The word “pegging” makes a lot of people nervous, but it isn’t nearly as scary as it sounds. We often see it in movies as a joke or a negative experience, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. In fact, pegging is usually an intensely pleasurable and intimate sexual experience.
A Beginner's Guide to Pegging
More than that, it's a way to reverse traditional penetration roles, spice up your sex life, and, if you have a prostate, take your orgasms to the next level.
What Is Pegging In Sex?
Pegging isn’t all that complicated - one partner wears a strap-on dildo and penetrates the other partner anally. It originated as a woman wearing a dildo and penetrating a man, but now, it has progressed in which any gender can be the giver or receiver.
There are a few things you’ll need before you get started:
Lube is critical in any kind of anal play. Don’t get the cheap stuff either - you’ll want lubrication that lasts long, won’t damage your sex toys, and makes penetration smooth and comfortable.
A harness or strap-on dildo is the main component here. A harness straps onto your waist and fits a dildo, while a strap-on is a single toy that includes both. For beginners, it’s better to just buy a strap-on.
A vibrator is optional, but it can take your pleasure to the next level. Vibrating dildos aren’t much pricier than standard ones, so I’d recommend getting a vibrator and deciding later if you want to use it or not.
Is Pegging Safe?
Yes! Pegging is absolutely safe, but as always it’s important to practice good hygiene and communicate with your partner.
“Start slow and communication with your partner throughout,” says sex educator Nina Nguyen from Fraulila. “Have them give you feedback on what feels good and stop if either of you starts to feel pain.” Anal play can cause discomfort, especially if you aren’t used to it.
If you’re new to anal, take it slow and try to relax as your body gets used to the penetration. If you’ve got experience with anal, pegging isn’t all that different.
Why Do Straight Men Enjoy Getting Pegged?
There are several reasons people try pegging, but sex and relationship coach Nicole Shafer explains it best, “Well, short answer- it feels good!” she explains. “There are so many reasons individuals can be interested in pegging… from pleasure to powerplay to exploring something new, it brings about excitement.”
For some couples, pegging is about reversing their normal penetration dynamic. For others, it can be about submission and dominance. Some couples just love the way it feels. Regardless of the reason, it’s quickly becoming a popular sexual activity.
How To Ask Your Partner If You Could Try Pegging
A lot of people - especially heterosexual men - might not be comfortable with the idea of pegging at first. It isn’t necessarily seen as a “normal” sexual practice yet, and the initial discomfort can be frightening.
It’s never okay to pressure your partner into an act they aren’t comfortable with, but you can have an educational conversation and go from there. Pegging takes a lot of trust because you can hurt your partner if you don’t listen to them.
Talk about why you want to try pegging. Explain that it starts slow and they will be in control of the speed and intensity the entire time. They may say no, and that’s okay. You won’t regret talking about it, even if it doesn’t happen.
A Beginner's Guide To Pegging: 7 Tips Everyone Should Know For Their First Time
1. Start with foreplay
Pegging can be intense, especially the first time, so don’t jump straight in. Getting in the mood will help you both relax, which makes your partner’s body more receptive to penetration.
Sex isn’t a race. Do things you know your partner enjoys, and start pegging when it feels natural.
2. Use Lube!
I cannot stress this enough - use lube! Professional Parisian dominatrix Madame Toska suggests you lubricate both ends generously. “Lubricate that hole, then lubricate the dildo. Start with the smallest dildo you have.”
Lots of people swear by coconut oil, but any lube will work. Just make sure to try it in advance to ensure you don’t have any allergic reactions and do your research to make sure it won’t damage your toys.
3. Find the Right Position
This is going to vary depending on you and your partner’s preferences, but pegging them from behind is a good place to start. They might prefer to start on top so they have more control over the penetration.
It’ll take some experimenting to find what’s best for both of you but start in the position that feels most relaxing.
4. Slow and Steady
Don’t get ahead of yourself. If the receiving partner isn’t used to anal penetration, you need to go slow. It will take some time before you can speed up, and their body will need time to adapt to every inch of penetration.
I’d highly recommend using fingers, butt plugs, or small toys for practice before you move up to pegging. No one’s butt can go from zero to strap-on in one night.
5. Thrust Carefully
Dominatrix Madame Toska says that even in BDSM, the receiving partner has the final say with pegging. “The person receiving the pegging is always in control,” she says, “Even when there is a dominant/submissive dynamic involved.”
6. Don’t Be Afraid to Talk
You and your partner both want each other to enjoy sex, so don’t keep any secrets about what you’re feeling. If it hurts, say so! If it feels amazing, say that too! No one gets pegging perfect on the first try, but if you communicate to find the right rhythm, it’s euphoric.
7. Take Care of Your Partner Afterward
Pegging isn’t the kind of thing where you can roll over and fall asleep right after. Remove the dildo slowly, and tell them what you’re doing as you’re doing it. Check-in with your partner to see how they’re feeling and if they need anything.
It helps to have a towel to set aside the dildo in, and maybe a wet cloth to help clean them up. If it’s your first time, have a conversation about how they felt, what they liked or didn’t like and if they want to try it again.
Pegging isn’t for everyone, but there’s no harm in experimenting. If you decide to give it a try, make sure to take it slow and build up to it. It may take some time to get it right, but it’s worth it.
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Adrian Marcel On Purpose, Sacrifice, And The 'Signs Of Life'
In this week's episode of xoMAN, host Kiara Walker talked with R&B artist Adrian Marcel, who opened up, full of heart and authenticity, about his personal evolution. He discussed his days transitioning from a young Bay Area singer on the come-up to becoming a grounded husband and father of four.
With honesty and introspection, Marcel reflected on how life, love, and loss have shaped the man he is today.
On ‘Life’s Subtle Signals’
Much of the conversation centered around purpose, sacrifice, and listening to life’s subtle signals. “I think that you really have to pay attention to the signs of life,” Marcel said. “Because as much as we need to make money, we are not necessarily on this Earth for that sole purpose, you know what I mean?” While he acknowledged his ambitions, adding, “that is not me saying at all I’m not trying to ball out,” he emphasized that fulfillment goes deeper.
“We are here to be happy. We are here [to] fulfill a purpose that we are put on here for.”
On Passion vs. Survival
Adrian spoke candidly about the tension between passion and survival, describing how hardship can sometimes point us away from misaligned paths. “If you find it’s constantly hurting you… that’s telling you something. That’s telling you that you’re going outside of your purpose.”
Marcel’s path hasn’t been without detours. A promising athlete in his youth, he recalled, “Early on in my career, I was still doing sports… I was good… I had a scholarship.” An injury changed everything. “My femur broke. Hence why I always say, you know, I’m gonna keep you hip like a femur.” After the injury, he pivoted to explore other careers, including teaching and corporate jobs.
“It just did not get me—even with any success that happened in anything—those times, back then, I was so unhappy. And you know, to a different degree. Like not just like, ‘I really want to be a singer so that’s why I’m unhappy.’ Nah, it was like, it was not fulfilling me in any form or fashion.”
On Connection Between Pursuing Music & Fatherhood
He recalled performing old-school songs at age 12 to impress girls, then his father challenged him: “You can lie to these girls all you want, but you're really just lying to yourself. You ain't growing.” That push led him to the piano—and eventually, to his truth. “Music is my love,” Marcel affirmed. “I wouldn’t be a happy husband if I was here trying to do anything else just to appease her [his wife].”
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
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Colman Domingo’s Career Advice Is A Reminder That Our Words Shape Our Reality
When it comes to life, we are always here for a good reminder to shift our mindsets, and Colman Domingo just gave us one we didn't know we needed.
In a resurfaced clip from an appearance at NewFest shared as a repost via Micheaux Film Festival, the Emmy award winner dropped a gem on how he has navigated his decades-spanning career in Hollywood. The gem in question? Well, Colman has never identified with "struggle" in his career. Let that sit.
Colman Domingo On Not Claiming Struggle
"I’ve never said that this career was tough. I’ve never said it was difficult. I’ve never said it was hard," Colman said. "Other people would say that—‘oh, you're in a very difficult industry. It's very hard to get work and book work.’ I’m like, I’ve never believed that."
Instead of allowing himself to be defined by other people's projections about their perceptions of what the industry is or was, Colman dared to believe differently even if his reality was playing catch up with his dreams:
"Like Maya Angelou said words are things. And if you believe that, then that's actually what it is. Actually I've just never believed it. Someone told me some years ago, they said, 'I remember you were, you're a struggling actor.' I'm like, 'I don't.'"
"I wasn't attached to a struggle. I was attached to living..."
He continued:
"Even when I was bartending and hustling and not having opportunities or anything, I never believed that I was struggling because I wasn't attached to a struggle. I was attached to living and creating and being curious."
Colman’s philosophy of attaching to living instead of struggle has blossomed into an enduring career. He first made his mark on stage in acclaimed Broadway productions before transitioning to the screen, where his star began to rise in the 2010s following his role as Victor Strand in Fear The Walking Dead. From there, his presence only grew, landing memorable supporting roles in If Beale Street Could Talk, Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom, and the hit series Euphoria.
In more recent years, Colman has stepped fully into the spotlight with standout leading performances in Rustin and Sing Sing, both of which earned him widespread critical acclaim and Academy Award nominations for Best Actor.
With all that said, Colman's advice is no doubt powerful, especially for those who are chasing their dreams, building something from the ground up, or have question marks about what's next in their careers. Words shape our realities, and how we speak about our journeys even in passing matters.
Words Create Our Reality & Colman Is Living Proof
"I tell young people that. To remember the words that you say about yourself and your career are true. So, I choose to make it full of light and love and it's interesting and every day I'm going to learn something new even if it looks like I don't have what I want but it's important to be in the moment... you really build on the moments moment to moment.
"And you're looking back at your career as I've been in it for what 33 years and you're like, 'Wow, that's what I've been doing.' And I've stayed strong to that so I think that is truly my advice."
Let this be your sign to give your path a reframe. When the path you're on feels uncertain, the journey is still unfolding. Like Colman said: "I wasn't attached to a struggle. I was attached to living."
That's a Black king right there.
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