He stopped making me a priority, he wouldn't return my calls, and he had even forgotten to show up for our date night once. Despite those happenings, somehow I had missed the tell tale signs that this man wasn't feeling me anymore! Broken-hearted doesn't even describe what I felt when I realized that his disinterest was fact and not fiction.
I could tell things were falling apart, but like most women, I wanted to give him one more chance in hopes that things would change. Newsflash: they won't, and they certainly didn't.
It's time we reclaim our time from "ain't sh-t" men, and allow the signs we see to act as warnings to check out of the relationship before the water runs dry. Here are 6 definite signs that it's time to break up with him, girl.
1.The Silent Treatment
Girl, if your once slightly talkative boyfriend won't talk to you anymore, it's cause for concern. Communication is completely vital to a healthy and vibrant relationship. No partnership can exist without proper communication.
Rationally speaking, not every man is a chatterbox. In fact, this sign may be much harder to evaluate with the quiet, stoic types. But trust me, if he used to ask you about your day and would genuinely listen but doesn't care to know at all anymore, he's emotionally disconnected.
There are ebbs and flows in every relationship, so it's important to discern whether your man has truly lost interest, or if he's going through something completely unrelated. Communication is key, so don't be afraid to ask questions. Tell him how his sudden silence is making you feel. If he still refuses to show interest after you express your concern, pack your bags, sis. It's time to break up.
2.You Feel More Like An Option Than A Priority
Don't you just love the puppy stages of a relationship? Where he's seemingly all you can think about, and you're all he can think about? Ahhh. For a short time, it's absolute romantic bliss that you don't want to go away.
But it all stops when you're suddenly pushed further and further down his priorities list. You used to be the first person he'd call when he got off work, but you're noticing your phone is getting drier and drier. Does this sound familiar? Girl, he's showing you EXACTLY what you mean to him. My mother used to tell me, "A man makes time for what he wants," and if he's not making time for you, he doesn't want you anymore.
Life gets busy, but it's important that the person you choose effectively chooses you back. Your partner should be willing to do what it takes to prioritize your wants and needs, just like you would for him. Does this mean that he has to stop hanging out with people he knew before you or putting energy into hobbies he loves? Absolutely not. But balance is important, especially when it comes to maintaining a healthy and functioning adult relationship. You don't need him to be laid up under you 24/7, but weekly date nights might be important for your connection. Would you really want a man that doesn't make you a priority?
3.The Sex Is Whack
Now, we all can tell when the sex isn't good anymore. It's like the plague hit your house, and you're an Egyptian calling out for help from God. What is a girl to do? The once highly sexual man that rubbed your feet every night and gave you head on-demand all of a sudden isn't "interested" anymore. This is a tell-tale sign that he's pulling away from you. From my knowledge, it takes A LOT for a man to emotionally disconnect from you, but when he's unable to be physical, well sista, you're in a world of trouble. Rather than stick around and be unhappy, find a man that can hit it right, day and night. You get the gist.
4.His Future Plans Don't Include You
When your partner starts to say things like, "You're really going to make someone happy someday," or "I can't make you happy", it's a sign that he can see a future with you, but one without him in it. If you have never heard this statement from a man, go ahead and click away from this article, you're on a winning streak that I don't want to mess up! But, if you're like me, some f-ckboy has spoken these earth-shattering words to you, and you didn't know what to do.
I'm here to tell you, when your partner says these things, it's usually to gauge your reaction to their apparent shift in the relationship. The best thing to do is accept it, address it, and move on. No one's got time to harbor unspoken feelings. Let this man go "find himself" on his own time, not yours.
Related: The 4 Types Of F-ckboys & How To Avoid Dating Them
5.Y He Mad Tho?
If you've got a Kevin Hart for the first few months of a relationship who turned into George Jefferson all of a sudden, run for the hills girl, this man has changed! It's an apparent shift in the paradigm of your relationship when your partner consistently gets angry over the smallest things you do. Their perpetual annoyance is… well.. annoying, and indicative of someone that isn't interested in being around you anymore. If your partner acts this way, it's usually because they don't want to hurt your feelings and can't admit that they're finished. In my experience, this happens so that YOU can be the one to end it, and relieve him of doing the the dirty deed himself.
6.Your Gut Won't Lie
It's the woman's intuition. All women are equipped with a compass that tells us which direction to go. This subconscious intervention will alert you if things aren't safe, and will allow you to determine whether or not you should run for the hills.
I'm here to tell you, LISTEN TO YOUR INNER VOICE! She's never steered you wrong! Think back, has there ever been a time when you just all of a sudden "knew" that something wasn't right with your man, but you couldn't tell what it was? It's like a little person inside your head is saying, "Girl, don't trust this fool. Don't give him your p-ssy," and yet you did it anyway?
THAT'S the voice we need to start listening to. It's time we start taking orders from her, and not the hairy sister in our panties. Like men, sometimes we let our hormones take the driver's seat, but in this instance, they need to ride along like a happy passenger. Trust those vibes and feelings because your instincts never lie.
Related: You Are Not The Exception: 5 Dating Mistakes You Need To Stop Making Immediately
Ladies, please understand, the power is yours! Time's up for the damsel in distress calling out for a prince to save her. There is no time life for the sister circles filled with advice on how to get your man back, and tutorials on how to make things work. The truth is, sometimes things aren't meant to work, and that's alright.
Better things come together when good things fall apart. So grab your incense, light it up, and relax. If these signs ever appear in your relationship, they are an omen that it's time to clear your life of toxic energy.
Featured image by Shutterstock
Have you ever been at work and realized that your male coworker or boss keeps interrupting you? Well, you're not crazy, sis! Studies have shown that men and women are socialized to communicate differently and for that reason, men are prone to make themselves heard, even if it's at your expense. In a 2014 study at George Washington University, it was noted that during conversation, men were 33% more likely to interrupt women who were talking than they were to interrupt other men.
Even though we've done so much as a society to learn the differences between the sexes, men still have trouble waiting their turn to speak, especially when a woman is added to the equation. This miscommunication all stems from how each sex interprets conversation.
We love to joke that men are from Mars and women are from Venus, and I'm starting to believe there is truth to this generalization. We communicate differently, thus creating issues in our day to day life, but also in the workplace. I know you're probably thinking of that one male coworker right now that made you mad the other day, but hold your tongue and put down the bat, girlfriend. As it turns out, he might not understand the problem. Gender communication expert Deborah Tannen breaks it down best: men speak to determine and achieve power status, while women speak to determine and achieve connections. Very different, right?
In American society, the person speaking is usually determined to be in the position of power, so who wouldn't want to be seen as the one leading the conversation? That's probably a factor in why men feel entitled enough to interrupt women while in conversation. But, if you're like me, you're probably wondering, how can we make this stop? Time's up, after all.
Let's be honest, it's going to take much more time and patience for both sexes to change their modes of communication. But, as we approach a new era, it's time we integrate new systems into the workplace that will help each party better navigate effective communication. No "manterrupting" included. Below are some helpful communication tips that will benefit men and women on their journey to understanding each other.
Men
If you're "manterrupting" because you simply can't remember what you're going to say, write it down! Otherwise, communication will forever be stifled by the excuse of forgetfulness and bad memory. A handy dandy pen and paper can fix the need to interrupt conversation in ways that jumping in front of someone else's train of thought will not. Your thoughts and opinions aren't more valid or more important than the those of the person you're speaking to, so wait your turn and follow the natural flow of conversation.
If you feel the need to interject, make sure it's because you have a valid point and apologize for your interruptions. Every interruption isn't personal, and as a society, we must recognize when and when not to get offended.
Women
If you find yourself constantly being interrupted, try to change the way you're making points when interrupted. For example, speak more concisely so the interrupters have less of a chance of sneaking in and interrupting.
If you find that manterrupting is a constant annoyance, speak with conviction and ask for what you need. If your coworker constantly interrupts you, address the situation. Now, I'm not advocating going off on him right in the middle of a board meeting. Instead, tell your coworker that you've got a few other important points to make and would like to finish. Surely, they'll get your point.
Lastly, don't take it personally. As Don Miguel Ruiz famously said, people rarely do things because of you, their actions are always a reflection of how they feel about themselves in that moment. While studies suggest that men naturally feel more comfortable interrupting women than other men, it's still not a factor that should make you question your validity in the workplace. If you've done all you could do and find that your coworker still interrupts, understand that sometimes interruptions come with conversation. If nothing else, it can be a teachable moment. Use it as an opportunity to improve your listening skills.
You might be able to show your manterrupting coworker a thing or two about effective communication.
