Office romances are nothing new, and it makes sense that they'd be something attractive to professionals since we spend a significant amount of our time at work. Recent research has found that more than 60% of adults have had a workplace romance, but I think that number is probably a bit higher, considering that another survey found that 35% don’t report their relationship to their employer. I've also known of many secret rendezvous between folk who work together.
I have to be honest with you, considering a workplace fling, romance, or full-on relationship with someone I work with is a hard no for me. I once hooked up with a guy in my industry while traveling for work, and while we weren't coworkers, we held leading roles in the same city—where the professional circles at a certain level are super-small. (We're talking New York City's Black media scene here).
Things got a bit awkward when I'd see him at events and he'd expect this big, adoring greeting when I really just wanted to move on as if nothing happened. I'd literally act like we never met. Call me savage but at the time, I was in my 20s, he was a bit older, and it was just what it was: a one-time sneaky link. I never called him after he gave me his number, so I thought he got the hint.
I'd always cringe when seeing him at events, thinking, "Has he told anybody about what happened, blowing it up like it was something it wasn't? What if he's a leader on a project or partnership between our two companies, and we actually have to work together? Is he gossiping about me with other men at my company? What if he retaliates in some way since I'd ghosted him after the hook-up?"
Since that day, with all those fears swirling around in my head for a night in bed that was mediocre at best, I made an official rule never to date anybody I work with or anybody in my industry for that matter. Here are a few other good reasons it's just not a good idea:
1. Cheaters abound when it comes to workplace romances.
There's actual research that found that 40% of professionals admitted to cheating on their current partner with a coworker. Funny enough, remember the thirsty guy in the aftermath of the hook-up I mentioned earlier? Just a few years later, I stumbled upon one of his social media updates—a photo of him and his wife—with a "Happy Anniversary" message in the caption. (And the math was indeed mathing. Based on the number attached to the anniversary, he was very married at the time we hooked up, something I had no knowledge of.)
Some men move real weird because right after our little experience, homeboy was literally acting like he didn't have a whole spouse at home, almost appalled that I wasn't interested in sparking anything continuous with him.
Now, I'm not saying all married men cheat on their wives with coworkers, but again, I've known of and personally witnessed this in the workplace. Someone I know is very happily married now, but when she was dating someone she worked with, they both were in relationships. There are also widely publicized accounts of cheating spouses, with one very prominent coming to mind for me involving BET co-founder Bob Johnson and former BET CEO Debra Lee.
2. I want to keep my professional integrity in tact.
I've always been a boys' girl, and I've been privy to some very interesting, eye-opening things men can say about women coworkers. Much of what I'd overhear would be enough for me never to participate in a workplace romance. As much as many of us think women are chatty, men gossip all the same, and trust me, he's telling somebody at the job about whatever it is he and Suzy from Accounting are doing.
I'm really big on protecting the integrity of my reputation as a leading woman in my profession, especially considering how difficult it is for Black women to be respected in certain spaces. We already face enough challenges with being taken seriously, feeling comfortable using our voices, and getting noticed for promotions without adding a certain air of scandal.
And I certainly don't like the idea that someone could attribute the totality of my success to the mere act of sleeping with a man I work with, which is something that has happened to many successful women who actually worked hard, have the skills and talent, and just happened to fall in love with someone on the job. Not all women are sleeping around to get ahead, but the mere possibility somebody could think that about me reinforces why I choose not to mix business and pleasure.
3. I take breakups very hard, thus I don't want to have a meltdown that impacts my livelihood.
I'm a long-term commitment type of girl nowadays, and when relationships end, after I've invested years, I'm always super-sad and need quite a bit of time and space to heal. I'd hate to be going through that process while having to see and work with the same person I'm heartbroken over, whether we broke up because of something they did or because I ended it.
More research has found that people dating someone they work with experience a 17% increase in fear over a potential breakup. Fear can lead to “a heightened sense of anxiety surrounding the outcome of their relationship.”
I really don't have time to be processing through feelings of failure and emotional distress while trying to avoid any interactions with an ex at work. I need my me-time to get through my breakup feels in peace.
4. I like to be noticed and acknowledged alone, not competing in the shadow of a coworker or boss I'm dating.
Listen, the Capricorn in me is not only ambitious but loves a good accolade and acknowledgment. I work hard, take myself and my work very seriously, and really don't prefer my greatness being overshadowed by a boss or coworker I share a bed with. Again, men already have a certain advantage in the workplace (oftentimes a very undeserving one), whether it's pay, promotions, or a simple public thank you in a meeting.
I've often found that even dating men outside my industry—whose work has absolutely nothing to do with what I do for a living and doesn't nearly compare in terms of duties, salary, or prestige—there's still an ego battle. If I have to work late, attend conferences, or travel, there's always a bit of questioning, jealousy, or resentment, sometimes resolved with a candid conversation or via a breakup.
I like being in a relationship where my man's accolades are his own, and neither of us competes with the other. The media industry is super-competitive, and again, men have an advantage. Sleeping with resentment and envy is something even the most humble loving man might do simply to save face.
Dating someone in my industry or at my job is simply something I don't find rewarding nor worth the risk, and I think I've been able to sustain healthy relationships because of the boundary I've set never to do it.
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Adrian Marcel On Purpose, Sacrifice, And The 'Signs Of Life'
In this week's episode of xoMAN, host Kiara Walker talked with R&B artist Adrian Marcel, who opened up, full of heart and authenticity, about his personal evolution. He discussed his days transitioning from a young Bay Area singer on the come-up to becoming a grounded husband and father of four.
With honesty and introspection, Marcel reflected on how life, love, and loss have shaped the man he is today.
On ‘Life’s Subtle Signals’
Much of the conversation centered around purpose, sacrifice, and listening to life’s subtle signals. “I think that you really have to pay attention to the signs of life,” Marcel said. “Because as much as we need to make money, we are not necessarily on this Earth for that sole purpose, you know what I mean?” While he acknowledged his ambitions, adding, “that is not me saying at all I’m not trying to ball out,” he emphasized that fulfillment goes deeper.
“We are here to be happy. We are here [to] fulfill a purpose that we are put on here for.”
On Passion vs. Survival
Adrian spoke candidly about the tension between passion and survival, describing how hardship can sometimes point us away from misaligned paths. “If you find it’s constantly hurting you… that’s telling you something. That’s telling you that you’re going outside of your purpose.”
Marcel’s path hasn’t been without detours. A promising athlete in his youth, he recalled, “Early on in my career, I was still doing sports… I was good… I had a scholarship.” An injury changed everything. “My femur broke. Hence why I always say, you know, I’m gonna keep you hip like a femur.” After the injury, he pivoted to explore other careers, including teaching and corporate jobs.
“It just did not get me—even with any success that happened in anything—those times, back then, I was so unhappy. And you know, to a different degree. Like not just like, ‘I really want to be a singer so that’s why I’m unhappy.’ Nah, it was like, it was not fulfilling me in any form or fashion.”
On Connection Between Pursuing Music & Fatherhood
He recalled performing old-school songs at age 12 to impress girls, then his father challenged him: “You can lie to these girls all you want, but you're really just lying to yourself. You ain't growing.” That push led him to the piano—and eventually, to his truth. “Music is my love,” Marcel affirmed. “I wouldn’t be a happy husband if I was here trying to do anything else just to appease her [his wife].”
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Self-Validation, No Meals After 5 P.M. & The Wellness Rituals That Helped Lizzo Take Her Power Back
Don't let the "weight release" fool you, Lizzo's transformation wasn't just physical. It was spiritual, emotional, and deeply personal. In her Women's Health cover story, the "Good As Hell" artist opened up about the low point that became the catalyst for radical change in her life, inside and out.
In the summer of 2023, Lizzo found herself at the center of what she calls painful allegations when some of her former dancers filed a lawsuit against her. The 37-year-old singer has denied their claims, and though she has experienced "backlash my entire career," going through such legal woes coupled with public scrutiny proved to be detrimental to her mental health, leading her to one of the darkest periods of her life.
She told Women's Health, "I got very paranoid and isolated. I wasn’t even talking to my therapist. I wasn’t present. I wasn’t open. I wasn’t myself anymore."
After spending months in isolation, Lizzo, whose real name is Melissa Viviane Jefferson, decided to go to a tour stop on the Renaissance World Tour. She was nervous that the public would shun her, boo her, or reject her, but instead, she was embraced. It shifted something in her and after feeling so in the dark, she saw the light again. "It made me feel like, wow, maybe I don’t want to die," she shared with Women's Health.
"That was the kick-starter to me being like, ‘Okay, Melissa, get your ass in gear and take your f*cking life back.’"
Her first step in Operation Get Your Life Back? Cutting out the external noise. She gave her team total control of her social media and stopped looking at comments. "My validation was from external sources, people telling me they loved me, or that I look good, and accepting me," she explained. "But if that’s all I’m getting my validation from, when it changes—and it will, because people are not always going to like you—what happens? Where are you going to get your love from?"
Lizzo continued, "I can convince myself that I’m beautiful, my body fine, no matter how big or small. But reminding myself that you can’t let others tell you who you are—that was hard work."
Lizzo started going to therapy again, she started practicing quigong meditation, reading books, journaling, and doing sound baths. She released unhealthy relationships, drank echinacea tea, and began incorporating Pilates as a means to "feel sacred" and "be gentle" with herself.
But what many have interpreted as a "weight loss transformation" after she popped out sharing she met her "weight release" goal earlier this year, Lizzo has clarified that it has been something deeper for her than the aesthetic of a smaller body. "I wanted to be big-girl skinny," she told the mag. "Every big girl knows what I’m talking about. Big-girl skinny is 250 pounds." According to her, it was her back issues that inspired her to take the physical part of her wellness journey seriously.
I DID IT! #weightrelease
@lizzo I DID IT! #weightrelease
Through her friend Kelly Rowland, she linked up with her now-trainer Marvin Telp and developed a fitness regimen that prioritized strength and intention. Her weekly schedule now includes moves like single-leg deadlifts, reverse flies, and lateral lunges, along with infrared sauna sessions and cardio. Add to that a change in eating habits after realizing her vegan diet no longer served her (to be fair, she wasn't doing the vegan thing the "healthiest" way).
All the meat substitutes, bread, cashew cheese, and soy left her bloated and lightheaded, so now she's switched things up a bit to fill the nutritional gaps. When it comes to diet, it's heavy on the protein and vegetables for Lizzo. A typical day eating looks like scrambled eggs and cauliflower hash browns for breakfast, Thai chicken salad or lettuce wraps for lunch, and turkey meatloaf with greens for dinner.
She also has a strict cutoff of no meals after 5 p.m. to support her GERD and give her body the time it needs before bed to digest her food sans the acid reflux. Of her relationship with food and wellness, she told Women's Health, "There's a balance. I think that's what true health is."
Read Lizzo's full cover story with Women's Health here.
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