When it comes to a job search, we're definitely Team Work Smart Not Hard. And any way you can automate certain aspects of your job search can be beneficial. Not only does it save you time and stress, but it can also lead to better results, especially those related to job post outreach.
We've all seen and read insights about AI and how you can use this to communicate and write better, and cold-emailing is one way you can incorporate AI in order to do so. Here's all you need to know about this and the scripts you can try out in order to land the job you want:
What Is Cold Emailing?
A cold email is something sent to someone you do not know or have no previous real-life connection with. It was traditionally used in sales and business to sell a product or spark interest in a product or service, but today, job seekers can use it to find out about new job opportunities, connect with recruiters, managers, or potential employers, or find out more information about an open role.
The method can be a hit or miss, since sometimes, cold emails end up in spam or trash, especially when the recipient receives hundreds of emails a month and barely knows you. But in some instances, it can lead to big results, like the time this entrepreneur landed an initial $250,000 in startup funds simply by sending a cold email to a potential investor.
Combined with networking and finding ways to interact with a person that’s not necessarily one-on-one but relevant, cold-emailing could be your ticket to getting at least a toe in the door when you want to apply for a certain job at a particular company, or you want to break into a new industry.
Where To Start With Cold Emailing
1. Humble Yourself.
I actually got my gig at xoNecole via cold email. I had a lot of experience at the time working in mostly newsy journalism, and I saw that xoNecole was taking submissions. Interestingly enough, I'd become familiar with the founder—through a personal online blog she had at the time—years before she'd launched this site. While we both worked in media and entertainment, we did not know one another personally, nor had I ever met or networked with her. It was a bit serendipitous that I'd end up cold-emailing to write for xoNecole.
In that moment, I had to humble myself. Though I'd worked for major publishers and had done a bit of featured writing, I was most known for formal, business-toned Associated Press-style stories, and this site's style was more down-to-earth, conversational, and free-flowing. I sent the email, thinking, "What's the worst that can happen? A rejection? No response?"
Well, five years later, here I am, an associate editor, after starting out as a contributor. I simply shot my shot to the appropriate email address, following the appropriate process detailed on the website, and then once I got a few stories published, I asked if they had any need for editing services.
2. Do Your Research.
As I stated before, I read their website to find out how I could pitch myself and the correct email address to contact for that purpose. You'll have to do the same. Do a bit of online digging and find out, first, if there is a formal process to apply for what you need or to get the information you're looking for.
Sometimes, cold emails end up in the trash because they simply went to the wrong person or the sender did not follow simple directions that are part of an already-established process. For example, if the company's website clearly states that you should contact the HR department at a set email address, it might not be wise to first send a cold email to your potential direct manager. Or, if the company requires a certain format for requests or a word count limit for emails, you might want to know that before sending your 1,000-word synopsis of why you'd be great for a job.
Another big no-no is sending an email to someone who has nothing to do with your end result. This is a common and easy mistake to make.
If your inquiry is about an IT role but you're sending it to the marketing department, again, it's easy to simply disregard it. Professionals have limited time, and some can barely manage emails from people they know, so make it harder for them to ignore you by finding out exactly who you need to be contacting.
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3. Be sure the subject line is concise, relevant, and punchy.
Put yourself in the shoes of the stranger you're emailing. Let's say you want the marketing director position that you saw listed on LinkedIn. Well, think about the first thing they'll see when they open their inbox. What would get their attention? What keywords can you use so that they can bookmark and come back to your email if needed? How can you clearly but quickly note why they should open the email in 7 words or less?
As an editor who manages hundreds of pieces of content, dozens of contributors, and gets countless pitches from people I don't know (and probably will never meet), the subject line can make or break whether I actually even read the email; great pitch or not.
Here are a few great subject lines to tweak and make your own. (And sis, please do not just copy and paste these. Customize with your own voice and savvy):
- Re: Job Title: - Your Name, Current Title (You don't have to list the company here)
- Re: Job Posting Number: Job Title, Your Name
- Re: Job Post Inquiry - Your Name
- Job Title Seeking New Opportunity
Here are a few creative subject lines that might be winners if you have a gift of gab. Be sure they're not too salesy, ingenuine, or cheesy, considering the type of job and the industry you're in:
- [Current Job Title + Current Company] – I'd Love To Work With You
- Job Applicant Referred By [name of referral] for Job Title at Company (Make sure this is true.)
- Here's Why [Your Name] Would Be The Best [Job Title] For Your Company (This is headline-style writing. Take a cue from news stories and commercials and get creative with this one. Again, make sure the tone is appropriate and you have an actual knack for this.)
- 10 Things You Didn't Know About [Your Name], [Job Title that references skill needed for the role that you can actually do] (This is another headline-style subject line. Again, only use this one if you're savvy and it's appropriate.)
- Make a great decision before your 2nd cup of coffee. Hire me (give reason)
- Award-winning [Current Job Title] looking for new opportunities
- [Your Name] – the best addition to your team
You can also use ChatGPT for this. Simply use an online platform or an app, type in a prompt or other context around what you want to communicate, and allow AI to do the work. Again, you'll still need to customize this for your own voice and tone, and be sure to proofread it as well.
Tech should complement human intelligence and skill, not replace it, and trust me; people will know when something has been pre-written or scripted and is not authentically you.
What To Include In A Cold Email
There are several key approaches, but they all have a few things in common. First, you want to be sure to get to the point early in your email (i.e., in the first or second sentence), introducing yourself, your skills, and what you need (i.e., applying for the job, requesting a 5-minute virtual meeting, more information about the role, etc).
Be direct and lean heavily into using specific keywords (those major terms about the job, company, or industry that were included in the job post or company's website). Master saying more with fewer words. Address the person by name, but if you don't know it, start with a general "Good morning," or "Good day."
Second, the email should be no more than two to three short paragraphs (maybe four to six sentences each). If they want more information, they will ask for it in a follow-up email. Give them just enough to intrigue or spark interest and make sure, again, that the information is super-relevant to your end goal and in consideration of their time. Here's a good starting point for your opening paragraph:
Good Day,
I am [name], an award-winning [title] who has a passion for [thing one, thing two, and thing three], which is why I'd be a great fit for the [job opening/position]. I have worked in [industry] doing [specific value add 1, value add 2, value add 3] for [time period], and I want to bring those skills to your company.
Reference something you read about the company or that person that inspired you to want to work there or mention a problem that you'd like to have a hand in solving. Try this:
I recently read this article where you spoke about [3-4 words describing what was intriguing] and thought this is a leader I'd love the chance to work with.
I've been following the news of your company's public offering and would like to be part of its new strategy to [fill in the blanks here].
I met you at the Leaders of Tomorrow gala, and you follow a cause that's dear to my heart as well: youth leadership and mentorship.
Long emails about your experience, why you're the best at the job, etc., might get it tossed. People often graze emails and skim because, again, time is limited.
Third, add in key, short bullet points elaborating on your relevant experience, interests, links to your work, or other applicable aspects of your talent and experience that make you competitive in your industry. If you've recently led a campaign, send a link to the actual visual outcome. If you have a professional website, include the link to that. If you've earned awards, mention them.
Again, keep the bullet points short and sweet. Stay away from vague words like "worked on" versus "led the team," or "helped advance," versus "oversaw a $1 million growth in sales." For example:
This year, I:
- Led strategic teams for a 30% increase in sales year over year
- Landed a spot on the "Top 30 Under 30 In Sales" To Watch" list for the National Association of Sales Professionals
- Completed three [list certifications or other educational background insights that were recently upgraded or obtained.)
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And don't forget to list your full name, email address, and the best way to contact you at the bottom of the page. You can attach your resume as well, but be sure this is part of their formal process. Sometimes, your LinkedIn information can suffice, and you won't be sending them large file attachments (which some people really don't like.)
Once you're done with the email, create a template so that you can simply plug the copy in when you're sending multiple emails to different people. (You can also simply save the copy as a Word or Google document and copy and paste when needed.) Avoid bcc'ing or blinding sending mass emails. It's not a good look, and you can easily embarrass yourself by referencing the wrong person, job, or company.
Be strategic by sitting down and listing companies, key people, and your "why" for each. This way, you can narrow things down so that you're not wildly overextending yourself in the process. Set a time/date for doing this, and pace yourself.
Cold-emailing should be part of a larger strategy that includes actual networking, volunteering, socializing, researching, enhancing your skills, and doing quality work in the meantime. Remember, this is simply something to add to your arsenal to put you that much closer to getting the gig.
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Kayla Nicole says she wore a dress that was once worn by Braxton herself for the Halloween costume. “It’s not a secret Toni is more on the petite side. I’m obsessed with all 5’2” of her,” she tells xoNecole via email. “But I’m 5’10'' and not missing any meals, honey, so to my surprise, when I got the dress and it actually fit, I knew it was destiny.”
The episode was the perfect way for the multihyphenate to take control of her own narrative. By addressing the viral moment on her own platform, she was able to stir the conversation and keep the focus on her adoration for Braxton, an artist she says she grew up listening to and who still makes her most-played playlist every year. Elsewhere, she likely would’ve received questions about whether or not the costume was a subliminal aimed at her ex-boyfriend and his pop star fiancée. “I think that people will try to project their own narratives, right?” she said, hinting at this in the episode. “But, for me personally – I think it’s very important to say this in this moment – I’m not in the business of tearing other women down. I’m in the business of celebrating them.”
Kayla Nicole is among xoNecole’s It Girl 100 Class of 2025, powered by SheaMoisture, recognized in the Viral Voices category for her work in media and the trends she sets on our timelines, all while prioritizing her own mental and physical health. As she puts it: “Yes, I’m curating conversations on my podcast The Pre-Game, and cultivating community with my wellness brand Tribe Therepē.”
Despite being the frequent topic of conversation online, Kayla Nicole says she’s learning to take advantage of her growing social media platform without becoming consumed by it. “I refuse to let the internet consume me. It’s supposed to be a resource and tool for connection, so if it becomes anything beyond that I will log out,” she says.
On The Pre-Game, which launched earlier this year, she has positioned herself as listeners “homegirl.” “There’s definitely a delicate dance between being genuine and oversharing, and I’ve had to learn that the hard way. Now I share from a place of reflection, not reaction,” she says. “If it can help someone feel seen or less alone, I’ll talk about it within reason. But I’ve certainly learned to protect parts of my life that I cherish most. I share what serves connection but doesn’t cost me peace.
"I refuse to let the internet consume me. It’s supposed to be a resource and tool for connection, so if it becomes anything beyond that I will log out."
Credit: Malcolm Roberson
Throughout each episode, she sips a cocktail and addresses trending topics (even when they involve herself). It’s a platform the Pepperdine University alumnus has been preparing to have since she graduated with a degree in broadcast journalism, with a concentration in political science.
“I just knew I was going to end up on a local news network at the head anchor table, breaking high speed chases, and tossing it to the weather girl,” she says. Instead, she ended up working as an assistant at TMZ before covering sports as a freelance reporter. (She’s said she didn’t work for ESPN, despite previous reports saying otherwise.) The Pre-Game combines her love for pop culture and sports in a way that once felt inaccessible to her in traditional media.
She’s not just a podcaster, though. When she’s not behind the mic, taking acting classes or making her New York Fashion Week debut, Kayla Nicole is also busy elevating her wellness brand Tribe Therepē, where she shares her workouts and the workout equipment that helps her look chic while staying fit. She says the brand will add apparel to its line up in early 2026.
“Tribe Therepē has evolved into exactly what I have always envisioned. A community of women who care about being fit not just for the aesthetic, but for their mental and emotional well-being too. It’s grounded. It’s feminine. It’s strong,” she says. “And honestly, it's a reflection of where I am in my life right now. I feel so damn good - mentally, emotionally, and physically. And I am grateful to be in a space where I can pour that love and light back into the community that continues to pour into me.”
Tap into the full It Girl 100 Class of 2025 and meet all the women changing game this year and beyond. See the full list here.
Featured image by Malcolm Roberson
I was inspired to write this because, recently, while reading about eight types of narcissists and what their traits consist of, I revisited what a vulnerable narcissist is all about. Then, as I connected some dots via another piece that I read about how it shows up in female friendships — well, because this is a platform for Black women, I definitely wanted to put y’all on notice. Because when it comes to toxic friendships (which really is a bit of an oxymoron, isn’t it?), there is probably nothing worse than having a narcissist friend — someone who displays traits like being highly self-centered, pretty apathetic, and constantly gaslighting those around them.
Okay, so what’s the difference between a “regular” narcissist and a vulnerable one? Yeah, let’s get into that now because I’ve got a feeling that some light bulbs are going to go on for a few of you…as it relates to at least one of your current…“friendships.”
So Basically, a Vulnerable Narcissist Is the Same Thing As a Covert One
GiphyIf you check out the article, “Science Says That Happy Couples Do The Following 7 Things” on this platform, one thing that you will notice that I said is, since I’ve been a marriage life coach, I’ve not really been big on using the word “vulnerable” when it comes to serious relationships. Charge it to being a writer who takes words pretty literally (dictionary-defined ones, not what social media makes up from year to year) yet I’ve never understood why we should encourage people to be vulnerable with someone who they deeply trust.
I say that because I know that vulnerable means things like “capable of or susceptible to being attacked, damaged, or hurt” and “open to moral attack, criticism, temptation, etc.” And although I get that no one is perfect, if you feel like dealing with those closest to you requires taking this level of an emotional risk, on a fairly consistent basis? In my opinion, that is a dark orange flag, if not a flat-out red one.
I’ve said before that my preferred word is “dependent” because it means “relying on someone or something else for aid, support, etc.” — and healthy relationships? They absolutely should be INTERDEPENDENT. Yeah, whether it’s romantic, familial or a friendship — why are you out here feeling like sharing yourself makes you open to attack and harm when you should be involved with individuals who can be relied on for support? See the difference? And that is why a vulnerable narcissist makes sense to me — since a narcissist is unsafe, by the very definitions of vulnerable, a vulnerable one would be too. Even more so, in fact.
Here's the clincher, though. Even if you’ve never heard of a vulnerable narcissist before, I’m willing to bet that some of you have heard of a covert narcissist, which is basically the same thing. The fascinating thing about a covert narcissist is they are more subtle than some of the other types — which is exactly how they are able to trip folks up. Because although they need lots of attention and they tend to act really self-important (like all narcissists do), a covert narcissist moves in some pretty sneaky ways.
For instance, they might go really heavy on what seems like compliments (more on that in a sec) in order to make you think that they admire you when, really, they just want to get your guard down in order to get whatever they want out of you. Another example of a covert narcissist is they might act like they are proud of something you accomplished; however, they are actually sticking close by to get some of your contacts or to work themselves into the successful world that you created, so that they can actually compete with you. One more example of a covert narcissist is if they don’t get their way, they may ghost you for days, weeks or months at a time and then be all passive aggressive about it whenever they resurface.
And why are they like this? Because vulnerable/covert narcissists get off on gaslighting — they want you to feel like you are crazy for thinking what is, 8.5/10, spot-on about them. That way, you can be the villain and they can play the victim — even though it’s probably the exact opposite that is actually going on. They do this because, ultimately, to boost their ego. For a narcissist, pretty much of any kind, game-playing is what fuels them and makes them bigger in their minds than they actually are (or even deserve to be).
10 Dead-Ringer Signs of a Vulnerable Narcissist
GiphyOkay, so even with all of what I just said, what if you’re like, “Shellie, I think I get it, but I need a few more examples of what you’re saying”? I hear you and I’ve got you. Some other ways that vulnerable narcissists like to show up and out?
- They are hypercritical and condescending
- They act like they are allergic to accountability
- Their expectations are unreasonable (and hypocritical)
- They are walking contradictions
- They want to be the center of attention (and while monopolize things
- They are masters at giving others the silent treatment
- Their expectations are unrealistic and their demands are ridiculous
- They deflect instead of apologize
- They flatter (use fluffy and insincere words) yet don’t affirm or compliment (yes, there is a difference)
- They lack empathy or humility
And why — or even how — would you be a friend with someone like this? Well, the other thing that you have to keep in mind about narcissism is they are excellent at using charm to their advantage. Charming people tend to come off as being charismatic and witty. Charming people seem to be really interested in you (at least initially). Charming people have a way of making you feel very comfortable around them. At first, charming people seem genuine, attentive and respectful. And they definitely make a good impression — sometimes one that is so solid that you keep going back to that memory during the “bad times” with them.
Hmph. The thing that you have to always keep in mind when it comes to charm, though, is what Scripture says about it: “Charm is deceitful…” (Pr. 31:30) — and that is just what a narcissist is: deceptive.
And when it comes to a vulnerable narcissist and her friendships with other women? The deceptive runs deep.
How a Vulnerable Narcissist Shows Up Especially in Female Friendships
GiphyAlways remember that a vulnerable narcissist moves in subtle and sneaky ways. Hmph, that alone should make you want to ponder if you have some female friends who would fit the bill of being a vulnerable narcissist because we do have a way of being clever and ingenious…which are two of the things that come with being a subtle type of individual. And the way that subtle narcissists use their clever and ingenious ways to their advantage? I’ll give you an example.
A former friend of mine who was — and from what I hear, still is — an absolute vulnerable narcissist really wanted me to be her fan rather than her friend. One time, she even invited me to a bachelorette party and said, “You’re the only one here who isn’t a bridesmaid. You should feel honored.” Nah, what you really said is that you don’t truly value what I bring into your life enough to be a bridesmaid but you know I am good for bringing one hell of a gift and cheering you on regardless.
And that’s how a lot of our friendship was — doing way more giving than I was receiving, doing way more listening than leaning and when I would call her out on some of these things, she would either freeze me out or play the victim and act like somehow it was my fault that she wasn’t being a better friend.
Yeah, that’s what you’ve gotta watch about vulnerable narcissists — it is going to be oh so very rare that they will take full accountability for where they have dropped the ball. To them, somehow, it — whatever “it” is — is either going to be your fault or someone else’s. And that’s why, in their eyes, if you were a “real friend” to them, you would coddle them through not meeting your needs instead of expecting them to actually change their ways so that you both could benefit from the relationship.
And why don’t your needs matter? Because, to a vulnerable narcissist, they believe that they are worthy of extra special treatment at all times — think of them like being a bridezilla 24 hours a day. LOL.
And although some of what I said can be nuanced, for the most part, that really is how a vulnerable narcissist tends to make themselves seen and heard in female friendships: treat them like queens and expect to be mere subjects in their court or…why are you around at all, chile?
5 Hacks for Handling a Vulnerable Narcissist
GiphyFeeling triggered? Or better yet, are you feeling like you finally can “scratch the itch” of what you’ve been looking for to describe a certain person (or certain people) in your life goes? If that is the case and although you see some flags, there tends to be at least a little bit of good enough in your dynamic with “your” vulnerable narcissist to not totally break things off (yet), how do you keep a vulnerable narcissist from causing (anymore) harm?
1. Set firm boundaries. The former friend who I just spoke of? It took years to fully and finally unravel out of all of that (pretty much because she took her elitism to “no turning back” levels a few years ago). A part of the reason why is because she’s not the devil; she really isn’t — she’s just a narcissist. So, what I did to make things more bearable for myself for a while was set some emotional boundaries.
Sometimes I had to tell her “no” and provide no explanation behind it (narcissists think that they are owed every damn thing, chile). I refused to be at her beck and call all of the time. When I felt like she was stressing me out, I would take a bit of time off from phone calls or hanging out. Listen, you will never survive a narcissist, of any kind, unless you have some firm and consistent ARTICULATED boundaries set. If you don’t heed any other point, please heed this one.
2. Have consequences in place for when they are broken. There is no point in setting a boundary if there aren’t going to be consequences for when they are broken. So, for instance, if you tell a vulnerable narcissist that you don’t appreciate them not taking accountability for telling your business to a mutual friend (because they are also extremely entitled individuals), you should probably keep your mouth shut around them for a while. Narcissists care more about their present interests than your holistic comfort which is why they tend to do stuff like that (sometimes).
3. Look at patterns over promises. Narcissists are a lot like energy vampires — and something that both of those need is a source of supply to leech off of whether it’s attention, emotional investing, resources…whatever will benefit them and what they are wanting at the time. And that is why they have no problem telling you that they will do something for you…even if they don’t end up following through. They do this because they want you to put enough confidence in them to be willing to go out of your way on their behalf — at least until they get what they need in the moment. Be careful of that. In genuine friendships, you should be able to rely on others just as much as they should be able to rely on you.
4. Choose to not see them as your “safe place.” Remember, narcissists are charming. They can also be witty, fun and totally entertaining to be around. A word that I wouldn’t use for them, though, is “safe.” The former friend who I mentioned? Although she was good at keeping information confidential (which is a safe trait), she couldn’t be relied on when I was hurting because, somehow, she was going to find a way to turn the focus on her (that is unsafe). I mean, rarely could I tell her something and she wasn’t going to turn it into a story about herself. Yeah, narcissists are always on some sort of makeshift stage, chile. And that can be exhausting.
5. Make sure you know what your “breaking point” is. I tell clients often: Be okay with being someone’s consequence sometimes because there may be a chance that they won’t learn any other way. Do I miss that former friend of mine? Eh, by the time that I was done, I was DONE done. However, we had a lot of years between us and so there are memories that get to me on random occasions. And although I don’t hate her and can see her and genuinely care about how she’s doing, we have nowhere to go in the future. She’s always going to want me to do most of the work — and I am no longer interested in doing so. Breaking points are good. They let us know when a chapter in a relationship has…completed itself.
____
An author by the name of Nassim Nicholas Taleb once said, “Love without sacrifice is theft” (that kind of makes me think of the late author Eric Jerome Dickey’s quote, “Sex without love is violence”). At the end of the day, that saying is a good way to “gut check” your relationship with a vulnerable narcissist. Ask yourself if you are basically the only one doing any sacrificing. And if that is indeed the case, is it worth it?
Remember, a vulnerable narcissist thinks that they deserve to be treated better than everyone else — including you. If you want to keep that type of person as a friend, just know what you are getting yourself into. Because since they are probably never going to change, you will be the one who has to.
One way or another, sis. One way or a freakin’ other.
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