Just a few years ago, I shared the stories of a few fellow travelistas who came across a $200 travel glitch to South Africa and Dubai. At the time, I remember thinking, I hope to one day get to travel to a foreign destination for a low price myself. I knew a handful of people who were able to snatch tickets at the below market value price, and each one came back with amazing stories to tell. So I followed the advice shared in my interviews, started following Twitter pages like The Flight Deal and Airfare Deal Alert, and prayed that one day, my moment would come.
And my day did come on New Year’s Day in 2023. I woke up to an email in my inbox about a “travel glitch” for a $400 round trip to Dakar, Senegal, from Scott's Cheap Flights (now Going), one of many sites that I subscribed to that sends out daily travel deals for destinations all around the globe. While I had heard of Dakar from friends who went, I admit it wasn’t initially high on my bucket list. I was determined to get to Cape Town, Ghana, or Egypt before venturing out to other countries in the Motherland.
But the thing about travel glitches is that you have little time to think. As I had learned from missing out on previous travel glitches, waiting more than a few hours could cost you a good deal. So after doing a quick Google search to see if Dakar would be a good solo travel destination (in case I couldn’t convince anyone else to come), I booked the trip and shared the news with friends and family to see if anyone else wanted to go.
At first, nobody seemed interested, so I mentally prepared myself to go on what I thought would be my first international solo trip. But a few days later, my best friend surprised me when she said, “I’m down to go with you, boo.” And those coveted words were the beginning of what would be one amazing trip with my ride-or-die bestie.
If Dakar wasn’t on your radar before, I hope that by the end of reading this, you get an idea of the magic of this gem nestled on the West Coast of Africa. From the rich and vibrant culture to fun day trips and beautiful beaches to take a dip, here are five reasons you need to book a flight to Senegal ASAP!
Gorée Island
Kiah McBride
1. The History is Rich
Writer Kiah at Gorée Island
Kiah McBride
Dakar is a place filled with history just as rich and colorful as its French colonial buildings. On a tour through the city of Dakar, we stopped by the Our Lady of Victories Cathedral, where we learned that 96% of Senegalese identify as Muslim, though the city is known for being extremely tolerant towards different religions. We wound our way through Marché Kermel, one of the most popular markets for food, spices, and souvenirs. As we made our way to Gorée Island, one of the largest slave-trading centers on the African coast from the 15th to 19th century, we felt the weight of our ancestors' pain as we walked through the eerily quiet streets of the island.
At each stop of the tour, we got a sense of where Dakar has been and where it’s going as the city continues to grow economically and modernize its infrastructure. For that reason, like any city, expect to see a mix of more humble and luxurious abodes as you ride through different areas.
African Renaissance Monument
Kiah McBride
2. The People are Kind and Offer Great Hospitality
Dakar Market
Kiah McBride
Whenever you travel to a new country, there’s always that question of whether or not you will feel accepted by the people there. I was pleasantly surprised to find that the people of Dakar are not only kind, but they actually pride themselves on their hospitality. In fact, they even have the word “terenga” in their local language, Wolof, to describe the warm welcome that they give visitors. Throughout my time there, I felt safe and even managed to stumble through my beginner French to connect and converse with some of the locals. If safety and hospitality are high on your list of travel needs, you will find yourself at home in Dakar.
Dakar Market
Kiah McBride
3. The Food is Phenomenal
Thieboudienne meal with bissap on Gorée Island
Kiah McBride
The amount of yassa fish (Filet de Lotte) and bissap (a sweet hibiscus drink similar to the Jamaican drink Sorrel) we consumed should be a sin. The food in Dakar was so fresh and flavorful that I found myself looking forward to every meal. Whether you indulge in more traditional cuisine such as thieboudienne—a seasoned fish simmered with vegetables in tomato paste and served over broken rice—or opt for more familiar dishes, Dakar has a restaurant to accommodate your taste buds. A bonus if you go to a place with a view just as beautiful as your plated dish!
Ngor Island
Kiah McBride
Kiah pictured at Ngor Island
Kiah McBride
4. There are Endless Activities and Attractions
Bandia Reserve
Kiah McBride
From the beautiful beaches of Plage de Yoff to the Bandia Reserve, where you can go on your own mini safari tour, there’s no shortage of things to do both in and outside of the city. We were in Dakar for nearly seven days and only managed to squeeze in enough time to tour the main sites and monuments, catch a small boat for an overnight stay on Ngor Island, and make our way to see the giraffes at the Bandia Reserve. That may sound like a full itinerary, but we probably would need at least a month in Senegal to really experience all that it has to offer. Be sure to do your research to best determine how to plan your itinerary, as some attractions like Lac Rose (a pink lake) and Lompoul Desert will require you to be gone for a full day or even overnight.
Kiah at Ngor Island
Kiah McBride
5. The Nightlife is a Vibe
Hitting the late-night streets may not be everyone’s preference, but if you do find yourself curious about the evening festivities of the city, then Dakar certainly will not disappoint. We were surprised to discover that Dakar has a vibrant nightlife and that many of the clubs and late-night eating spots don’t close until the sun comes up. While I normally wouldn’t emphasize the party life as being the reason to travel, there’s just something about listening to Afrobeats in Africa on a beautiful summer night that’s a magical experience. If nightclubs aren’t your thing, consider enjoying live music at a local spot or nearby hotel, such as Hotel Boma, for a more chill vibe.
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Featured image by Kiah McBride
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In an xoNecole exclusive, the mom of two opened up about many things, including starting her wellness journey at 13 years old. However, a near-death experience during a procedure at 20 made her start taking her health more seriously.
“There's so many different levels, and now, I'm in a space of just integrating all of this good stuff that I've learned just about just being human, you know?” Dreka tells us. “So it's also fun because it's like a journey of self-discovery and self-mastery. That's what I call it. So it's never-ending.”
Courtesy
If you follow Dreka, then you’re familiar with her holistic lifestyle, as she’s no stranger to promoting wellness, self-care, and holistic living. She even lives part-time on a Mississippi farm, not far from her grandmother and great-grandmother’s farm, where she spent some summers as a child.
While her grandmother and great-grandmother have passed on, Dreka reflects on that time in her life and how having a farm as an adult is her getting back to her roots. “So the farm was purchased back in 2017, and it was like, ah, that'll just be a place where we go when we're not touring or whatever,” she said.
“But COVID hit, and I was there, and I was on the land, and I just started remembering back to going to my grandmother's during the summertime and freaking picking peas and going and eating mulberries off the freaking tree in the bushes.
“And she literally had cotton plants. I know some people feel weird about picking cotton and stuff. She had cotton plants and I would go and pick cotton out of her garden. And she had chickens, and I literally just broke down in tears one day when I was on the farm just doing all the things, and I'm like, ‘Oh my gosh. I'm literally getting back to my roots.”
"I literally just broke down in tears one day when I was on the farm just doing all the things, and I'm like, ‘Oh my gosh. I'm literally getting back to my roots."
You can catch glimpses of Dreka’s farm life on Instagram, which shows her picking fruit and vegetables and loving on her animals like her camel Eessa. Her passion for growing and cultivating led her to try and grow all of her ingredients for her wellness brand, Dreka Wellness. However, she quickly realized that she might be biting off more than she could chew. But that didn’t stop her from fulfilling her vision.
Watch below as Dreka talks more about her business, her wellness tips, breaking toxic cycles, becoming a doula, and more.
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As far as the dating apps that led to some type of long-term success, a survey from The Knot says that Hinge leads the pack (with 35 percent) followed by Tinder (with 25 percent). Then, if you take into account a Lovehoney survey of 2000 people, which revealed that 60 percent of men and 42 percent of women have admitted to having sex on the first date — uh-huh, now do you see why a piece like this is both relevant and necessary?
Virtual dating isn’t going anywhere any time soon, and although “first date sex” used to be somewhat taboo, clearly, that isn’t even close to being the case anymore. So, since both are a big part of our culture, let’s explore how to approach merging the two (if you’ve been wondering if you should…that is).
What’s the Purpose/Agenda of a First Date?
GiphyOkay, so let’s start by laying a bit of foundation because, personally, I am a big believer that when we don’t know the purpose of something, it’s almost guaranteed that on some level and in some way, we are going to either misuse or abuse it — dating is no exception. And what’s the purpose of a first date?
To get to know if there is more of a connection than just an initial attraction or surface-level chemistry (check out “What's The Difference Between Chemistry And Compatibility?”). And honestly, that’s why all of the social media debates about women expecting a $200 date off the rip and men expecting sex in return if that does indeed go down are nothing short of nauseating to me. ON BOTH SIDES, all it sounds like is a transactional hustle.
Nothing about that type of motive says, “I’m trying to see if there is something real here;” both are about nothing more than how much juice is in the squeeze (and that’s putting it politely — SMDH).
Although there are dozens of reasons why I think dating has become so chaotic for a lot of people these days, here are two of the main ones as it relates to this article in particular:
1) More people need to remember what author M. Scott Peck once said, "Until you value yourself, you won't value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it." When it comes to first dates, specifically, that’s why I don’t get what all of the drama is behind coffee dates. While TikTok is telling you that agreeing to those means that you are settling, if you value your time, you absolutely aren’t — especially if there have been no real conversations prior to the initial meet-up.
A coffee date or drinks after work doesn’t say, “He’s cheap,” so much as, “If there’s something here, then we can build on that. If there’s not, you got 30 minutes of my time; no harm, no foul.” Time is something that you can never get back, so why waste it? Besides, if you feel the need to brag about going on an expensive dinner, go out with some of your girls, and y’all split the tab.
At least you’ll know that you’re going to have a good time because you actually know those people (by the way, if that triggers you, that already reveals a lot, as far as your motives are concerned). No one should need a date to validate them — especially a first date. If they do, there’s some stuff going on that a date, a man nor a relationship is going to fix (just sayin’).
2) Talk to the long-term couples who are 50+ (if they’re 50, that now means they were in college in the early 90s, by the way). Ask them about what dating was like when they were younger and single. I’m wiling to bet that, for one thing, expensive ass first dates weren’t even on their radar, and two, it was rare that they went out with someone before talking to them, at least a couple of times on the phone.
Yep, as semi-antiquated as it may sound in the world that we live in now, it was pretty standard that if you saw a stranger who caught your attention, you would get their number, talk on the phone to see how the two of you vibe and then some successful conversations down the line, if you both believed that something was there between the two of you, you would mutually decide to go on a date.
And because some type of foundation was already laid, if the first date did end up going beyond just coffee or drinks, it was because the two of you had already invested time — you already knew that you wanted more. And honestly, to me, that is one of the benefits of virtual dating or talking on the phone for a couple of weeks before going on a first date — you can actually get to know someone…beyond what you can get out of them.
“Sex on the First Date” Has Levels to It
GiphyAnd when you take into account all of what I just said, it seems to me that there are two kinds of “sex on the first date” scenarios that should be pondered. One is the kind where you meet someone, text each other about a place to meet up, get to know each other for 1-2 hours max, and then go back to somebody’s place to get it in. The other is when you meet someone and, whether online or by phone, you both decide to ease into things by talking first…for a while. Then, after an awesome first date, sex comes naturally to both of you.
And how long is a while? I mean, because this platform is for women — until you feel safe. Until you have asked the kind of questions that make you feel like you want to spend more time with him on a deeper level. Until you get that his intentions aren’t just shallow…or physical. Until you know that you aren’t just attracted to him — you know that there are things about his personality and character that you actually like. Until you want to go on a first date.
And unless the two of you are talking for 2-3 hours a day, every day, for a week straight, you can’t really come to this kind of conclusion in record time. It may take a few weeks or even a few months — and that is perfectly fine. Someone who wants to know you for you is going to be okay with communication being set as the foundation of the relationship that the two of you are potentially building anyway, so…by the time that you both decide to meet up for a first date, it will be the icing on the cake.
And, because you actually like him for him, the kind of date that he plans, you won’t be grading it based on nothing more than the price tag; it’s a win for all parties involved.
Okay, so if you do decide to go the route of a “slow build,” you do take your time before a first date, and then you do decide to have sex with him — does it constitute as “first date sex”? I mean, technically, probably. However, the reputation of first-date sex is someone is getting to know everything about you (you know what I mean) without knowing much about you at all. On the other hand, when you opt to communicate for some time before a first date (and the sex that follows), it’s not so casual…and yes, that makes it — different.
3 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Sleeping with Anyone New
GiphyNow that I hope I’ve brought some peace of mind to if it’s a standard “sex on the first date” type of situation if you’ve been virtually hanging out with someone for a while, let’s talk about some of the main things that you should consider before having sex with anyone who you are beginning to interact with on a physical level.
What is the energy like?
One day, I’m going to write about how true it is that energy is exchanged during sex. A big part of the reason is that we are sources of energy — and honestly, the kind of energy that you experience with someone when you’re not in their physical presence vs. when you actually are? It tends to be quite different.
Therefore, it’s a good idea to intentionally “tap in” to see what kind of vibes are exchanged when you’re around each other before deciding to take it there because there is a possibility that how you feel about someone in person may be different than how you do online or over the phone.
What type of sexual accountability conversations have you had?
One of the biggest mistakes that people make is thinking that real life is a soap opera or a rom-com — for instance, you can have sex, and there be no real consequences. Chile, please.
Don’t ever put yourself in the position where you think that the two of you connect so well that you shouldn’t talk about how often you both get tested, what your approaches are to birth control, what your sexual deal-breakers are, and what your sexual expectations may be.
And listen, if all of this seems like too much for a first date, then you already have your answer about if you should have sex after the first date…RIGHT? Because how is it that you don’t want to get into his mind, yet you’re okay with him getting inside of you? Nope. Uh-uh. Nada.
What would sex on the first date accomplish?
Back when I used to mentor teen moms in public schools here in Nashville, I would always call them out whenever they told me that unprotected sex “just happened.” NO. IT. DOES. NOT. There are so many steps involved, from calling the person, setting up a plan, meeting up, pulling off clothes, etc. — all of us have plenty of opportunities to rethink what we are doing. Same goes for first-date sex.
Listen, no matter how much you are feeling the guy from communicating before the date and even more once you meet him, take the time to ask yourself, “What will sex right now accomplish?” An accomplishment is something that brings about credibility. An accomplishment is something that makes you feel fulfilled. An accomplishment is something that causes you to believe that you achieved something great.
That said, if all you’re after is a good time and maybe an orgasm, perhaps sex on the first date will be an accomplishment for you. However, if after starting off solid with this new guy, if you’re not sure what sex will accomplish, in the grand scheme of things, pause until you know. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that — and the right guy for you will agree.
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Bottom line, if it’s a first real date and you do have sex after it, yes — you just had sex on a first date. Although, when there has been a foundation built prior to it, via healthy communication…it’s less risky and something that you (typically) can feel more confident about — especially if you take all of what I just said into (serious) account.
Sis, when it comes to giving any of yourself to someone new — online or not — please make sure that you do.
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