Cortney Frierson, hailing from Tennessee, has spent several years in the television industry and is currently a Producer for a company in midtown Manhattan. Stay up-to-date on her documentaries on Instagram @cortney_couture.
6 Signs That Your Man Has Checked Out Of The Relationship
The man I loved epitomized all of the obvious signs that he had checked out of our relationship. I honestly didn't know what to do.
He stopped making me a priority, he wouldn't return my calls, and he had even forgotten to show up for our date night once. Despite those happenings, somehow I had missed the tell tale signs that this man wasn't feeling me anymore! Broken-hearted doesn't even describe what I felt when I realized that his disinterest was fact and not fiction.
I could tell things were falling apart, but like most women, I wanted to give him one more chance in hopes that things would change. Newsflash: they won't, and they certainly didn't.
It's time we reclaim our time from "ain't sh-t" men, and allow the signs we see to act as warnings to check out of the relationship before the water runs dry. Here are 6 definite signs that it's time to break up with him, girl.
1.The Silent Treatment
Girl, if your once slightly talkative boyfriend won't talk to you anymore, it's cause for concern. Communication is completely vital to a healthy and vibrant relationship. No partnership can exist without proper communication.
Rationally speaking, not every man is a chatterbox. In fact, this sign may be much harder to evaluate with the quiet, stoic types. But trust me, if he used to ask you about your day and would genuinely listen but doesn't care to know at all anymore, he's emotionally disconnected.
There are ebbs and flows in every relationship, so it's important to discern whether your man has truly lost interest, or if he's going through something completely unrelated. Communication is key, so don't be afraid to ask questions. Tell him how his sudden silence is making you feel. If he still refuses to show interest after you express your concern, pack your bags, sis. It's time to break up.
2.You Feel More Like An Option Than A Priority
Don't you just love the puppy stages of a relationship? Where he's seemingly all you can think about, and you're all he can think about? Ahhh. For a short time, it's absolute romantic bliss that you don't want to go away.
But it all stops when you're suddenly pushed further and further down his priorities list. You used to be the first person he'd call when he got off work, but you're noticing your phone is getting drier and drier. Does this sound familiar? Girl, he's showing you EXACTLY what you mean to him. My mother used to tell me, "A man makes time for what he wants," and if he's not making time for you, he doesn't want you anymore.
Life gets busy, but it's important that the person you choose effectively chooses you back. Your partner should be willing to do what it takes to prioritize your wants and needs, just like you would for him. Does this mean that he has to stop hanging out with people he knew before you or putting energy into hobbies he loves? Absolutely not. But balance is important, especially when it comes to maintaining a healthy and functioning adult relationship. You don't need him to be laid up under you 24/7, but weekly date nights might be important for your connection. Would you really want a man that doesn't make you a priority?
3.The Sex Is Whack
Now, we all can tell when the sex isn't good anymore. It's like the plague hit your house, and you're an Egyptian calling out for help from God. What is a girl to do? The once highly sexual man that rubbed your feet every night and gave you head on-demand all of a sudden isn't "interested" anymore. This is a tell-tale sign that he's pulling away from you. From my knowledge, it takes A LOT for a man to emotionally disconnect from you, but when he's unable to be physical, well sista, you're in a world of trouble. Rather than stick around and be unhappy, find a man that can hit it right, day and night. You get the gist.
4.His Future Plans Don't Include You
When your partner starts to say things like, "You're really going to make someone happy someday," or "I can't make you happy", it's a sign that he can see a future with you, but one without him in it. If you have never heard this statement from a man, go ahead and click away from this article, you're on a winning streak that I don't want to mess up! But, if you're like me, some f-ckboy has spoken these earth-shattering words to you, and you didn't know what to do.
I'm here to tell you, when your partner says these things, it's usually to gauge your reaction to their apparent shift in the relationship. The best thing to do is accept it, address it, and move on. No one's got time to harbor unspoken feelings. Let this man go "find himself" on his own time, not yours.
Related: The 4 Types Of F-ckboys & How To Avoid Dating Them
5.Y He Mad Tho?
If you've got a Kevin Hart for the first few months of a relationship who turned into George Jefferson all of a sudden, run for the hills girl, this man has changed! It's an apparent shift in the paradigm of your relationship when your partner consistently gets angry over the smallest things you do. Their perpetual annoyance is… well.. annoying, and indicative of someone that isn't interested in being around you anymore. If your partner acts this way, it's usually because they don't want to hurt your feelings and can't admit that they're finished. In my experience, this happens so that YOU can be the one to end it, and relieve him of doing the the dirty deed himself.
6.Your Gut Won't Lie
It's the woman's intuition. All women are equipped with a compass that tells us which direction to go. This subconscious intervention will alert you if things aren't safe, and will allow you to determine whether or not you should run for the hills.
I'm here to tell you, LISTEN TO YOUR INNER VOICE! She's never steered you wrong! Think back, has there ever been a time when you just all of a sudden "knew" that something wasn't right with your man, but you couldn't tell what it was? It's like a little person inside your head is saying, "Girl, don't trust this fool. Don't give him your p-ssy," and yet you did it anyway?
THAT'S the voice we need to start listening to. It's time we start taking orders from her, and not the hairy sister in our panties. Like men, sometimes we let our hormones take the driver's seat, but in this instance, they need to ride along like a happy passenger. Trust those vibes and feelings because your instincts never lie.
Related: You Are Not The Exception: 5 Dating Mistakes You Need To Stop Making Immediately
Ladies, please understand, the power is yours! Time's up for the damsel in distress calling out for a prince to save her. There is no time life for the sister circles filled with advice on how to get your man back, and tutorials on how to make things work. The truth is, sometimes things aren't meant to work, and that's alright.
Better things come together when good things fall apart. So grab your incense, light it up, and relax. If these signs ever appear in your relationship, they are an omen that it's time to clear your life of toxic energy.
Featured image by Shutterstock
Let's just be honest with ourselves for a moment, shall we? When you're over the age of 25, if you're like me, you start to see all of your friends pairing off. Getting married, having little humans, and buying houses.
The freelancer in me screams at the thought of so much commitment…but the fairytale-loving, Prince Charming-hopeful at the age of 27, yearns for such tell-tale signs of maturity. What's a girl to do?
My journey is normal; I started off listening to the words of the elders. They warned me of not being married by a certain age and the many horrors that come along with not conceiving before 30.
Well, to that I say: F*CK THAT.
After the third wedding I attended in the span of two years, I knew I couldn't listen to the drowning thoughts of yesteryear and had to pave a trail that suited me best. Let me make myself clear, I am very happy for those that choose to get married young, best of luck to you and I pray you've found everlasting, eternal love that never ends and grows stronger by the day...yada yada yada. But as for me and my house, we are waiting.
Let's be real though, the five-year-old girl within us all is screaming that she wants to be the bride and not just the attendee. Suppress those thoughts and follow me into the Promised Land with these 3 helpful tips to surviving wedding season:
Don't be jealous, get zealous!
The way that I get zealous is by finding really great wedding gifts that seem helpful for the couple. Shopping is every woman's aphrodisiac, so the time spent will be fun, and then you'll be able to get a great gift that a friend can use for their impending life. I'm a huge believer in karma or reaping what you sow. If you put out happy energy for other people, happy energy returns to you. Let's be honest, when you're hitting the pavement, heading to your 9-5, you'll want that positive energy.
Show up ready to stunt.
Now, being that you're not the bride, you can never wear white. But you can rock the sleekest and sexiest wedding outfit you can find. Girl, this is your chance to be fine for no reason, eat free food, drink, dance, and not worry about the future…because it's not your wedding! I won't lie, I'm usually wasted.
Affirm your ass off.
I know it sounds weird at first, but when you consistently remind yourself of what you've accomplished, who you are, and your goals and plans for the future, you won't feel swayed at the sight of the impending nuptials. Every day leading up to the wedding, read quotes, affirm yourself that your choices are RIGHT FOR YOU, and never allow anyone to make you feel bad for your decisions. Ultimately, they're yours.
Keep in mind my ladies in waiting, wedding season can be fun, exhausting, and absolutely tormenting, but it can also be great if you're set with the right tools. Happy wedding season lovebirds!
Featured image by Shutterstock