I met my husband for the first time while we were working together in the military. Immediately it was magic. He fumbled over his words, I bashfully smiled, and it was painfully obvious that we both felt butterflies.
From there, our casual friendship turned into a whirlwind romance. He made me dinner every chance that he got, we spent hours listening to music, we visited friends, and went on more dates than what we could count.
But for every up, we had just as many downs. The first time we broke up was as exhausting as it was heartbreaking. I cried for several days afterward, and he said that he felt like he was making a huge mistake. I threw away every gift that he ever gave me, and he avoided me. He complained to his friends, as I did mine.
While we were avoiding each other, many of our co-workers had grown very weary of watching our pettiness and pride. Some tried to break us up on purpose, because they just wanted our shenanigans to end already. But others pushed us to do what was really in our hearts, and let love prevail.
Finally, we decided to swallow our pride and make things work, and it was our best decision ever. That was nine years ago, and since then we’ve been through several meetings with a marriage counselor, one pregnancy, tons of crazy family members, and homelessness. Those formative dating years taught us that dating a co-worker can be tricky, yet rewarding if you’re realistic and mature.
This is how I knew that Empire star Grace Gealey (Boo Boo Kitty) was speaking the truth when she talked about workplace relationships during her appearance on FABLife.
The 31-year-old pixie cut beauty now goes by Mrs. Byers after tying the knot in a private ceremony with her "Empire" co-star Trai Byers a few months ago. While she was on the show last year, Grace had some tips for anyone involved in a workplace relationship and showed off her ring. (By the way, I wish someone had told me this years ago when I was dating my husband.)
I think that if two people are mature, and they’re able to understand that [if] this doesn’t work out, cause first I’m not a fan of flings where you work, ‘cause that’s where it gets a little dangerous. I mean if you want to have flings in real life, that’s fine...so I think that if you do get involved at your workplace, you have to know that this is something that you want to be invested in, and this is not something that’s, you know, frivolous and fleeting. And to have the maturity to know that if this doesn’t work out, you’re not going to, you know, throw staplers at the other person.
Grace is one of several Hollywood workplace relationship success stories. Sometimes, you just know that the person that you’re dealing with is a good catch.
Look at how it worked out for Boris and Nicole, Halle Berry and Olivier Martinez, or Ozzie Davis and Ruby Dee.
But some people aren’t into, “Getting their meat where they make their bread.” Take Taraji P. Henson for example. The Empire star says that she’s strongly against workplace relationships, and for good reason. She learned what I failed to realize when I started dating my husband: your professionalism can be compromised as a result.
During a 2012 interview with Sway In The Morning, after being asked if she would date her Think Like A Man co-star Michael Ealy, she responded:
I don’t mix my business with pleasure because nobody is coming between me and my coins. I don’t care how fine he is, and here is the deal with the dangers of playing these [roles]. When you are on the set and you're portraying these characters, those feelings are real. I mean for me, they are, but I’m professional and I know it's a job and I go to work to make pretend and I see how people fall in love on set, but I’m smart enough to know that when they yell ‘CUT’ it’s a wrap. You go back to your regular life and then what happens when you find out that you really fell in love with the character because ‘you, buddy are nothing like that character’. You realize that you’ve been living in a world of make believe. So, I try to separate the two.Now, when the movie is over and months later there is still chemistry going, I am not opposed to exploring that, but I don’t go into the job thinking, ‘Oh that’s who I am going to date next’ because its not about dating, It’s about a job.
If you do decide to date a co-worker, be smart about it. Remember that sometimes things don’t work out the way you’d like. If that happens, try to remain cordial, but don’t compromise your career over a fling. If you know that the person you are with was amazing before you got involved, don’t be petty and reduce them to rubble to save your pride.
Also, remember that your boss is watching. If they see that you can’t be mature about a workplace relationship, the fallout behind it could hurt you and the person you’re involved with financially, and no one wants that.
Featured image by Earl Gibson III/Getty Images for BET
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At the top of 2022, I started diving deeper into human design and used it to harness my energy, avoid burnout, and attract aligned opportunities to my life. And, honestly, it has been life-changing! So let’s get into it!
While other self-discovery tools may help us understand how we are, human design can help us understand our core energy power and how we can optimize it to be who we are meant to be. The practice combines aspects of Astrology, numerology, Kabbalah, chakras, and I Ching to create a blueprint unique to each individual.
At its core, human design is based on the understanding that individuals are composed of nine energy centers or chakras, which are all interconnected. These centers influence various aspects of our lives, including relationships, career choices, health, and emotions. By understanding our personal energy centers, we can begin to recognize patterns within our lives that may no longer serve us and make informed decisions about changes we would like to make to create more balance and harmony. What’s not to love?
Well, while all of that sounds great, let’s get back to my main point: I really didn’t understand what any of that meant when I first looked up human design. If that’s you right now, I’ll break it down for you below.
Finding Your Human Design Type
Human design is based on five distinct energy types: Generators, Manifestors, Projectors, Reflectors, and Manifesting Generators. Each type brings a unique set of gifts and challenges, but all require a conscious approach to channeling one’s power to be successful.
You can quickly search human design calculator to find your type. All you’ll need is your date, time, and place of birth.
Now I will need you to get that time of birth precisely right because I fumbled mine by a few minutes and got a completely different type. (If you’re not sure when you were born, it’s time to call your mama!)
When you get your chart, it will say several things, but today, we will focus on each type’s strategy (how to align with your type’s unique power) and not-self theme (how you’ll know you’re not in alignment with your strategy).
The Five Human Design Types
hip hop squares intuition GIF by VH1Giphy1. Generators
We’re kicking it off with Generators because it’s likely that you are one. They make up about 70% of the planet (including manifesting generators); as the name implies, these folks have undeniable energy. They are the busy bees of the world and were made to build.
If you’re a Generator, your strategy is to respond, not to initiate! That can feel confusing because we usually hear we should go out and chase what we want. But you have a unique way you should go about it.
When looking at a human design chart, Generators will always have a defined sacral center. This gives you the capacity to generate energy for life and work. Your strategy to respond also means that you need to trust your intuition. Instead of chasing after any and everything because you can, you need to use your intuition and your endless supply of energy “to respond” to those opportunities that light you up.
Check your chart for your “authority,” which will give you deeper insight into your decision-making process.
And trust me, opportunities will come left and right because being a Generator means you have an open and enveloping aura constantly pulling life towards you.
When you ignore the above by initiating or chasing opportunities instead of responding, not checking in with your authority, and choosing opportunities that are just “okay,” you will activate your not-self theme of frustration, feeling “stuck,” and you can even end up quitting.
When a Generator lives in alignment with their human design, they will experience their signature: satisfaction.
2. Manifesting Generators
Manifesting Generators are part of that 70% of generators in the world. And much of what is true for a Generator is true for a Manifesting Generator. Similar to pure Generators, Manifesting Generators respond to life through their defined sacral center before initiating and they utilize a strategy of waiting to respond before initiating energy.
The difference between Generators and Manifesting Generators is that Manifesting Generators are designed to move from responding to initiating quickly—basically, they go in hot! For this reason, you can sometimes seem restless or impatient as your human design type is coupled with the desire to act even though there is an intrinsic need to wait.
But just like that spark can burst into a flame that will get you going on your next project, it can quickly burn out when it’s not the right project. So once again, tune in to your authority and respond to the right opportunities.
When a Manifesting Generator lives in alignment with their human design, they will experience their signature: freedom.
Snl Season 47 GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphy3. Manifestors
Don’t shoot the messenger, but, Manifestors are the only ones that should be initiating. These folks make up about 9% of the world and are here to get things started! They are innovative, thriving off freedom and autonomy.
The unique Manifestor magic is in their strategy to inform. Not everyone's ready to handle a Manifestor's powerful impact. Your aura is naturally closed-off and repelling, which can be intimidating for some. Some folks may feel energetically off around a Manifestor and not even understand why. Others may perceive a Manifestor as arrogant.
But because you have a defined throat center in your chart, you are very influential when you speak. Opening up and informing other types about your big plans can relax the energy around you, allowing you to initiate in peace. While you may be tempted to move in silence, you’re not a sacral being like the Generators and may not have the energy to carry out your big plans.
Manifestors are among the types that are recommended to work less than 6 hours a day. Not only may you need to get buy-in for your plans, but not informing can set off your not-self theme anger which will only increase the resistance to your plans.
When Manifestor lives in alignment with their human design, they will experience their signature: peace.
4. Projectors
Now, remember how I told you to make sure you got the time right when calculating your type? Well, I first got a Manifestor, which is so dope, right? I’m the ONLY type that gets to initiate? Heck yes! Welp, I ended up being a Projector, and it turns out that instead of being able to initiate, my strategy was to…wait for an invitation? I was confused and lowkey disappointed, but now I get it!
To all my Projectors, we make up about 20% of the world. We are the seers and guides of society. We have an absorbing and penetrating aura that allows us to see deeply into people and things in a way that no other type can, so it’s easy for us to bring ideas to life by directing energy and helping others reach their potential. That’s why we make such fantastic leaders, guides, and advisors.
Our strategy is to wait for the invitation. While we may so easily see the inefficiencies at work or the incompatibility of our friend’s relationship, when we are not recognized and invited in to offer our two cents, we can quickly be hit with a “who asked you?” or worse, we are ignored.
Especially regarding careers, relationships, and big moves, we need to be recognized for our strengths and invited in to share more of them. That means we do not go out chasing opportunities, but instead, we work on embodying the kind of person invited to the opportunities we want and placing ourselves to be seen and recognized. Start tuning in. What are folks always telling you you’re good at, thanking you for, or telling you you should do? Those are already invitations for you from life.
This is hard because every message about success tells us to do the opposite. But what happens when you don’t do this? When you try to force things, and they inevitably don’t go as planned? We activate our not-self theme of bitterness.
But here’s the good news, when a Projector lives in alignment with their human design, they will experience their signature: success.
Serenity Now Meditation GIF by MOODMANGiphy5. Reflectors
Finally, we have the rarest of them all! Reflectors comprise just one percent of the population and are the ultimate chameleons. Reflectors have a unique ability to observe and discern their environment in profound ways, deeply understanding the people, places, and energy around them.
They don’t have defined centers, so they can both accurately reflect their observations and easily become influenced by outside energy sources. Because of this, their strategy is to wait a lunar cycle before making decisions.
Reflectors must use this innate sensitivity to carefully choose who they spend time with, investing in those who feel elevating and expansive while avoiding anything toxic or draining.
Additionally, solo time is fundamental for Reflectors so they can take the necessary breaks from absorbing others’ energies and reset.
When a reflector lives in alignment with their human design, they will experience their signature: harmony.
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Featured image by Diana Simumpande on Unsplash
Originally published on February 6, 2023