Week of December 18-24, 2017
Nearly everyone into astrology has heard of the dreaded Saturn return. Typically, Saturn brings up images of hardship and strife, where the Universe seems hell bent on taking away all of our toys and our favorite blanket. While Saturn gets a bad rap, he's really not all that bad, he's just deeply misunderstood.
Saturn is the planet of restriction, boundaries, duty, and responsibility. When we're not doing our work, Saturn gets upset because Saturn is where we focus our will and practice self-discipline. This is where we have to face our fears of not being good enough, and go alone up the mountain with only faith in our destiny to guide us. Saturn provides the container for us to grow strong in.
The thing is, you can't just talk the talk with Saturn, you have to walk it too. On December 19th, Saturn leaves Sagittarius, where he helped us get serious about our life philosophy and grand vision. Now, Saturn enters Capricorn where he will take the visionary blueprint we created in Sagittarius and start to steadily build it in practical, tangible ways.
Even better is that Saturn loves Capricorn, one of his traditional home signs. Capricorn the Sea Goat can climb the highest of mountains or plunge into the deepest of seas. So long as there's a dream to guide them, Capricorn will do everything in their power to see it become a reality. Somewhere in your life, Saturn in Capricorn is ready to get to work on building a dream of yours. However, in order to get you up to snuff, he will give you some challenges to test you.
Consider it cosmic exercise and Saturn in Capricorn is your hardcore personal trainer ready to whip you into shape. No cutting corners!
Aries
(March 21-April 19)
If you're really the boss you say you are, Aries, be prepared. Saturn is going to start swinging at you to see if you deserve the accolades you think you do. Expect more pressure on your career ambitions and reputation. Now is not the time to rest on your laurels or act on impulse. If you stay ready, you never have to get ready. Show that you have the focus and drive to work for what you want.
Taurus
(April 20-May 21)
When's the last time you had your worldview challenged, Taurus? Perhaps it's time to test out some of your life philosophies in practical ways. Saturn may create a crisis of faith just for you to to explore other ways of viewing the world around you. Don't be afraid to toss out old mantras you repeat to yourself that don't fit anymore. Should the urge to go back to school arise, follow it. It's a big, big world out there; go explore it.
Gemini
(May 21-June 21)
The Twins may like to keep it light and casual, but Saturn wants to address all the fears Gemini may have around being intimate with others. It's tricky receiving from others if we keep them at arm's length. Expect a workout around tackling uncomfortable topics like sharing resources, sex, debt, and death. Don't worry, Gemini, this will only make you a better communicator, it all works out.
Cancer
(June 21-July 22)
Saturn is here to help you clean up your relationships with others, Cancer. You may find loosey goosey partnerships ending as new more serious partners come into your life.They'll help you face your fears around commitment and being responsible for your actions in relationships. You say you want a relationship, but can you maintain it?
Don't hide in your shell, Little Crab.
Leo
(July 23-August 22)
The day-to-day responsibilities may not be glamorous but they're necessary. If you've been dropping the ball on paying bills, organizing, and tending to your diet and health, Saturn will be getting you all the way together, Leo. You may hate it at first, but you'll appreciate it later.
Virgo
(August 23-September 22)
Believe it or not Virgo, Saturn wants you to have more fun and enjoy yourself more. Those hobbies and talents that have been collecting dust may become more demanding over the next few years. Unleash your inner creative spirit, go out and play, and try not to think so much about it. Remember perfectionism is just procrastination dressed up.
Libra
(September 23-October 22)
Time to take a look at your home life, Libra. What needs to be improved and changed? What's hiding out in your childhood memories that needs to be released so you can have a sense of deep nurturing at home. Could be a great time to seek out talk therapy, clean out your closets, and put up a new coat of paint at home.
Scorpio
(October 23-November 21)
As tempting as it would be to keep your head down and stay silent, you'll need to work on learning to communicate with confidence. Refine and deepen your ideas, socialize, and learn something that will allow you to articulate with authority. Saturn wants you to "Say It With Yo Chest!"
Sagittarius
(November 22-December 21)
Saturn will be playing with your money, Ms./Mr.Centaur. Part of being an adult is not only making sure your finances are in order, but also your values and self-worth. Saturn will help you to realize that security and stability aren't impossible to achieve. You deserve and can create both with a plan and a little effort.
Capricorn
(December 22-January 19)
It's time to really look in the mirror. Are you satisfied with what you see? Are you being hypercritical or are there some aspects of yourself that can use some polishing? If there's a version of yourself that you'd like to attain, Saturn will help you create it.
Aquarius
(January 20-February 18)
Saturn will be taking you on a journey to face deep underlying fears you may have about sitting with your own mind. Big existential questions may start to crop up for you. It's perfectly normal to wonder if there's something bigger than yourself. This would be a great time to pick up a meditation or spiritual practice to assist you when examining your self doubt & unconscious fears before they undo you.
Pisces
(February 19-March 20)
Let's look at your friendships. Do you feel supported by the people you socialize with? Do you even share the same vision anymore? You may find your social circle tightening up as Saturn clarifies what you hope for and who you'd like to share your dreams for future with. It may seem like hitting goals will be next to impossible, but slow and steady wins this race. If you wish for it, you shall have it with time and effort.
Janelle Belgrave L.Ac is a New York City based acupuncturist, astrologer, and clairvoyant intuitive. You can catch her on Twitter chatting about a mixture of Astrology, healing, politics, and her unhealthy love of Game of Thrones.
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As a writer who really pays attention to word meanings, something that can be a bit frustrating about our culture is the fact that based on whatever is popular at the time, folks will just up and change the original definitions of words to suit a particular agenda or whim — and the word “platonic” 1000 percent fits into this category. And perhaps that’s why we seem to continue to go in circles about whether or not people of the opposite sex can (and should) be friends and what that even can (and should) look like.
Let’s talk about it for a bit. Because as a word-literal type of individual, while again, I absolutely believe that men and women can be friends, at the same time, I think it’s about as rare as a red diamond to truly find yourself in a friendship that is…platonic.
It’s Time (More) Folks Knew What ‘Platonic’ LITERALLY Means
GiphySo, let's do first things first — let's define what it literally means for something to be platonic. If you go to your favorite search engine and put something along the lines of "What does platonic mean?", the first thing that you're (probably) going to see is a ton of dictionary definitions that say something along the lines of "of, relating to, or being a relationship marked by the absence of romance or sex" (Merriam-Webster), "designating or of a relationship, or love, between a man and a woman that is purely spiritual or intellectual and without sexual activity" (Your Dictionary) and, my personal favorite, "purely spiritual; free from sensual desire, especially in a relationship between two persons of different sexes" (Dictionary). Yeah, bookmark that last one; I'll be circling back.
Keeping this in mind (and please do), where does the word "platonic" actually come from? From what I've researched, the philosopher Plato once penned something entitled "Symposium." In it, he addressed the topic of two people sharing the kind of love that is free of any type of sensual desire, one that is based on divine love alone. An author from the 1800s broke it down this way: "Platonic love meant ideal sympathy; it now means the love of a sentimental young gentleman for a woman he cannot or will not marry." A write-up on Merriam-Webster's site stated that "The term platonic was initially used to mock non-sexual relationships, as it was considered ridiculous to separate love and sex, but eventually this connotation faded away leaving us with today's notion of close friendships." Yeah, we used to live in a culture where love and sex were not separated. Hmph, that's another article for another time, though (check out "We Should Really Rethink The Term' Casual Sex'").
Anyway, as with many things (especially in our culture), the word "platonic" is kind of used in "broad strokes" these days (bromances, female friendships, etc.). However, because there continues to be this forever discussion — and oftentimes debate — about whether or not men and women can be "just friends," I'm going to tackle this topic strictly from that angle — from the place where platonic actually originated.
You ready?
Yes, Men and Women Can Be Just Friends. But…
GiphyAt this stage in my life, I'm pretty sure that I have more male friends than female ones. There are layers of reasons why, yet I think a huge one is because I like the balance that masculinity brings to my femininity (especially as I'm learning to embrace different aspects of my femininity, intentionally even more). And while every single one of my male friends is respectful and is a super safe space in my world on every single level that I can imagine (and have been for years now), there are probably only a couple who I would say 100 percent qualify as being…trulyplatonic.
Why would I say that? Well, I'll illustrate this point with something that one of my male friends once said to me. He's super cute. He can sing his ass off (and definitely has one of my favorite speaking voices). People see us out together often, and some have told us that they assume that we've had something going on at some point. Anyway, after hearing someone share their theory about us, I told it to him.
Me: "I told him, 'He's my brother. We would never mess around.'"
My Friend: "Correction, you are like a sister. You are not my sister, though. Under the right conditions, you could still get it."
When I shared that exchange with another male friend of mine, he basically cosigned on the sentiment: "Shellie, I have never approached you like that because I really respect you. I want to be good for you for the rest of our lives." (That reminds me: check out "Question: Is The Man In Your Life Good 'TO' You? Good 'FOR' You? Or...Both?" when you get a chance.)
Then I went to one more guy homie and ran both statements by him: "Girl, yeah. If I didn't want to keep you in my life long-term, I would've tried to holla a long time ago!" And he and I have been friends for almost 20 years at this point. When did he get around to telling me this? Eh, maybe two years ago. LOL.
So, my takeaway from all of these "for real?!" exchanges is even though men and women can be just friends, there is a certain level of intention, self-control, and ability to see into the future (on some level) that must go into account — because, just because something more-than-friends-like may not have gone down, that doesn't mean there isn't a "dormant seed" lying around somewhere…whether it's one-sided or on both sides of the friendship dynamic.
As you can see, I just provided you with three instances where the male friends in my life; we've had nothing sexual or even physically intimate beyond a hug when we greet each other in nature — although things aren't exactly platonic if there is some sort of attraction or sexual/romantic curiosity that simply never got explored. Because again, according to Plato, a platonic relationship is free from all of that kind of…tension — or possibilities. Zero. Nada. Zilch.
And now you probably get why I entitled this article in the way that I did…right? I mean, just think about it — out of your male friendships, where is there NO sensual desire or dormant romantic interest…on your side and/or on his? If you're not sure about "his"…have you ever asked him? Or them? Because again, once I really let the definition of platonic sink in, I think maybe two guys in my life totally fit the bill.
This brings me to my next point.
Are You Platonic? Or Are You Friend-Zoning?
GiphyNow that you know that probably 70 percent of the people you know (both online and off) have been using the true meaning of platonic all the way wrong, let’s go about deeper: when it comes to your friendships with men, are they genuinely platonic or…is it more like you’re friend-zoning them?
A few years ago, I penned an article on the topic entitled, “Before You 'Friend Zone' Someone, Read This.” If you’re skimming this on your lunch break, I’ll summarize friend-zoning as knowing that a guy has so-much-more-than-platonic feelings for you, yet because you basically want to keep the benefits of the friendship or even his emotions around, you will string him along on some level.
Personally, I can’t stand friend-zoning. I think it’s selfish, with some sprinkles of manipulation and wasting someone’s time. Don’t agree? How would you feel if a guy was friend-zoning you? (Yeah…exactly.)
This all needs to go on record because, knowing that a guy wants to “take it there” with you (whether sexually or romantically), you not full-on addressing it and/or giving him just enough hope to take you out, listen to all of your stories about other men and give you the attention that you need knowing that he doesn’t have a shot in hell — that is NOT a platonic friendship and honestly, you’re not being a good friend at all. Friends protect each other’s hearts, not abuse them.
A platonic friendship means that you both have no interest in each other, and, as Plato put it, while you may have a strong and solid bond, it’s spiritual love that connects you. And what exactly does that mean? Spiritual love also deserves its own article, yet the gist would be that you recognize there is a purpose in your friendship, yet it’s about wanting what’s best for one another and even helping each other to get there.
For instance, a platonic friend of yours may know that you desire to be married one day, so he has no problem setting you up with a good guy in his life. And if things go well, he would have no problem standing up as your own best man (without feeling like he’s dying inside) because he never saw you beyond anything but a friend. A guy in the friend zone doesn’t move like this; he likes you too much to help you move on with someone else. See the difference?
Why Relationships Should Start Off As NON-PLATONIC Friendships
GiphyBefore I end this with some tips on how to properly care for the few platonic friendships you may actually have, since the use of the word may require a bit of mental reprogramming, I do think we should also address that if you've got a good guy in your life, who right now is a friend and either you've never thought of him in that way or the topic has never come up — he's someone that you may not want to brush off.
What I mean by that is, it's one thing for there to be absolutely no interest in someone vs. never considering it before — and the reason why you might want to give it some thought is because, ask any healthy married couple who's been together for more than five years and I'll bet you my next rent check that they will say that the best relationships are birthed out of friendship (check out "Are You Sure You're Actually FRIENDS With Your Spouse?").
Yeah, just because you've filed someone in the "I see him as a good guy" category, that doesn't automatically mean that y'all's friendship is platonic. For instance, I have a male friend who is fine and I adore on many levels, yet the reason why it would never work on my end is because there are certain relational standards that I have that he does not meet. However, don't get it twisted — I've considered him because, on so many levels, we "fit." So, the mere fact that I ever seriously thought about him on that level means that we are "good friends," yet it's not exactly platonic.
I'm not free of potential sensual desire…I just choose not to act on it. Yet because I get the value of having friendship as the foundation for my own future marriage (should life play out that way), I am wise enough to know that I would've been a fool to not at least…ponder him and the possibilities.
So yeah, if there is a male friend in your life that the thought of dating or having sex with him doesn't make you want to throw up in your mouth, there's a pretty good chance that it's not a classic platonic dynamic — and you might want to consider if it could/should go to the next level — if not immediately, eventually. Because there's a pretty good chance that if you are thinking that way, he probably is as well.
Protect Your Genuine Platonic Friendship(s) At All Costs
GiphyLet me end this with how one of my platonic friendships rolls. We both think that the other is attractive, yet neither of us is attracted. We both give each other opposite-sex insights. We both have said that the mere thought of dating each other makes our noses turn up like there’s an odor in the air. And even when I try to imagine us together, my mind goes blank. I love, love, LOVE this man — oh, but it is absolutely nothing more than platonic — and he feels the same way. It’s as close to familial love without being blood relationships. It’s a rare dynamic, and that is what makes it so special. There is definitely a spiritual type of love there; no more, no less.
If you’ve got someone in your life who you feel the same way about (again, it’s got to be mutual; he must feel that way, too), you’ve got a gem of a situation going on because there is nothing like having the kind of friendship where you and a guy can hang out, exchange perspectives and thoroughly enjoy each other’s company, knowing that’s all it is and will ever be. Things will never get weird. No one’s feelings are gonna get hurt (from the whole friend-zoning thing). You don’t have to walk on eggshells. You can just be.
And that’s why I’m all for platonic friendships. And listen, if you’re blessed enough to have even one in your lifetime, be fiercely protective of it. Don’t take it for granted. Nurture it in a way that your male friend needs (because it probably won’t be the exact same as your female friendships). Y’all, platonic friendships are so bomb because, if it’s honored and protected correctly, it’s the one male friend that you can probably keep for life because even your romantic partner will not find it to be a (true) threat — hell, they honestly could probably end up becoming (some level of) friends with your platonic homie as well.
______
I hope that I broke this all down enough to where, when you decide to use a word to describe your opposite-sex friendships, perhaps you will pause and ask yourself, “Wait, is this a platonic friend or a good or close friend?” Because the clearer you are on the differences, the easier it will be to know how to maintain your friendship — and feel about your friend. Feel me? Cool.
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