
I love being a woman. I really do. I'm reminded of this, every time I read, research or revisit something about us that is so intricately designed that I can't help but smile. And yes, vaginal lubrication is on the list. Aside from the fact that it helps to make sexual intercourse so much more pleasurable (because the wetter we are, the less friction and/or pain that we feel), when the glands in our cervix and vaginal walls produce lubricant, it also helps to keep our genitalia from tearing or experiencing some other type of injury.
While it should go on record that on the wetness tip, there is cervical fluid (it's what switches up based on where we are on our cycles), vaginal sweat (which comes from the sweat glands) and white secretion (which is what many think comes out when we squirt), when it comes to actual lubrication and what we need to keep us "wet enough", it's cervical fluid — a fluid that's made up of carbohydrates, proteins, and amino acids — that's most essential. When this isn't flowing as consistently or as much as you're used to, it's usually a sign that one (or more) of the following seven things are happening. Are you ready to learn more about what those things actually are?
1. Dehydration
I will be the first person to say that water is boring. The way I tend to describe it is, it's like drinking wet air. That doesn't change the fact that we all need it — every part of us too. For instance, did you know that one telling sign that you very well could be dehydrated is if your vagina isn't producing enough lubrication? This doesn't just mean your actual vagina (the internal canal that goes all the way up to your cervix) but your vulva (your labia which consists of your outer and inner lips) too. When that happens, it could lead to vaginal irritation which could eventually trigger a vaginal infection. So, if you can't remember the last time that you had 6-8 glasses of water in a day, let this be your inspiration. A wet vagina is a healthy vagina and water certainly helps to make it all possible.
2. Hormonal Imbalance
This point right here is a bit of a doozy because all kinds of things can play a role in your hormones being a bit off kilter including your period, pregnancy, perimenopause (the years that lead into menopause) and menopause itself. The reason why is because estrogen plays a really big role in how much lubrication your vagina produces. This means that when this particular hormone level is low, it can result in your walls feeling dry, thinning out or becoming inflamed.
What this all boils down to overall is you should be proactive about keeping your hormones balanced. You can do this by first seeing your doctor if you sense that things are a bit "off". Also, there are things that you can do at home including consuming more protein, exercising, keeping your stress levels down (more on that in a bit), drinking green tea (it helps to keep your insulin levels intact which ultimately can keep your hormones balanced out) and getting a good night's rest — not some of the time…all of the time.
3. Poor Diet
Having a poor diet affects everything about us. No doubt about that. That said, did you know that in order for your vagina to remain "moisturized", you need to consume less salt, sugar, alcohol, soy and fried foods because all of these are linked to dehydration? Instead, check out the article that I wrote a while back entitled "These Foods Will Give Your Skin & Hair The Moisture They Crave". Also, foods that contain a lot of water (like watermelon, strawberries, cantaloupe, zucchini and lettuce) and foods that are high in fatty acids (like raw pumpkin, tuna, spinach, flaxseeds and Brussels Sprouts) can help you to get those juices flowing too.
4. Infections
When you've got a vaginal infection, it can literally infect the mucous lining of your vagina and that can lead to dryness as well. Which infections can cause this to happen the most? From what I've read and researched, it's bacterial and yeast infections that top the list. Surprisingly enough, an STD doesn't typically lead to women not producing enough lubrication. Either way, if you're experiencing burning, itching, irritation, change in discharge or yes, vaginal dryness and none of the other things on this list seem to check out, make an appointment to see your doctor. There could be an infection lurking around that you didn't know was happening.
5. Depression
Remember how I talked about estrogen a little while ago? Well, another indication that yours may be lower than it should is if you are feeling signs of being depressed — anxiety, a low libido, sleeplessness, constant fatigue, helplessness, irritability, excessive crying, overeating or undereating, constant negativity and/or suicidal thoughts. The reason why low estrogen is tied into all of this is because, when estrogen is flowing well throughout your system, it helps to trigger the production of serotonin which helps to keep you in a positive mood. That's why, if you sense that you may be depressed, it's a good idea to not only speak with a reputable counselor/therapist but to get your hormone levels checked too. Sometimes, a little bit of hormone therapy can get things back to where they're supposed to be — from head to toe.
6. Wack Ass Foreplay
A couple of years ago, GQ published an article that made me chuckle a bit. The title was "This Is How Long Sex Should Last (From a Woman's Point of View)". The reason why I found it to be so humorous is because, once again, it's a reminder that there is entertainment culture and then there is real life. While I have shared before that it typically takes us somewhere between 20-25 minutes to climax while it only takes guys (on average) a whopping five minutes (chile), what the article stated (according to some polls) is most women only need (and even want) 11 minutes of foreplay and 10 minutes of intercourse — contrary to all of those R&B songs about having sex all night long.
Listen, I believe I've still got a good three rounds in me (I think…LOL); however, I've had past sex partners who seemed to go on and on FOREVER and all it did was lead to soreness. So no, I don't think most of us want to have sex for hours on end. At the same time, a guy who sucks at foreplay is someone who can definitely cause your vagina to not be very impressed — and a great sign that "she's" not is if she remains dry. Barely damp even. Moral to the story? A great lover is gonna make you more than moist. You can take that to the bank every time.
7. Stress
The older I get, the less I allow stressful people, places, things and ideas infiltrate my space. I refuse to choose to let things wreck my physical health and peace of mind. You shouldn't either because, aside from a billion other things that stress has a tendency to do, one that goes oftentimes overlooked is it can — yep, you guessed it — result in your vagina not getting as wet as it should. How? Well, when you're mentally or emotionally anxious, upset or tense, that can affect your blood circulation and that can hinder vaginal lubrication. Why would you let someone or something dry out your vagina when you can prevent it? For the sake of your health and well-being, please do (prevent it), sis.
To learn more about all things vaginal health and wellness, check out the xoNecole Women's Health section here.
Featured image by Getty Images
This Is How To Keep 'Holiday Season Stress' From Infecting Your Relationship
Hmph. Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like there is something really weird happening in the fall season air (because winter doesn’t officially begin until December 21) that cuddle season is in full swing while break-up season is as well. In fact, did you know that break-ups are so popular during the holiday season that December 11 is deemed Break-Up Day?
The reasons why relationships shift around this time vary; however, I did both roll my eyes and chuckle when I read that a very popular one is because it’s an easy way to get out of getting one’s significant other a Christmas present. SMDH.
Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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Featured image by Shutterstock
Kerry Washington Says The Key To Her Signature Glow Lies In Her Wellness Routine
For more than a decade, actress Kerry Washington has lit up our TV screens in her iconic roles from Scandal to Little Fires Everywhere. But like any beloved starlet with so much to balance and maintain in their public and private life, Washington is managing to take a holistic approach to her overall wellness routine.
“I think we put an emphasis on if you look good, you'll feel good. And I think it's the opposite,” Washington tells Yahoo Life. “If I feel good, I'll look good, because I'll shine and I'll put my best foot forward."
Her from-the-inside-out approach to achieving the signature glow we’ve all grown to associate with the wife and mother of three is one that hasn’t come without its challenges. With her busy schedule and list of projects, Washington admits that if there was one thing she’d make more time for, it would be her beauty rest.
"Those are the areas that I find I struggle with more, stress and a lack of sleep,” she says. “So it's really important for me to keep challenging myself to take better care of myself.”
For Washington, self-care looks like taking time to journal her thoughts, attending therapy, meditating, and spending time with people — and pets — that bring her joy and restore her sense of peace after a stressful day.
"That sense of community of being able to be with people who I love and who love me unconditionally, I find that that can sometimes be the greatest stress reliever, and pets," she shares. "I started therapy in college, so decades ago. And it's been a really, really important tool," she explains. "When I engage in behavior that is loving, it can help me feel more loved and lovable."
While these loving behaviors may vary from day to day, Washington says that sprinkling in acts of “love and kindness” has been the key to feeling her best self, all over.
"Sometimes that means pulling myself up, washing my face, putting on sunscreen, and going out the door. And sometimes that's like cocooning in my bubble bath and taking it easy," she says. "Treating myself with love and kindness, especially my skin, my most important organ. That can be a pathway to feeling better."
Featured image by Rob Latour/Shutterstock
Originally published on July 11, 2023









