Simone Biles Is A Testament To The Power Of Adopting A "Lift As You Climb" Mentality
They say the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. I say the journey of a thousand miles begins with an open hand. Whether that hand is open to provide help or taken to receive it, it is important to understand that a journey is never completed alone. Nor is it completed without the thought that others might follow your path. It's all about "lifting as you climb."
Lifting as you climb is the idea that ascending to success should not be a lone undertaking, but rather a group effort in which everyone must lend support to those attempting to follow in the footsteps of others. This mentality sets the great apart from the good. It separates those who will be remembered in history from those who will be remembered for now.
During the 2024 Paris Olympics, many have exemplified the "lift as you climb" spirit as retired Olympians returned to support those in their sports. However, none have shown it with the grace and ease Simone Biles had. When returning to the games, Biles was seen as a fan favorite and a possible contender for gold. However, many were skeptical if she would have the appropriate mentality to be able to finish the games or if she would withdraw as she had done before.
Nevertheless, many hadn't realized that if Biles had left with ten medals or no medal, she would have still been successful in the Olympic games. Biles sparked an empowering movement that extended well beyond her personal achievements by imparting her wisdom, connections, and Olympic experiences. She kindled a flame in others, inspiring rivals and allies to reach heights they never thought imaginable. And in doing so, she not only made her own life better but also gave others a strong sense of fulfillment and purpose. As she embarked on her Olympic journey, the world watched in awe as she did so while shouting, "Mental health matters."
In her collective ascent, and possibly her final Olympic games, Biles' comeback allowed spectators to walk with her, hand in hand, while she showed us how to create a world where dreams take flight and potential knows no bounds. Here's how she did it:
Tokyo 2020
Simone Biles of the United States during the Artistic Gymnastics Podium Training at the Ariake Gymnastics Centre in preparation for the Tokyo 2020 Olympic Games on July 22, 2021 in Tokyo, Japan.
Tim Clayton/Corbis via Getty Images
In the summer of 2021, to the shock of the athletic world, Simone Biles withdrew from the Tokoyo Olympic competition shortly after uncharacteristically balking mid-air while completing twists on the Amantar vault, and nearly falling over when landing.
Known as the "twisties," this dangerous phenomenon causes gymnasts like Biles to lose their perception of their body while in the air. This can result in serious injury because, without awareness, the gymnast can lose their sense of where they are and how they will land. Despite knowing this, Biles decided to compete in the Olympics for the sake of her teammates, even though she was aware of the hazards involved, her mental anguish, and she had been telling people that she was "fighting [her] demons" during her training.
When she competed, she debated her routine at the last minute and changed parts of it to make it safer. Though, in the air, she continued to experience the twisties, which resulted in her completing fewer turns than expected, and landing by chance on her feet. Nevertheless, instead of being thankful that she was uninjured, or concerned that she has developed the "twisties," Biles' first thought was of everyone else.
During an interview with Call Her Daddy podcast, she recalled what she was thinking at the time: "America hates me. The world is going to hate me, and I can only see what they're saying on Twitter now." She added, "Holy shit, what are they going to say about me... If I could've gotten on a plane and flown home, I would've done it. I thought I was going to be banned from America 'cause that's what they tell you: 'Don't come back if not gold. Gold or bust. Don't come back.'"
Immediately after she left the mat, Biles walked up to her coach and stated she had been done for the competition. Not wanting to take any chances, Biles made the bravest choice any competitor could make: she chose herself.
Centering Mental Health
In certain respects, Biles believed that by leaving the vaulting podium, she was letting her supporters and country down. Nevertheless, she understood that she needed to take care of herself in choosing to be the best version of herself.
In choosing herself, Biles centered her mental health.
“I just felt like it would be a little bit better to take a back seat to work on my mindfulness, and I knew that the girls would do an absolutely great job,” Biles explained in the press conference following her withdrawal in 2021. "And I didn't want to risk the team a medal for kind of my screwups, because they've worked way too hard for that. So I just decided that those girls need to go and do the rest of our competition."
After her withdrawal, Biles was met with some backlash, but overall she found solidarity. Many fans, athletes, and celebrities, even the president, commended the act from the gymnast and applauded her stepping aside for the sake of her mental health. Considering the act braver than the Olympic competition, Biles was applauded for mentioning mental health and the importance of maintaining mental wellness as an athlete, where outside pressure is endless.
In her two-year hiatus, the athlete addressed her anxiety, depression, and panic attacks, and advocated for mental health and wellness supports while also participating in therapy.
When she returned to the sport, many were happy the star had done so on her own terms. Simone Biles stated, “The Olympics was not how I expected it to go, but putting my mental and my physical health first will probably be one of my greatest accomplishments.”
At a 2023 event in Illinois, Biles opened up to CNBC about her mental health break, “I worked on myself a lot, I still do therapy weekly, and it’s just been so exciting to come out here and have the confidence I had before."
The World Champions Centre Gymnastics Academy
In 2014, Biles and her family created a gym for gymnasts to feel safe and train safely. Known as the World Champions Centre, the gym has become one of the nation's largest places to train top-level gymnasts. So much so, that five out of the fifteen women who competed in the Olympic trials this year came from the Houston gym.
Originally starting as a "construction project," WCC was created by Biles' parents after she had won her first world all-around title in 2013. However, after five years into their "project," the family realized quickly what they had when their gymnasts started to show continuous improvement.
By that time, Biles had won greatly in the 2016 Olympics, and the concept of training with elite groups instead of individually proved to be fruitful. Biles' form improved as the competition continued, and she displayed skills that no other woman had attempted. This would lead to more gymnasts and competitors seeking the gym to build and maintain their elite skills.
One of those gymnasts was Jordan Chiles.
Jordan Chiles
After being passed over for international meets, Jordan Chiles had grown weary of the sport and felt that she had been "stalled out" of the competition. By 2018, Chiles had been ready to quit, however, Biles changed her mind. She encouraged the gymnast to join her at the WCC and to train with her coaches Cecile and Laurent Landi. Once she finished high school, Chiles accepted Biles' invitation and moved from Vancouver, Washington to Houston, Texas in hopes of revitalizing her career and training with Biles.
"We have such an amazing bond. I wish I can explain it to you, but I don’t even know how our bond is so strong," Chiles has said of her and Biles' friendship. "I think we bring different things out of each other. I bring the young self out of her. I bring that, ‘Ooh, let’s vibe and go have fun.’ And then she brings out the motivation, and the encouragement, and the support."
As a result of the WCC and Biles' "lift as your climb" mentality, Chiles transformed into a consistent competitor and eventually found herself heading to the 2021 Tokyo Olympics. There, the then-20-year-old Chiles was slated to compete in two events but had to compete in two additional events in Biles' place following her controversial decision to pull out of the Tokyo Games. In the end, Chiles helped the USA Team win silver and attributed the medal's attainment to the influence of Biles.
Later, due to the WCC, Chiles would win gold and silver in the World Championship 2022 competition and gold in the 2024 Paris Olympics. Over the weekend, Chiles had to return the bronze medal she won in the floor exercise. As of August 12, the US is working to appeal that ruling made by the Court of Arbitration for Sport (CAS) on Saturday.
Simone Biles' Comeback Season
During her two-year hiatus, Biles spent time trying to distance herself from the pressure of Tokyo, and the doubters who discouraged her return. She contemplated whether she would return to compete, and still considered whether she would be up for her third Olympics.
However, Biles decided she was ready to commit to serious training and committed to the 2023 U.S. Classics, also known as the Core Hydration Classic. In her return to gymnastics following the Tokyo Games, Biles found herself back in front of a crowd, but this time, she was in control. Now older, wiser, and more confident, Biles soared to victory in her first meet in years. Winning her sixth-career U.S. Classics all-around title (she has since won her seventh), the gymnast dominated receiving a gold medal performance on floor exercise, and a silver medal on uneven bars and balance beam routines.
"I feel really good about where I am right now, mentally and physically," Biles revealed in an interview post-meet. "I still think there are some things to work on in my routines, but for the first meet back, I would say it went pretty well. I'm very shocked. Surprised."
She would later go to the World Championships in October and win gold and silver there. After two years, Biles had secured multiple medals and accolades at national and international competitions and returned as a singular, monumental force in her sport.
Breaking More Records: Making Team USA
In preparing for her third Olympics, Biles surprisingly became even better. When creating her routines, she didn't repeat the same routines from her 2023 comeback season. Instead, she added more difficult skills. On the floor, she added a triple-twisting double tuck, which was named after Biles. She also included a new dismount combination on the bars. By the end of the 2024 U.S. Classics, Biles received yet another victory and was guaranteed a spot on the USA Team.
Known as a favorite, Biles was predicted to take medals home during the Paris 2024 Olympics. However, it was clear that though Simone was there to compete, winning wouldn't be her main priority. Instead, she would go out and support her teammates and have a little fun with her routine, now that she had gained her confidence back. Winning was a goal, but it had no longer become a necessity.
Regardless, the legendary medalist showed up and showed out, and broke records while doing so.
At the age of 27, Biles became the oldest gymnast to compete in the Olympics and win individual all-around gold. She led the USA Team to a gold team medal and acquired silver for her floor exercise. At the end of the 2024 Olympics, she had become an 11-time Olympian medalist. In doing so, Biles became the most decorated gymnast in history, displaying a comeback like no other.
Setting the Standards for Gymnastics: 'F.A.A.F.O.'
Before the start of the 2024 Olympic Games, beef broke out between Biles and gymnast MyKayla Skinner, who competed on the 2020 Olympic team together. This drama began after Skinner posted an unflattering video where she explained why she believed the current U.S. team was unsatisfactory.
“Besides Simone (Biles), I feel like the talent and the depth just isn’t what it used to be,” she said in a since-deleted YouTube video. “Obviously, a lot of girls don’t work as hard ... The girls just don’t have the work ethic.” Later on, after receiving backlash for her comments, Skinner attempted to retract her statement by offering a formal apology and clarifying statements to media outlets. However, the damage had already been done, and no amount of backpedaling could stop the current team from their feelings of resentment, especially Biles. As a result, the team embraced the motto of "Fuck Around and Find Out," or what Biles would later call "F.A.A.F.O."
In the process of "finding out," Skinner quickly ate her words when Team USA won the women's gymnastics team event during the Olympics' first week. After the win, Biles posted a photo of the team clutching their gold medals as she captioned the photo "lack of talent, lazy, Olympic champions." The caption provided another nod to Skinner, who has now blocked the gymnasts since she openly called her negative comments.
'Find Out': Simone Biles Claiming Silver and Gold
Simone Biles of Team United States poses with her Paris 2024 Olympic medals following the Artistic Gymnastics Women's Floor Exercise Final on day ten of the Olympic Games Paris 2024 at Bercy Arena on August 05, 2024, in Paris, France.
Naomi Baker/Getty Images
In the 2024 Paris Games, Biles only missed one podium event. After winning four medals, the gymnast rose to prominence as a formidable example of what a "Greatest of All Time" contender should look like. She demonstrated to the world what it meant to be a strong competitor--someone who is prepared to take a step back and reevaluate their goals and reasons for competing. She showed that a fierce competitor was someone who was prepared to treat everyone and anyone in their vicinity as equals and promote those who deserved praise.
Biles showed that a great competitor was prepared to look back and lift those behind them as they climbed.
It is Biles' ability to identify the preeminence of her competition and congratulate their excellence that sets her aside from the rest. The gymnast won silver and gold at the Paris Olympics, but she also won the admiration of many viewers who had the pleasure of watching her break barriers that many would have let topple them.
Whether she was bowing for the Brazilian gymnast Rebecca Andrade, planning TikToks with Suni Lee, or encouraging Jordan Chiles relentlessly from the sidelines. Biles showed that to be a true Olympic hero and considered the greatest of all time, you'd have to have resilience, bravery, and confidence.
Even when the world is telling you all of the reasons why you shouldn't.
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Featured image by Naomi Baker/Getty Images
Taysha Robinson is a writer and high school English teacher, based in metro-Atlanta. A self described philomath, you can find her reading books and articles of every genre, attending educational conferences, and hiking wherever the terrain will allow.
Exclusive: Brandee Evans On Faith, Fibroids, And Chosen Family
Do you remember your first time at The Pynk?
We were first introduced to Mercedes at Uncle Clifford’s beloved strip joint, a matrix of secrets and self-discovery nestled deep in the heart of the Mississippi Delta. Brandee Evans, who plays the ambitious single mother and seasoned dancer in the STARZ original P-Valley, quickly won our hearts and has since earned widespread critical acclaim.
Her captivating command of the pole left many of us intrigued, perhaps even tempted, to explore pole dancing ourselves after witnessing the mesmerizing performances at Mercedes Sunday. But it wasn’t just her physical prowess that kept us hooked. Mercedes is a character of depth—empowering, complex, relatable, and deeply human.
These are qualities that Brandee embodies both on and off the screen.
(L-R) Marque Richardson and Brandee Evans on 'UnPrisoned' Season 2
Courtesy: Hulu
A Memphis native, Brandee is no stranger to dance. She boasts an impressive career as a choreographer, having worked with renowned artists like Katy Perry, Monica, Ke$ha, and Ledisi. But while it has been a significant part of her journey, Brandee has her sights set on more—expanding her acting career beyond dance-inclusive roles. This ambition nearly led her to pass on the opportunity to appear alongside Kerry Washington in Hulu’s UnPrisoned, where she plays Ava, Mal's (Marque Richardson) new girlfriend.
“When Kerry Washington slid into my DMs, I nearly said no,” Brandee revealed with a laugh. “She mentioned pole dancing, and I told myself and my team that once I was done with Mercedes, I wasn’t going to do that again.” Fortunately, Washington assured her that the role would be vastly different, leading to what Brandee described as an invaluable masterclass in comedy under the guidance of Washington herself.
“Kerry is a force of nature,” Brandee reflected. “She’s everything you’d hope she’d be—strong, compassionate, and incredibly talented. Working with her was like a masterclass in acting.” This opportunity was no mere stroke of luck; it was something Brandee had manifested years earlier. But make no mistake–she credits her faith and praying hands for her success. “I’m praying, you know what I mean? I’m asking God for what I want and working for it too,” she said.
"When Kerry Washington slid into my DMs, I nearly said no."
(L-R) Brandee Evans, Kerry Washington, and Marque Richardson on 'UnPrisoned' Season 2
Courtesy: Hulu
This role marked Brandee’s first foray into comedy, and while she was eager to embrace the challenge, she found herself in the hands of an incredible mentor. “Kerry was always so kind in her critiques,” Brandee noted. “She’s not a diva by any means. She knows exactly what she wants, but she’s gentle and encouraging in bringing it out of you. That’s something I’ve taken with me to other sets—I want to lead with the same kindness and openness that Kerry showed me. It’s a lesson I’ll carry for the rest of my life.”
Brandee speaks with profound respect and gratitude for her peers and fellow actresses as many have shown her genuine sisterhood and support in an industry often notorious for its competitiveness. “Danielle Brooks sent me a prayer the other day, and I was just so touched. Those are the moments that people don’t see,” she shared. “I call Sheryll Lee Ralph my fairy godmother, and Loretta Devine is like my auntie. Being able to pick up the phone and seek advice from these incredible women is a true blessing.”
And she pays it forward.
Brandee Evans
Courtesy: Hulu
But her commitment to supporting others extends far beyond her career. As an advocate for health and wellness, she empowers women to prioritize their well-being. “Azaria [Carter], who plays my daughter on P-Valley, mentioned wanting to start a weight loss journey and get more fit. I told her, ‘Well, let’s work out together,’” Brandee recounted. But her dedication to healthy living goes beyond physical fitness, encompassing a holistic approach to wellness. “When she came to my house and tried to microwave something in plastic, I said, ‘Let’s use glass instead. At 20, I wasn’t thinking about that, but let me share some tips now so you’re not battling fibroids in your 30s.’”
Because she was.
While filming the first season of P-Valley, Brandee faced enormous stress—not only as a caregiver for her mother, who was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, but also due to the physical demands of the role. Yet the impact on her body was far greater than she expected. “I was literally on my cycle every day while playing a stripper, which is far from ideal,” Brandee revealed. It was Harriet D. Foy, who plays her mother, who urged her to get checked for fibroids.
"I was literally on my cycle every day while playing a stripper, which is far from ideal."
Brandee Evans graces the 2024 ESSENCE Black Women In Hollywood Awards Ceremony.
Arnold Turner/Getty Images for ESSENCE
The statistics are staggering—80% of Black women develop abnormal uterine growths by age 50, making them more likely to suffer from fibroids than any other racial group. But like many, Brandee was initially unaware of these growths and their debilitating effects, and the prospect of surgery was daunting. “I was scheduled to have a myomectomy on my birthday, but I thought about what it would mean for my career. How am I going to climb the pole? The healing process is similar to a C-section.” Determined to avoid surgery, she committed to healing herself naturally.
After a deep dive, she sought treatment at The Herb Shop of Vinings in Atlanta, which ultimately led to a remarkable recovery. “This man saves lives. His name is Jeff, and I call him my doctor.” Brandee shared. “I started detoxing my body with herbs and following his program. During my follow-up with the gynecologist, they said, ‘We don’t know what you’re doing, but your fibroids are shrinking.’”
Emerging on the other side of this journey not only fibroid-free but with a regulated cycle and a renewed outlook on life, Brandee is now focused on sharing her story and advocating for women’s health. “I know y’all want to hear about P-Valley, but I want to talk about regulating your period,” she said with a laugh.
Of course, she didn’t leave fans hanging when it came to what to expect in the upcoming season. “It is worth the wait. The world is about to go crazy. Oh, the world is about to lose it,” Brandee teased. “Y’all might be mad at us right now, but baby, it’s going to be worth it.”
All episodes of Season 2 of UnPrisoned are now streaming on Hulu.
Featured image courtesy of Hulu
These Two Artists Didn’t Allow Distance To Block Their Plan For True Love
In this How We Met story, I had the pleasure of speaking to two New York-bred artists: Crystal T. Williams and Alfred Rutherford. You may notice Alfred from Lifetime’s Keyshia Cole: This is My Story, All Blk’s LACE, or the currently trending Tubi movie Killer Beat. Crystal is also an actress and working producer who spends a lot of her time making movie magic.
But what many people may not know is that when they aren’t on set, the pair are together every day, proving that true connection is the real magic. The path wasn’t always easy, but they were both intentional about walking it. Check out this exclusive conversation with xoNecole to find out how a chance encounter, an uncomfortable prank, and two unique perspectives led to a happy marriage.
Let’s start at the beginning. How did you two meet?
Crystal: We have very different answers to that question. I first saw him at a screening where I was supporting fellow actors. But when I first met him in person, I actually walked up to him and introduced myself, told him how great he was at the screening, and gave him my card. But he never called. That was our first physical interaction. It was my way of telling him I thought he was attractive. Also, he was talking to a young lady, and I wasn’t sure what was going on there. They were really close. So I kinda stepped in and was like, ‘Sorry, did I interrupt?’ And once she said no, I just kept talking.
Alfred: Yeah, a lot was going on for me. As she said, we didn’t technically meet the first time, but I remember seeing her, and I loved her green eyes. I remember repeatedly asking my friends, ‘Who is the girl with the green eyes? Then when she came up to me at the actor workshop, I was like, “It’s the girl with the green eyes!’Courtesy
Okay, now how did it progress? Did y'all start talking on the phone after that?
Crystal: He never called me. I just kept seeing him randomly. I mean he was everywhere – auditions, a barbecue, everywhere. Long story short: he had a girlfriend. But this particular time I saw him, he was with a group of known actors, and I noticed there was an attraction between him and a beautiful super, talented actress who is a friend of ours, and she was interested in how we knew each other – so I uncomfortably answered, ‘well he’s kinda stalking me.’ I made it so uncomfortable. Then I walked off. I was just trying to block that situation.
Down the line, he messaged me on Facebook, which is interesting because he had my number. But still, nothing really happened. Finally, I saw him on 14th Street in Manhattan one day, tapped him on the shoulder, I said ‘hi,’ and we organized a date.
Alfred: In other words, she sabotaged my situation that I may have had going on. You see how much of a good guy I was? So even though I found her attractive, I had to make sure I was playing my cards right. The barbecue situation was hilarious to me. Everybody else looked shocked, but I loved it. That was the first time I really started to focus on her. I think some people would’ve been offended, but it was such a prank, and I found it cool. I tried to call her over to me that day, but she didn't turn back around (laughs).
What was the first date like? Do you remember anything that stuck out?
Crystal: Well, I was living in Brooklyn at the time, and he was moving to Brooklyn from the Bronx. So we met in Williamsburg at a popular restaurant called Taku Taku, that’s no longer around. I’m very funny about time, and he was over an hour late. I was fuming and wondering if I was being stood up. But he kept answering my texts. By the time he got there, I was MAD.
Alfred: Just to let everyone know, before I was a full-time actor, I was sports director at the YMCA – with all the little children. And there was a random crisis in the building going on. You know I love the kids, so I had to take care of that! To all the guys out there, you gotta know your purpose comes first.
So there was a post-work crisis, late to the date vibe going on. How did the energy change?
Crystal: Well, I liked him, and I knew I really wanted to get to know him. I felt like the chaser. I had been super outspoken and gave him my card. Plus, I feel like everybody gets a pass. So, that was his.
Alfred: I don’t feel like she chased me, but she did let it be known that she was interested. However, my grandmother and my mother raised a southern gentleman, so you know, I had to handle that situation the right way at the time.
But yes, on our date, she was visibly upset at first. I was wondering if I was going to have to go to the bathroom and leave because she was giving me such an attitude. But then she warmed up when I explained what happened. After that, it was a lot of fun. I made her laugh, and it all worked out.
I don’t feel like she chased me, but she did let it be known that she was interested. However, my grandmother and my mother raised a southern gentleman, so you know, I had to handle that situation the right way at the time.
Beautiful. Now, talk to me about the courtship. How did the journey develop?
Crystal: Listen, I had the key in like 30 days.
Alfred: Okay, wait a minute. I have a reputation to protect (laughs). Let me defend myself again. So when I moved to Brooklyn, she, of course, was already familiar with the area and used to ride her bike around there for exercise. And I didn’t want to have her just riding around outside. If something happened, her father was going to look at me. So I gave her the key and said if I wasn’t there, she could still go inside. That was the reason - just being a gentleman (laughs).
So that feels like exclusivity. Did y'all have “the what are we talk,” or did it just happen naturally?
Crystal: No, we never had that conversation. Well, not like “Will you be my boyfriend?” Or “Will you be my girlfriend?” We just knew we were in love with each other. I was in my early twenties, and I remember I asked him if he knew what “143” meant and he said it back (laughs).
Alfred: I had to ask my kids at the YMCA what it meant.
Courtesy
As things developed, what challenges did you have to overcome together, and how do you think it affected your relationship?
Crystal: I grew up with a lot of siblings - and brothers. So I was very boyish. I was always used to doing certain things myself. And my father raised me to be very independent and to never rely on men for anything. But I had to learn to come back to myself as a woman and realize, hey, you have an actual physical man here. I had to learn to let him lead and guide.
Alfred: So again, I’m an actor, and I was moving to L.A. at the time. L.A. has some beautiful women but I also have a beautiful wife now, right? So the challenge, I think, for us was the things people said, ‘Well, girl, you know, he's going to be out there and it’s not gonna work.’ And I do think temptation plays a real important role in how the relationship is going to unfold. But I just started to live a bicoastal life. I was living in L.A. but spent more time in New York. So that was able to actually help us, and once we got serious - I moved.
Crystal: I have to add to that, I always said I would never do long distance. We really had to decide to make it work. I had a job that was remote so I could travel anywhere. We got to explore L.A. together, and it ended up being a blessing.
Alfred: And it turns out, living in L.A. wasn't for me. So you have to allow yourself room when you're in a relationship, and your partner gives you room to be – because we had an impasse. There was a night where we had a very real conversation about if we were going to break it off. But we decided to give it a shot. I'm of the mind that people make happen whatever they want to make happen. Everything else is an excuse. Distance is an excuse. It's not saying it's not going to be difficult, but anything worth having is worth fighting for. Me knowing what I wanted made it an easy choice.
I have to add to that, I always said I would never do long distance. We really had to decide to make it work. I had a job that was remote so I could travel anywhere. We got to explore L.A. together, and it ended up being a blessing.
What about day-to-day challenges? What do you typically argue about?
Crystal: Alfred grewup with a lot of women in his house, and he grew up in a way that wonderful West Indian women do things. Everything is in a certain place and done a certain way. I didn't necessarily grow up like that, although I do have West Indian roots. So he likes things structured. If anything is not where it needs to be or in the right place, that’s a conversation.
Alfred: Yeah, I'm a traditionalist, and I believe without order, chaos will ensue. I grew up in a household with West Indian women who were married for 50 and 60 years. And as a boy, I would be able to see them give my female cousins and aunts all these instructions about how to treat their husbands like I was at this university of relationships. I know at times I may seem like a very intense person to her, but I feel like I have very unique insight into why a lot of relationships falter. Some of it is systematic, particularly in our community. We just don't have things in order, and we weren't raised to be in successful relationships.
It’s interesting hearing how your backgrounds shaped different aspects of your relationship. I’m curious, what’s a focal shared value?
Alfred: I think one of the things that we’ve shared and actually impressed me a lot about Crystal was her view on family values. Not to be stereotypical, but she’s half Italian and half Jamaican – and both cultures are known to be big on that. Like during Christmas, we shop for everyone, even the little nephews. I’m always like why are we shopping for all these people? But secretly, I really like that because I come from a matriarch where my grandmother made clear that everything was God first and then family immediately after.
Finally, what do you love most about each other?
Crystal: I love how he loves me. But I also love who he is as a man, how structured he is, and how he tells me what’s best for me even when I don’t want to hear it.
Alfred: The reality is that she has the biggest heart that I’ve ever come into contact with in a romantic sense. I can be mad at her, and the second I see her in pain – I go to mush. It’s priceless. I don’t have children yet, but I understand how fathers melt when their little girl’s face melts. Plus, I’m an artist and a bit intense. You know how that goes. We have self-destructive tendencies sometimes. But I can honestly say that whenever you see me, I represent not only myself but my wife, my family, my mother, and my roots.
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