The 5 Lessons That Have Prepared Me For My Thirties As A Spiritual Woman
As my solar return draws near, I have been reflecting on the experiences of my 20s.
Within a whole decade of life, I have broken away from a restrictive religious upbringing, spent years in karmic and unrequited romantic relationships, survived my "hoe phase," graduated from film school only to be inactive in the field, experienced many failures, became a full time entrepreneur and freelance writer, adopted a nomadic lifestyle, and found my truth and purpose in life.
In honor of the fact that I enter my 30s this year, I decided to reflect on my biggest life lessons, revelations, as well as old expectations in love, career, and spirituality that have in turn shaped my goals, mindset, and future love life. Cheers to another year.
Overcoming Procrastination & Fear
I found that I used to often say, "Once I do/get/have that, I'll do this, that or the third." The "Once I…" habit was a bad habit that I knew I had to get rid of. I later realized it was a form of fear paired with procrastination, and for those reasons, it was a dangerous combination. Making moves contingent upon something happening before you make those moves is limiting and detrimental to progress.
Shedding the fear of lack and limit has been key to my growth as an entrepreneur, and a manifestor of all that I desire in my life, both professionally and romantically. To outgrow fear is no small feat. Throughout my twenties, I was presented with opportunities to transcend my own self-afflicted fears. It took wisdom to realize that my fears were ever self-inflicted, to begin with. At times, I most definitely gave in because living without fear is very difficult. As I flourish into my 30s, I have learned that true fulfillment and happiness cannot exist, if there is any fear left in your subconscious.
Overcoming Anxiety About Money
I had to learn how to adjust my attitude about money in the sense that I didn't let it spearhead my fears of not achieving goals. I used to have that little nerve in the bottom of my chest that caused anxiety when funds became low or in waiting. I learned not to cling too tightly to the thing that can be as quickly destroyed or taken away as it can be made.
Money is source energy manifested.
I've learned to have faith that all that I need at the right moment in time will be given to me by the universe. One affirmation that has helped me change my perception of money is, "the universe is my immediate and endless supply," from the collection of books "The Complete Works," by Florence Scovel Schwinn. Read it, it's life-changing!
One experience in particular, that strengthened my acceptance of this truth, is when I sublet my apartment prior to my first nomadic move. Long story short, my temporary tenant decided to move out of my apartment a day before the next month's rent was due. Naturally, I was freaking out! After a severe back and forth, the tenant miraculously decided to pay for the upcoming rent, but not stay in the room. This allowed me to replace him with a more secure tenant, and use the money to pay to self-publish my entrepreneurial endeavor, "Melanade Stand's Tarot Card Deck™️," formerly known as, "Brown Girl Tarot."
The gag is, the amount I received was a little bit more than what I needed to pay for my first print. That was divine intervention, and that was the universe supplying me immediately and miraculously.
Surrendering To Patience
Patience has been an ongoing battle for me. Learning to let the passage of time teach lessons that only the passage of time can teach, has been a large pill to swallow.
I've learned not to worry about the timing of my life when it comes to career and love.
Part of what has helped me realize the necessity for patience are the lessons that I learned in failures. Had I not opened up my own speakeasy, I would not have had the experience of being a restaurant owner at all. Although I struggled gaining a consistent stream of clientele, the lessons learned are invaluable. I learned how to write a professional business plan, and create an investment pitch deck and portfolio.
I also learned crucial knowledge of business financials and structure, including calculating your pro forma cash flow, BEP, market analysis, strategy, and implementation, etc. Starting my own spiritual business online has taught me all about branding, market targeting, SEO, copywriting, and social media growth and management.
When it comes to love, I have been in serious relationships, and I have been in serious "situationships." Only the passage of time has taught me to differentiate between the two. I have been deep in love, and I have been deep in lust.
Only the passage of time has taught me what love truly is and has enabled me to find unconditional love for myself before expecting it in someone else.
In general, if you know where you want to go, that is where you'll end up. Gaining experience and soundness of self is what I've cultivated during what felt like stagnation in time. Success takes time. Finding true love takes time. Your progress may speed and slow, but I realized that either way, it never stops.
Learning Humility
I've never been so humbled in my life. I've experienced things that made me stop and realize just how blessed I am. Getting to the lowest point of being homeless, is an experience that is hard for me to put into words. Sitting in one of the worst homeless shelters on Skid Row in Los Angeles, with every tangible possession that I owned, along with everyone else around me, was a slice of humble pie that I never imagined I'd ever eat.
The fact that I have more than some people can ever dream of is such a stifling but totally rewarding experience at the same time. Being able to put yourself in someone else's shoes allows you to have a perspective that's innately unselfish. It allows you to check yourself when you're wrong and stand up for yourself when you're right.
Practicing gratitude for all the things that you do have is the gateway to gaining true abundance. Instead of being thankful for having more things, become thankful for what it is you already have. Being humble has changed my entire purpose. It has helped dissolve my ego and push me to become a better person in service to others.
Realizing Self-Love, Self-Care & Self-Awareness
I've learned what it is I want in love and how it mirrors what I can give. I know what kind of man I want, and why I deserve that kind of man. I've learned that it is okay to be firm in what it is that you need in a significant other and not wasting one minute settling for anything less than what makes you happy.
You can only attract the sum of what you are, so aim high.
My future partner will embody the essence of myself in another vessel, and I'll accept nothing less.
The same understanding applies to family and friends. Over the last several years, it seems like I have shed so many people around me who were toxic to my progression. I've had "best friends" who were really enemies and I've had family members who might as well be strangers. The lessons I've learned have been in cutting the chords to anyone who has only reciprocated negativity and toxicity.
On the flip side, I had to learn where I have been toxic within myself. I had to see myself as a mirror of other people's pain that I reflected back to them. I've had to learn how to call myself out on my own BS, and learn to take accountability for my shortcomings. I had to see that through my very extroverted nature, I often made myself the center of attention without self-awareness of this negative trait.
Through a journey of self-love, self-care, self-awareness, and spiritual transformation, I have become an entirely different person than who I was at the start of my second decade of life.
Choosing a life of purpose led by intuition has ultimately led me to who and where I am now.
Here I am 30! I am ready for the next 10 years of lessons, in which I hope includes marriage, motherhood, and becoming the woman I was born to become.
xoNecole is always looking for new voices and empowering stories to add to our platform. If you have an interesting story or personal essay that you'd love to share, we'd love to hear from you. Contact us at submissons@xonecole.com.
Featured image by Getty Images
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- These are the life lessons everyone should learn in their 20s | indy100 ›
- 15 hard lessons to learn in your 20s - Business Insider ›
- Eight essential life lessons you'll learn in your twenties | Metro News ›
- 20 Things I Learned In My 20s ›
- 20 Life Lessons I Learned In My Twenties ›
- 10 Life Lessons I Learned from Surviving My 20s | Mark Manson ›
Fontaine Felisha Foxworth is a writer and creative entrepreneur from Brooklyn New York. She is currently on the West Coast working on creating a TV Pilot called "Finding Fontaine", that details the nomadic journey of her life so far. Keep up with her shenanigans @famoustaine on IG.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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It’s almost that time when the girlies are gonna be hopping in the chair to get the most popular style of the warmer seasons: goddess braids. Goddess braids are not just a hairstyle; they're a statement of elegance, power, and divine beauty. Whether you've recently adorned yourself with these stunning braids or are considering them, one thing remains certain: maintaining them is key to preserving their splendor. In this guide, we'll delve into the art of maintaining goddess braids, ensuring they remain flawless for longer periods.
Let’s start with some pro tips from Breanna Knights, a Brooklyn-based stylist with over a decade of experience in the beauty and fashion industry, specializing in goddess braids. She takes pride in maintaining the beauty and longevity of her clients' goddess braids, focusing on ensuring their scalp and curls remain healthy and hydrated.
Knights’ expertise extends to understanding the tension level, hydration needs, and proper cleansing techniques for goddess braids.
Hydration Is Key:
Moisture is essential for maintaining the integrity of your goddess braids. Use a lightweight leave-in conditioner or moisturizing spray to hydrate your scalp and braids. Pay attention to the ends of the braids, as they tend to be the driest part. Avoid heavy products that can weigh down the braids and cause buildup.
“To maintain neatness and longevity for goddess braid styles, I recommend treating the goddess hair just as you would your natural curls," Knights tells us. "This consists of putting up your hair at night in a bonnet. I also encourage using mousse or a bottle of water mixed with conditioner to make the curls bounce back. These two options depend on if the curls are a synthetic blend, or if it’s 100% human hair."
When it comes to keeping the goddess curls refreshed and hydrated, Knights’ favorite mousse brands include:
Bumble and bumble's Bb Curl Mousse
Bumble and bumble
Bumble and bumble's Bb Curl Mousse is a lightweight mousse that enhances curls with a blend of oils and butters, providing long-lasting volume, and bounce without stiffness.
The Vigorol Mousse Olive Oil
Amazon
The Vigorol Mousse Olive Oil is a fave amongst the girlies. Reviewers say, “Product works well taming frizzy curls as well smoothing natural hair, human hair, and synthetic crochet or individual braided hair. Adds shine without looking or feeling greasy.”
Knights also recommends using Creme of Nature Argan Oil Intensive Conditioning Treatment mixed with water in a spray bottle. “These products are sure to bring curls back to life," she adds.
If you’re looking for particular techniques or tricks to alleviate tension or discomfort often associated with wearing goddess braids, Knights shares that knotless goddess braids are usually done with less tension at the scalp, rather than traditional braids. “I highly suggest gauging tightness throughout your braiding session with your stylist. Should your braids end up too tight, one of my favorite go-to's is the Bumble and bumble’s Hairdresser's Invisible Oil. It provides a cool sensation on the scalp, without over saturating the scalp with oil,” Knights says.
The stylist also suggests a spray bottle with water to relieve tension. Additionally, less styling in the first few days of installing the braids to avoid scalp irritation.
Gentle Cleansing:
One topic that can be confusing when committing to goddess braids is the washing process. Should I wash my braids? How often should I wash them? We had all the questions, and Knights came with the tea. “Everyone’s wash [day] routine is different. To each client’s discernment, by weeks 3-4, if your scalp is itchy or shows signs of dandruff, it would be safe to wash your braids.
"I highly recommend paying more attention to the scalp rather than the braids itself. Keeping the braids up in a bun while saturating the scalp will keep the curls from matting and tangling during the wash process. After washing the scalp I recommend reapplying mousse and tying the hair down with a scarf to help tame any frizz that may occur after washing.”
Protect Your Crown:
One of the biggest keys to the longevity of goddess braids is having a braid bonnet and shower cap to ensure that the braids are dry. Invest in a satin or silk bonnet or scarf to protect your goddess braids while you sleep. Cotton pillowcases can cause friction, leading to frizz and flyaways. Additionally, tying your braids with a silk scarf can help preserve their shape and prevent them from unraveling.
“Combing through the loose curls with your fingers and having a routine to ensure that the hair isn't matting or entangling into one another can help with longevity as well," Knights shares. "The same way you’d care for your curls after a successful wash day would also promote the longevity for any 'goddess' style!”
Courtesy
Regular Touch-ups:
As your natural hair grows, your goddess braids may begin to loosen or develop new growth around the edges. Schedule regular touch-up appointments with your hairstylist to re-braid the edges and ensure a seamless look. Avoid leaving braids in for too long, as this can cause tension on the scalp and lead to breakage.
Minimize Manipulation:
While it's tempting to constantly touch and style your goddess braids, excessive manipulation can lead to frizz and premature loosening. Limit the use of styling tools and refrain from pulling or tugging on the braids. Embrace the natural beauty of your braids and allow them to flourish with minimal interference.
Nourish from Within:
Maintaining healthy hair starts from within. Ensure you're consuming a balanced diet rich in vitamins, minerals, and hydration to promote hair growth and vitality. Incorporate foods such as fruits, vegetables, lean proteins, and plenty of water into your daily routine for optimal hair health.
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