We’ve all read, witnessed, or experienced the challenges Black women face in the workplace. The impact is evident, whether it’s the super-successful entertainers we love, our “rich aunties” holding it down while still sacrificing to work hard and maintain the so-called “soft life,”moms juggling overtime, date night, and household responsibilities, or single women managing teams and traveling the world while unapologetically maxing out their PTO.
Some Black professionals have said enough is enough and there’s now a trend of exodus, with many leaving Corporate America to venture into the startup life. In a 2020 report, the Working Mother Research Institute found that 52% of Black women were debating leaving their companies after working there for just two years. In 2021, we led during the Great Resignation, reclaiming our time during the pandemic and finding out how we could truly pursue the lifestyles we wanted without settling for less.
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Women Leaving Corporate America for More
In 2022, almost 50 percent of entrepreneurs were women, a number well above the number of women entrepreneurs pre-pandemic (29%). Five percent were Black women, a rise from the 3 percent share reported in 2019, representing the fastest-growing population launching and leading businesses. (And if that percentage seems small, to give you a bit of context, that’s nearly 2.7 million new U.S. businesses.)
Another recent report, by Gusto, a payroll and benefits firm, shows that professionals aged 25 to 34 are most likely to quit their jobs for the possibility of making more coin running their own business, and mid-career professionals aged 35 to 54 are taking the leap because they feel burnt out from their jobs (46%).
Even if there are no plans to start a company, leaving a corporate job to work for a startup has been a strategic move for flexibility and autonomy that can be elusive at many larger companies or corporations. I left the 9-to-5 life for good several years ago, then went back to work for a larger publishing company only to quit and go back to the full-time freelance life, and I haven’t looked back.
All of the companies I now work with are small businesses or startups. While working with startups, I’ve been able to not only show my leadership skills a bit more, but I also have a hand at learning multiple aspects of the business I’m in, all while negotiating better pay and working with amazing women entrepreneurs in their own right.
Why Startups Are Favorable for Black Women
So what’s the draw? Well, startups often are places, where the company culture is more relaxed, innovation and creativity, are welcomed and oftentimes rewarded, and they often are launched by millennials or forward-thinking CEOs who value flexibility and vision. Some are even able to offer six-figure salaries that larger companies, for the same role, are not able—or willing—to offer.
With the mass tech layoffs—which made a diversity problem even worse, especially in regard to Black women in tech—smaller tech companies are tapping into a larger pool of candidates, presenting opportunities for growth there.
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Weighing the Pros and Cons of Leaving Corporate America
Working in startups—or launching one—is certainly not for the faint of heart, as there are very real and unique challenges (i.e. inconsistent or lack of funding, slow or reduced resources, and what some might consider a lack of job or salary security when compared with working for a corporation that’s been around for 20-plus years and has shareholders, global influence and international reach.)
Also, when thinking of lifestyle and financial obligations, especially when you have children, large-company advantages like the availability of robust benefits packages, industry prestige, and more options for upward mobility, are all very valid concerns for women who pause when thinking about leaving their corporate jobs.
While it's vital for Black women to, if passionate and led, to remain in Corporate America to fight further for inclusion, equal pay, and advancement opportunities—not to mention the unique and valuable talent and experience Black women bring to any business—startups present exciting and welcome opportunities for others to thrive, figure out their unique role in the business world, and learn skills they might not cultivate in a sea of corporate workers.
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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