There’s a lot of discourse around butt stuff…always. It’s just one of those forever taboo things. However, butt play is very nuanced, which means there’s lots of space to explore – it doesn’t have to, nor should it feel like some sort of hazing bit. Truth is, butt play has the potential to be very sensual. Butt play is a spectrum that ranges from external touch (read: massage) to internal play with toys, and for some, it can get a little kinkier.
Perhaps you’re completely disinterested in being penetrated by an actual penis but are curious – you might start with a finger. But maybe you’re someone who gets the ick when thinking about certain bodily fluids making contact with you. You might then find yourself interested in an option like butt plugs! And I’m not trying to be funny. I’m just trying to say there are options before you rule out butt play.
Butt plugs offer a build-up of pleasure and can make for mind-blowing foreplay and, thus, even better sex if you decide to go all the way, as I know some of you masochists love edging (bless your willpower). The anus has lots of nerves, so it makes sense that playing with this erogenous zone will send you over the moon in excruciating pleasure.
According to a Reddit rabbit hole I went down, a good butt plug is the best thing since apple pie!
I wanted to get an expert opinion, so I spoke with the plugs themselves – the team at Shop Enby, a Black, Trans-online shop, and the owner of Feelmore located in Oakland. Here are some approved butt plugs, and trust me, they’ve got range.
Protip: Accessorize your mini skirt with a butt plug (wear it) to provide easy access. Take it out for a spin, as every step increases the intensity and lubrication.
Mind you, this is simply from my rabbit hole on Reddit, but Shop Enby came through with tons more on the tip front. Here's what they, specifically, had to say.
“Exploring booty play can open up a hole 😈 new world of pleasure.” - Shop Enby
1. B-Vibe Anal Training Set
Shop Enby
Not sure exactly where to begin with your butt basics? This B-Vibe Anal Training Set comes highly recommended by Shop Enby. This is some bargain shopping for that ass as it comes “with three plugs of various weights and sizes, lube applicator, enema, travel bag, and a complete guide to anal play. This set is definitely worth it!” All of the plugs are made from body safe silicone and have a narrow tip, round that allows for easy insertion. In case you’re wondering, the enema that’s included allows for you to undergo a deep cleaning before opening Pandora's box.
2. Cute Little Fuckers - Princette Puppypus
Shop Enby
If you’re someone who is still uncertain about diving into butt play and not interested in investing money in quality toys that are solely for anal play – Princette Puppypus is going to be your BFF. Princette Puppypus by Cute Little Fuckers not only serves as a vibrating butt plug, but it can act as a “stand alone vibrator with a ring of independently buzzing legs on one side and a larger curved vibrating head on the other. Both the legs and the head make this easy to hold and can slide between fingers for an open-handed explorative grip.”
Shop Enby
3. B-Vibe Vibrating Snug Plug
The B-Vibe Vibrating Snug Plug’s body has a unique marshmallow shape that differs from so many of the others on this list. It’s my thought that this design allows the toy to provide the ultimate level of fullness. With four vibration levels and six vibration patterns, the snug plug offers an exhilarating sensation–maybe wilder than anything you’ve ever experienced.
4. ROMP Amp Anal Beads
Shop Enby
The Romp Amp are a set of anal beads and “the perfect place to start,” according to the Enby team. Now, you may be wondering how anal beads and plugs differ outside of the obvious (design). With plugs, the pleasure and stimulation come from the feeling of fullness and pressure. Whereas beads stimulate the nerve endings surrounding your anus. And as for this set of beads, well, they’re described as “small and flexible silicone anal bead, designed to be worn during play or pulled out at just the right moment to heighten orgasm.”
5. Vedo Bump Vibrating Anal (w/ Remote)
If you’re looking for good vibes only, the Vedo Bump has ten of them – “ten rhythms of vibration,” to be exact, with six intensity levels. Made from silicone, this plug is waterproof, allowing you to enjoy aquatic aerobics at your leisure. (But, leave the remote behind as that bit is not waterproof, and you’ll want to go manually with this go-round.) This fabulously phallic plug offers 5” in length!
6. njoy Pure Plug - Medium
Shop Enby
This medium-sized plug is coming in at a cool 1.25 inches (hey, there are exceptions to every rule) – allowing the njoy Pure Plug to heat things up both inside and outside of the bedroom. While the plug as a whole is medium, the head is rather large, offering a “delicious stretch of penetration.” It’s also crafted from stainless steel, making it hypoallergenic. But beware, though highly regarded, this toy is for “more advanced players.”
Enby Team Tip: Run under cold or hot water to add an element of temperature play, or grab the loop to rock the toy back and forth for even more mind-blowing sensations!
7. Anal Adventures Curve Plug
With a sleek design, this body-safe Anal Adventures Curve Plug offers immense pleasure as said curve is placed right at the tip. This placement offers optimal “prostate pressure” and, thus, pleasure. The other thing that stands out with this plus is that of its three insertable inches, the curves ebb and flow, making it the perfect toy to grow with as you have different girths to work with.
8. GLAS Candy Land Juicer
Shop Enby
The GLAS Candy Land Juicer offers an added layer of pleasure with the detailed glass, texture, and a rather larger circumference (that’s the head) of 4.75 inches. Though they didn’t say it themselves, I’m going to dare to say this toy falls more on the advanced side of the spectrum. Due to its material, this toy offers some hot-cold sensation play as you’re able to both heat and cool this toy at your leisure.
Enby Team Tip: Once inserted use the handle to rotate the toy whilst it's inside. The textured bumps offer an internal massage that will open up a whole new world of pleasure!”
Hopefully, this range of toys has minimized any uncertainty and anxiety you might feel around bringing butt play into your bedroom. Just like so many other things in regards to life but especially sex, there isn’t a binary but rather a spectrum. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing immediately. So give yourself grace and go for it.
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
___
Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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Using the same material from the interior of the Volvo EX90, Hudson crafted a wool-blend car coat and waistbelt that combine the vehicle’s Scandinavian design with his signature tailoring and intention. The exclusive collection launched on October 20, and each piece is made-to-order by Sergio Hudson Collections.
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In October, I traveled to Charleston with a group of journalists to get a firsthand look at Hudson and Volvo’s location. During a fitting, Hudson said his goal is to make “great work that can stand the test of time.”
“People can look back on and say, ‘I remember when Sergio did that collaboration with Volvo,’” he continued. “Thinking about aligning yourself with classic brands that speak to where you want to go. And I think that's what this collaboration kind of means to me and my business.”
Hudson pinpoints his mom as the biggest influence for his designs. This collaboration was no different.
“This particular coat reminded me of the swing coats that my mom used to wear in the early 90s. You know, diva girls in the early 90s had Sandra suits,” he said, referring to Jackée Harry’s character in 227. “My mom wore those and she would have these matching swing coats to go over them. And that's where the initial idea came. This would be around the same time that we had our Volvo. So she would put on her suit, her swing coat, get in that red Volvo, and go to church.”
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With this capsule and beyond, Hudson wants to see more staples rotating in and out of closets this fall. He advises fashionistas to build her closet out with essentials to mix and match that aren’t just stylish but also sustainable.
“It's just those special pieces,” he said. “You can wear the same shirt and pants every day and nobody will notice. But if you have a special boot, a special coat, a special bill, a special bag, that kind of speaks to everything that your style stands about, that is something you should focus on.”
These are the same kind of staple pieces that return to our Pinterest boards and TikTok feeds season after season. Fast fashion has never been Hudson’s aim. “I'm trying to create a special pieces that can stand the test of time,” he said in his warm, Southern accent. “I'm only creating those kind of pieces from here on out.”
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For Hudson, this collaboration is revolutionary. It’s his first time working with a car company and experimenting outside of his wheelhouse in this way.
“This is a Scandinavian brand, and, you know, it's 70 years old. I'm an African-American boy from South Carolina that has had a brand for 10 years. So I think bridging those two worlds and seeing the similarities was the beauty of this project,” he explained.
Though Hudson and his partner and CEO of Sergio Hudson Collections Inga Beckham have made massive strides in just 10 years, Hudson said the industry is far from where he wants to see it when it comes to Black representation. He pointed to how few Black designers were at this year’s Met Gala despite the theme being Black dandyism.
“The fact that I dressed 18 people speaks to how many of us weren't there,” he said. He implored more of industries, fashion and beyond, to collaborate with Black designers often.
“Allow mentorship. Allow funding. Allow great design to shine through,” he implored. “When it comes to being a designer of African descent, when you can't get the funding that your counterparts have, you can't compete. When you get opportunities like doing a collaboration with Volvo, or you get opportunities to be at the Met Gala, that's putting us on the equal playing field, but really the funding behind it is what we need to take it to that desk level.”
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