
In an intimate and inspiring conversation, Summer Walker and Ciara shared powerful insights on love, manifestation, and the delicate balance of motherhood with ambition. Their candid dialogue brimmed with advice, revelations, and humor, giving us a glimpse into the lives of these remarkable women. Here are the standout moments and the wisdom they imparted.
On Confidence and Letting Go
Ciara set the tone early, declaring that she is "finally over bad comments in posts," a liberating milestone for someone in the public eye. "I can read 'em and laugh," she said, noting, "They only talk about the great ones." She credited the late Trevor Moat for his profound words: "There’s never been a statue of a critic."
Summer echoed the sentiment, agreeing, "It's the best place to be in," and adding, "You really have to watch your tongue... you can speak bad into your life by accident, or you can speak the greatest of great things into your life."
Manifestation and Readiness
Ciara shared how manifestation and prayer played crucial roles in her life. "God is the greatest orchestrator of all times," she said. She emphasized the importance of speaking life into oneself: "In the Bible, it says there’s life and death in the tongue... say great things." Ciara revealed she had “spoken” her husband, Russell Wilson, into her life but stressed the significance of being ready to receive blessings.
"Manifestation is real. Praying is real," Ciara emphasized. Summer affirmed, "You can ask for things sometimes and lose it because you’re not ready. That’s why God didn’t give it to you in the first place, boo!"
Love and Marriage Advice
When asked for marriage advice, Ciara kept it simple but profound: "Communication rules a nation." She explained, "I feel like there’s nothing I can’t go to him about. Even if we have to find our way through it, I feel confident we’ll make it to the other side."
Ciara also highlighted the importance of keeping romance alive through regular date nights, saying, "It helps keep things fresh." She and Russ have a standing date night every Friday. She noted, “Liking your partner is key,” joking that love alone isn’t enough: "You have to like them, too."
Touring and Motherhood
Discussing the challenges of balancing career and family, Ciara shared her secrets to successfully touring with children: "It takes a village." She praised her team and family for their support, adding, "Great scheduling was key.” They both agreed that when kids aren’t rested, all hell breaks loose.
Summer admitted her anxieties about touring with her kids and appreciated Ciara's advice. "Seeing us grind is important for them," Ciara reassured. "My kids being on tour with me opened their eyes—they understand better what mommy’s doing." Cici mentioned that she bonded with her daughter, Sienna, on her tour.
Sisterhood and Support
The conversation ended on a heartfelt note as Summer reflected on how Ciara reached out during a tough time and named Ciara, a real girl’s girl. "You told me, 'God will take care of everything in the end. Focus on your career and being a great mom.'" Ciara reminded her, "On our imperfect journeys, we need to give ourselves grace."
This dialogue showcased two women embodying resilience and authenticity, proving that love, faith, and self-belief are the ultimate keys to success.
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Sleek & Heat-Proof: Straightened Hair, The Summer It List Way
This article is in partnership with SheaMoisture.
The world may try to convince you that straight hair is a no-go for the summer heat, but if you’re an It Girl, defying the odds is embedded in your DNA.
When it comes to achieving sleek strands for the summer, xoNecole and SheaMoisture have your blueprint for smooth, frizz-free, humidity and heat-damage-resistant hair throughout this season!
From hair styling oils to bond repairing products, and strengthening shampoo and conditioner, SheaMoisture offers a range of products that help you achieve the perfect silk press without worrying about the heat damage, thanks to formulas that moisturize, reduce breakage, and more.
We want your silk press to stay pressed, not stressed, so here’s our quick, three-step guide featuring SheaMoisture products from our xoNecole Summer It List for straightened hair all summer long.
Step 1: Keep Your Hair Strong
Like everything in life, if the foundation is rocky, things won’t last, and the sentiment remains when it comes to your hair.
SheaMoisture’s Hair Styling Oils are a must-have when preparing and protecting your strands before getting them pressed. The Bond Repair Oil is perfect reinforcement that your hair needs from within to prevent breakage and dryness when using heat-forward tools to achieve your look.
Protecting the hair before adding heat with SheaMoisture’s Bond Repair Leave-In helps guard against styling damage. The product also ensures hair bonds are repaired and essential proteins are replenished, resulting in less breakage. It also provides a boost of hydration and 24-hour control against frizz.

Courtesy of SheaMoisture
Step 2: Seal The Deal With Some Shine
Whether you’re preparing to attend a summer wedding or hitting a rooftop with your girlfriends, finishing the look with SheaMoisture’s Manuka Honey & Yogurt Lightweight Oil serves you and your hair right by adding luster, locking in moisture, and taming flyaways.
Step 3: Repair Your Hair Following The Heat
Before jumping into your next style, a moisturizing cleanse is a great repair duo to put the life back into your hair after a silk press.
The SheaMoisture Jamaican Black Castor Oil Shampoo and Conditioner offers damage-repairing benefits that will have your hair thanking you. It restores, nourishes, and strengthens hair, eases detangling, and brings damaged hair back to life with shine and movement, while most importantly, restoring moisture.
Who said that straight hair was off the table during the summer heat wave? With SheaMoisture and a plan, you’ll hit the scene like the It Girl you are for every summer festivity.
Consider your It Girl era unlocked. Shop all of our beauty and lifestyle must-haves on The It List.
Featured image courtesy of SheaMoisture
Check Out 3 Simple Ways To Make Each Area Of Your Life Instantly Better
A couple of weeks ago, I saw a social media post that was discussing the various things that maturity teaches you about the movie The Best Man. Personally, I think one of them is that Harper and Robin had absolutely no business getting married. Another? That Lance was far more of a villain than he is given proper credit for. Lawd, that temper? His unbelievable spiritual hypocrisy? His pride? Okay…but let me stay on track here.
Offline, I think something that maturity teaches us is, if you think that you are always going to have a good day, that everything is going to go your way, or that you won’t experience moments of being tried and tested — you are being about as unrealistic as they come. The reality is that “life is going to life” for all of us, more than once too, and the less we fight against it and instead, accept it, the easier life will be.
So, what can you do on the lower-than-you-would-like days? I’ve actually got a few hacks that I’ve relied on throughout the years that have made me feel better — almost instantly so. In fact, I’ve depended on them so much that I’d be shocked if at least one of them didn’t manifest some level of positivity in your own world.
An author by the name of Hiral Nagda once said, “Bigger the turbulence, greater the opportunity to evolve and transform.” Please keep this in mind as I share three tips to make life better…no matter what may be happening to you (which, more times than not, is ultimately happening for you).
1. Always “Default” to Your Purpose
GiphyI’m telling y’all — if there is one thing that irks me to the nth degree, it’s people who worship the idol of happiness. And although that might sound crazy on the surface, hear me out. Think about what the definitions of happy are: “delighted, pleased, or glad, as over a particular thing” and “characterized by or indicative of pleasure, contentment, or joy.” Okay, now think about every aspect of your life — are you happy ALL of the time…in any of them? Of course, not. Happiness is an emotion and a pretty circumstantial and borderline fleeting and fickle one, at that.
That’s why, whenever my clients say things to me like their partner should “make them happy” or they are going to break their promises/vows because they aren’t “happy anymore,” they all will tell you that, one of the first things to come out of my mouth is gonna be, “You may not be happy right now yet is the relationship healthy overall?”
You see, children are individuals who think that they should be happy 24/7 and that it’s other people’s responsibility to ensure that they are. Meanwhile, it’s wisdom and maturity which teach you that healthy should trump happy at every hand — and that’s why I adore the quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson that says, “The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well” because y’all, when you really let this way of thinking settle into your spirit, it really can make a bad day better.
Why? Because when you stop trying to be happy all of the time and instead, you opt to get your mind, body and spirit into being useful, doing things in an honorable way, extending compassion to those around you and really making a difference — that puts you into a state of knowing that you are contributing greatness into the world and how can that not elevate your being? How can that not make you a healthier/better person?
And what if there are times when you don’t know how to do that? My two cents would be to default to your original settings by relying on your purpose. What I mean by that is, I have said, multiple times on this platform, that NOTHING should come before your purpose other than God himself because your purpose is “the reason for which something exists or is done, made, used, etc.”
For me, this summer has been GEEZE…and yet, whenever I find myself feeling stressed, I remind myself of what my purpose is (mine personally is to teach on the covenant principles of marriage, sex and the biblical Sabbath) and I put my focus and energy into that — and you know what? It instantly reminds me of my value and relevance, for such a time as this, on the earth. It also tends to inspire and motivate me to come up with new ideas for how to progress in those areas.
Not too long ago, I was talking to a male friend of mine who, although he is hella successful (especially to not even be 50 yet), there is a void within him, because although he makes money, he still hasn’t “scratched the itch” of what his purpose in life is. I’m telling you, no matter what is going on in or around you, when you know that you know that you know why you are here, you can get through just about anything.
So, if you can relate to my friend and you still need some help figuring out what your purpose is, check out “Still Don't Know Your Purpose? Answer These 7 Questions.” It may help you to connect a few dots — so that this hack can end up being a reliable one for you.
2. Remember Your Name’s Meaning
GiphyIt’s no secret that, historically, people of Hebrew and African culture believe that a child’s name speaks to their purpose (which is why, as a doula, I encourage parents to not choose names that just “sound good”; it’s best to select ones that they have put a lot of thought into) — and y’all, if there is one thing that my mother did absolutely right, it was give me my name. As “legend” would have it, although my name was supposed to have been Ryan (whether I was a boy or a girl; Ryan means “little leader”, by the way), according to her, when I was born, “You looked like a little Indian and God told me to name you ‘Shellie.’”
For years, that never made much sense to me. That is until I was walking in a local mall one day, I ran into an Israeli named Le-Tal and, when she told me that I was pretty and asked for my name, she immediately said, “Oh, you have a Hebrew name. It means ‘Mine; Belonging to Me.’ It means that you belong to God.” Since then, so many dots have connected; especially once I was led to the “anchor text” for my name which is Ezekiel 16 which talks about God making a love covenant.
Anyway, since I know that my entire purpose is about the three covenant principles that I just mentioned, Shellie (in Hebrew, it’s Sheli) makes a whole lot of sense. Also, since I know that my middle name Reneé means “reborn” and Warren means “loyal protector” — listen here…whenever I’m feeling low or even just overwhelmed, I think about the power that is within my name and it instantly empowers me. I am here to teach covenant, I transition often in my growth because my middle name calls me to do so, and I am a chihuahua/pit bull blend about my friends because my last name calls me to be.
You know, it’s wild, how many people I talk to on a weekly basis, who have absolutely no clue what their name means. That said, if you’re looking for a pick-me-up, Google your own (all of your names) sometime — you might be surprised by what you discover about yourself or what your name encourages you to do at any given moment and time.
And speaking of time…one more “get through it” tip.
3. Let Timing Do Its Thing
GiphyI’ll be honest with y’all — there ain’t too many modern-day evangelical pastors that I get down with (honestly, ain’t too many pastors, period, who move me; folks seem to be getting further and further away from I Timothy 3, if you ask me.
Folks also need to read Pagan Christianity sometime). However, one who, based on what I know/have heard about him, I do respect is a man by the name of John Piper. One of my favorite quotes from him is, “God is always doing 10,000 things in your life and you may be aware of three of them.” Boy, ain’t THAT the truth.
When you’re going through a test or trial; when you’ve recently received some not-so-great news; when someone has hurt or disappointed you; when you are waiting for something that seems to be taking forever to come to pass, and/or when you’re just wondering when the season you’re in is going to shift into something different — you’ve always got to remember that, like John Piper implied via his pearls of wisdom, there are puzzle pieces in play (to create an overall picture) that your finite insight knows absolutely nothing about AND that that timing needs to be granted the space to handle.
I’ve been writing for this platform for almost eight years at this point and so, I’m pretty sure that, in one of these articles, I’ve referenced that one of my favorite analogies is comparing doing your best to making homemade chocolate chip cookies. You know, no matter what the ingredients of the cookies are, you can never do the job of the oven and the time that it takes for them to heat up inside of one. And when it comes to your life?
I don’t care if it’s a new job (or a promotion), a relationship, reaching a specific personal goal — whatever it may be, sometimes you have to surrender to the fact that after you’ve done all that you can possible do…it’s time to fully surrender and allow timing to take over: to simply tell yourself, almost like a mantra, “It’s just not time yet and time is looking out for me.”
This is actually why I find so much peace in the Scripture “Timing is the Father’s business.” (Acts 1:7-Message) It’s a reminder that I don’t have to have “it” all figured out. So long as I do my best and commit to being consistent in that, I’ve got to allow God and timing to do whatever else needs to be done. And yes, resting in that reality (Ecclesiastes 7:18 — Message) is an ultimate life hack. TRUST ME.
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When something is better, that simply means that, on some level, it has improved. Try these out. If “better” is what transpires, then you are just a hop, skip and jump away from good and then…GREAT!
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