It’s probably been over the past 2-3 years that I’ve become hyper-focused when it comes to applying certain chemical exfoliants known as acids to my skin. Personally, I’ve come to really appreciate ones like mandelic acid and hyaluronic acid because they have a way of softening my skin, brightening it up and really evening out my complexion overall.
In fact, on my skin, they have been so effective that they have caused me to wonder what would happen if I applied some of them to my hair too — and boy, was it an experiment that paid off big time!
If, while on your continual journey to get the best out of your own tresses, you’d like to learn how to get them healthier than it’s ever been, I’ve got seven acids that are typically known for skin use that can be just as beneficial to your hair as well.
1. Salicylic Acid
When it comes to your skin, salicylic acid is beta-hydroxy acid that is great for your skin if you’re looking for something that will exfoliate it, clear out your pores and dissolve dead skin cells. In fact, this is why it’s an acid that is quite popular when it comes to treating acne.
Your hair will enjoy salicylic acid because, if you’re looking to remove product build-up, you want to soothe an itchy or irritated scalp or you’ve got some dandruff flakes that are totally driving you up the wall, salicylic acid has the ability to treat all of this. Either purchasing a shampoo that contains this ingredient or adding it to your favorite scalp scrub is probably the most effective way to get the most out of it.
Just make sure that if your scalp is sensitive or dry that you approach with caution. In these instances, it could end up irritating your scalp more than helping it out, so use a very little bit in the beginning to make sure that it vibes with you.
2. Lactic Acid
Lactic acid is an alpha hydroxy acid that can help to even out your skin tone as well as slow down the signs of aging. The properties in it help to do this by reducing hyperpigmentation and boosting collagen production in your skin as well as keeping it hydrated.
Why is it great for your locks? For one thing, lactic acid is considered to be a humectant. This means that it pulls water from the air so that your hair is able to remain moisturized.
Another thing that makes it a winner is the fact that lactic acid breaks down dead skin cells on your scalp (so that your hair follicles are able to flourish), it can help to soften and detangle your hair (making it a helpful addition on your wash days) and it also helps to protect your tresses from heat styling tools and UV damage. Applying a hair rinse that’s made up of part lactic acid and part water can work wonderfully (so long as you apply it once a month, tops; more than that might be too “intense” for your hair strands).
3. Glycolic Acid
Glycolic acid is a water-soluble alpha hydroxy acid that is actually made from sugar. Your skin will adore it because it smooths the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles, improves the texture of your skin, gently exfoliates, clears your pores and brightens up your complexion overall.
The reasons why you should consider this acid for your hair is because it helps to keep your scalp youthful (and yes, there is such a thing; check out “Your Scalp Ages Six Times Faster Than Your Face. Why It Matters.”), removes excess sebum (that could be clogging up your hair follicles) and it helps to keep your hair moisturized. Your best bet here is to make it a part of your pre-shampooing ritual.
4. Succinic Acid
Succinic acid is an acid that is made from sugar cane and contains antimicrobial and anti-inflammatory properties. Although it doesn’t exactly exfoliate (like many of these other acids do), it can still be beneficial to your skin when it comes to reducing the kind of irritation that is associated with eczema, decreasing the bacteria that leads to breakouts and keeping your skin pretty hydrated.
As far as your hair goes, this is an acid that is worth trying out because it helps to balance the sebum that is on your scalp, remove dead skin and product build-up that can irritate your scalp and clog your hair follicles and, succinic acid is also beneficial when it comes to reducing dandruff and helping to prevent hair loss. Most people tend to apply this as a serum.
5. Hyaluronic Acid
I’ve officially sung the praises of hyaluronic acid on this platform before. One example is via the article, “Why Your Skin, Hair, And Nails Need Hyaluronic Acid Like...Yesterday.” On the skin tip, hyaluronic acid is great because it deeply hydrates your skin, contains anti-aging properties and can even bring relief to vaginal (including vulvar) dryness.
Your hair will adore this particular acid because it aids moisture to it (including your hair follicles), will help to improve your hair’s texture and it also soothes scalp dryness, nurtures the cuticles of your tresses and decreases frizz. Using a serum rich in this acid as a pre-poo or as a leave-in conditioner is recommended.
6. Azelaic Acid
If you’ve never heard of azelaic acid before, this is your lucky day. It’s a dicarboxylic acid that, when it comes to skincare (and hair care) products, is usually synthetic. Anyway, if you are looking for a way to reduce inflammation, even skin tone after a breakout or if you want to use an exfoliant that will improve the texture of your skin overtime, you might want to give this acid a shot.
This one makes the list as far as your hair is concerned because, if achieving more inches is your current focus, azelaic acid might come in handy. That’s because it is able to strengthen your hair, thicken your strands and also stimulate hair growth from within your hair follicles.
7. Glutamic Acid
Glutamic acid is actually a type of amino acid. Skin-wise, it’s great for deeply hydrating your skin as well as protecting it from pollutants and damaging UV rays. Also, if you’re looking for an acid that treats skin dryness or “tightness,” this could be the answer to your prayers.
Since glutamic acid is also considered to be a humectant, it’s another acid that can moisturize your hair. As a result, it can decrease breakage while helping your hair to feel smooth and look shiny.
BONUS: Amino Acids
Speaking of amino acids and hair, please try to keep some amino acids in your diet at all times. The reason why is because, since your hair is made up of mostly protein (keratin, to be exact), amino acids are pretty darn effective when it comes to helping you to maintain the overall health and well-being of your hair.
Ones to prioritize include proline (it boosts collagen so that your hair strands can maintain flexibility); arginine (it increases blood flow to your hair follicles so that they can receive the nutrients that they need); cysteine (it helps to keep your hair follicles healthy); alanine (it helps your system to produce more collagen), and isoleucine (it strengthens the tissues that help to make up your hair strands). All of these are available in supplement form or you can use Google to see which foods contain them.
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Although it might initially seem odd to apply acid to your hair, as you can see, certain ones will work miracles for it. So, test them out to see which one tickles your fancy.
Hell, since they work for your skin as well — it’s a two-for-one deal that is worth every penny!
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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Yeah, Merry Christmas. LOL.
1. Don’t Lie to Yourself
GiphyWhenever I watch a video of someone going on and on about how quick they are to cut someone off for something that they said or did (check out “Why I Don't 'Cut People Off' Anymore, I Release Them Instead”), one of the first things that comes to my mind is the fact that they should be sure to extend the amount of grace and mercy that they would like to receive someday because life indeed has a way of boomeranging.
In fact, while we’re here, THIS is ACTUALLY what the Good Book means when it says to “Judge not” because if you actually think that God is down with no one being held accountable…umm, what kind of sense does THAT make? Yeah, if you read those set of Scriptures in their entirety (Matthew 7:1-6), it says that how you judge is how you will be judged — oh, and that the area that you are judging others in, you should probably have it cleaned up in your own life first.
And what does all of this have to do with lying to yourself? Well, ain’t it wild how something that most people say they have zero tolerance for is a liar — meanwhile, many of those same folks are lying to their own selves? Signs of that: you see things through rose-colored glasses; you constantly justify your own poor behavior; you let people walk all over you, all the while believing that “taking abuse” will prompt them to change; you rarely heed good advice, and/or you contradict yourself a lot.
Now ponder what I just said and then think about how you act around your family. If any of those points apply, the first thing that you need to work on is being honest with your own self about the habits that you need to break as it relates to dealing with your relatives. For instance, if you know that your aunt is disrespectful as hell, stop telling yourself that this year will be different. Or if you’re close to being a basket case at the thought of dealing with your overbearing in-laws, hit up a mentor or a therapist beforehand for some interaction tips…then actually take what they say seriously.
Moral to the story: the quicker that you are real with yourself about what you are getting yourself into when it comes to your peeps, the easier it will be to deal with whatever comes your way.
2. Accept the Reality of What Your Family Is
GiphyEven though I can do a hard pass on holidays (pretty much any holiday), I do enjoy holiday movies. I think it’s because this is the time of year when there is less violence, sex and ridiculousness on tubes and screens; for the most part, everything simply feels…safer to watch. Anyway, a movie that I saw on Tubi that I thought was super cute is called A Verry Merry Hood Christmas.
One of the things that I liked the most about it is it showed the different personalities and dynamics of a nice-sized Black family along with the compromises that everyone had to make in order to get along — even if they didn’t agree with certain things about one another. Know what that is called? Acceptance. And, in the context of today’s article, acceptance is about striving to understand, believe and, where possible, accommodate and reconcile with other people.
Now will you always be able to accommodate or reconcile? No. Sometimes certain standards and convictions will challenge that. What you can do, always, though, is understand where your family members are coming from and accept it, whether you agree with them or not.
I’m telling you, just learning how to accept the reality of what you have going on within your bloodline can take a lot of the pressure off because, honestly, what oftentimes causes a lot of unnecessary drama and trauma is trying to make people be something or one other than who they truly are.
3. Clearly Articulate Your Boundaries. Without Apology.
GiphyI talk about gaslighting…A LOT. That’s because there are so many people out here who do it. SMDH. Just so we’re all on the same page for this particular point, gaslighting is when someone tries to manipulate you into wondering if what you know to be true, right or accurate actually isn’t — and boy, if anyone is a master at this, it’s certain types of family members…and typically, if they really want to take gaslighting to a whole ‘nother level, it’s when it comes to the personal boundaries that you have set.
One way they will gaslight you? They will say that you should do whatever they tell you to or that you should tolerate however they are speaking to or acting around you because they are family or they are older than you are. GASLIGHTING. I say it often that the same Bible that says to honor your parents also says to not provoke your children (Ephesians 6:4).
My point? One reason why family members can trigger us so much is because we can find ourselves in conversations or situations where we feel disrespected by them. The way to help to keep this in check is by stating what your boundaries/limits are on the front end and not wavering if they try to cross the line.
And what do I mean by “not wavering”? If your boundary is that you don’t want to talk about your dating life and they start hitting you with a round of 20 questions about just that, stop talking or go to another room.
Listen, something that I tell my clients often is it’s unfair to expect people to honor your boundaries when you haven’t clearly stated what they are. Once you have, though, and they overstep? That is called disrespect — and you don’t have to tolerate that from ANYONE. Family or otherwise.
4. Avoid Triggering Topics
GiphySo-and-so made me mad. Chile, live on this planet long enough and you begin to accept that unless it’s literally by force (which is a form of abuse), no one can MAKE you do anything…and that includes causing you to feel some type of way. Sometimes, it can feel like someone made you feel some type of way, though, because they triggered you — oftentimes, all the while knowing exactly what they were doing. SMDH.
Know how you can dodge this? Don’t engage in subject matters that you know are going to get you going whether that be religion, politics, standards for relationships, family issues…whatever it is. A few years ago, I penned an article for the platform entitled, “How To Handle Folks Who 'Trigger' You.” A part of the reason why I wrote it is because being triggered is a very real thing. For instance, if something current takes your emotions back to something unpleasant in your past, that can make you feel stressed or even hurt — and boy, no set of people like to bring up past ish like relatives do.
That’s why it’s really important to figure out what your (main) triggers are before even getting around them. That way, you can be clear on what you are willing to entertain — and how far you are willing to go.
5. Suggest Some Distractions
GiphyIf there are two things that families can be, on a whole ‘nother level, is chaotic and a lot of fun. That said, if you want to avoid annoying drama, a great diversion can be to recommend entertaining things to do like playing board games, watching holiday-themed movies together, doing some Christmas music karaoke, suggesting a dance-off with prizes, caroling throughout the neighborhood — anything that will get those folks’ minds off of who should be getting married or going back to church and onto laughing and cuttin’ up.
6. Mind Your Business. Literally.
GiphyA man by the name of Robert A. Heinlein once said, “Ninety percent of all human wisdom is the ability to mind your own business.” Another man by the name of Edmond Mbiaka once said, “While you are too busy minding other people’s business, who is busy minding yours?” And still another man by the name of Steve Maraboli once said, “How do I have productive days with minimum drama? Simple; I mind my own business.”
We’re talking about how to have an as-much-as-possible peace-filled holiday season around your family members, right? Without question, a hack for that is to absolutely determine to mind your own business. Now does this mean that you should just act like a mannequin the entire time? Nope. My recommendation would simply be to not volunteer opinions to people who you already know won’t be receptive to them or who like to pick debates or even fights— oh, but if someone asks…then they invited you into their business. That is something different.
Minding one’s business ain’t neva hurt nobody, chile. Words to live by. Always.
7. Know What Your Limit Is and Be OK with Leaving When It’s Crossed
GiphySome of my clients are the epitome of what it means to be an introvert and it always tickles me how, right around this time of the year, like clockwork, at least a couple of them will ask me how they can avoid going to family functions. It’s not really because they suspect that some drama or trauma will go down, it’s just that the busyness, the noise, the close quarters make their nerves bad — and they would rather prevent that from transpiring by not going to the family events in the first place.
Typically, what I do is help them to come up with some sort of compromise that will keep them in a place of peace without pissing off their grandmother. However, as we close all of this out, I will be the first one to say that, as an adult, you have the complete and total right to have and set whatever boundaries you wish. If you know that 90 minutes is all that you can stand, so be it.
If you’ve already decided that if everyone gets to “poking bears” and starting silly arguments that that is your cue to step out, all good. If you’d prefer to go earlier to your aunt and uncle’s house because past occasions have proven that your least favorite relatives like to show up really late and you want to leave before they arrive, that is certainly your prerogative.
Listen, there is no point in trying to cultivate peace and goodwill towards your relatives if it’s at the expense of your own. Hopefully, these seven tips will help everyone to get some of both — so that this can be a really good holiday season…yes, even when you are around your family. LOL.
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