You may be familiar with Nivea through her hit songs “Don’t Mess With My Man” and “Complicated,” but thanks to her reality television arrival, we are seeing the woman behind the music. The singer stars in the Will Packer-produced Peacock dating series Queens Court alongside Tamar Braxton and Evelyn Lozada. The series features the three women being courted by several men in an effort to find love. From day one, Nivea captivated viewers with her infectious laugh and down-to-earth personality, with many people wanting to see more of the Atlanta native on our TV screens. However, Nivea never expected to have this newfound fame.
“I never thought of myself as no TV personality chile, like never,” Nivea admits to xoNecole. “But watching the show back, I’ve literally catching myself laughing, falling out, screaming, and laughing at myself. So with that being said is that I’m always so uncontrollably myself like it could be shocking, I guess even for me. But I’m glad I made people laugh, or they could relate to me because I was definitely being myself.”
*Spoiler alert*
While the dating series was a unique experience for all the ladies involved, Nivea found herself in quite a conundrum throughout most of the show. Unlike Tamar and Evelyn, who were both able to narrow down their options to one guy by the finale, the “Laundromat” singer had two guys she couldn’t quite shake, Ty and Mack. The difficulty of choosing between the two men was apparent as Nivea would often say on the show how both of them appealed to different sides of her. The mom of four tells me that she was really “torn between the two all the way up until the end.”
But in the finale, she made the ultimate decision of choosing herself.
“I’m a very instinctual being, and I trusted honey,” she explains. “I’m so into my intuition, and I really go with [my] gut feelings, and I kept saying I’ll know since it took up to the last dang on day anyway. I said okay, when I’m making this final decision, I’ll feel where my heart is pulling me, what my mind is saying, and everything was saying, nah, neither one was the one.”
She continues, “You know when you know. As I’ve had not-so-great relationships, I’ve had good, healthy ones as well, so I know what that exchange at least should feel like. The same way as you know when something don’t feel right, so I had to say deuces to both of them. And Mack and Ty are so cool, though. I had two cool dudes, I must say.”
"I said okay, when I’m making this final decision, I’ll feel where my heart is pulling me, what my mind is saying, and everything was saying, nah, neither one was the one.”
Nivea is a mother to four children. She shares three children with her ex-husband, singer/ producer The-Dream, and one with rapper Lil Wayne. While those relationships didn’t work out, the “Okay” artist is determined to find her person and credits her self-love journey in helping her weed out those who aren’t worthy of her love. Being on Queens Court complemented her personal journey as she felt like the process was a form of “therapy” for her.
She explains how talking with the guys, the hosts of the series, Holly Robinson Peete and Rodney Peete, and Evelyn and Tamar, helped her see things about herself that she needed to change such as setting boundaries and no longer always putting others’ needs in front of her own.
“Tamar and Evelyn showed me that it’s nothing wrong with being like, ‘I'm not putting up with that shit.’ Like, I don’t have to take this,” she says. “They are very much set in knowing of what they deserve, and anybody that's not honoring that of what they want in their lives then they stop it at the door.
“I’m the 200th chancer, you know what I mean, and now it’s like from not just in every way. I’m not allowing a lot that I would use to in the past. Like uh, uh, stop that bullshit at the door before it festers like I'm used to doing.” While her self-love journey is ongoing, she can now take what she has learned so far and apply it to her dating life. The beloved singer got emotional as she began sharing the type of man she wants in her future.
Nivea
Photo courtesy of Nivea
“I’m looking for somebody who mirrors me now. That mirroring in the past, my God, and now I’m able to say dang, I did do that. I was a part of that. Now that I love who I’m becoming, I want that mirrored. I’m okay with what’s coming next because I know I’m a better me,” she says as she becomes overwhelmed with emotion.
“I know this time around it will be because, I hate to say it, I've been forced to do self-work and just constantly being let down and disappointed and heartbroken. It forces you to say, like seriously what am I doing wrong? And I don’t like that word wrong because, a lot things are yin and yang, and more left and right than right and wrong.
"Now that I love who I’m becoming, I want that mirrored. I’m okay with what’s coming next because I know I’m a better me.”
She continues, “I’m just ready for the next season, I know that my next forever person is going to be a support system for me. They will be spiritual, they will be educated in many ways. I can feel it. It’s gonna be really powerful and I can’t wait chile. I’m glad I’m finally ready and I can trust myself again.”
Nivea just released her new song “Killa” and will be releasing the music video soon. She is also working on her new album.
Follow Nivea on Instagram @thisisnivea.
Feature image courtesy of Nivea
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The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
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Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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