

I’ll Be Living In These Sets All Season - You Should, Too
I have never been more grateful for a coordinate set than as of late. My two favorite things about this style: ease and versatility. The fact that you can reside in a matching getup for both a date and a Zoom meeting is a gift from the style gods. In addition, the set can be styled separately with everything from flare jeans to a graphic tee. We are sure loungewear has taken over your social media feeds so we decided to show you how we are rocking our favorite sets whether you're out and about or inside chilling. Ahead, find the definition of luxe lounging with a curated list of some of the best loungewear sets to rock this season.
Black on Black Loungewear Set
Curated by Charlie Photography/xoNecole
For the protest or the Target run that can't wait, slip into a black on black set with a powerful message. As for me and my house, my message is Protect All Black Girls. The moment I saw this crewneck from Legendary Rootz, I knew I had to create a DIY set. I already had a pair of comfy joggers from H&M so just like that I had a set that will undoubtedly make Trump supporters cry.
Pop of Color Loungewear Set
Curated by Charlie Photography/xoNecole
Even though the season has changed, just know that the tie-dye trend ain't going anywhere. From Rihanna to Quavo, even celebrities love a good luminous moment. This mix and match Missguided set features two different tie-dye patterns but it still pairs like a cotton candy dream. I can't get enough of the oversized joggers because they are giving 90s while the crop of the top is giving 80s.
Knitted Up Loungewear Set
Curated by Charlie Photography/xoNecole
If cozy and chic were a set, it would be this knitted sweater and jogger set from Boohoo. Loungewear has been the MVP since the beginning of quarantine and it's not letting up especially with the drop in temperatures and increase in COVID cases. If I am going to be in the house, I minus whale be cute! If you want to really serve it up for your living room, find a pair of cute matching socks to create a monochromatic lewk.
Tie-Dye Luxury Loungewear Set
Curated by Charlie Photography/xoNecole
Black girls and luxury should be synonymous. That's the new movement. That's why I'm living in this designer TOMBOI set designed by CR LEE, because I deserve. Of all the sets, I felt most inclined to elevate this top and bottom by coupling it with strappy sandals and a vintage trench coat. The Telfar micro bag, aka the Brooklyn Birkin, deserved to be a part of this Black designer getup; it brought out the contrast in the TOMBOI embroidery. I high-key want to wear this number to every single socially-distanced function.
Velour Dream Loungewear Set
Curated by Charlie Photography/xoNecole
Velour is the word. Style is the game. I went the extra mile and added a velvet headband to really get my point across. The Baby Phat nostalgia is real every time I rock this set because it takes me back to a much simpler time where my Razr phone was my life and being in My Top 8 on MySpace was an honor. Channel that innocent energy while enjoying a new book in your favorite spot on the couch.
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Featured image by Curated by Charlie Photography/xoNecole
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Joce Blake is a womanist who loves fashion, Beyonce and Hot Cheetos. The sophistiratchet enthusiast is based in Brooklyn, NY but has southern belle roots as she was born and raised in Memphis, TN. Keep up with her on Instagram @joce_blake and on Twitter @SaraJessicaBee.
Black women are not a monolith. We all are deserving of healing and wholeness despite what we've been through, how much money we have in the bank, or what we look like. Most importantly, we are enough—even when we are not working, earning, or serving.
Welcome to Black Girl Whole, your space to find the wellness routine that aligns with you! This brand-new marketplace by xoNecole is a safe space for Black women to activate their healing, find the inspiration to rest, and receive reassurance that we are one small act away from finding our happiness.
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TW: some depictions of intrusive thoughts may be disturbing for readers.
Have you ever caught your mind drifting off to entertain the most disturbing scenarios imaginable? Maybe you can’t stop thinking of all the ways a loved one could pass away or worrying that you left every candle lit in your apartment to which you’d return to a home in ruins. If distressing ruminations like these have crossed your mind, you may be experiencing an intrusive thought.
What Are Intrusive Thoughts?
Intrusive thoughts are unwanted or distressing thoughts, images, or impulses that pop into your mind without your control or consent. These thoughts can be repetitive, unsettling, or even violent in nature, and can cause anxiety and frustration for those who experience them.
“Generally they're unwanted thoughts that come up in our head that interrupt what we're doing or thinking, and can feel very foreign,” says Adia Gooden, PhD, licensed clinical psychologist and host of the Unconditionally Worthy podcast. “It’s any thought that intrudes or interrupts what you are doing. They can be distressing and upsetting for us because it feels like we are not in control of them, and they're coming up out of nowhere and aren’t in line with how you normally think.”
What Causes Intrusive Thoughts?
Certain trauma or stress can contribute to the development of intrusive thoughts, so having a challenging experience from the past or current life situations may trigger them to form. “An intrusive thought could come in the form of a flashback, image, or a thought about something that's happened to you,” Dr. Gooden tells xoNecole. “When it gets to the point where you feel like you can't function or make clear decisions, that's when intrusive thoughts become really challenging.”
While some of the 1 billion videos found under the #intrusivethoughts hashtag on TikTok would lead you to believe that these thoughts are nothing more than casual displays of our imagination going untamed. Intrusive thoughts are more than sticking your hand in a soap dispenser, wanting to cut all your hair off at 3 a.m., or having a random impulse to eat fake bread in public.
The Anxiety & Depression Association of America reports that approximately six million individuals, equating to roughly two percent of the American population, encounter intrusive thoughts. Intrusive thoughts are often linked with obsessive-compulsive disorders, but they can also manifest in individuals with post-traumatic stress disorder, depression, or anxiety.
Examples of Common Intrusive Thoughts
Because of the explicit nature of intrusive thoughts, they tend to cause shame and internal conflict in those who experience them. Although these thoughts can differ from person to person, these ideation can consist of:
- Violent or aggressive thoughts towards oneself or others, such as harming or killing someone;
- Sexual thoughts that are unwanted or inappropriate;
- Repetitive thoughts, such as a song or a phrase that keeps repeating in your mind;
- Contamination or germ-related thoughts or the fear of contamination and getting sick;
- Religious or blasphemous thoughts, such as questioning one's faith or having thoughts that go against religious beliefs;
- Doubts or uncertainty about one's own actions or decisions, such as fear of making a mistake or fear of not doing something right.
Intrusive Thoughts and OCD
That’s why Dr. Gooden encourages everyone to understand the difference between our fleeting thoughts and impulses and true, intrusive thoughts. “What level of distress does it cause and is it something you would never consider,” she says. “If you're finding that these thoughts are getting in the way of you living your life and that you're controlled by the thoughts, those are some signs that it would be good to get some support in navigating it.”
She also emphasizes the importance of understanding that while we may not always have control over our thoughts, we can control our behavior. “On TikTok, people are sort of blaming intrusive thoughts on their behavior, and our behavior is always a choice,” she says. “If we are in our right mind and we're not having a psychotic episode, our behavior is our choice — we are not obligated to follow any given thought that we have.”
Are Intrusive Thoughts Normal?
With intrusive thoughts, it’s natural to question whether these thoughts are “normal” to have. However, these thoughts are not meant to define who you are as a person but simply indicate that you have a functioning human mind with automated thoughts that you, or any of us, can’t control. These thoughts may come, but they don’t have to be acted upon, nor do they define who you are.
“I've worked with clients in the past who say, ‘Why am I thinking these things? What's wrong with me?’ But if you're not acting on the thought, then it's probably not a huge issue,” Dr. Gooden says. “If you are thinking a harmful thought towards yourself or someone else and you are making plans to act on that thought, then yes, we need to do something about it.”
How To Manage Intrusive Thoughts
If you are struggling with managing unwanted thoughts, Dr. Aida suggests taking these tips to help manage your mindset when they occur:
- "Recognize that it's a thought and thoughts are just thoughts. We often put a little bit too much weight on our thoughts, and that can create a lot of distress. But remember that thoughts are not facts."
- "Having a thought that's disturbing or upsetting doesn't make you a bad person, and it doesn't mean that you are suffering from a mental illness."
- "Sometimes the best thing you can do is say, 'Huh, that was an interesting thought. I'm going to let that go. That thought is not helpful for me right now."
- "Ask yourself: is this helpful? Is it helpful for me to buy into this thought and believe this thought? Asking that question can be really helpful because we are not at the mercy of our thoughts. If it's not helpful, you can let it go."
Intrusive thoughts can feel bizarre and foreign when they come up, but they aren't inherently "bad." Our minds can sometimes be filled with random and inappropriate thoughts, but that's what our stream of consciousness does: it thinks. Fortunately, we can release those thoughts at any moment; you don't have to follow through with them.
And ultimately, not every TikTok diagnosis is one that we should label ourselves with.
"It's important for people to acknowledge what they're experiencing but not run too quickly to diagnose themselves with some mental illness or disorder," Dr. Gooden advises. "It ends with confusion, and we miss the opportunity to understand the people who really do have that mental health challenge."
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