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I'm A Sex Doula & I’ll Teach You How To Find The Sex Goddess In You
As Told To is a recurring segment on xoNecole where real women are given a platform to tell their stories in first-person narrative as told to a writer.
This is Amina Peterson's story, as told to Charmin Michelle.
My all-time favorite moment as a sex doula has an ironclad NDA—so I can't really talk about it. Sorry. But a close second was the time I was leading a large group of black women into a meditational masturbation session.
It was unbelievable. The energy in the room was so powerful. Pieces of art fell from the walls as some of us reached orgasm. Like, completely fell off the wall. Whew. The women who were at that session were all very new to tantra, to sexual liberation, and to me.
If they didn't believe in me before, they certainly left believing in me then.
Ha! Yes, ladies. I'm great at what I do.
Introduction Of A Goddess
My name is Amina, and I am your Goddess, Sex Doula, Intimacy Guide, and Somatic Bodyworker. You could say my line of work is a mixed plate—I also run a "church" of women who subscribe to my teachings, placing me in the role of teacher/leader often. I use a variety of tools, including meditation, touch, reiki, breath, BDSM, and talk therapy to guide people into an expanded sexual experience, encouraging healing from traumatic past experiences, and accessing pleasure points in the body. My sessions with my clients are very different—we meet online, in group sessions, on massage tables, and in beds.
My sex work meets the client where they are, moving them to where they desire to be.
I was actually closeted deep in the shadows of sex work until 2016–completely anonymous. I never used my face in my ads, I even went by a pseudonym. I suppose I was still holding on to a bit of shame around my work, which prevented me from reaching my full potential. I continued to work in corporate, in highly visible positions, which threatened my work, so this caused me to hide—and for the longest, I thought I was unnoticed.
Silly, right?
Well, one day while at dinner with a group of women I had known for years, I was outed. They were complaining about the lack of intimacy in their relationships, the frustrations they were dealing with, and sex problems. One of the women looked at me and said, "Amina, why don't you help us? Isn't this what you do?"
I sat stunned. And it quickly became obvious that these women had been following me and that I really wasn't hiding from anyone. From that moment forward, I resolved not to hide anymore.
Which I guess was right on time because I've seen over the years, sex work become more visible in the black community, which is making it more safe, sought after, and maintaining a level of accountability that was missing before. When I first started going to to Tantra events, I would be the darkest, youngest person in the building. Now, my classes have mothers and daughters together, and my clients are all ages. The Tantra Fest had attendees ranging from ages 18-70.
Our community has the juice, even in sex work. When we chant we sound good, you hear me. Like, soulful kirtan is a THING and we do it well.
My upbringing consisted of a mish-mosh of things. My biggest complaint is that my mother, a hotep-ish fan of Dr. Sebi, raised us without sweets. She also raised us without religion, which I'm incredibly grateful for. We were home-schooled, initially, with several other children from the neighborhood, but a toxic marriage took a toll on my mother's mental health and she divorced my stepfather. Soon after, we began attending public school.
There was a lot of Muslim and Buddhist influence in our home from growing up around my mother's African and Asian friends in the shadows of 80's East Coast hip hop. My father died when I was 11, causing my life to take an unfortunate series of twists and turns in my teenage years. After several years as a queer runaway and living on the street, at age 17, I returned to Islam—which really helped to frame my concept of womanhood, the divine feminine, and the subjugation of that energy.
Birth Of A Sex Doula
I was 19 when I answered an ad in the Chicago Reader for a sexual surrogate with the Father of Sex Surrogacy, Dr. Dean Dauw. That was my first dip of the toe into the work. I was on scholarship at the University of Illinois, still receiving my father's death annuity, and I was in the Army reserves, so I can't say I needed the money, but I was intrigued. I didn't stay long with Dr. Dauw, as my own understanding, and issues, with God, sex, shame, and guilt were amplified in the work. I ended up running back to the mosque, donning the hijab, burying myself in prayer and fasting, and settling down to become a good Muslim wife.
It turned out that traditional marriage and orthodox Islam weren't the best fit for me, and after my second divorce, I removed the veil. I hired a massage therapist, and that woman provided me with more embodied joy than I even knew I was capable, of and certainly more than I had felt in the years of selfish lovers and inattentive husbands. I knew at that moment I wanted to give that kind of pleasure to people. With that, I closed my business, a small restaurant on the south side of Chicago, and went to massage school.
I eventually began studying and working as a birth doula, focusing on prenatal and infant massage in my program. However, on Craigslist I was able to work from home, where massage therapy was busy enough to pay rent when birth clients were slow.
When I learned that I could increase my fee from $50 an hour to $150 an hour if I went topless and touched genitals, it was an easy decision.
This was over 17 years ago, before the Craigslist Killer and SESTA/FOSTA.
Life was good.
I moved to Hawaii in 2005, where therapists were calling their offerings "Tantra Massage". I had never heard of it, but I fckin loved the idea, so I looked into it. After reading several books on Tantra, I started offering elements of Tantra to my sessions, and I haven't looked back since.
But I've certainly had my ups and downs in navigating my world. The biggest stigma being sex workers, as a whole. So many believe that sex work isn't work. And working for yourself in the industry is somehow degrading and less than real work. I work just as hard for myself as I did for anyone else, and it is way more rewarding. I really try to just show up authentically in my world so people get to meet and see a sex worker, that way we are not just mythical creatures. No. I certainly exist and I am your neighbor, your sister, your friend. I am not trafficked, and I never have been. Too many think that men are exploiting women in this industry; when clearly this isn't true—80% of my clients are women.
My Life Today + My Lessons + My Teachings
I recently married again (they say the third time's a charm, right?), and reside in Atlanta which is the blissful lane I've lived in since our marriage.
We practice ethical non-monogamy (he is also a sex worker). We have a non-sexual partner that we share and we are open to dating separately, but admittedly, it's hard. There is still a lot of fear and stigma around non-monogamy in the black community, so put that on top of my work, and it gets tricky. Also, I prefer women, and a lot of women who date women, have an additional stigma with women who are still having sex with men. Because of this, dating for me is a lot of flirting and first dates…not much after that. I'm OK with that, though.
I have my hands full and I know that moving in flow will allow beautiful partners to move in and out of my life in a way that is healthy and productive for all involved.
Courtesy of Amina Peterson
Anyway, ladies, if you're interested in joining my world, make sure you heal, heal, heal. And absolutely nothing less.
I struggled for a long time while I learned how to heal myself. I had to in order to defend myself against all of the energy that I would consume working with other people. Find a community of folks who are sex-positive and lean on them as much as you can. Support is everything in this. If you can't find one, email me. Don't go at this alone.
I always choose to empower. Love is empowering. And reminding ourselves how powerful our love is, and that it needs nothing in return—not even more love—is the most empowering thing we can offer ourselves. I am in the business of selling love. As a sex doula, my love is my commodity. I am healing every day with the power of love. Sex, orgasm, intimacy: these are all just byproducts of love.
As of today, I'm honestly not sure what's next for me. The COVID-19 lockdown has me asking myself that all the time. I started my school to teach others how to offer this type of work and I really want to continue teaching as I learn more. I've moved some classes online, but I don't want to be an online school. I want to offer mentoring and coaching in a space where I can physically contact you as much as possible. I am really trying to spend about half of my time with students and half with clients. So, we'll see what the future brings.
But sex is my happy space, and always has been. And that's where you'll be able to find me.
To keep up with Amina and learn some of her sex and spiritual teachings, follow her @atltantra on Instagram. Amina also hosts the annual Tantra Fest in Atlanta which takes place Fall 2020.
Feature image courtesy of Amina Peterson.
Charmin Michelle is a southern native and creative spirit who works as a content marketer and events manager in Chicago. She enjoys traveling, #SummertimeChi, and the journey of mastering womanhood. Connect with her on Instagram @charminmichelle.
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
Summer Travel Guide: 9 Safest Vacation Spots For Black Women
When it comes to planning and choosing our international travels, there’s one question that is bound to come up: “Is it safe for Black women?”
At times, our travel plans can be halted by whether or not our desired destination is safe not only for solo travel but for overall protection as women of color. We want to have fun, go on excursions, taste the food, and let our hair down, so the last thing we need on our minds is navigating microaggressions and worrying about our safety.
According to a report by The Mandala Research Firm, 17% of Black Americans take one or more international trips and travel locally more than six times per year. Even more exciting, 42% of Black Americans said they would spend more in 2020 on travel than in 2019 (pre-Covid), and 50% of Black adults (16% more than the general population) are more likely to travel to locations associated with their ethnic or cultural heritage. All of this goes to show that we’re not afraid to pack our bags and book flights to our heart's desire.
Our passion for travel and exploration highlights a growing desire to connect with a wide range of cultures while discovering new fresh locales. By choosing destinations with positive reputations for safety and belonging, you can enjoy your next adventure with peace of mind. And to help, we’ve provided a list of the best vacation spots to add to our travel bucket list.
1.Havana, Cuba
Known for its vibrant culture and welcoming locals, Havana offers a unique travel experience for you and your girlfriends. Stroll through the historic streets of Old Havana and immerse yourself in the lively music and dance scenes that make this city unforgettable.
2.Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
Famous for its Carnival, stunning beaches, and warm hospitality, Rio de Janeiro is a lively and safe city to explore all year long. Don't miss a visit to the iconic Christ the Redeemer statue and the bustling Copacabana Beach for a true taste of Rio's energetic spirit.
3.Belize
With its beautiful beaches, diverse wildlife, and laid-back Caribbean vibe, Belize is a safe and adventurous destination for travelers. Discover the underwater wonders of the Belize Barrier Reef and explore ancient Lamanai Maya Ruins.
4.Paris, France
Who doesn’t have Paris, the city of lights, on their travel list? Renowned for its art, fashion, and iconic landmarks like the Eiffel Tower, Paris offers a blend of romance and safety for travelers. Wander through the charming neighborhoods of Montmartre and Le Marais, explore the Louvre, and indulge in the city's exquisite culinary delights.
5.Lisbon, Portugal
Portugal's capital city, Lisbon, charms visitors with its historic architecture, delicious cuisine, and welcoming atmosphere. Enjoy breathtaking views from São Jorge Castle and savor traditional pastries at the famous Pastéis de Belém bakery.
6.Bali, Indonesia
We’ve all seen the viral photos off the Bali coast and Gates of Heaven, so why not make it a reality? Famous for its lush landscapes, vibrant culture, and serene temples, Bali offers a safe and enriching travel experience in Southeast Asia.
7.Tokyo, Japan
Recently, the value of the Japanese Yen has seen a significant drop, making it the lowest it has been against the dollar since 1986, which also means that there’s no better time than now to make your travel plans to the renowned cultural hub.
8.Accra, Ghana
There’s no FOMO like the kind felt from seeing all the beautiful faces enjoying their holiday at Ghana’s Afrochella Festival, so let this be your sign to start planning the trip now. Often referred to as a welcoming home for the African diaspora, Ghana offers rich cultural experiences and a sense of belonging. Explore the vibrant markets of Accra and visit the historic Cape Coast Castle to connect with the nation's poignant past.
9.Seoul, South Korea
You may be surprised to find this city on the list, but for Black travelers, Seoul is said to be one of the safest and most exciting cities to travel to. There will be plenty to eat, buy, and experience from this city’s rich history and culture.
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Featured image by Klaus Vedfelt/Getty Images