Have a spa day in the next town. You can never go wrong with a spa day. And while going with a friend can be fun, sometimes there’s too much talking transpiring to be able to fully chill out and relax. So, go off of the grid, get a change of scenery, and hit up a spa in the next city (or town). There are lots of studies out here supporting that day trips or “daycations” can actually be really good for your long-term health and well-being.
4. See a community play. Some of the best solo dates that I’ve ever been on consisted of taking in some of the local arts in my city. What’s really cool about this particular option is, oftentimes, they are extremely inexpensive, if not totally free of charge (in exchange for making a donation or putting money into a tip jar).
5. Plan a trip. Whenever people say something along the lines of, “If you don’t expect anything, you won’t be disappointed,” I know that they low-key have some (additional) healing to do from past disappointments. There’s simply too much intel out here to support that anticipation (of good stuff) makes us more motivated and optimistic, keeps our dopamine levels up, and makes life more exciting overall.
Since traveling alone is more cost-effective, gives you the freedom to do whatever you want (when you want), and increases the possibility of meeting new people and having new experiences on your journey — why not devote a day this weekend to planning a solo trip? All the way around, it’s good for you.
6. Try your hand at your own “$200 date.” Uh-huh. Roll your eyes if you want to, but it’s real easy to talk left about how a man should be able to just drop $200 like it’s nothing…until you actually try to do it. So yes, while taking yourself out on this type of date could serve as a bit of a reality check, it can also “scratch the itch” of waiting on some dude to do it for you. It’s also way less emotionally draining because, at least when you’re taking your own self out, it’s guaranteed that you’ll enjoy the company…right?
7. DIY some pampering. When you get a chance, check out “5 Reasons You Should Unapologetically Pamper Yourself,” “Want To Love On Yourself? Try These 10 Things At Home.,” “I’ve Got Some Ways For You To Start Pampering Your Soul,” and “When's The Last Time You Actually Pampered Your Vagina?” The bottom line here is pampering is all about, not mere self-maintenance; it’s all about treating yourself to levels of EXTREME SELF-INDULGENCE. So, if nothing else tickles your fancy on this list, at least consider doing that, chile.
8. Feed your creativity. Something that I used to be really good at is art. That said, one of my goddaughters is insanely talented, so she has reminded me to tap back into it. Also, a big part of what got me into the writing world is poetry; I actually used to be a house poet at a local spot. Sometimes, my best quality time moments with myself have been revisiting these creative sides of me — and this is definitely easier to do (and enjoy) alone.
9. Try some stargazing. When’s the last time you took a blanket into your backyard, laid down on it, and just stared at the stars for hours on end? While some say that stargazing can teach you to be mindful, others say that being in that form of nature reduces stress, while others believe that looking up at the universe at night can increase your attention span. All solid reasons to give it a shot, if you ask me.
10. DO. ABSOLUTELY. NOTHING. Let me tell you something that nobody will ever be able to make me feel bad about: doing absolutely nothing. I’ve got data to back me up. Good Housekeeping shares that doing nothing can help you decide how you want to respond or react to certain things. I like howThe Guardian says that taking this approach helps you to regain control of what you give your attention to.
TIME magazine says that it can ultimately make you more productive.BBC offers up that it can help you tap into your ingenuity.Henry Ford Health says that it can make you kinder and a better problem-solver. So, if you want to invest in yourself, do nothing sometimes.
Closing Thoughts from the Lovely Javicia Leslie
While some of y'all may know Javicia Leslie from being the former Batwoman, I discovered her back in the day from the indie series Chef Julian (and yes, "Julian" was right to say that "Mo" looks like Tatyana Ali...the real ones know). Sometimes I'll hop on her IG to see what she's got going on and this story popped up within a few hours of me penning this...so, I took it as hella confirmation.
TREAT YO SELF. WAIT FOR NO ONE.
WAIT FOR NO ONE. TREAT YO SELF.
RINSE AND REPEAT.
_____
Sooo…what kind of masturdating plans do you have for this coming weekend? While going out with others has its perks, hanging out with yourself has a ton of ‘em too. Enjoy!
No…for real. ENJOY!
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