As Told To is a recurring segment on xoNecole where real women are given a platform to tell their stories in first-person narrative as told to a writer.
This is Amina Peterson's story, as told to Charmin Michelle.
My all-time favorite moment as a sex doula has an ironclad NDA—so I can't really talk about it. Sorry. But a close second was the time I was leading a large group of black women into a meditational masturbation session.
It was unbelievable. The energy in the room was so powerful. Pieces of art fell from the walls as some of us reached orgasm. Like, completely fell off the wall. Whew. The women who were at that session were all very new to tantra, to sexual liberation, and to me.
If they didn't believe in me before, they certainly left believing in me then.
Ha! Yes, ladies. I'm great at what I do.
Introduction Of A Goddess
My name is Amina, and I am your Goddess, Sex Doula, Intimacy Guide, and Somatic Bodyworker. You could say my line of work is a mixed plate—I also run a "church" of women who subscribe to my teachings, placing me in the role of teacher/leader often. I use a variety of tools, including meditation, touch, reiki, breath, BDSM, and talk therapy to guide people into an expanded sexual experience, encouraging healing from traumatic past experiences, and accessing pleasure points in the body. My sessions with my clients are very different—we meet online, in group sessions, on massage tables, and in beds.
My sex work meets the client where they are, moving them to where they desire to be.
I was actually closeted deep in the shadows of sex work until 2016–completely anonymous. I never used my face in my ads, I even went by a pseudonym. I suppose I was still holding on to a bit of shame around my work, which prevented me from reaching my full potential. I continued to work in corporate, in highly visible positions, which threatened my work, so this caused me to hide—and for the longest, I thought I was unnoticed.
Silly, right?
Well, one day while at dinner with a group of women I had known for years, I was outed. They were complaining about the lack of intimacy in their relationships, the frustrations they were dealing with, and sex problems. One of the women looked at me and said, "Amina, why don't you help us? Isn't this what you do?"
I sat stunned. And it quickly became obvious that these women had been following me and that I really wasn't hiding from anyone. From that moment forward, I resolved not to hide anymore.
Which I guess was right on time because I've seen over the years, sex work become more visible in the black community, which is making it more safe, sought after, and maintaining a level of accountability that was missing before. When I first started going to to Tantra events, I would be the darkest, youngest person in the building. Now, my classes have mothers and daughters together, and my clients are all ages. The Tantra Fest had attendees ranging from ages 18-70.
Our community has the juice, even in sex work. When we chant we sound good, you hear me. Like, soulful kirtan is a THING and we do it well.
My upbringing consisted of a mish-mosh of things. My biggest complaint is that my mother, a hotep-ish fan of Dr. Sebi, raised us without sweets. She also raised us without religion, which I'm incredibly grateful for. We were home-schooled, initially, with several other children from the neighborhood, but a toxic marriage took a toll on my mother's mental health and she divorced my stepfather. Soon after, we began attending public school.
There was a lot of Muslim and Buddhist influence in our home from growing up around my mother's African and Asian friends in the shadows of 80's East Coast hip hop. My father died when I was 11, causing my life to take an unfortunate series of twists and turns in my teenage years. After several years as a queer runaway and living on the street, at age 17, I returned to Islam—which really helped to frame my concept of womanhood, the divine feminine, and the subjugation of that energy.
Birth Of A Sex Doula
I was 19 when I answered an ad in the Chicago Reader for a sexual surrogate with the Father of Sex Surrogacy, Dr. Dean Dauw. That was my first dip of the toe into the work. I was on scholarship at the University of Illinois, still receiving my father's death annuity, and I was in the Army reserves, so I can't say I needed the money, but I was intrigued. I didn't stay long with Dr. Dauw, as my own understanding, and issues, with God, sex, shame, and guilt were amplified in the work. I ended up running back to the mosque, donning the hijab, burying myself in prayer and fasting, and settling down to become a good Muslim wife.
It turned out that traditional marriage and orthodox Islam weren't the best fit for me, and after my second divorce, I removed the veil. I hired a massage therapist, and that woman provided me with more embodied joy than I even knew I was capable, of and certainly more than I had felt in the years of selfish lovers and inattentive husbands. I knew at that moment I wanted to give that kind of pleasure to people. With that, I closed my business, a small restaurant on the south side of Chicago, and went to massage school.
I eventually began studying and working as a birth doula, focusing on prenatal and infant massage in my program. However, on Craigslist I was able to work from home, where massage therapy was busy enough to pay rent when birth clients were slow.
When I learned that I could increase my fee from $50 an hour to $150 an hour if I went topless and touched genitals, it was an easy decision.
This was over 17 years ago, before the Craigslist Killer and SESTA/FOSTA.
Life was good.
I moved to Hawaii in 2005, where therapists were calling their offerings "Tantra Massage". I had never heard of it, but I fckin loved the idea, so I looked into it. After reading several books on Tantra, I started offering elements of Tantra to my sessions, and I haven't looked back since.
But I've certainly had my ups and downs in navigating my world. The biggest stigma being sex workers, as a whole. So many believe that sex work isn't work. And working for yourself in the industry is somehow degrading and less than real work. I work just as hard for myself as I did for anyone else, and it is way more rewarding. I really try to just show up authentically in my world so people get to meet and see a sex worker, that way we are not just mythical creatures. No. I certainly exist and I am your neighbor, your sister, your friend. I am not trafficked, and I never have been. Too many think that men are exploiting women in this industry; when clearly this isn't true—80% of my clients are women.
My Life Today + My Lessons + My Teachings
I recently married again (they say the third time's a charm, right?), and reside in Atlanta which is the blissful lane I've lived in since our marriage.
We practice ethical non-monogamy (he is also a sex worker). We have a non-sexual partner that we share and we are open to dating separately, but admittedly, it's hard. There is still a lot of fear and stigma around non-monogamy in the black community, so put that on top of my work, and it gets tricky. Also, I prefer women, and a lot of women who date women, have an additional stigma with women who are still having sex with men. Because of this, dating for me is a lot of flirting and first dates…not much after that. I'm OK with that, though.
I have my hands full and I know that moving in flow will allow beautiful partners to move in and out of my life in a way that is healthy and productive for all involved.
Courtesy of Amina Peterson
Anyway, ladies, if you're interested in joining my world, make sure you heal, heal, heal. And absolutely nothing less.
I struggled for a long time while I learned how to heal myself. I had to in order to defend myself against all of the energy that I would consume working with other people. Find a community of folks who are sex-positive and lean on them as much as you can. Support is everything in this. If you can't find one, email me. Don't go at this alone.
I always choose to empower. Love is empowering. And reminding ourselves how powerful our love is, and that it needs nothing in return—not even more love—is the most empowering thing we can offer ourselves. I am in the business of selling love. As a sex doula, my love is my commodity. I am healing every day with the power of love. Sex, orgasm, intimacy: these are all just byproducts of love.
As of today, I'm honestly not sure what's next for me. The COVID-19 lockdown has me asking myself that all the time. I started my school to teach others how to offer this type of work and I really want to continue teaching as I learn more. I've moved some classes online, but I don't want to be an online school. I want to offer mentoring and coaching in a space where I can physically contact you as much as possible. I am really trying to spend about half of my time with students and half with clients. So, we'll see what the future brings.
But sex is my happy space, and always has been. And that's where you'll be able to find me.
To keep up with Amina and learn some of her sex and spiritual teachings, follow her @atltantra on Instagram. Amina also hosts the annual Tantra Fest in Atlanta which takes place Fall 2020.
Feature image courtesy of Amina Peterson.
RELATED
So, we handpicked one hundred It Girls who embody that palpable It Factor moving through us as young Black women, the kind of motion lighting up the world both IRL and across the internet.
It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.
In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.
In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.
And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.
We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
And through it all, we continue to lift one another. Emma Grede is creating seats at the table. Valeisha Butterfield has started a fund for jobless Black women. Arian Simone is leading in media with fearless conviction. We are pouring into each other in ways the world rarely sees but always feels.
So yes, we are in the midst of societal warfare. Yes, we are being tested. Yes, we are facing economic strain, political targeting, and public scrutiny. But even war cannot dim a light that is divinely ours.
And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.
That is the quiet magic of Black womanhood, our ability to hold both truth and triumph in the same breath, to say yes, and to life’s contradictions.
It is no coincidence that this year, as SheaMoisture embraces the message “Yes, And,” they stand beside us as partners in celebrating this class of It Girls. Because that phrase, those two simple words, capture the very essence of this moment.
Yes, we are tired. And we are still rising.
Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.
This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
So without further ado, we celebrate the It Girl 100 Class of 2025–2026.
We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
Because we are still IT, girl.
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
Apparently, there was a Thanksgiving episode that featured all of the friends having dinner together. And y’all, there was simply no way that I was going to mention the latter without shouting out the original (amen?).
Okay, so with that out of the way — Friendsgiving. Something that I appreciate about twists to holidays like this is that it’s a reminder that there is no one way to celebrate special occasions. And so, if, for whatever the reason, you will not or cannot be with family during the holiday season, there are certainly other alternatives at your disposal.
That being said, if the thought of spending time with friends this Thanksgiving is something that you’d like to do, yet you’re not sure how to host it in a way that will make Friendsgiving a fan favorite for your entire circle — I’ve got 10 suggestions that can make the planning process easy as pumpkin (or sweet potato) pie.
1. Position Chrysanthemums or Orchids for Your Table Décor
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Let’s start with décor first. Listen, aside from cleaning up your place, you don’t have to be over the top. If you put together a really nice centerpiece or put a flower at each table setting, honestly, you’re all good. And if you’re someone who is big on details and symbolism, my recommendation would be to go with some chrysanthemums and/or orchids.
When it comes to chrysanthemums, not only are they a peak fall flower, they represent things like friendship and happiness. And orchids? They tend to bloom during the fall and spring seasons and, not only are they about luxury, certain orchid colors also symbolize friendship (for the record, yellow roses symbolize friendship too). Perfect.
2. Incorporate Scents That Cultivate Gratitude
Speaking of cultivating a warm and inviting space, you can never go wrong with scented soy candles — or at least having an essential oil diffuser in a few spots. Some scents that actually help to bring in the spirit of gratitude include vanilla, jasmine, ginger, cedarwood and frankincense.
3. Use Upscale Paper Products to Dine With
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Let’s be real — a lot more of us would probably host events in our home if it wasn’t for the mess that is left behind in our kitchen once the festivities are over. Wanna avoid that? Use paper plates. No, I don’t mean the cheap Styrofoam ones. SMDH. These days, there are paper (and plastic) plate brands that will low-key blow your mind when it comes to how bougie they look. Some that are worth considering are located here, here and here.
4. Handwrite Thank-You Notes (Use Them As Place Settings)
If you’re like Tiffany (from the HBO series Insecure — what a time) was at that memorable dinner party when all hell broke loose between Lawrence and Issa and you’re pretty anal — I mean, particular — LOL — about place settings, it’s a nice touch to pick up some blank thank-you cards that you can write a personalized “I’m thankful for you because…” message in. Place each one where you’d like each friend to sit. They won’t see it coming and it’s a really nice touch.
5. Have Everyone Bring Their Favorite Homemade Dish
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Okay, and what if what has you on the fence about hosting is you don’t feel like doing a ton of cooking? Chile, this is where the concept of having a potluck comes in. Get everyone to bring the dish that they claim they cook the best and make sure to let them know how many individuals you plan on coming (so that they will make enough). You can even make a game out of it by having everyone anonymously vote for the first, second and third best dishes out of the bunch. Take it up a notch by having a prize for each winner.
6. Take a Warm Drink and Dessert Poll Beforehand
You know what isn’t discussed enough about dinner parties? Folks bringing desserts that other people don’t even like. SMDH. You can avoid this from becoming an issue at your Friendsgiving by sending an email (most people prefer that to group chats; let’s be real — and make sure to BCC everyone as well) asking everyone to share what their top three favorite desserts and warm drinks are. Then pick the top 2-3 out of the bunch. That way, you won’t have a ton of (for instance) coffee cake or apple cider lying around that no one even wanted in the first place.
7. Create a Signature Friendsgiving Mocktail and Cocktail
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Speaking of drinks, another way to make your Friendsgiving memorable is to come up with a signature mocktail (for those who don’t consume alcohol) and cocktail. For the mocktail, you can also poll your friends about their favorite mocktail or fruits and come up with a mixture of your own. For the cocktail — although National Friendship Day is actually in August, I did peep that there are certain drinks that have been created in its honor. Some of them are located here for you to do a bit of tweaking on (if you’d like).
8. Ask Everyone to Share Their “Favorite Friend Quality” of Another
You know how it’s customary for everyone to go around and share what they are truly thankful for before having dinner? Well, to continue along with the Friendsgiving theme, have each person share what their favorite friend quality is about the person to their right. If folks are just meeting each other for the first time, instead they can share what they value the most in friendship overall, along with a story of how it was displayed to them personally over the past 12 months.
9. Send Each of Your Guests Home with a Fresh Gratitude Journal
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Wanna send folks home with a nice parting gift? It would be so on-trend to give each of them a gratitude journal. Listen, we are in some crazy times right through here (at least in the States) and so, encouraging your friends to set some time aside, regularly, to think about and then outwardly express what they are grateful for? That helps to keep stress down, keep things in perspective and it reminds us all to maintain a positive mindset as much as possible.
10. Watch a Nostalgic Movie
While everyone is enjoying dessert and drinks, how about watching a movie that brings back fond memories? A list of some of the most popular movies to come out previous Thanksgiving weekends is located here and a list of some favorite Black holiday-themed films can be found here. It’s a way to wind down and share some laughs before everyone heads home.
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Friendsgiving. What a wonderful way to celebrate your friends while also observing Thanksgiving in a way that is totally on your terms. And now that you know how to put it together, what are you waiting for? Hit your friends up and let them know that, whether it’s on actual Thanksgiving Day or a few days before or after, you’ve got a special dinner in mind.
One that has a good time with amazing friends written ALL over it.
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Featured image by PeopleImages/Shutterstock