

Lessons My Parents' 10-Year Separation Taught Me About Love
Admit it, we all hate when our best friend gets a new man or woman, while we stay single and left in the dust. I was recently faced with this abandonment two times over. One of my best friends, who just happens to be my mother, found love again with my other best friend, who just happens to be my father, and I was shook.
My parents have been separated for nearly 10 years, and now, after more than a decade, they've decided to rekindle their relationship and try again.
Their relationship was the first example I had ever seen of love and set the stage for my future relationships. All of the ideas I had about love, I had developed from the paradigm of my mother and father, and it was harmful to my romantic life. Watching their partnership, which was once so beautifully bloomed, disintegrate into busted windows and hurt feelings made me question the validity of love. What the f-ck does it really got to do with it?
I couldn't help but wonder how two people who had initially been so perfect for each other, could now be so toxic for one another. Love doesn't mean sh-t if it wasn't enough to keep these two people who fit so perfectly, together, I would think to myself.
My mom and dad are my two favorite people in the world, and during their separation, I developed very separate and individual relationships with them both. When they announced their reunion, I couldn't help but to be happy for them. But if I can be real with y'all for a moment, I was salty.
I knew that my relationships with both of them would change because that has always been our dynamic. When I was younger, it was hot and cold. Either they were mad at each other, or they were both mad at me. There was no in between. Either they were a united front, or separate entities altogether, and I had grown to prefer them that way.
The day my mom packed her things and decided to separate from my father was a day that all of our lives changed.
This family unit that they had fought so hard to keep together was being stained with their own romantic missteps, and something had to give. Over the years, I've had the opportunity to watch them both grow wiser and stronger, and the two people that I had once known as co-dependent were now free of each other. But something was missing.
I could hear it in my mom's voice when she asked how my dad was doing, that the love that she had in her heart for him was as strong as the day she left. When they saw each other for family events and holidays, their eyes would still meet in a way that said, "I love you," and it made me sick.
I was sick thinking about how I would feel if my dad hurt my mom, or my mom hurt my dad. I was afraid that our relationship would change and the two best friends that I had grown to know and love had now left me for one another. I was scared that everything would change and I would be abandoned, and things would return to the way they were 10 years ago.
And then, I stopped and realized it. Their love was not about me.
The thing about love is, you can't do it for anyone else. All this time, I had been griping and moaning about their relationship in the past, I didn't stop to think that they were working very hard to create a future together now, and it was time that I let them. Even if that meant the beginning of a new relationship between my two best friends that would change everything. I know now that many changes happen for the better.
Watching the fall and rise of a love as great as the one shared by mom and dad taught me a few things about love and now I want to share them with you.
If You Love It, Let It Go
My parents weren't just separated, they were exiled from each other's lives for a great deal of time. It's true that distance makes the heart grow fonder and sometimes that distance means time apart. No love was lost, and only wisdom was gained by their time spent away from one another, and now they're blessed with the opportunity to get to know each other all over again. That's a beautiful thing to watch.
Keep It Corinthian
Love is patient, love is kind, love keeps no record of wrongdoings. Even if you aren't religious, this verse in Corinthians is a good one to live by. There's no doubt that my mom and Dad hurt each other badly in the past, but it was only when they were able to forgive and move forward that their relationship could truly hit the reset button.
F-ck Timing
Whether it's 10 years or 100 years, love knows no timing. My parents were apart for nearly a decade and there was no "right time" to make things work. When the universe says you're ready, love will fall in place for you.
Both of my parents are in their 60's and it took them years to develop individually before they were ready to become a duo again. Don't rush love just because you think it's "time." The man of your dreams is out there growing, thriving, and preparing to be everything you ever wanted. Just wait on it.
Love Really Does Conquer All
Hurt people, hurt people. Things fall apart. Love conquers all. Three cliche statements about love that I've found to be all very relevant in my mom and dads romantic life. Regardless of the pain, trauma, and depression that my parents have seen in their lifetime, love always came out on top. Forgiveness is key, and refusing to do so is like drinking a bottle of poison and expecting someone else to die.
After raising seven children, gaining a combined total of four degrees, and developing a six-figure career path, you would think that my mom and dad's story would have come to a close, but it's far from over. They are now living their best lives in the Virgin Islands and after some serious reflection, I am salty no longer.
For so many years, I rejected love and conceptualized it as pain because that was all that I knew. I was distraught in thinking that this thing that everyone was obsessed with, in actuality was a huge scam.
My parents rekindling their relationship is a sign that I was wrong, and watching their relationship develop almost from scratch is a reminder that it will never be too late for love to find me.
Featured image by Shutterstock
Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
How Content Creators Hey Fran Hey And Shameless Maya Embraced The Pivot
This article is in partnership with Meta Elevate.
If you’ve been on the internet at all within the past decade, chances are the names Hey Fran Hey and Shameless Maya (aka Maya Washington) have come across your screen. These content creators have touched every platform on the web, spreading joy to help women everywhere live their best lives. From Fran’s healing natural remedies to Maya’s words of wisdom, both of these content creators have built a loyal following by sharing honest, useful, and vulnerable content. But in search of a life that lends to more creativity, freedom, and space, these digital mavens have moved from their bustling big cities (New York City and Los Angeles respectively) to more remote locations, taking their popular digital brands with them.
Content Creators Hey Fran Hey and Maya Washington Talk "Embracing The Pivot"www.youtube.com
In partnership with Meta Elevate — an online learning platform that provides Black, Hispanic, and Latinx-owned businesses access to 1:1 mentoring, digital skills training, and community — xoNecole teamed up with Franscheska Medina and Maya Washington on IG live recently for a candid conversation about how they’ve embraced the pivot by changing their surroundings to ultimately bring out the best in themselves and their work. Fran, a New York City native, moved from the Big Apple to Portland, Oregon a year ago. Feeling overstimulated by the hustle and bustle of city life, Fran headed to the Pacific Northwest in search of a more easeful life.
Her cross-country move is the backdrop for her new campaign with Meta Elevate— a perfectly-timed commercial that shows how you can level up from wherever you land with the support of free resources like Meta Elevate. Similarly, Maya packed up her life in Los Angeles and moved to Sweden, where she now resides with her husband and adorable daughter. Maya’s life is much more rural and farm-like than it had been in California, but she is thriving in this peaceful new setting while finding her groove as a new mom.
While Maya is steadily building and growing her digital brand as a self-proclaimed “mom coming out of early retirement,” Fran is redefining her own professional grind. “It’s been a year since I moved from New York City to Portland, Oregon,” says Fran. “I think the season I’m in is figuring out how to stay successful while also slowing down.” A slower-paced life has unlocked so many creative possibilities and opportunities for these ladies, and our conversation with them is a well-needed reminder that your success is not tied to your location…especially with the internet at your fingertips. Tapping into a community like Meta Elevate can help Black, Hispanic, and Latinx entrepreneurs and content creators stay connected to like minds and educated on new digital skills and tools that can help scale their businesses.
During a beautiful moment in the conversation, Fran gives Maya her flowers for being an innovator in the digital space. Back when “influencing” was in its infancy and creators were just trying to find their way, Fran says Maya was way ahead of her time. “I give Maya credit for being one of the pioneers in the digital space,” Fran said. “Maya is a one-person machine, and I always tell her she really changed the game on what ads, campaigns, and videos, in general, should look like.”
When asked what advice she’d give content creators, Maya says the key is having faith even when you don’t see the results just yet. “It’s so easy to look at what is, despite you pouring your heart into this thing that may not be giving you the returns that you thought,” she says. “Still operate from a place of love and authenticity. Have faith and do the work. A lot of people are positive thinkers, but that’s the thinking part. You also have to put your faith into work and do the work.”
Fran ultimately encourages content creators and budding entrepreneurs to take full advantage of Meta Elevate’s vast offerings to educate themselves on how to build and grow their businesses online. “It took me ten years to get to the point where I’m making ads at this level,” she says. “I didn’t have those resources in 2010. I love the partnership with Meta Elevate because they’re providing these resources for free. I just think of the people that wouldn’t be able to afford that education and information otherwise. So to amplify a company like this just feels right.”
Watch the full conversation with the link above, and join the Meta Elevate community to connect with fellow businesses and creatives that are #OnTheRiseTogether.
Featured image courtesy of Shameless Maya and Hey Fran Hey
If you haven’t been to Africa, this is your sign to go. My first time visiting the continent of Africa also happened to be my first time working on the continent of Africa. I worked there for a little over a month and did minimal research before I went. I was very well aware of the picture that America has painted of Africa since I was a child, so I wanted to go there without any additional preconceived notions, and I’m glad I did.
I learned so much, saw so much, and unlearned even more. Africa is rich in culture, views, traditions, and many more. In talking to the citizens there, it is clear that their love for the U.S. and the perception of who they think we are runs deep. However, their adoration for America was a hard pill to swallow for me sometimes because America/Americans are often looked at as the prize. While I can understand their viewpoint, I will respectfully have to disagree. That’s a story for a different day, but I will say that I am so thankful to have experienced Africa first-hand and that so many of my previous ideas and understandings were debunked.
Most people who’ve visited the motherland will talk highly about Ghana, Kenya, and Liberia (as they should). But Cape Town, South Africa, should be held to the same standard. From the food, the views, the activities, and most importantly, its citizens, Cape Town has fast become one of the most popular places to visit in Africa. If you need a good head start on where to go, this list of places below should give you a good head start.
Places to visit in Cape Town
Aquila Private Game Reserve
Photo courtesy of Chivone Smith
Bo Kaap – This beautiful residential neighborhood in Cape Town has quickly become an Instagramable favorite for many tourists visiting the capital city. Many people enjoy taking pictures in this neighborhood because the homes are so colorful and vibrant. Visitors are also welcome to tour Bo Kaap and learn about the neighborhood and its history.
Aquila Private Game Reserve – What’s a visit to Africa without touring one of their most notable safari’s? Aquila Private Game Reserve is also where they house “The Big 5;” elephants, lions, buffalos, leopards, and rhinos. This location also offers horseback riding, among other festivities.
Quad Biking – ATV’ing is one thing in the States, but in South Africa, it’s a whole other experience.
Newlands Forest – If you’re looking for a good walking/biking trail or for some good views, Newlands Forest is a must-stop. If you’re driving, just be careful. The street entryway is right off the street and can get a little dangerous if you’re not careful.
Kloof Street – Kloof Street is a popular street in Cape Town. It’s full of various restaurants, nightclubs, shops, and so much more!
Soi Bar – A personal favorite of mine, Soi Bar is a semi-new bar spot infused with various Asian dishes. If nothing else, you must try their creative drinks. Be sure to ask for the drink they offer on the hidden menu. Included with the drink is a security escort.
Green Street Market - talk about supporting Black businesses. Be sure to stop by Green Street Market to find the latest jewels, hand-stitched fabrics, and more! Cause what’s a trip without souvenirs?
Table Mountain
Photo courtesy of Chivone Smith
Chapmans Peak - Be sure to take your time and drive slowly as you’re en route to Chapmans Peak. Also, note that it will be like nothing you’ve ever seen before.
Table Mountain – You’ve not been to Cape Town if you haven’t visited Table Mountain. For all my SpongeBob Squarepants fans, you’ll also be able to learn a little back story about The Flying Dutchman. Most, if not all, people who’ve gone will tell you to take the cable car up the mountain. One, it’s a five-minute glide-up, and the view is worth it. But, if you’re feeling adventurous, you can also hike up the mountain. And I mean hike! Depending on where you start, hiking up the mountain will take a minimum of 2 1/2 hours up, and be sure to release your inner Meg knees for that walk down. It’s the hardest part!
Canal Walk Shopping Center - If you’re looking for more urban or modern attire, then head on over to one of, if not the biggest mall in Cape Town, which is located at Canal Walk shopping center. It’s even got a grocery store inside.
Banana Jam Cafe – As for late-night festivities or if you and some friends just want to wind down for some drinks and good food, Banana Jam Cafe is a great place to start. It’s a nice Caribbean vibe. They brew their own beer, and the music is just right. You won’t be disappointed!
Boulders Beach – I’ve heard of horses at the beach, maybe even pigs, but have you ever seen penguins on the beach? You will at Boulders Beach!
Whether you’re traveling solo or with some friends, you’ll get bonus points if you know some phrases and words to help you along your journey. Here are a few words and phrases that I picked up while in Cape Town:
Quad biking
Photo courtesy of Chivone Smith
- Kushushu (Koo-Shu-Shu)- Hot
- Iza (E-za) - Come
- Izapha (E-za-puh) - Come here
- Imma (Ee-ma) - Wait
- Bamba (Bam-Buh) - Hold
- Tata (Tah-Tah) - Carry or take
- Langa (Lan-guh) - Sun
- Amanzi (Uh-man-zi) - Water
- Puza (Pu-zah) - Drink
- Ewe (Eh-wei)– Yes
- Hamba (Ham-ba)/ Vaya (Vi-ya) – Go
- Ke Sharp (Ke-Shap) – It’s good
- Ndilambile (Dee-lam-bee-leh) – I’m hungry
- Lala (La-la) - Sleep
- Mzanzi (Mm-Zan-zee) – South Africa
- A con (A-con) - Air conditioner
- Dankie (Dan-kee) - Thank you
- Chomey (Cho-me)/Mikey (Mikey) - Friend
- Baie (Bai) Dankie (Dan-kee) - Thank you very much
- Cheers – Goodbye
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Feature image courtesy of Chivone Smith