

I already know I'm gonna get some "push back" on this. That's fine. As a marriage life coach — and someone who has dodged a bullet myself in this area — I've seen emotional affairs happen enough to stand firm on my opinion, which is this: I think having your spouse be your best friend is one of the best ways to affair-proof your marriage.
By no means am I saying that when you get married, your husband or wife should be your everything, that's too much pressure for any human being to endure. I'm not even saying that you shouldn't have friends of the opposite sex. What I am saying is, if you esteem your spouse as being the closest and highest quality friend that you've got (and they see you the same way), you'll probably be more prone to respect, trust, and emotionally rely on them above all of your other relationships. And that? That is what can keep what I'm about to share from creeping up on you.
'Cause here's the deal. Emotional affairs are an epidemic these days. Reportedly, 45 percent of men and 35 percent of women (although I personally believe it's A LOT more than that) have had one; 60 percent of them being work-related.
HBO's Insecure
And if you're someone who happens to think they're "not as bad" as a sexual affair, think again. People in emotional affairs tend to share intimate details about themselves, and sometimes stuff their own significant other doesn't know. People in emotional affairs tend to constantly compare their spouse to the other person. People in emotional affairs tend to have the kind of connection where both individuals really understand and enjoy each other — sometimes above their own husband or wife. What's "innocent" or "not so bad" about that?!
The reason why a lot of emotional affairs go undetected is because while it's clear when something has gone too far physically, sometimes people don't (initially) know when they've crossed the line on an emotional level.
In order to keep you from being an emotional affair statistic, here are some signs that I've noticed can have you caught up in someone who isn't your spouse — whether you realize it or not:
They Give You Butterflies.
Think back to the people who've given you those butterfly feelings, down deep in your stomach before. When you were a child, they were probably a teacher or one of your older siblings' friends. As you got older, it was probably someone you ended up dating, or at least kickin' it with. My point? Either it was someone you had a crush on, or someone who became more than a friend.
If there is someone in your life who has you feeling the way those people in your past did and that person happens to be married or in a relationship with someone else? Spin it however you want to, but you are attracted to them and on a slippery slope.
Attraction is the open door (or gateway drug) to taking relationships to the next level. If someone is spoken for, there should be no "level" on the menus other than a platonic connection and involvement.
You Are "Secret Friends".
I can't remember what movie I saw that had this line in it, but it stayed with me regardless — "Secrets are seductive". Keeping that in mind, there's a guy I used to counsel who had (count 'em) seven emotional affairs over the course of a 15-year marriage.
How'd he end up with so many? It's because he didn't think anything was wrong with what he was doing. In his mind, since he was just talking to other women on the phone, texting from time to time, and having lunch every once in a while, it was all good. After all, friends do that, right?
Yep. They do. Here's the problem, though. His wife knew NOTHING about ANY of these interactions.
I don't know about you, but I don't have any friends who are secrets from other people. However, back in my creepin' days, I messed around with folks that no one knew about, and that's just where I'm going with this. If you've gotta hide 'em, there's something shady that's either already going on or about to be.
(By the way, he ended up divorcing his wife and marrying one of those — ahem — "friends".)
You're Avoiding Their Spouse.
This point is connected to the one I just made. I have male married friends. Guess what? All of their wives have access to me. I've met them before and they have my phone number. It's for two reasons. One, I believe that when a woman trusts you enough to spend time with their man, on any level, that is a privilege; the least I can do is make sure she can reach me if she needs to. Two, if I care about my male friends, I should care about who and what they care about; their wife goes on the very top of that list.
While I might not be "besties" with the women, we're quite cool.
If you would prefer to avoid your friend's spouse (or significant other), unless they are psycho or something, you should ask yourself why. If everything's on the up-and-up, their partner knowing you shouldn't be that big of a deal.
Is it?
If They Were an Option, You'd Be All Over Them.
Listen, I love my married male friends. Each one is awesome and has been a true lifesaver on a lot of levels. Next sentence — although they're attractive, smart, funny, ambitious, and I can see why their wives chose them, their relationship status isn't the only reason why we're "just friends". Meaning, even if they were single, I'm good. They're just not my type. On any level. Period.
Now, one time I did have a married male friend that had me HOT at God that I didn't meet him before he said, "I do" to his wife. And you know what? That was my cue that I was teetering on getting into an emotional affair.
So yeah, if you've got a friend who's in a relationship and you know you'd want to be with them if they weren't? Be very careful…you're probably already more (emotionally) attached than you need to be.
You Can't CLEARLY DEFINE the Relationship.
It's complicated. When something is defined as being complex, that means it's difficult to understand and/or hard to interpret. Grandma used to say, "Somethin' in the buttermilk ain't clean."
What in the world is so complicated about a genuine friendship? You like each other's personalities, you have things in common, and you both strive to make one another better people. That means you support their relationship and they support your single status and/or your getting into a relationship with someone else. Simple as that. Over and out.
If you need an hour and a Merriam-Webster's Dictionary to explain what your friendship is all about, something is definitely off. Very.
BONUS: They Let These Things Happen to You and Your "Friendship".
If you can check most or all of these things off on your box, there's a serious comin' to Jesus meeting that you need to have with yourself. In the meantime, don't beat yourself up too much because there's another side to this situation.
If the person you're in an emotional affair with ALLOWED things to get this far, they are shady as all get out and, on some level, they are right up in your emotional affair with you.
Why do I say this? It's simple. Happily married people set healthy boundaries with other individuals. They aren't cool with their spouse knowing nothing about their other friends, and they can clearly define what is going on.
If the person you're "friends" with isn't like this, I hate to break it to you, but they're not really your friend. A true friendisn't going to keep you a secret or want you wasting your time in something that isn't going anywhere. They're not gonna set you up for possibly having an unpleasant run-in with their spouse someday either.
If you can't honestly say that your friends establish and have boundaries, well…not only are you (probably) in an emotional affair that you need to get out of but a "friendship" that needs to come to an end too. Real talk.
Featured image via Shutterstock
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Luxury Hairstylist On Viral 'Hey Boo' Texts & Professionalism In The Hair Industry
As Black women, our hair is our crowning glory - whether we paid for it or not. We take pride in how we wear and take care of our hair. As with everything, hair care and hair styling have evolved over the years. Long gone are the days of Blue Magic (although I hear it’s making a comeback).
Now, we have a plethora of creams, oils, conditioners, shampoos, and stylists to choose from. Beyond wearing our natural curls, we have a range of options, from wigs and sew-ins to tape-ins, I-tips, and K-tips. So much choice! But you know what they say about too much of a good thing...
The Black hair industry has definitely blossomed in the last decade with a wave of new stylists and salons popping up all over the place. As much as I love that for us, many of these stylists have become the subjects of viral TikTok and Instagram tirades because of their alleged questionable behavior and bizarre rules.
Excessive policies, strange fees, long wait times, poor performance, and the infamous “Hey boo” texts. Beauty is pain, they say… xoNecole got to the root of these issues with luxury hair extensionist Dee Michelle, who’s been in the hair game for 20 years and runs a seven-figure business - all while being a mom of four.
Antonio Livingston
“I started my business with my career in the hair industry [at] very, very young age when I was maybe like eight...So, over the years, I've just built a very successful seven-figure business very quickly just by offering high-end services and creating great experiences for my clients, many of whom are high-profile professionals,” she said. “I'm also a mother of four, including a set of triplets, which inspires me daily to show what's possible with my hard work and focus.”
Dee’s business has gone viral on social media because of what many call outrageous prices for her invisible K-Tip installs.
“When I developed my invisible K-tip extensions technique, I made sure that it wasn't just about the hair or the style, but about providing a high-end experience from start to finish. So, my clients just aren't paying for the extensions or just the style itself, but they're investing into my meticulous, seamless craft and premium hair sourced from the best suppliers…I've spent so many hours mastering my craft, creating this seamless method that gives my clients long-lasting natural results, and my pricing just reflects that - the value of my expertise and the exclusivity of the service.”
The K-tip specialist stands on business when it comes to catering to her clients and giving them an experience worth the cost.
“And it's just important for me to also say that my clients are high-profile individuals who value quality, their privacy, and their time. They want a service that fits into their lifestyle and their time. They want things that deliver perfection. And I deliver that every single time.”
I’m sure we’ve all seen the various TikTok rants about people’s nightmare experiences with stylists and uttered a silent “FELT!” We asked Dee her opinion on a few nightmare scenarios that beg the response, “please be so forreal."
On stylists charging extra to wash clients’ hair:
“I think they should just include it in the price, to be honest. Because I feel like when clients go to a stylist, they're expecting you to wash their hair. Personally, if I see that washing is extra, I just wouldn't go to the salon because it just shows a lack of professionalism, in my opinion, and a lack of experience.”
“I think they should just include it in the price, to be honest. Because I feel like when clients go to a stylist, they're expecting you to wash their hair. Personally, if I see that washing is extra, I just wouldn't go to the salon because it just shows a lack of professionalism, in my opinion, and a lack of experience.”
On ‘deposits’ that don’t go towards the cost of the service:
“I think that's kind of weird, too, for deposits to not be like a part of the service. I've seen people have booking fees and I just don't understand it, to be honest. I disagree with that kind of policy…By all means, people should do what works for them, but to me, it doesn't make sense. Why does somebody have to pay a fee just to book an appointment with you? I don't get it. It feels like exploitation.”
On stylists charging extra to style (straighten/curl) wigs, sew-ins etc., after installing:
“I don't get it. Clients come to us to get their hair done, to get it styled. So why is it extra for you to style it? If you're going to charge extra, just increase your price. I feel like it could be just a lack of confidence in those stylists, feeling like people won't pay a certain price for certain things, or just their lack of professionalism as well, because people are coming to us to get styled.”
On the infamous “Hey boo” text stylists send to clients when they need to cancel/reschedule:
“Professionalism in any industry, especially the beauty industry, is everything. So texting a client the, “Hey boo” is so unprofessional, and it's damaging to the client-stylist relationship. Clients book their appointments expecting a level of respect and care, especially when they're investing their time and money and a service. And I get it, emergencies happen, we're all humans. However, it should be done with a formal apology and a clear explanation.”
“Professionalism in any industry, especially the beauty industry, is everything. So texting a client the, “Hey boo” is so unprofessional, and it's damaging to the client-stylist relationship. Clients book their appointments expecting a level of respect and care, especially when they're investing their time and money and a service. And I get it, emergencies happen, we're all humans. However, it should be done with a formal apology and a clear explanation.”
We know all too well what kinds of things will keep us from ever gracing certain hairstylists’ chairs with our butts again. So, what should hairstylists do to provide a good service to their clients? What is good hairstylist etiquette?
“For one, being on time is an important rule for stylist etiquette. It's just not okay to require your clients to be on time, and you're not on time. Also, communication. Being able to communicate clearly, respectfully, and professionally, whether that's in person, via text, or on social media. Style is etiquette. Appearance matters. So just maintaining a clean, polished, and professional look. Clients respect you more whenever your appearance reflects your work. There's just so many things, but another thing I would say is active listening. So, being able to pay close attention to what your client wants and also clarifying any questions that they might have. Just to ensure that they feel heard and to minimize any misunderstandings.”
Dee also shared some red flags to look out for when considering a new stylist.
“Even me as a client, if I'm booking somebody and they have a long list of rules, I don't even book with them. That's, for one, just such a huge turn-off. Also, stylists who have inconsistent or unclear pricing, that's a red flag. People who change their rates too much without an explanation. Poor communication. So, if a stylist is responding very slow or responding unprofessionally, or giving vague answers to questions, that can make clients question whether or not they are respecting their time and their needs.
Another red flag - an inconsistent or low quality portfolio. And I feel like, I see this a lot with stylists stealing other people's work, and their portfolio on social media is just very inconsistent.”
We couldn’t let Dee go without getting the tea on what styles she predicts will trend in 2025.
“I feel like people are going back to natural-looking styles. So, a lot of people are ditching the wigs, the lace fronts, things like that. People are still wearing them, of course, but it is becoming more of a trend to embrace your natural hair and something that's not looking too fake. That’s one thing that we're going to be seeing a lot. I would say a lot of layers are coming back, heavy layers. Those are becoming really, really trendy. And people are leaning more towards platinum-colored hair. I've been seeing lots of like blondes coming out. Also, jet black is always going to be a trend. But I would say more like natural colors, but natural colors that are still making a statement.”
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Feature image by Antonio Livingston.
Dry January may be over for some, but for others, sobriety is a lifestyle. Non-alcoholic spirits like Ritual and Free AF are becoming more popular and even temperance bars (dry bars, sober bars) are popping up around the world. Resorts are also taking note as many are putting wellness front and center by offering mocktails and incorporating yoga and other mindfulness practices.
The Expedia Group reported that more than 40% of travelers have said they're likely to book a detox trip within the next year. If you're one of the travelers looking for a wellness vacation, check out these 10 spots below.
Bimini, Bahamas
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Resorts World Bimini recently introduced its Wellness Weekends with Shay Williams, a local Pilates Instructor, and Sound Healer. Guests can enjoy a private pilates class and sound healing session for $269 per person.
Aruba
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Aruba Marriott Resort offers soothing aloe-based treatments at the island's largest spa. Their Lobby Bar also has a signature mocktail menu with options like the Strawberry Cooler.
Curaçao
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Curaçao is located near Earth's main vortexes, which are considered the world's chakras and/or portals making the island a strong energetic hub. Speak with one of the local gurus or enjoy a blissful spa day, at the captivating 8, The Experience. The spa features services like chakra-balancing, stress-fixing massages, and more.
Bellevue, Washington
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Bellevue is a quaint and charming city surrounded by nature's beauty. Travelers can kayak on Lake Washington or hike the snow-capped mountains of the North Cascades. It's also home to the iconic Bellevue Club Hotel, which features an athletic club and spa.
Adairsville, Georgia
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Barnsley Resort is the perfect escape from city life. It's located at the foot of the Blue Ridge Mountains and guests can enjoy horseback riding, hiking trails, golfing, and canoeing with a mocktail in hand.
Cape Cod, MA
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Holistic health lovers may want to visit Ocean Edge Resort & Golf Club, which introduced new year-round wellness retreats, helmed by wellness expert and Retreat Sales Manager Liza Bertini. The retreat offers a range of fitness classes like yoga and pilates as well as programs catered to sober-curious people, grief and other health issues.
Lake Atitlán, Guatemala
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Lake Atitlán is recognized as one of the most spiritual places in the world and Casa Palopó is located right on the edge. The luxury boutique is one of the only two Relais & Chateaux hotels in Guatemala. With only 15 rooms and a 3-bedroom villa, guests can roam the lush grounds and take-in panoramic views of the lake and the surrounding three volcanoes. Some of the resorts' activities include a Maya blessing ceremony, yoga, or volunteering at nearby villages.
Puerto Vallarta, Mexico
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The Westin Resort & Spa Puerto Vallarta recently underwent a huge renovation that includes a refreshed treatment menu and facilities like cold pools, steam room, and sauna. Guests can enjoy oceanfront yoga, running and walking paths, tennis, and a flora-inspired mocktail menu at Bar Flora.
Baja California, Mexico
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At Kimpton Mas Olas Resort & Spa in Todos Santos, guests can create their own custom essential oils and scrubs at the resort's apothecary workshops or they can indulge in holistic treatments in the spa. Other wellness-focused activities include daily yoga, meditation, and fitness classes.
Punta Mina, Mexico
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Detox and reset at W Punta de Mita, which is a located on Mexico's most iconic surf breaks. There's holistic remedy-inspired mocktails, ice bath therapy, and spiritual Cacao Ceremonies designed to reconnect mind, body, and spirit. And, of course, surfing is a must.
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Feature image by Thomas Barwick/ Getty Images