Week of December 18-24, 2017
Nearly everyone into astrology has heard of the dreaded Saturn return. Typically, Saturn brings up images of hardship and strife, where the Universe seems hell bent on taking away all of our toys and our favorite blanket. While Saturn gets a bad rap, he's really not all that bad, he's just deeply misunderstood.
Saturn is the planet of restriction, boundaries, duty, and responsibility. When we're not doing our work, Saturn gets upset because Saturn is where we focus our will and practice self-discipline. This is where we have to face our fears of not being good enough, and go alone up the mountain with only faith in our destiny to guide us. Saturn provides the container for us to grow strong in.
The thing is, you can't just talk the talk with Saturn, you have to walk it too. On December 19th, Saturn leaves Sagittarius, where he helped us get serious about our life philosophy and grand vision. Now, Saturn enters Capricorn where he will take the visionary blueprint we created in Sagittarius and start to steadily build it in practical, tangible ways.
Even better is that Saturn loves Capricorn, one of his traditional home signs. Capricorn the Sea Goat can climb the highest of mountains or plunge into the deepest of seas. So long as there's a dream to guide them, Capricorn will do everything in their power to see it become a reality. Somewhere in your life, Saturn in Capricorn is ready to get to work on building a dream of yours. However, in order to get you up to snuff, he will give you some challenges to test you.
Consider it cosmic exercise and Saturn in Capricorn is your hardcore personal trainer ready to whip you into shape. No cutting corners!
Aries
(March 21-April 19)
If you're really the boss you say you are, Aries, be prepared. Saturn is going to start swinging at you to see if you deserve the accolades you think you do. Expect more pressure on your career ambitions and reputation. Now is not the time to rest on your laurels or act on impulse. If you stay ready, you never have to get ready. Show that you have the focus and drive to work for what you want.
Taurus
(April 20-May 21)
When's the last time you had your worldview challenged, Taurus? Perhaps it's time to test out some of your life philosophies in practical ways. Saturn may create a crisis of faith just for you to to explore other ways of viewing the world around you. Don't be afraid to toss out old mantras you repeat to yourself that don't fit anymore. Should the urge to go back to school arise, follow it. It's a big, big world out there; go explore it.
Gemini
(May 21-June 21)
The Twins may like to keep it light and casual, but Saturn wants to address all the fears Gemini may have around being intimate with others. It's tricky receiving from others if we keep them at arm's length. Expect a workout around tackling uncomfortable topics like sharing resources, sex, debt, and death. Don't worry, Gemini, this will only make you a better communicator, it all works out.
Cancer
(June 21-July 22)
Saturn is here to help you clean up your relationships with others, Cancer. You may find loosey goosey partnerships ending as new more serious partners come into your life.They'll help you face your fears around commitment and being responsible for your actions in relationships. You say you want a relationship, but can you maintain it?
Don't hide in your shell, Little Crab.
Leo
(July 23-August 22)
The day-to-day responsibilities may not be glamorous but they're necessary. If you've been dropping the ball on paying bills, organizing, and tending to your diet and health, Saturn will be getting you all the way together, Leo. You may hate it at first, but you'll appreciate it later.
Virgo
(August 23-September 22)
Believe it or not Virgo, Saturn wants you to have more fun and enjoy yourself more. Those hobbies and talents that have been collecting dust may become more demanding over the next few years. Unleash your inner creative spirit, go out and play, and try not to think so much about it. Remember perfectionism is just procrastination dressed up.
Libra
(September 23-October 22)
Time to take a look at your home life, Libra. What needs to be improved and changed? What's hiding out in your childhood memories that needs to be released so you can have a sense of deep nurturing at home. Could be a great time to seek out talk therapy, clean out your closets, and put up a new coat of paint at home.
Scorpio
(October 23-November 21)
As tempting as it would be to keep your head down and stay silent, you'll need to work on learning to communicate with confidence. Refine and deepen your ideas, socialize, and learn something that will allow you to articulate with authority. Saturn wants you to "Say It With Yo Chest!"
Sagittarius
(November 22-December 21)
Saturn will be playing with your money, Ms./Mr.Centaur. Part of being an adult is not only making sure your finances are in order, but also your values and self-worth. Saturn will help you to realize that security and stability aren't impossible to achieve. You deserve and can create both with a plan and a little effort.
Capricorn
(December 22-January 19)
It's time to really look in the mirror. Are you satisfied with what you see? Are you being hypercritical or are there some aspects of yourself that can use some polishing? If there's a version of yourself that you'd like to attain, Saturn will help you create it.
Aquarius
(January 20-February 18)
Saturn will be taking you on a journey to face deep underlying fears you may have about sitting with your own mind. Big existential questions may start to crop up for you. It's perfectly normal to wonder if there's something bigger than yourself. This would be a great time to pick up a meditation or spiritual practice to assist you when examining your self doubt & unconscious fears before they undo you.
Pisces
(February 19-March 20)
Let's look at your friendships. Do you feel supported by the people you socialize with? Do you even share the same vision anymore? You may find your social circle tightening up as Saturn clarifies what you hope for and who you'd like to share your dreams for future with. It may seem like hitting goals will be next to impossible, but slow and steady wins this race. If you wish for it, you shall have it with time and effort.
Janelle Belgrave L.Ac is a New York City based acupuncturist, astrologer, and clairvoyant intuitive. You can catch her on Twitter chatting about a mixture of Astrology, healing, politics, and her unhealthy love of Game of Thrones.
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Well, another way of saying “everywhere you go, there you are” is using the math term “common denominator” — and today, what we’re going to attempt to tackle is, why is it that some of us, if we stepped back a moment to take a very real and honest assessment of our dating life, do we always end up with the same kind of guy? One who really isn’t the best for us; sometimes, not even close.
Before getting into some questions that I think can help you get to the answer, let me just say that this is definitely one of the kinds of pieces that may step on at least your pinky toe before it’s all said and done. At the same time, although this might not be the most comfortable of reads, keep in mind what the late poet, singer, and publisher Tuli Kupferberg once said, “When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge.”
And so, if when it comes to the caliber of men you’ve dated, what you’ve been doing is revealing that your pattern is not really working for your ultimate good, spend a bit of time trying to unpack just why that could be the case — why, at the end of the day, you truly are the common denominator in it all.
How Self-Aware Are You?
GiphyAbout five years ago, I penned an article for the site entitled “These Are The Things Self-Aware People Do Daily.” You know, of all of the things to be in this life, prioritizing self-awareness is king because self-aware people do things like hold themselves accountable, know their strengths and weaknesses, identify their triggers, have good boundaries, self-reflect, pay attention to their own “blind spots” — and they can — eh hem — take feedback and constructive criticism pretty well.
That last one? If you’re constantly in a hamster wheel or even a cul-de-sac when it comes to men, be honest with yourself: did your family, friends, hell, even your co-workers warn you about some of the guys you dated, and you found yourself either defending, deflecting or getting offended? Yeah, self-aware people don’t get down like that because they would rather have peace and be wrong than act like they are always right and remain in chaos.
So yeah, if you’re always in some foolishness or even in relationships that are simply a counterproductive waste of time, pondering how self-aware you actually are is a really good place to start. Self-reflect. Know your weaknesses. Listen to what others have to say about your tendencies. All of this can do you a whole lot of good.
How Humble Are You?
GiphySociety is a wild place, boy. The reason why I say that is because, while it’s out here acting like humility is a bad thing, Scripture says, “By humility and the fear of the Lord are riches and honor and life.” (Proverbs 22:4) And why is humility such a vital spiritual attribute? Because, when you’re humble — you’re grateful; you’re teachable; you’re open to seeing things outside of your own perspective; you’re compassionate and empathetic; you’re flexible; you’re forgiving, and you’re able to release your ego so that you can accept what you need over what you want.
What you need over what you want. Chile, if that doesn’t keep some people in cyclic stuff, I honestly don’t know what does. There’s a client that I have right now who only contacts me when she’s basically blown up her life because she constantly gets caught up in a man’s looks and bedroom performance. When I tell her that she needs to stop making that #1 and #2 of things to look for in a relationship, she “uh-huh's” me and then does what she wants to do anyway — only for it to end up wreaking all sorts of havoc…again.
It’s another message for another time about how some of us could stand to look within to see if wanting a fine man above all else is more about validating some deep-rooted insecurities that we have about our own looks (ouch). For now, I’ll just say that if your ego is out here telling you that looks and sexual performance should trump things like character and consistency, it is LYING to you. If you chose to heed the humble side of yourself, you would know that.
And this actually brings me to my next question.
How Stuck Are You in Your “Type”?
GiphyThe reason why I wrote “According To Experts, We All Have A ‘Type’” back in the day is because it’s true — pretty much all of us have a type which is pretty much a preference; there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that either. At the same time, I’m advising, from very up close and personal experience, that it’s a good idea to spend some time pondering “the origin story” of where your type came from.
Me? I’m always gonna be down for a very tall, hella chocolate, basketball (or soccer) build Black man. However, I’m a sexual abuse survivor and my molester looked a lot like that, so during the healing process of what he did to me, I had to factor in his influence. Plus, my first love also fits the physical mold and he definitely had quite an impact on my life. So…see what I mean? My type didn’t just come out of nowhere. Yes, sometimes your type may have some trauma or drama attached to it. And yes, that might be really uncomfortable to think about; still, that doesn’t mean it’s not true.
Now my late fiancé? He was right at about 6’ and, complexion-wise, he was lighter than I am. He treated me better than most of the men of my past, though — and even though he definitely pursued me for a while to get me to consider us beyond being friends, because I took a risk outside of my type, I learned what it was like to be loved in a healthy way. And what that did for me was it taught me to remain open outside of my standard type. I still like a tall-ass Godiva man, chile (and don’t let him have a beard and be in a tailored suit!). I don’t limit myself to that package, though. To do so would be severely limiting — potentially tragic even.
How Healed Are You?
Giphy“Healed” is a word that comes up A LOT in the social media space. When it comes to relationships, specifically, it’s important to ask yourself if you are healed from your past because, if you aren’t, you very well could be reliving it over and over…and over again, whether you realize it (or choose to accept it) or not.
Just so that we’re all on the same page, the word “heal” means things like healthy, sound, and whole. Synonyms for the word include improve, restore, mend, soothe, and rehabilitate. Signs that you have healed from past hurts of a relationship (or a series of relationships) include you don’t think of them with anger or bitterness; you can see the silver linings from the experience; you’ve forgiven them for things that they did wrong (or that simply hurt you — and no, that’s not always one and the same), and you don’t pick (or avoid) other people to be in your life solely based on what someone else did to you.
What I mean by that last one is an unhealed woman may say something like, “I don’t want to do [such and such] for a first date. That’s what my ex liked to do.” The new guy isn’t him, so why does he have to be beholden to your past? Or, “I don’t trust men who won’t let me go through their phone. That’s how I found out my ex was cheating.” You know, for all of the women who like to play a non-animated form ofInspector Gadget (the real ones know), they sure don’t want their phones inspected as much as they like to do all of the inspecting. SMDH. Anyway, I don’t go through phones. For what? I don’t pay the bill and I’m not anyone’s parent. And so, your next guy not preferring it either? That doesn’t automatically mean that he’s up to no good — he may just want his boundaries respected. An unhealed person may not accept that. A healed one tends to, though.
And how can being unhealed play a direct role in you choosing the same guys over and over again? It’s weird because, sometimes you will go back to what’s familiar to you — because the new guy is such a risk, you’d prefer to “stick to the devil you know” than take a chance on someone who rolls very differently. It’s a cryptic way of remaining the common denominator in your dating dynamics. Oh, but it happens all of the time, chile.
What Makes a Man WRONG for You? Specifically?
GiphyOkay, with a lot of the inner work out of the way, how do you even come to the conclusion that someone (or several people) is wrong for you? Because you know what? Once you’ve done some real healing (and serious maturing), you can oftentimes find yourself accepting the fact that just because someone may not be right for you, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily make them a bad person. No, not at all.
Although the word “wrong” can mean that something or someone isn’t morally right, wrong also means things like erroneous, not suitable or appropriate, not in accordance with certain requirements, or — and please catch it — out of order (which sometimes consists of the right thing happening at the wrong time). So, if it does seem like you keep choosing (because it is always a choice; that is also where accountability comes in) men who aren’t appropriate, aren’t in accordance with your needs or standards, or who aren’t what you need at the time — why is that? Is it rooted in fear? Impatience? Settling? What?
I have had enough clients go through this to know that it’s not good enough to be abstract about someone being “wrong” for you. You need to set aside one weekend, get some wine and a fresh journal, and really get into what wrong looks like. For instance, if you keep lowering your standards (which is the wrong thing to do, by definition), why is that? Because no matter how wrong the guy may ultimately turn out to be, what you have to be willing to accept is — again — you chose him. Why do you choose what’s wrong? Because, more times than not, some red (or at least orange) flags were waving long before the relationship came crashing down; oftentimes, they reveal themselves within the first couple of dates. You just chose to ignore them.
One more.
Do You Know a Good Man When You See One? You Sure?
GiphyAs we close all of this out, when you get a chance, please check out “Question: Is The Man In Your Life Good 'TO' You? Good 'FOR' You? Or...Both?” Learning the difference between “to” and “for” took my own relational processing to an entirely new and freeing level. And you know what? Back to the healing point, another way to know that you’ve healed is you don’t generalize men. Meaning, that if you’re out here declaring that there aren’t any good ones, that’s not true; you’re just jaded (I mean, it’s the truth), and that head and energy space is affecting your judgment and perspective.
That said, if you’re constantly selecting the wrong men, ask yourself if you even know what a good man looks like (cue India.Arie’s “Good Man”). Again, by definition, good means things like morally excellent, right, kind, friendly, benevolent, educated, financially sound (not rich, stable and responsible…goodness), genuine, reliable, dependable, responsible, attractive, warm, intimate — satisfactory to the purpose (yes, that’s a literal definition).
For a man to be good for you, you need to know what purpose he is to serve at this particular point in your life because if, for example, all men seem to do, in your eyes, is use you for sex, why are you prioritizing sex over an emotional connection if the latter is the purpose that you seek right now? A lot of women can stop being the common denominator when it comes to choosing the wrong man if they 1) become the good that they seek and 2) do not betray the purpose behind why they even desire a relationship in the first place.
____
I know. When things aren’t going your way when it comes to matters of the heart, it can be easy to always say it’s the man’s fault. If there’s a pattern, though, please be a bit more self-reflective than that.
Once you do, you’d be amazed by how much about you shifts — to where the wrong guys can’t even get close to you, in the way that they used to, anymore.
Because you cease to be the “common denominator” you once were.
And how wonderful is that?
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