
I've got a friend who lives to clean. I'm not playing. When she's in a good mood, she wants to clean. When she is totally pissed off, she wants to clean. So, in her world, there is no need to really spring clean because she does it on the regular. Then there's me. Don't get me wrong, my place is in good shape; still, I pretty much have a cleaning day (which is either Thursday or Friday) and there are definitely a few times a year when I'll spend a good three days just going ham on my place. One of those times is during the traditional spring cleaning season. During then, there are some particular hacks that I will apply.
That's what I'm gonna share with you today. Whether you're like my girl and you clean on steroids or you're more like I am and you seasonally go off the charts, here are 15 things that can make getting your house in order so much easier, cheaper and even healthier (because they most don't contain any chemicals) to do.
1. Naturally Increase Your Laundry Smell With This DIY Epsom Salt Laundry Booster
Do you want to make your laundry smell amazingly fresh without the use of any dyes and chemicals? One of the easiest, safest, and most effective ways to do that is to apply a blend of Epsom salt and your favorite essential oil (or oils) to your machine. All you need is one cup of Epsom salt and 20-30 drops of an essential oil (depending on how potent you want your laundry to be). Combine the two ingredients in a bowl, let them air dry for a couple of minutes and then transfer everything to a mason jar. Add about a tablespoon of the homemade booster to your machine before you add laundry and start to wash. You'll wonder what took you so long to add this tip to your wash day routine.
2. Clean Your Kitchen Sinks Naturally with Baking Soda and Hydrogen Peroxide
If it's time to give your sinks a deep cleaning, all you need to do is sprinkle some baking soda onto them and use a sponge to rub it in. Then pour some hydrogen peroxide to deeply penetrate and remove any residue. Ever wonder how to clean your iron? For the record, baking soda and hydrogen peroxide are also unstoppable in cleaning the back of irons too (and we all know that can be a headache!). Mix two-parts baking soda with one-part hydrogen peroxide.
Then heat up your iron on a low setting to soften up some of the gunk that's on it. With a wooden spatula, remove as much residue as possible. Then turn the iron off, let it cool and apply the baking soda and hydrogen peroxide paste. Let it sit for 20-30 minutes and scrub the iron with a scrubbing cloth. Then rinse with cool water and repeat as often as needed.
3. Restore Wood Furniture With Olive Oil and White Vinegar (or Beer) as Homemade Cleaner
Do you have hardwood floors or some wooden furniture that has some surface scratches in it that you would like to remove? A combination of one-part olive oil and one-part white vinegar can do the trick. At the end of the day, you're just making some homemade furniture polish sans the unnecessary chemicals. You can even add a little bit of fresh lemon juice for good measure. Something else that works pretty well on wood is beer. Just pour a little bit of it on a soft rag and rub your furniture down. You might want to test this on a little corner of a table or chair first, simply because some beer is stronger than others; yet if you're looking for an easy way to make your wood shine, ale will do it.
4. Here’s How to Clean and Fluff Your Pillows
Lawd, why don't pillows ever stay white 'n fluffy? If yours are that old dingy pale yellow color, soak them in the washing machine, two at a time. Then pour a couple of capfuls of hydrogen peroxide and white vinegar to your machine's drum and wash them in a light cycle. That should whiten them right on up. As far as the fluffy part goes, before throwing yours in the trash and getting another set, why not toss them into your dryer on low for about 10 minutes? Sometimes, that's all that's needed to spruce them back up a bit. Word on the street is, if you put a tennis ball into the dryer as well, it will help to pound out any lumps that your pillows may have.
5. Put Some Lemons in Your Dishwasher to Clean
Is your dishwasher giving your glasses that spotty look? Oftentimes, that's due to nothing more than calcium deposits. A simple workaround is to cut up a few slices of lemon and let them go through your next washing cycle. Your glasses should come out crystal clear if you do.
6. Use Mineral Oil to Degrease Your Stove
Is your stovetop all sticky 'n stuff? It might sound odd but the way to actually get the stuck-on oil off is to put some mineral oil on it. Literally pour a little bit of mineral oil on the area that you want to clean up, let it sit for a couple of minutes and use a cleaning rag to remove the stickiness. It tends to glide off even faster if you warm the mineral up a bit first.
7. Clean Your Dirty Cast Iron Skillet With a Coarse Salt and Potato Scrub
One of my favorite cooking items is my cast iron skillet. The only thing that sometimes drives me crazy about it is the fact that it can sometimes not be the easiest to clean. A cool hack for cleaning your cast iron skillet is to preheat your oven to around 350-400 degrees. Pour some coarse salt on the pan and then slice a potato in half so that you can rub the skillet with it. Do so in a circular motion and then rinse and pat the pan dry with some paper towels. For tips on how to season the pan following cleaning it, click here (which is where I got the hack in the first place).
8. Need to Pick up Stubborn Pet Hair? Try a Carpet Rake for Pet Hair Removal
If you've got a pet that constantly sheds on your carpet and vacuuming never seems to get all of their hair up, invest in a carpet rake. The long-short of it is it's basically a broom for your carpet in the sense that it does the same job that a broom would do on your tile floors, except the rake is made out of much stronger bristles. If it's something that you'd at least want to read more on, you can check out a list of some of the top carpet rakes on the market by clicking here.
9. Pour Some Kool-Aid into Your Toilet as a DIY Toilet Scrub
Listen, don't shoot the messenger because I wouldn't be surprised in the least if you never saw Kool-Aid the same way after what I'm about to say but it's actually a really great product for scrubbing your toilet. The citric acid that's in the lemonade flavor one is so potent that you can use it to deep scrub your toilet. Just pour the packet in, let it sit for a couple of minutes, and use your toilet brush to clean as usual. Your toilet will sparkle in a way you never thought a popular drink brand could make it do.
10. Unclog and Clean Your Showerheads with Vinegar and a Ziploc Bag
Is it time to unclog your showerheads? Get yourself a Ziploc bag (one that is big enough to cover your showerhead up) and pour some white vinegar into it. Then wrap the bag around the showerhead with a rubber band and let it sit for an hour. Remove the bag, run the showerhead and you should notice that water is flowing from it better.
11. Clean Your Mattress Naturally with Baking Soda and Lavender Oil
Did you know that you can vacuum your mattress? Yep. And if you want to make it fresher, sprinkle some baking soda on it and let it sit for 10-15 minutes before you do. If there happen to be stains on your mattress, a combo of baking soda and hydrogen peroxide can get those out. Just remember that hydrogen peroxide can "bleach out" colors, so using it is best if your mattress is white.
If you simply want to deodorize your mattress, mixing one cup of baking soda with 20 drops of lavender essential oil and then putting everything into a mason jar that has a shaker lid, will make it possible for you to easily sprinkle the mixture (it'll smell amazing too!). And what if you sprinkle too much? Your mattress can pick up the extra. Just make sure to let it all sit for about 20 minutes first.
12. DIY Clean Your Microwave with Some Fresh Lemon Water
Sometimes microwaves can get a little gunky. If yours is basically at that point and you want to give it a thorough cleaning, all you need to do is squeeze 1-2 lemons worth of lemon juice and then add some water to a microwave-safe bowl. Put the bowl into the microwave and let it run on high for about three minutes. It will help to penetrate the gunk so that it's easier to wipe off.
13. Pour Windex on Your Carpet to Remove Stains
If you've got kids and you don't have any Windex in your house, let this serve as a PSA to get some as soon as possible because it's a great way to remove stains. When it comes to ones that may be on your carpet, spray some directly onto the stain and let it sit for a couple of minutes. Then put a lightly colored rag over the stain and your medium-low heat iron on top of the rag. If you let the iron remain long enough, you should see some of the stain coming through the rag. If you repeat as often as necessary, most of the stain should go away.
Just remember to always keep the iron on the rag and get a new rag, if necessary. Oh, and if you've got a toddler who thinks your walls are their canvas, spraying some Windex onto their masterpieces should easily remove the crayons. As far as the carpet goes, only use the blue Windex brand if you've got nothing else. Sometimes, the ironing process can leave a hint of blue behind, if you're not careful.
14. DIY Some Homemade Lemons/Lime Slices Cubes To Clean Your Garbage Disposal
Does your garbage disposal currently smell like, well, garbage? That's what can happen when months of old food residue is stuck inside. A great hack for removing the odor is to make some DIY cubes out of lemons and lime slices. Simply cut them up into small cubes and place them into your ice trays. Then fill the trays up with white vinegar and some lemon or orange essential oil drops. Place them into the freezer for 24-36 hours. Then run some hot water down your kitchen sink for a couple of minutes, pour 1/3 cup of baking down the drain and then place a cube inside and turn the disposal on (remember to move your fingers out of the way). The citrus and vinegar of the cubes will nix the odor and the ice will help to sharpen the blades of your disposal. How cool is that?
15. How to Clean a Painting? Dust Your Paintings with Bread.
Something that I started collecting more of in my mid-late 30s was art. Sometimes paintings can get dusty. Well, here's something that's super off the chain. Rather than trying your luck by trying to dust your painting with a rag, pull out a piece of bread instead. It's gentle enough to not affect your art and yet "spongy" enough to remove the dust at the same time.
Hey, don't knock it 'til you tried it, chile. Welcome to spring cleaning season, sis.
Featured imagine by Shutterstock
- 10 Home Décor Hacks To Make You Love Being At Home - xoNecole ›
- Easy Household Hacks To Improve Your Life - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
Your December 2025 Monthly Horoscopes Are All About Surrender & Alignment
December is about letting go. We end the year with the need for more peace, reflection, and rejuvenation, and that is exactly what December is providing for us. The Sun is in Sagittarius, and anything is possible. This is the month to believe in that and to know that the universe is supporting you. With a Supermoon in Gemini as we begin the month as well, we have an opportunity to gain the closure we have been looking for this year and to wrap up old projects, ideas, and communication breakthroughs.
This is the month to make your peace the priority and let go of trying to control the way the tides are turning. Trust in your new beginning, and give yourself time to prepare for it this month.
A big part of the clarity that is coming through this month is due to Neptune going direct in Pisces on December 10, after being retrograde here since July. With Neptune now direct, we are able to see our inspiration and creativity a little more clearly, providing the perfect energy for dreams and manifestation to be built upon. The smoke is clearing, and it’s up to you to decide what you want to do with this newfound clarity that this transit is bringing. Mercury also moves back into Sagittarius on December 11, which is great for communication and clarity, and the adventures you were trying to see through at the beginning of November come around for you again with greater purpose and support.
On December 15, Mars enters Capricorn until the end of January 2026, and this is the extra push we need to make important changes and to be on the path towards greater abundance, stability, and prosperity. Mars in Capricorn takes care of business, and we have extra energy at our disposal during this time to do so. This transit is an ideal time to focus on your career or financial goals for next year and to start putting some of these plans into motion now. A few days later, we have the New Moon of the month, which will be in Sagittarius on December 19, and this is the perfect New Moon to manifest.
The energy is high, magic is in the air, and it’s all about moving forward with the new beginnings that are inspiring you and bringing you joy to think about right now.
Capricorn Season officially begins on December 21, and this earth sign energy is how we heal, gain closure, and build new foundations in our world. With Venus also moving into a Capricorn a few days later, there is something about peace, prosperity, and security that we are gaining in life and in love as we close out the year, and this is what we need right now. This month is about reflecting on what was, letting go of old hurt, and renewing. December is an ending and a new beginning in one, and there is magic in this space to be created.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see what December 2025 has in store for you.
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleARIES
December is a full-circle moment for you, Aries. You are seeing the gifts in your world and have a lot of gratitude for the way things have come about for you as of late. There are culminations in your world that are providing you with more abundance, stability, and community, and you are exactly where you are meant to be this month. With the Sun in a fellow fire sign and in your 9th house of travel for most of the month, December is a good time to get out of your comfort zone, explore the world around you, and get your body moving.
Mars, your ruling planet, also makes a change and moves into Capricorn on December 15, which will fuel your inspiration and power in your career space. You are making a lot of professional progress as we close out the year; however, make sure to be more mindful of your competitive drive right now. The New Moon on December 19 is the perfect opportunity for you to create some new plans and goals when it comes to traveling, education, and where you want to gain some new inspiration in your world. Overall, this is a month of things coming together for you serendipitously.
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleTAURUS
December is about trusting your intuition, Taurus. You have a lot on your mind this month, and it’s best to delegate, communicate, and allow yourself some relief by opening up to someone and not feeling like you have to hold everything in. As we begin the month, we have a Supermoon in Gemini happening in your house of income, and the plans and projects you have been building here come to fruition for you now. This is the time to gain clarity on your financial world and to take a look at what spending habits you want to let go of here as well.
With Venus in your 8th house of shared resources for most of the month, you are doing a cleanse on your commitments, partnerships, and business ventures. You are taking a look at what you want to dedicate yourself to in the future, and what commitments you may need to let go of now in order to be in the space you truly want to be, both financially and within some of your relationship dynamics. Before we end the month, we have a New Moon in this same area of your chart, and it’s time to look at the opportunities that are presenting themselves and to trust your internal guidance system to lead you forward.
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleGEMINI
You are moving forward fearlessly this month, Gemini. December is your month of love, passion, and dignity, and you are owning the light that you shine. We begin the month with the last Supermoon of the year, happening in your sign, and you are stepping up to the plate. You are showing up, owning how much you have grown this year, and allowing yourself to heal while also acknowledging that you have done your best and you deserve to have fun in the midst of the changes you are creating.
Mercury, your ruling planet, is officially out of retrograde, and you can use this energy to the fullest potential now. With Mercury in your 7th house of love, it’s time to speak from the heart and to talk about the things that matter and that are inspiring you right now to your loved ones. You never know what kind of epiphanies you may have when you open up the conversation to others. Before the month ends, you have a New Moon in this same love area of your chart, and this New Moon is all about manifesting romance, commitment, and abundance in your world.
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleCANCER
December is an opening for more love, more joy, and more freedom in your life, Cancer. You have come to a place where you hold so much gratitude in your heart for where you are today and where your heart is shining, and things come together for you with more ease right now. With the Sun in your 6th house of health, work, and daily routines for most of the month, you are getting your ducks in a row while also putting more energy and effort into taking care of yourself, your priorities, and your well-being. This month surprises you in many ways, and it’s because you are showing up.
Mars and Venus both move into your house of love, relationships, marriage, and abundance this month, and you are making strides in your love life. You have both of these opposing forces on your side and are being recognized for the love you are while also receiving the love you want. This month, overall, is about focusing more on the positives in your world and letting your heart have its joy. Before December comes to an end, there is a New Moon in Sagittarius, and this is the perfect opportunity to create the plans you want to see through next year, especially when it comes to your work life, colleagues, business ventures, and health.
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleLEO
The scales of karma are balancing, and they are balancing in your favor this month, Leo. December is your month of truth, and of seeing it clearly in your world. The Sun is in your house of romance, pleasure, and happiness for most of the month, and it’s time to relax, be in the present moment, and allow what is meant to be, to be. With a Supermoon in your 11th house of manifestation as December begins, this is a powerful month for seeing your dreams come to fruition, and for feeling like the intentions you have set this year are finally here for you now.
Mars also moves into your 6th house mid-month, and this is the perfect energy to have to move into the new year. You have extra energy at your disposal right now and are feeling fearless with what is possible for you and your daily routine. Before the month ends, we also have a New Moon in a fellow fire sign, Sagittarius, and this is a breakthrough moment for you and your heart. December, overall, wants to show you how loved and supported you are and will be doing so in magical, unexpected, and concrete ways.
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleVIRGO
December is a month of victory, Virgo. You are showing up and experiencing some new successes in your world that move you forward on your path in life. With a Supermoon in your 10th house of career as we begin the month, the effort and intentions you have made this year come into full bloom, and you are being recognized for who you are and the good work you have done. This month is all about showing up and allowing yourself to be seen and loved, knowing that you deserve the support and opportunities you are receiving.
Mars moves into Capricorn on December 15, which brings the passion and excitement into your love life, hobbies, and little pleasures in life that light you up. You want to have fun this month and are going to be walking into the new year with this fearless, happy, and spontaneous energy within you. Before the month ends, Venus also enters Capricorn, and in this same area of your chart, you have a lot to look forward to and believe in right now. Overall, December wants you to be happy and will be doing everything possible to make that happen for you. This is your month to shine, Virgo.
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleLIBRA
December is a month of opportunity for you, Libra. New doors open, and you are financially making breakthroughs this month because of it. December begins with a Supermoon in your 9th house, and you are getting a clearer view of where you have been making strides in your life and how it has all brought you here to this present moment of freedom. This month is showing you what happens when you are fearless with your purpose and when you believe in yourself and what you are worthy of.
Moving further into December, Mars moves into your 4th house of home and family mid-month, and you are closing out the year in your safe spaces. You are spending more time with your loved ones and taking the time to quiet your mind and listen to what your heart has been telling you. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, happening in an area of your life that deals with communication. This is a great time for getting the answers you have been looking for and for feeling more clear-headed and confident about the decisions you are making as you move into the new year.
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleSCORPIO
Patience is a virtue this month, Scorpio. December is all about remaining patient and vigilant with what you are creating in your world, and knowing that the universe has your back. It’s time to be reminded of the power of hope, and this month is an opening to greater clarity in your life. There is a lot of energy in your financial zones right now, and this is providing you with new opportunities and new insight; however, the speed at which things come about for you may feel daunting. Keep your head up and eyes focused on what you want and know that you are more than worthy of receiving it.
With Mercury in your 2nd house of income this month, December is a good time to plant new seeds and to think about where you want to be financially a month from now or even a year. This month is asking you to think bigger and to think more long-term so that you can set the appropriate plans into motion now. We also have a New Moon in your house of income before the month ends, and this is when you will see more of your dreams come to fruition in this area of your life, and have more opportunities to build. Overall, December will be teaching you a lot, Scorpio.
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleSAGITTARIUS
Sagittarius Season is here, and there is a lot in store for you this month, Sag. December is all about what you are dedicating yourself to. It’s about setting your intentions and putting the work in to back up your dreams, and about getting things in order so that when the new beginnings come, you are ready for them. The Sun and Venus are in your sign for most of this month, and there are a lot of eyes on you right now. You have the potential to create a new beginning for yourself, and it’s time to invest in yourself, your love life, and your dreams.
Mercury moves into Sagittarius on December 11, and this is giving you another opportunity to see through some of the plans that you had initiated in November. Mercury was retrograde in your sign last month, and there may have been some disruptions to your vision and plans for the future, and now this energy is turning around for you. Before the month ends, we also have a New Moon in Sagittarius, and you are walking through new doors fearlessly. You are catching others by surprise by your growth this month, and you are thinking a lot about your purpose, future, and plans for the new year.
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleCAPRICORN
December is all about the vision, Capricorn. You are moving through a lot of changes and transformations this month, yet they are giving you a chance at a new beginning in the process. You are focused more on the future and what goals you want to manifest for yourself right now, and are ready to let go of what hasn’t been working for you. With the Sun in your 12th house of closure for most of December, this is your time for healing, but remember, healing doesn’t have to be isolating or boring; you can thrive while you renew, and you are this month.
Mid-month, the excitement picks up for you, and you are feeling more energized than you have in a while. Mars moves into Capricorn until the end of January 2026, and you are being proactive with your goals, intentions, and passions. You are a force to be reckoned with this month, and you are making things happen for yourself with confidence. Capricorn Season officially begins on December 21 this year, and this is definitely speeding up your healing process. You are breaking free from what was, and with Venus also moving into Capricorn before the month ends, you are leaving this year in high spirits and with love opening a new door for you.
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleAQUARIUS
December is all about community, creativity, and manifestation, Aquarius. This is the month to work together with others to help bring your dreams to life. You are in a space of inspiration, empowerment, and beauty, and are creating more of this energy around you and in your world. Look out for what support comes your way this month and know that you don’t have to do everything alone to succeed. With the Sun in your 11th house of manifestation and friendship, your intentions are coming to fruition, and it’s time to celebrate with the people you love and to own how far you have come this year.
On December 19, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, lighting up your life in all of the best ways possible. This is your New Moon of freedom, victory, and magic, and you are seeing new beginnings appear that you were once just hoping for. Before the month comes to an end, Venus moves into your 12th house of closure, and after an active and successful month, you are ready to relax, heal, and give your heart some of the attention it has been asking for. You are moving into the new year with the need to release and renew what hasn’t been working in your relationships, and you are finally ready to.
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecolePISCES
December is a big month for you, Pisces. You are making some huge accomplishments this month, and are feeling like everything you have been through this year has been worth it for these moments that are coming to fruition for you now. The Sun is in your 10th house of career and reputation for most of the month, and this is where a lot of your focus is right now. You are claiming your successes and putting yourself out there in ways that not only serve you, but that inspire others as well.
Neptune officially goes direct on December 10, after being retrograde in your sign since July, and you are finally seeing things a little more clearly. You are feeling renewed inspiration and passion in your life, and your intuition is your strongest asset right now. Before December comes to an end, we also have a New Moon in your 10th house of career, and what happens now not only changes things for you in the present, but it also opens new doors and what is possible for you in the new year as well. Overall, you are on top of your game this month and are owning the joy and empowerment you feel.
Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
Do You Expect Others To Read Your Mind? Here's The Problem With That.
Omniscience. If someone were to offer you $100 right this second for the definition of that word, could you immediately provide it? If you’re not sure, basically omniscience is about being able to know everything — and to those who believe in God, only he is given that honor. For those who believe in Satan? Not even he is omniscient (as much as he would like people to think otherwise).
Sometimes, it might feel that otherwise because some beings and even people are truly masterful when it comes to reading body language, observing patterns, and picking up on cues. Still, no matter how much it might seem like someone can read someone else’s mind, they can’t. It is literally impossible — and I will briefly expound on that in just a moment.
Oh, but there are plenty of people whose egos have them thinking that they can read someone else’s mind. Then there are others who have fantasies, which create unrealistic expectations that others in their lives actually should read their mind. And you know what — both of these things can cause unnecessary stress, drama, and trauma, if folks aren’t careful.
And that’s why I think it’s important that we unpack this a bit more. Because if you’re someone who thinks that if another person truly cares for you, they should be able to read your mind, it’s time to let that ridiculous yet semi-popular notion absolutely and completely go.
Here’s why.
It’s Scientifically Impossible for Someone to Read Your Mind
There are a couple of reasons why I am starting this off with R&B singer Avant. For one thing, I don’t think that he gets nearly enough flowers and secondly, clearly, this is a more-than-fitting song for today’s topic, wouldn’t you say? Because, lawd, there really is something that makes some of us feel all warm ‘n fuzzy about the mere thought of a man telling us that he is so in tuned with us that he can basically read our mind.
Hmph. Problem with that is, as I said in the intro, it is scientifically impossible (for us and for AI to do, praise the Lord!). And yet the fact that so many individuals think that they defy scientific data and research is oftentimes why there are so many breakdowns in communication — because if you run on assumption (that you can read someone’s mind) without clarification and confirmation, you can create issues that didn’t exist before you decided to fall for your own mind-reading theories.
Now to be fair, while science is still trying to figure out why we can’t read minds, what is sure is that we do have the capability to perceive the thoughts and actions of others if we’re willing to pay really close attention. However, do keep in mind that reading and perceiving are different. Reading? It’s about being able "to apprehend or interpret the meaning of" and "to anticipate, expect, or calculate by observation." Perceiving? It’s all about “to become aware of, know, or identify by means of the senses” and “to recognize, discern, envision, or understand.”
And already, do you see the differences? So much certainty comes with reading while perceiving is about humbling oneself (bookmark that) to not try to know everything but instead to try and understand what is transpiring. And since no one person (or their mind) is ever truly static, that is a huge part of the reason why believing that you can read someone’s mind — no matter how close you may be to them — is futile. You can change your mind on a dime. Others can do the same. Learning to perceive what is going on instead of assuming that you can “read” folks is far more beneficial.
Besides, you might be surprised by a particular demo who thinks that if you are truly who they need you to be, you will read their minds — and boy, once you know who they are, that may cure you of the whole “read your mind” ish…quick, fast and in a hurry.
The Expectation Is Oftentimes Rooted in Egomania
GiphyWhile doing a bit of research on this topic, I thought it was interesting that a particular type of person kept coming up. Can you guess which one? A NARCISSIST. What I kept noticing is a telling sign of a narcissistic individual is they expect others to read their mind.
I must admit that I was caught off guard by that at first because narcissists and their damn egos are so out of control (bookmark that) that it would seem like they would be more focused on acting like they know the thoughts of other people. Here’s the thing, though — the reason why narcissists want others to read their mind is because they want you to do things like guess what they want and need before they ask — and they want that to happen because they believe that they are so damn special that you should put in the extra blood, sweat and tears to figure it all out. Hmph. Now that tracks.
Another reason why narcissists want you to be able to read their mind is so they can manipulate and deflect. Meaning, if you say and do things based on what you thought they wanted you to, should everything crash and burn, they can dodge accountability and blame you for it. Hmm, does reading someone’s mind seem romantic and beautiful now? SMDH.
And again, all of this is tied to ego because, at the end of the day, mind-reading is a form of control and narcissists are definitely very controlling people. And honestly, mind-reading is as well because why do you even want to know someone’s private thoughts before they share them and, at the same time, why would you want someone to have that kind of power in your life either? “Eww” is what immediately comes to my mind. “Yuck” is what follows.
So, why is it that so many people think that it’s a good thing to have someone read their mind — I mean, the ones who don’t show narcissistic tendencies, that is? Good question.
5 Reasons Why Some People Wish Someone Would/Could Read Their Mind
GiphyOkay, so ego and pridefulness aside, what would be some other reasons why people think that it’s such a wonderful thing if someone who they are in some sort of intimate relationship with can read their mind.
1. They are caught up in Disney and rom-coms. One day, I am going to do an article on all of the ways that Disney and rom-coms have destroyed the reality of relationships. For now, I’ll just say that the scripted tales of both have caused a lot of people to think that if someone loves them, they should be able to read their mind. Nooo…if someone loves you, they should care to know what is on your mind. And that brings me to the second point.
2. They aren’t as good at communicating as they think. Are you a good communicator? One way to know if you are is you’re able to clearly articulate your wants and needs — because really, if you are able to do that, why should anyone even need to read your mind? Feel me? Let’s move on.
3. They want someone else to work harder at their relationships than they do. I say it in my sessions often — it’s beyond crazy to think that someone should work harder at figuring out what your wants, needs and expectations are than you are willing to express them. Hmph. It makes me think of a friend of mine who says that “should” is a dangerous word. What she means by that is saying that someone should do or not do something simply because YOU THINK that’s how it “should” go is a surefire way to stay disappointed and even be disillusioned. No, your man shouldn’t just know what you want every year for your birthday. Did you state it? If not, why aren’t you playing fair? Who has time for all of the guessing games and then getting penalized if they guess wrong? Stop it.
4. They think it’s the sign of a healthy relationship (it isn’t). Anyone who knows me knows that I am always and forever going to be Team Healthy over Team Happy and my reason why never changes. Only children expect to live in a world where they are happy all of the time — and yes, there are a lot of childish people out here. People who want their mind read? They tend to live in happy land. Meanwhile, a healthy relationship knows that clear communication, mutual respect, keen listening, patience and understanding that humans make mistakes are foundational to its success.
5. They are lazy. And yes y’all, some people want others to read their mind because they are lazy and it really is just as simple as that. Thing is, while they are being passive aggressive, dropping hints or giving the silent treatment so that you can figure out whatever it is that they…want you to figure out, that tends to take more effort than simply speaking up. Ridiculous, chile.
How to Let the Myth Go
GiphyGee, after reading all of this, suddenly reading minds just seems like a lot of silliness with a sprinkle of drama and potential trauma, doesn’t it? And it’s all because some people choose to treat something that is a myth like it’s a bona fide fact. SMDH.
And what if you happen to be one of those individuals? How do you break free? COMMUNICATE. Openly, clearly and maturely share what’s on your mind and heart because, the true tell of a solid relationship isn’t that someone can read your mind; it’s that they can retain what you’ve already stated.
Less reading. More perceiving. That’s the secret sauce.
And when you accept this for what it is, you will realize that it’s far better for you, your partner and your relationship to stop expecting the impossible and to accept what is actual: that learning your partner, as they strive to do the same thing with you, is better than you both assuming that you know what…maybe you do, maybe you don’t.
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Author Frank Sonnenberg once said, “People can’t hear what you don’t say. Thinking isn’t communicating” — and I think this is a perfect place to bring all of this to a close.
Find the kind of relationship(s) where intention is so strong that mind-reading isn’t even desired.
At the end of the day, it really is as simple as that.
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