
Newly Engaged Amber Riley Gives Us The Secret To Finding Love In The DMs

While most of us got our introduction to Amber Riley back in 2009 as Mercedes Jones on the critically acclaimed show Glee, she has reemerged as a spicy, confident songstress fully capable of taking on the music industry one note at a time. Her self-titled debut EP, RILEY, includes the timeless "BGE", which stands for "big girl energy", and the melodious "A Moment", tribute to her late friend and Glee castmate Naya Rivera. The Compton native has received celebrity endorsements from industry powerhouses including Zendaya, Jazmine Sullivan and Chloe x Halle, while her six-track project climbed to the number two spot on iTunes' R&B Albums chart upon its release in early October.
In addition to being one of the most undeniable talents on screen and in the booth, she is a loving partner to her now-fiancee Desean Black. Though most women choose to wander down the traditional route, Riley channeled her BGE and slid into the DMs of her future fiance. Because she took a chance on herself, the friendship and her future relationship was able to flourish. In this exclusive interview, xoNecole spoke with Amber Riley about tapping into her sensuality, how she feels her sexiest when she's with Desean, and the lessons she's learned throughout her twenties to make her the confident woman she is today.
Official 'RILEY' cover art
Justin Frazier
xoNecole: This year, a lot of women have been going through a shift during the pandemic and the year made a lot of people sit with themselves about who they are, what they want to do and where they want to be in life. Was that the case for you, and what shifted in your life this year in comparison to when we had all the distractions before the pandemic?
Amber Riley: It made me more mindful, more conscious and aware of my mental health and myself. It helped me realize that a lot of the things and distractions that keep you from paying attention to the things you need to change into your life were eliminated, which is what I think everybody was feeling. Not even just women, but men too. Personally, it made me pay more attention to myself and my own needs. Sometimes even my own flaws and the things I needed to work on personally.
Your lead track is “BGE”, which stands for “big girl energy”. Tell me a little bit about what “big girl energy” means to you.
It means literally taking care of bigness. That's what big girl energy is. It's pushing past obstacles, pushing through when you want to give up or be tired. It's about not taking people's bullshit, it's about making your money, it's about being a boss, it's about taking care of yourself. Big girl energy is literally just taking all of that great energy that you need from yourself to make it through or make it to whatever you need to in life.
Yes, I love that! Speaking of energy, the energy in the video was absolute fire! It also features your current fiance! Congrats on the engagement! You’ve been private about your personal life in the past, so walk us through the decision to say, “I’m about to show off my partner, this is what it is and this is who I’m rocking with.” What made you decide to share with the world that piece of your life?
Well, he was in my music video and I was like, "You know, they're kinda gonna know anyway and it's gonna be weird if I don't say anything." This is the first relationship that I've been in that I feel is really healthy and I love him to pieces. I need people and the people that also be in my DMs to know that I'm taken, I'm spoken for and I'm giddy and in love. It's gross (laughs).
I can tell the happiness in your voice and you can really tell when genuine love is afoot. You sound genuinely happy!
Yeah, he's really my best friend. We really worked on our friendship and respecting one another. He's just a great man all around. I feel super blessed to have even met him and I'm blessed to even have his friendship. Nothing's perfect obviously, but I wouldn't want to go through the ups and downs of life with anybody else.
Before the friendship came the initial meeting and you debuted your relationship recently with a post on Instagram about “How It Started” versus “How It’s Going” about sliding in the DMs. You mentioned that you found him because of xoNecole and I’m interested in hearing that story because you have us out here hot in these streets and women think this is where all the men are because you landed one. Tell me about how that went.
I literally was just scrolling and it was a wine night for sure. I love xoNecole because you talk about women's issues and mental health, I love reading your articles and of course I love Necole, too. You had posted him and I don't know if he was a Man Crush Monday - I don't know what he was. When I saw his picture, I was like, "Oh my God, he's such a handsome man." I believe I followed him that night, and I remember scrolling through my Instagram, I saw his picture, and I was like, "Who is this guy? I don't remember following him." He was on my timeline and I was like, "Hmmm, I'm gonna say hi," and I did. I literally just said, "Hey Desean, how are you?" in his DMs.
I've also been much bolder this year about dating and putting myself out there. A lot of people don't want to put themselves out there because they fear rejection. I'm not a special case, so if the person that you're interested in is interested in you, then they're gonna respond in that way. A lot of women say, "I don't want to be thirsty going into a guy's DMs," but I wasn't thirsty and I wasn't chasing him. I just made myself seen and I made sure that he saw me and it went on from there. In our first conversation, we were talking about science, brains and nerdy shit.
"A lot of people don't want to put themselves out there because they fear rejection. I'm not a special case, so if the person that you're interested in is interested in you, then they're gonna respond in that way. A lot of women say, 'I don't want to be thirsty going into a guy's DMs,' but I wasn't thirsty and I wasn't chasing him. I just made myself seen and I made sure that he saw me and it went on from there."
It was a genuine conversation!
Yeah, it was genuine. It would be the same way if you met somebody on the streets or at a club or at a bar. You have a conversation with someone and you see the vibe. It's the same thing.
What is your advice to a woman who feels any type of way about making the first move to get a guy? That’s major big BOSS energy to go out there and get what you want when you want it!
Don't be afraid to put yourself out there if you're interested in someone. You don't know the circumstances because some guys may be a little bit shy and you could be missing your opportunity to get an amazing friend. That could be the person that you're gonna marry, the love of your life and you miss it all because of ego or pride. If the person doesn't want you, that just means the person wasn't for you but you're just making yourself be seen or available to that person. Don't think about it as chasing them. It's basically saying, "the ball's in your court," as a man, if that's what you're concerned about.
That's what women think about sometimes like, "I want him to be the man and I want him to take the initiative." I've heard that before, but honestly, if you put the ball in their court and just let them know they're interested, if that's the kind of man you want, they're going to pursue what it is that they want.
In your track, “Temporary”, you rhetorically ask if love even exists, but you were able to find love during a pandemic. Hookup culture is screwed right now but you’re able to maintain a healthy relationship. After a few failed relationships, we tend to close ourselves off to the possibilities of love, but what are ways that you learned to open yourself up and your heart so you can meet Mr. Right?
Honestly, it was through self-love. I've had my heart broken before and I dealt with rejection in different ways, but I think the self-love aspect really helped because I got to a point where I was like, "A person who did me wrong isn't going to take away my opportunity to find love." I deserve love. I deserve to be loved and you only realize that through self-love and the way that you treat yourself and knowing what it is that you have to offer. I'm not for everybody and I'm not out here trying to be for everybody either, but I do know that I bring value to myself and I've always wanted to build with someone.
I think I just got to that place where I was looking for the right thing, something substantial and not superficial, and willing to walk away if it's not the right thing instead of fearing being alone and by myself. I'm comfortable being alone. That helped me make the right decision to be with the right person.
Will Smith said, years ago, that in order to love someone, you have to be willing to collide with the weakest parts of yourself and have to look at the things about you that are cowardly, mean and resentful. With your experiences in your current relationship, how do you feel about that statement?
That honestly speaks to vulnerability. That can be a very hard thing for Black women. Unlike other cultures, Black women aren't always raised to understand that you're the prize and not raised to understand that you don't have to carry all the load by yourself. When I wrote that song "Ride", I wrote it for Black men specifically and in our community, we were never really taught to lean on one another. Vulnerability and trust is a thing that I work on all the time because it wasn't something I was taught or was demonstrated to me as a Black woman. I was taught to take care of your own, make sure that you're good, make sure that you're strong, you don't have time to cry, you don't have time to wallow, sadness is weakness - those are the things that I was taught.
Now, I'm with a man that is a leader and I trust him, and that's hard. Vulnerability was equal to weakness to me. In vulnerability, you do have to be comfortable with the person that you're with seeing your imperfections, your flaws and your failures - and that can be a very tough thing. I have that thick cap where I wanted to be perceived as a whole person and this strong Black woman, but that doesn't work. Relationships don't work without that vulnerability because if there is no vulnerability, there is no trust.
"I'm with a man that is a leader and I trust him, and that's hard. Vulnerability was equal to weakness to me... I have that thick cap where I wanted to be perceived as a whole person and this strong Black woman, but that doesn't work. Relationships don't work without that vulnerability because if there is no vulnerability, there is no trust."
Justin Frazier
You’ve been pretty open about seeing your therapist and giving your depression a name, “Keshia”. I feel like what you did was important because what you did was humanize it and you made depression real, especially in the Black community and for Black women where it’s hard for us to accept our feelings because we don’t want to feel “weak”. How did giving depression and anxiety a name help you face “her” head-on?
I think what it did was help me to see that's not me. That's not who I am. That may be something I've dealt with or I deal with in life. It's actually very normal and I really want people to normalize it because there's a difference too in being depressed, dealing with depression and having clinical depression. Everybody deals with some level of depression or anxiety or being unsure. The more that we talk about it, we take away its power because the secrecy of it all makes it even worse.
When I named my depression "Keshia", it helped me to realize that this is not me, this is not who I am, this is something that is outside of myself that I have control of. I can't control when it comes, but I can go through the process of controlling whether or not this is going to take me down today or stop me. I don't always have a handle on it and it's not completely perfect, but naming my depression helped me to be like, "OK bitch, not today. I got shit to do today, Keshia, so sit your ass down." It gives me this power and authority that I need when it comes around.
A lot of Black women who grew up in inner cities have experienced something you have experienced as well - oversexualization and adultification during their upbringing, which shifts how they view their own bodies. How did getting male attention at an early age have an effect on how you viewed yourself and your sexuality?
It made me hate my body. Being a little more developed at a younger age is confusing because you're a kid but you're walking past men that are making comments about your body and it's comfortable. It made me want to be ugly. I felt like my body was some kind of sin, that that attention was my fault. Not the grown men who shouldn't have been commenting on a kid's body, but because I have a butt or hips or boobs, this is my fault [and] I need to cover up. It also made me eat, not care about my body, not pay attention to my body and being regrettable and treating my body badly 'cause I was upset at the fact that it gave me that type of attention.
To how you are now as a woman, you’re so confident and you own every part of you. How are you able to tap into your sensual side and be OK with being sexy during your adult years?
I'm just always really honest with myself, sometimes brutally so. I've come to the conclusion that my body is my own and I don't pay attention to what other people have to say about it. That's even if it's a compliment. I think that's why whenever people in interviews always want to talk to me about body positivity and the movement, I'm not really part of that movement. I was thrusted into that when I was on television because I was the big Black girl on TV and that's what they do. They try to make you this, what I call, Fat Black Jesus. That's what they kind of want you to be. They want to pick your body apart and pick apart its flaws, they want you to fight to love yourself and live out loud.
My body is my own and it may appear that I'm confident all the time, but I'm also more than just my body. I try to not let my body be a subject matter or consumption for other people. I'm really intelligent, I'm talented, I have other interests, and because I've talked about my body so much in my career, I've just learned to not let it be such a big subject. I don't walk around with that burden that people try to put on me about it. I think that's probably what people think. It really is just not giving a shit about what people have to say and I don't know how to explain that. I don't know if it comes with age. I'm 34 and I don't know if it's because I've dealt with so much criticism and I've come on the other end of it. I have no idea how I got there, I don't have the map and I can't really give people steps on how to get to the space of not giving a shit, but that's just where I am.
"My body is my own and it may appear that I'm confident all the time, but I'm also more than just my body. I try to not let my body be a subject matter or consumption for other people. I'm really intelligent, I'm talented, I have other interests, and because I've talked about my body so much in my career, I've just learned to not let it be such a big subject... I have no idea how I got there, I don't have the map and I can't really give people steps on how to get to the space of not giving a shit, but that's just where I am."
Justin Frazier
Where you are currently, how do you tap into your sensuality and when do you feel the sexiest?
Honestly, I feel the sexiest when I get out of the shower. I just like to be free and in my most natural state, I feel very sexy. At the same time, when I have my hair done and my makeup done, and I have a really cute outfit on because I love fashion and beauty, I feel super sexy too.
What does pleasure look like for you?
Pleasure for me now is just love. The love that I receive from my man is pleasurable, and that even is cuddling and watching TV. That's my happy place - sitting at home, in our room, in our pajamas or whatever and cracking up at a funny movie or him laughing at me watching a scary movie. I hate scary movies and he loves scary movies, and he makes me watch them and I'm terrified. That kind of happiness and that kind of companionship is something that I never thought that I would ever have. That's pure pleasure for me.
When you turned 30, you talked about the pressure of having kids and all of these markers that women are supposed to hit by a certain age. Do you feel that pressure now that you’re nearing 35 to have kids and get married?
I think being 34, I have learned to just go with the flow. I've learned to not really say what I will or won't do, or even sometimes what I want. There was a time where I was like, "I'm not having kids," then there was a time that I wanted kids. There was a time when I was like, "I don't mind if I'm single," then there was a time I was like, "I want to be in love." There's so many different markers in life. There's obviously some kind of pressure because as women, we are born on this Earth with the eggs that we are going to have to have birth. Men can just populate the Earth for the rest of their lives. You do keep that time in mind, and I'm honestly just OK with what God has for me.
Retrospectively, how does Amber in her 30s differ from Amber in her 20s?
There's so many things that differ me in my 30s than in my 20s. Amber in her 20s, I don't think paid enough attention to herself and her own needs. She did not say "no" enough and she didn't put herself first a lot. She didn't take care of herself the way that she should have. She was afraid of the hard stuff that she had to face to mature and grow, and I think Amber in her 30s is just finally in the place where she's OK if the things that she needs to work on hurt a little bit as long as she keeps growing.
If you could give Amber in her 20s any piece of advice with what you know now in your 30s, what would you tell her?
Invest in yourself first.
For more Amber Riley, follow her on Instagram. RILEY is available now on all streaming platforms.
Featured image courtesy of Amber Riley
Adrian Marcel On Purpose, Sacrifice, And The 'Signs Of Life'
In this week's episode of xoMAN, host Kiara Walker talked with R&B artist Adrian Marcel, who opened up, full of heart and authenticity, about his personal evolution. He discussed his days transitioning from a young Bay Area singer on the come-up to becoming a grounded husband and father of four.
With honesty and introspection, Marcel reflected on how life, love, and loss have shaped the man he is today.
On ‘Life’s Subtle Signals’
Much of the conversation centered around purpose, sacrifice, and listening to life’s subtle signals. “I think that you really have to pay attention to the signs of life,” Marcel said. “Because as much as we need to make money, we are not necessarily on this Earth for that sole purpose, you know what I mean?” While he acknowledged his ambitions, adding, “that is not me saying at all I’m not trying to ball out,” he emphasized that fulfillment goes deeper.
“We are here to be happy. We are here [to] fulfill a purpose that we are put on here for.”
On Passion vs. Survival
Adrian spoke candidly about the tension between passion and survival, describing how hardship can sometimes point us away from misaligned paths. “If you find it’s constantly hurting you… that’s telling you something. That’s telling you that you’re going outside of your purpose.”
Marcel’s path hasn’t been without detours. A promising athlete in his youth, he recalled, “Early on in my career, I was still doing sports… I was good… I had a scholarship.” An injury changed everything. “My femur broke. Hence why I always say, you know, I’m gonna keep you hip like a femur.” After the injury, he pivoted to explore other careers, including teaching and corporate jobs.
“It just did not get me—even with any success that happened in anything—those times, back then, I was so unhappy. And you know, to a different degree. Like not just like, ‘I really want to be a singer so that’s why I’m unhappy.’ Nah, it was like, it was not fulfilling me in any form or fashion.”
On Connection Between Pursuing Music & Fatherhood
He recalled performing old-school songs at age 12 to impress girls, then his father challenged him: “You can lie to these girls all you want, but you're really just lying to yourself. You ain't growing.” That push led him to the piano—and eventually, to his truth. “Music is my love,” Marcel affirmed. “I wouldn’t be a happy husband if I was here trying to do anything else just to appease her [his wife].”
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
Featured image by xoNecole/YouTube
Sometimes I get asked the same question, often enough, that I’m like, “It’s time to address this on a larger platform,” — and for, whatever the reason, as of late, folks have been asking me what different sex acts mean.
No, not from the perspective of positions or techniques. What they’ve basically wanted to know is if making love, having sex, and f-cking are simply different words to describe the same thing or if there truly is something deeper with each one.
Let me start this off by saying that of course, to a certain extent, the answer is subjective because it’s mostly opinion-rather-than-fact driven. However, I personally think that sex is hella impactful, which is why I hope that my personal breakdown will at least cause you to want to think about what you do, who you do it with, and why, more than you may have in the past.
Because although, at the end of the day, the physical aspects of making love, having sex, and f-cking are very similar, you’d be amazed by how drastically different they are in other ways…at the very same time.
Making Love
Back when I wrote my first book, I wasn’t even 30 at the time and still, one of the things that I said in it is, I pretty much can’t stand the term “make love.” Way back then, I stated that sex between two people who truly love each other and are committed for the long haul, when it comes to what they do in the bedroom, it’s so much more about CELEBRATING love than MAKING it. To make means “to produce” or “to bring into existence;” to celebrate means “to commemorate,” “to perform” or “to have or participate in a party, drinking spree, or uninhibited good time.”
The act of sex, standing alone? It can’t make love happen and honestly, believing otherwise is how a lot of people find themselves getting…got.
What do I mean? Tell me how in the world, you meet a guy, talk to him for a few weeks, don’t even know his middle name or where he was born and yet somehow, you choose to call the first time you have sex with him (under those conditions) “making love.” You don’t love him. You don’t know him well enough to love him. He doesn’t love you either (for the same reason). And yet you’re making love? How sway? Oh, but let that sex be bomb and those oxytocin highs might have you tempted to think that’s what’s happening — and that is emotionally dangerous. And yes, I mean, literally.
If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times before, that one of the reasons why I like that the Bible defines sex between a husband and his wife is by using the word “know” (Genesis 4:1) is because, well, I think that is what celebrating love is all about — we know each other well enough to know that we love each other, we know each other well enough to know that we aren’t going anywhere, and that knowing is what makes us want to celebrate that union by getting as close to one another and bringing as much physical pleasure to each other as we possibly can…as often as absolutely possible.
To me, that is what the peak of physical intimacy is all about — and the people who choose to use the term “make love,” it should be seen through this type of lens. When this type of mental and emotional bond comes together via each other’s bodies, they are amplifying love, enjoying love, embracing love.
Making it, though? Chile, the love has already been made. Sex is just the icing on the cake.
Having Sex
A few nights ago, I found myself rewatching this movie called Four of Hearts (which you can currently view on yep, you guessed it: Tubi). It’s about two married couples — one that is in an open marriage and another that isn’t although they somehow thought that sharing a night with the other couple would be a good idea (chile). Anyway, as one of the partners found themselves getting low-key sprung, the one they fell for said in one of the scenes, “It wasn’t a connection. It was just sex.” JUST. SEX.
Listen, when you decide to let a man put an entire part of his body inside of you at the risk of potentially getting an STI/STD or pregnant (because no form of birth control is 100 percent except for abstinence), it can never be “just sex” (somebody really needed to hear that too). At the same time, though, I got the character’s point because, if one or both people do not love each other or even deeply care for one another and/or sex is treated as an activity more than an act to establish a worthwhile connection and/or you and the person you are sleeping with have not really discussed what you are expecting from sex besides the act itself — you’re definitely not making/celebrating love.
Not by a long shot. What can make things get a bit complicated, though, is you’re doing the same act that “love makers” do without the same mental and emotional ties…or (sometimes) expectations.
You know, back when I decided to put all of my business out there via the piece “14 Lessons I've Learned From 14 Sex Partners,” now more than ever, I am quite clear that most of those guys fell into the “having sex” category. I wasn’t in the type of relationship with them where “making love” even made sense; however, because I was friends with most of them, we weren’t exactly f-cking (which I will get to in just a moment) either. We had a connection of some sort for the bedroom yet not enough to be together in the other rooms of the house.
We were really attracted and curious, so we decided to act on that. Oftentimes, the sex was good and so we rationalized that “having sex” was enough because if the friendship was, eh, “sound enough”, that we could justify the physical pleasure.
And y’all, that’s kind of what having sex is — it’s the limbo (or purgatory, depending on your situation) between making love and f-cking. The thing about limbo ish is it’s a lot like something being lukewarm: it’s not really one thing or another which means that it can completely blindside you, if you’re not careful (and totally honest with yourself as well as your partner(s)).
So, if you are contemplating having sex, I really — REALLY — recommend that you figure out how you feel, what you want (outside of the act itself) and if you are prepared for what “not quites” can bring. My mother used to say that the consequences of sex don’t change just because the circumstances do — and there is some solid “wow” to that, if you really stop to think about it.
And finally, f-ck. Although most experts on the word (and yes, there are some) agree that its origin is rooted somewhere within the German language (although some say that it might’ve come from Middle English words like fyke or fike which mean “to move about restlessly” or the Norwegian word fukka which means “to copulate”), you might have also heard that it is an acronym that once stood for “Fornication Under Consent of the King”; and there is actually some data that is connected to that as well.
Legend has it that way back in the day, in order to keep reproduction rates where a particular king wanted them to be, he would instruct his residents to have sex with each other — whether they were married or not (hence, the word “fornication” being in the acronym). However, because sex outside of marriage was taken far more seriously at the time, residents had to apply for a permit to participate so that the king could determine if things like their occupation and lineage would prove to be beneficial for the kingdom overall. F-ck: no love; just necessity. And although some believe this to be more myth than fact, what is certain is it was only over time that f-ck was seen as a profane/swear/cuss word — a word that was perceived to be so offensive, in fact, that between the years 1795-1965, it didn’t even appear in dictionaries.
Personally, when I think of this four-letter word, the first thing that actually comes to my mind is animals. Take a dog being in heat, for instance. That’s basically when a female dog is ovulating and wants to have sex the most. It’s not because they are “in love” with another dog; they are simply doing what instinctively comes to them — and since animals do not reason or feel at the same capacity that humans do, although they science says that many of them do experience pleasure when they engage in their version of sexual activity, it’s not nearly as layered or even profound as what we experience.
Let’s keep going. Another reason why f-cking makes me think of animals is due to the doggy style position. Hear me out. Ain’t it wild how, most of us pretty much know that the term comes from how dogs have sex, even though most animals have sex that same way — and think about it: Doggy style doesn’t consist of making eye contact or kissing while having intercourse. It’s “hitting from behind” without much emotional energy or effort at all. Just how animals do it. And so, yeah, f-cking does seem to be more about pure animal — or in our case, mammal — instinct. I don’t need to feel anything for someone, so long as the sexual desire is there. Hmph.
Something else that I find to be interesting about f-cking is how dictionaries choose to define it. Many of them are going to provide you with two definitions: “to have sexual intercourse with” and “to treat unfairly or harshly (usually followed by over)” and that definitely makes me think of another term — casual sex and words that define casual like apathetic, careless and without serious or definite intention. So, the dictionary says that while f-cking is about having sexual intercourse — just like making love and having sex is — it goes a step further and says that it can include being treated unfairly or harshly.
And although that can make you think of assault on the surface, for sure — sometimes being treated unfairly or harshly is simply feeling like someone had sex AT you and not really WITH you; instinct (i.e., getting off) and that’s about it. Yeah, the way this puzzle is coming together, f-cking seems to be more about lust and self and not much else.
Now That You Know the Difference, What to Keep in Mind
Y’all, this is definitely the kind of topic that I could expound on until each and every cow comes home. That said, here’s hoping that I provided enough perspective on each act to close this out by encouraging you to keep the following three things to keep in mind:
1. Before you engage in copulation, be honest with yourself about what you’re ACTUALLY doing — and that your partner agrees with you. You know, they say that our brain is our biggest sex organ and honestly, breaking down the differences between making love, having sex and f-cking helps to prove that fact. I say that because, although the sex act itself is pretty much the same across the board, you and your partner’s mindset can make the experience completely different. That said, if you think that you are making love and they think y’all are just having sex — stuff can get pretty dicey. Bottom line: communicate in the bedroom before attempting to connect outside of it. It’s always worth it when you do.
2. Yes, you can feel one way and do something else. I can just about guess what some of y’all are on: Shellie, we can love our partner and still just want to f-ck. If what you are saying is you can emotionally love someone and physically lust them and want to act sometimes on the lust without really factoring in the love — yes, I agree. Doggy style continues to be a favorite sex position for people, in general, and I’m more than confident that many of the participants polled are in a serious relationship. However, having lust-filled sex with someone who you know loves you is vastly different than doing it with someone who you have no clue what they think about you or you barely know at all. Y’all, please just make sure that you know…what you should know. Sex is too amazing to have a lot of regret after it.
3. Have realistic expectations about sex. Listen, so much of my life consists of writing and talking about sex that I will be the first one to say that it deserves a ton of props for what it is able to do, in a wonderful way, for people mentally, emotionally and physically. Yet again, I’m not a fan of “make love” because something that feels really good doesn’t always mean that it is good for you. Meaning, you’ve got to be real about what sex with someone will do to your mind and spirit — not just what it will do for your body. An author by the name of Gabriel García Márquez once said, “Sex is the consolation you have when you can't have love.” For no one, should this be a constant norm. Feel me? I hope you do.
____
One act. Three very different experiences.
It’s kind of wild that sex has the ability to create that — and yet, clearly, it does.
Please just make sure that you know which experience you’re signing up for.
So that you’re having sex (you know, in general) instead of sex having you. Real talk.
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