I Am A 27-Year-Old Struggling Mom & I Regret Having My Child
I always ask myself: How did I get here?
Since I can recall, I have always had enormous plans for my future. I was going to take Atlanta by storm and not only be the best journalist in the game, but also take care of the people I left behind in Ohio.
Instead, I am a 27-year-old struggling single mother, and the truth is that I regret having my child.
For years, I battled with my self-esteem, allowing myself to be bound to unhealthy relationships and circumstances. Ultimately, it led me to a Planned Parenthood clinic, where I considered having an abortion. But after discussing the matter with my family and boyfriend at the time, I decided to have my child. My baby's father promised to be there for us and support me along the way, but promises are made to be broken they say, and five years later, he is absent and uninterested in fathering the child he begged for. Just like all of the single mothers I witnessed growing up, I consciously decided that I was going to take care of my child to the best of my ability with or without the father.
What I was not aware of was the sacrifice that come along with becoming someone's mother.
It's embarrassing to admit that I can see life without being a parent; a life in which I would thoroughly enjoy. I often hear parents saying their kids are the best thing that happened to them. What I never hear is people like myself, who love their child but birthing them may have completely destroyed the life they wanted for themselves.
Don't get me wrong, I love my child and I am a good parent. I was blessed with an outgoing, intelligent and loving child. We share daily aspirations of power. I embed into his spirit how priceless he is and all of the possibilities he has in the world. School functions and extra-curricular activities are vital. I am at each event cheering him on as the proud parent he knows and deserves.
The problem is the peace that my life lacks when I lay down at night. The turmoil in my spirit that leaves me wondering “what if" daily. Vivid dreams of what could've been prevent me from accepting what is.
However, I don't blame my child. I take full responsibility in this situation because I had a choice, and I chose to sacrifice my mind, body and future to please someone else. There was a lack of self-love, which catapulted my desire to please everyone but myself.
Here I am now trying to figure it all out. I am hurt and ashamed, but looking for a raft to grab onto to navigate these waters of my reality.
My message to other people in this situation is to understand that you are not alone. Society does not necessarily accept our truth, but nevertheless it's ours. As we battle what is in comparison to what could've been, I hope we find peace. The new goal is to find a way to join both my reality and my heart's desires.
I know I can still have the life I wanted for myself. We all can. The first step is realizing it. Once we accept that are dreams are still possible, even if they were detoured by motherhood, we can begin taking the steps necessary to start working towards our dreams again.
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ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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This Content Creator’s Journey To Clear Skin Began With Trusting With The Process
In About Face, xoNecole gets the 411 on IGers who give us #skincaregoals on a daily. Here they break down their beauty routines on the inside and out, as well as the highly coveted products that grace their shelves and their skin.
Kyra Joe is the Queen of all things beauty. She regularly lets us in on her beauty routine while sharing updates on her dating life. The content creator debuts flawless skin and aspirational makeup routines in each video. As a consumer, it's easy to assume that Joe has always had the perfect canvas for the beauty world. However, that is not the case.
Like most of us, she's experienced her share of struggles with acne and hyperpigmentation. “I saw a dermatologist when I was 14, and the products he recommended didn’t work because I wasn’t consistent,” Joe said. The responsibility and consistency required of Joe in her adolescence made skincare feel like a job rather than a self-care act.
In 2020, things began to take a pivotal turn for Joe when she found herself regularly consuming skincare TikToks during the pandemic. “I saw people showing me how to use skincare products to get rid of hormonal acne and hyperpigmentation. That made a huge difference for me.” Her enjoyment began to arise as she tried recommended products from her favorite skincare content creators.
Joe added, “I was finally starting to enjoy skincare because I was finding products that worked for me through TikTok. I had undereye patches and creams and began building a routine.” What was once a chore has now become a passion. Joe has since grown an online community of more than 200,000 across TikTok and Instagram, sharing her beauty secrets underneath the moniker Kyra Nikole.
Courtesy
“I learned early on in my journey to keep things simple. I also try to encourage this in my content,” said Joe. Being able to get to the root when a breakout occurs is why Joe chooses and encourages skincare routines to be simple. “If I have a breakout, it’s easier for me to figure out what product causes it if I don’t have an extensive routine.”
Keeping things simple has allowed Joe to clear up her hormonal acne and manage her hyperpigmentation, and keeping things minimal has given Joe a clear canvas for her makeup.
She gave us an inside look into the skincare routine that’s changed her views on self-care:
Kyra Nikole's Daytime Skincare Routine
Step One: Hyper Skin Hyper Even Facewash
Hyper Skin
“I love this because it’s specifically made for hyperpigmentation, and it’s a gentle cleanser.”
Step Two: Pixi Glow Tonic
Pixi
“It’s an exfoliating toner, but it’s light enough to use daily. I use this for both day and night.”
Step Three: Glazing Milk Essence By Rhode Skin
Rhode Skin
“I have eczema and dry skin, so this helps give me the moisture that I need.”
Step Four: La Roche-Posay Moisturizer
La Roche-Posay
“This is just a regular moisturizer that I love because it sits well under my makeup.”
Step Five: Kiehl's Better Screen UV Sunscreen
Kiehl's
"There is no white cast, no peeling, it works under makeup, and it’s SPF 50; there’s nothing better than that!”
Kyra Nikole's Nighttime Skincare Routine:
Joe uses the same products for her nighttime skincare routine, except for sunscreen. Her main goal is to lock in hydration to last the entire evening. Aquaphor is her ointment of choice to ensure her skin gets the moisture it deserves.
Final Step: Aquaphor Healing Ointment
Aquaphor
"Aquaphor does a great job of holding in the moisture.”
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