The man I loved epitomized all of the obvious signs that he had checked out of our relationship. I honestly didn't know what to do.
He stopped making me a priority, he wouldn't return my calls, and he had even forgotten to show up for our date night once. Despite those happenings, somehow I had missed the telltale signs that this man wasn't feeling me anymore! Broken-hearted doesn't even describe what I felt when I realized that his disinterest was fact and not fiction.
I could tell things were falling apart, but like most women, I wanted to give him one more chance in hopes that things would change. Newsflash: they won't, and they certainly didn't.
It's time we reclaim our time from "ain't sh-t" men, and allow the signs we see to act as warnings to check out of the relationship before the water runs dry. Here are 6 definite signs that it's time to break up with him, girl.
1.The Silent Treatment
Girl, if your once slightly talkative boyfriend won't talk to you anymore, it's cause for concern. Communication is completely vital to a healthy and vibrant relationship. No partnership can exist without proper communication.
Rationally speaking, not every man is a chatterbox. In fact, this sign may be much harder to evaluate with the quiet, stoic types. But trust me, if he used to ask you about your day and would genuinely listen but doesn't care to know at all anymore, he's emotionally disconnected.
There are ebbs and flows in every relationship, so it's important to discern whether your man has truly lost interest, or if he's going through something completely unrelated. Communication is key, so don't be afraid to ask questions. Tell him how his sudden silence is making you feel. If he still refuses to show interest after you express your concern, pack your bags, sis. It's time to break up.
2.You Feel More Like An Option Than A Priority
Don't you just love the puppy stages of a relationship? Where he's seemingly all you can think about, and you're all he can think about? Ahhh. For a short time, it's absolute romantic bliss that you don't want to go away.
But it all stops when you're suddenly pushed further and further down his priorities list. You used to be the first person he'd call when he got off work, but you're noticing your phone is getting drier and drier. Does this sound familiar? Girl, he's showing you EXACTLY what you mean to him. My mother used to tell me, "A man makes time for what he wants," and if he's not making time for you, he doesn't want you anymore.
Life gets busy, but it's important that the person you choose effectively chooses you back. Your partner should be willing to do what it takes to prioritize your wants and needs, just like you would for him. Does this mean that he has to stop hanging out with people he knew before you or putting energy into hobbies he loves? Absolutely not. But balance is important, especially when it comes to maintaining a healthy and functioning adult relationship. You don't need him to be laid up under you 24/7, but weekly date nights might be important for your connection. Would you really want a man that doesn't make you a priority?
3.The Sex Is Whack
Now, we all can tell when the sex isn't good anymore. It's like the plague hit your house, and you're an Egyptian calling out for help from God. What is a girl to do? The once highly sexual man that rubbed your feet every night and gave you head on-demand all of a sudden isn't "interested" anymore. This is a tell-tale sign that he's pulling away from you. From my knowledge, it takes A LOT for a man to emotionally disconnect from you, but when he's unable to be physical, well sista, you're in a world of trouble. Rather than stick around and be unhappy, find a man that can hit it right, day and night. You get the gist.
4.His Future Plans Don't Include You
When your partner starts to say things like, "You're really going to make someone happy someday," or "I can't make you happy", it's a sign that he can see a future with you, but one without him in it. If you have never heard this statement from a man, go ahead and click away from this article, you're on a winning streak that I don't want to mess up! But, if you're like me, some f-ckboy has spoken these earth-shattering words to you, and you didn't know what to do.
I'm here to tell you, when your partner says these things, it's usually to gauge your reaction to their apparent shift in the relationship. The best thing to do is accept it, address it, and move on. No one's got time to harbor unspoken feelings. Let this man go "find himself" on his own time, not yours.
Related: The 4 Types Of F-ckboys & How To Avoid Dating Them
5.Y He Mad Tho?
If you've got a Kevin Hart for the first few months of a relationship who turned into George Jefferson all of a sudden, run for the hills girl, this man has changed! It's an apparent shift in the paradigm of your relationship when your partner consistently gets angry over the smallest things you do. Their perpetual annoyance is… well.. annoying, and indicative of someone that isn't interested in being around you anymore. If your partner acts this way, it's usually because they don't want to hurt your feelings and can't admit that they're finished. In my experience, this happens so that YOU can be the one to end it and relieve him of doing the the dirty deed himself.
6.Your Gut Won't Lie
It's the woman's intuition. All women are equipped with a compass that tells us which direction to go. This subconscious intervention will alert you if things aren't safe, and will allow you to determine whether or not you should run for the hills.
I'm here to tell you, LISTEN TO YOUR INNER VOICE! She's never steered you wrong! Think back, has there ever been a time when you just all of a sudden "knew" that something wasn't right with your man, but you couldn't tell what it was? It's like a little person inside your head is saying, "Girl, don't trust this fool. Don't give him your p-ssy," and yet you did it anyway?
THAT'S the voice we need to start listening to. It's time we start taking orders from her, and not the hairy sister in our panties. Like men, sometimes we let our hormones take the driver's seat, but in this instance, they need to ride along like a happy passenger. Trust those vibes and feelings because your instincts never lie.
Ladies, please understand, the power is yours! Time's up for the damsel in distress calling out for a prince to save her. There is no time life for the sister circles filled with advice on how to get your man back, and tutorials on how to make things work. The truth is, sometimes things aren't meant to work, and that's alright.
Better things come together when good things fall apart. So grab your incense, light it up, and relax. If these signs ever appear in your relationship, they are an omen that it's time to clear your life of toxic energy.
Featured image by Shutterstock
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So, we handpicked one hundred It Girls who embody that palpable It Factor moving through us as young Black women, the kind of motion lighting up the world both IRL and across the internet.
It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.
In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.
In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.
And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.
We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
And through it all, we continue to lift one another. Emma Grede is creating seats at the table. Valeisha Butterfield has started a fund for jobless Black women. Arian Simone is leading in media with fearless conviction. We are pouring into each other in ways the world rarely sees but always feels.
So yes, we are in the midst of societal warfare. Yes, we are being tested. Yes, we are facing economic strain, political targeting, and public scrutiny. But even war cannot dim a light that is divinely ours.
And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.
That is the quiet magic of Black womanhood, our ability to hold both truth and triumph in the same breath, to say yes, and to life’s contradictions.
It is no coincidence that this year, as SheaMoisture embraces the message “Yes, And,” they stand beside us as partners in celebrating this class of It Girls. Because that phrase, those two simple words, capture the very essence of this moment.
Yes, we are tired. And we are still rising.
Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.
This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
So without further ado, we celebrate the It Girl 100 Class of 2025–2026.
We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
Because we are still IT, girl.
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
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Courtesy
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While her grandmother and great-grandmother have passed on, Dreka reflects on that time in her life and how having a farm as an adult is her getting back to her roots. “So the farm was purchased back in 2017, and it was like, ah, that'll just be a place where we go when we're not touring or whatever,” she said.
“But COVID hit, and I was there, and I was on the land, and I just started remembering back to going to my grandmother's during the summertime and freaking picking peas and going and eating mulberries off the freaking tree in the bushes.
“And she literally had cotton plants. I know some people feel weird about picking cotton and stuff. She had cotton plants and I would go and pick cotton out of her garden. And she had chickens, and I literally just broke down in tears one day when I was on the farm just doing all the things, and I'm like, ‘Oh my gosh. I'm literally getting back to my roots.”
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You can catch glimpses of Dreka’s farm life on Instagram, which shows her picking fruit and vegetables and loving on her animals like her camel Eessa. Her passion for growing and cultivating led her to try and grow all of her ingredients for her wellness brand, Dreka Wellness. However, she quickly realized that she might be biting off more than she could chew. But that didn’t stop her from fulfilling her vision.
Watch below as Dreka talks more about her business, her wellness tips, breaking toxic cycles, becoming a doula, and more.
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Originally published on September 20, 2024