

Coco Jones On The Power Of "No" & Freeing Herself From The Fear Of Being Labeled 'Difficult'
Coco Jones’ journey through the industry has often tried to be silenced by the masses, but she never allowed her voice to go unheard. From early exposure as a child star on Disney Channel’s Next Big Thing competition and Let It Shine with Tyler James Williams and Trevor Jackson to using her personal platform to advocate for darker-skinned Black women at the hands of colorism, the R&B crooner hasn’t shied away from the opportunity to be seen in spaces that weren’t meant for women like her.
However, there was once a point in time when young Jones didn’t have the same amount of confidence in her decisions. Surprisingly, Jones admitted to me that her relationship with boundary setting and even the word “no” was not always a close-knit relationship.
“Over the past few years, I have grown to love the word 'no,'” she told xoNecole. While she admitted that she used to think it was a “very bad word” associated with being difficult to work with and diva-like behavior, she now knows that there’s nothing negative about setting boundaries and doing what’s right for yourself. “I literally would not [say 'no'] because I didn't want to be perceived that way, but I think knowing your worth makes a 'no' [a] very useful word. Being confident that the opportunities that are for you will be for you makes ‘no’ a safe word.”
Jones continued, “I think standing firm on your boundaries helps with being courageous, and being courageous is similar to being confident. I think they go hand in hand. You have to believe that you will [still] have good things. You have to believe that the right people will come into your life when you push out the wrong people. That takes courage, which I think in turn builds your confidence.”
Courtesy of Pure Leaf
While the word is only two letters long, it carries a lot of impact, and when using said word, sometimes you have to deliver it subtly sweet. Enter stage left, Jones' partnership with Pure Leaf for a second year in a row to dismantle the myth that saying "no" has to be a sour, instead of sweet, experience for the person delivering the package and receiving it.
Last year, Jones introduced viewers to the Subtly Sweet "Hotline," where the singer helped callers achieve the perfect balance of sweetness and bold boundary-setting. Fast forward to 2023, Jones is seen taking her acting chops to the small screen as she stars in "As Seen on Pure Leaf" – an in-faux-mercial promoting the power of "no," via Coco's TikTok and on Peacock's Streaming Service. When presented with the idea of partnering with Pure Leaf, Jones was instantly aligned with the brand based on her industry experience and "what it takes to really survive as yourself and to not lose yourself," she explained to xoNecole.
"Overall, it just really is a useful tool. I think so much of our lives, we feel this pressure to succumb to what people say we have to be or to people please," Jones continued. "I love that me and Pure Leaf are very aligned when it comes to saying no and being okay with staying true to your boundaries."
As a Black woman in the industry, Jones is no stranger to the trope of being labeled as the angry Black girl or the difficult diva in the entertainment world just because she wanted to say the once-deemed ugly two-letter word. Now, Jones uses her platform loud and proud to show her fans and followers the power of standing firm in your power and setting your boundaries. As a public figure, she recognizes that she has a sense of responsibility to the younger generation following her to be as true to herself as possible.
“I am on a platform, and I think my fans and honestly, the world, can really tell what's authentic and what's forced, especially with social media and all of the constant content that's out there,” Jones added.
“People would be steered incorrectly if they were to see me succumb to the pressures and be somebody that I'm not authentically, after all of this time.”
For Jones, choosing the road less traveled in an effort to remain authentic and true to herself is more satisfying than being someone that the industry would attempt to mold her into. “It was more important to choose the longer route, if it meant saying 'no' to the necessary things so that somebody watching my journey can feel motivated to continue to be their truest self in their journey, no matter how long it takes,” Jones added.
Joe Scarnici / Stringer/Getty Images
While she was growing up in the public eye, Jones admitted to xoNecole that she didn't experience much pushback because she was "so happy to be doing any of the roles." Rather than standing her ground, Jones did not want to jeopardize the opportunity to be in the room. Fast forward to her adulthood, she uses the strength that she has accumulated to become more in tune with herself and her voice to set her boundaries and subtly, sweetly "put people back in line."
Day by day, Jones practices boundaries by working on herself internally - including all aspects of emotional, spiritual, and mental well-being - and being aligned with the "why's" in her life. "I think one of my non-negotiables in general that is across the board is dishonesty. Especially being a child of this industry, I'm so traumatized by lies. I just can't," Jones admitted.
"I need honesty in all regards, even if it's a harsh truth. I respect people telling me truths that are not that easy to say because I hold honesty in very high regard. That's one of my non-negotiables in everything - personal, friendship, relationship, business."
For her supporters who may want to practice setting their own boundaries but don't want to sound too brash, Jones suggests practicing with yourself before going straight into the lion's den with others. "Honestly, practice in the mirror as well. That's something that I do. I will write down my points, and they will be very articulate, very educated, and then you can't push back because I've already practiced in the mirror," she added jokingly.
Specifically, when it comes to her role as Hilary Banks in Peacock's Bel-Air, Jones admires her character for being someone who doesn't fool around when it comes to her boundaries being crossed. While the original Hilary, portrayed by Karyn Parsons, didn't originally look like Coco Jones, the "ICU" singer adored the Zillennial fictional Bel-Air princess for her confidence, decisiveness, and not taking shit from anyone when it comes to following her own dreams.
Tim Mosenfelder / Contributor/Getty Images
"One thing about Hilary, she knows how to set her boundaries very subtly [and] sweetly. She might be a little salty too, but that representation can change the outcome of someone's lives. I wasn't necessarily intimidated; I was more honored that I got to do that," Jones said. "I really do learn from Hilary how to be a boss, to be decisive, to be self-assured in places where you have to stick up for yourself."
Retrospectively, before Jones and I closed out our conversation, I asked her where she could personally improve on her boundary-setting practices. "Lord, is this therapy?" she laughed. While I assured her that our conversation is a safe space, as it always is whenever we chop it up, she thought back to the notion of mixing business with pleasure and the idea that the political is always personal.
"I need to work more on my boundaries with friendship and business. I think a lot of the times, you get so comfortable working with glam and people really close to you. They'd start off as business, and then you become friends, and you're like, Let's hang out, but then it's like, Okay, now I can't say the thing that bothered me in the business side because now we're friends. What do I do?" she added. "I need to work a little bit more on my boundaries of keeping those lines clear and not blurry."
For more of Coco, follow her on Instagram @cocojones.
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From Monogamy To Polyamory: 'I'm In An Asexual Poly Marriage With My Husband Of 7 Years'
Have you ever wondered what it's like to be asexual and in an open marriage? Relationship Coach Mikki Bey shared her first-hand experience with us as well as answered some of our burning questions.
Like a lot of people, Mikki met her now husband, Raheem Ali, online. As soon as they met, they instantly fell in love and got engaged on their first date. Just 90 days after they met, the couple tied the knot and have now been married for seven years. Raheem and Mikki aren’t your typical married couple, and despite being married for almost a decade, their marriage is anything but traditional. Mikki and Raheem have what she calls an "asexual polyamorous marriage."
Defining Her Sexuality
It wasn't until last summer that Mikki found the language to define her sexuality. "I didn't have the language for it until last summer," she explained to xoNecole. "Looking back, I just thought sex wasn't my thing. It was never enjoyable for me, and I'd go years without even noticing.”
Mikki always thought she was broken because she had no interest in sex. Mikki noticed after her friends came to visit and started discussing their sexual fantasies that she realized something was different about her. “At that point, I knew something was definitely different about me since I do not have sexual fantasies at all. It was truly news to me that people are at work thinking about sex! That was not my experience.” This led to Mikki researching asexuality, which she soon realized fit her to a T. “It felt like breathing new air when I was able to call it by name," said Mikki.
"Looking back, I just thought sex wasn't my thing. It was never enjoyable for me, and I'd go years without even noticing it."
Asexuality refers to people who experience little or no sexual attraction, experience attraction without acting on it sexually, or experience sexual attraction differently based on other factors. Like most things, asexuality falls on a spectrum and encompasses many other identities. It's important to remember, however, that attraction and action are not always synonymous: some asexuals may reject the idea of sexual contact, but others may be sex-neutral and engage in sexual activity.
It's possible that some asexuals will have sex with someone else despite not having a libido or masturbating, but others will have sex with a partner because it brings a sense of connection.
From a Traditional Marriage to Kitchen Table Polyamory
Although Mikki never really had a high sex drive, it wasn’t until after the birth of her son, that she noticed her sex drive took a real nosedive. “I never had a high sex drive, but about a year after my son was born, I realized I had zero desire. My husband has a high sex drive, and I knew that it would not be sustainable to not have sex in our marriage at that time.”
She was determined to find an alternative to divorce and stumbled upon a polyamory conversation on Clubhouse. Upon doing her own research, she brought up the idea to their husband, who was receptive. “It’s so interesting to me that people weigh sex so heavily in relationships when even if you are having a ton of sex, it’s still a very small percentage of the relationship activity," Mikki shared.
They chose polyamory because Mikki still wanted to be married, but she also wanted to make sure that Raheem was getting his individual needs and desires met, even if that meant meeting them with someone else. “I think that we have been programmed to think that our spouses need to be our 'everything.' We do not operate like that. There is no one way that fits all when it comes to relationships, despite what society may try to tell you. Their path to doing this thing called life together may be different from yours, but they found what works for them. We have chosen to design a marriage that works for us,” Mikki explained.
"We have chosen to design a marriage that works for us. We both consent to each of us having everything from casual sex partners to lifetime partners if it should go there. We believe love is abundant and do not limit ourselves or each other on how we express it."
She continued, “We both consent to each of us having everything from casual sexual partners to lifetime partners if it should get there. We believe love is abundant and do not limit ourselves or each other on how we express it. Our dynamic is parallel with kitchen table poly aspirations.”
Kitchen table polyamory (KTP) is a polyamorous relationship in which all participants are on friendly terms enough to share a meal at the kitchen table. Basically, it means you have some form of relationship with your partner’s other partner, whether as a group or individually. A lot of times, KTP relationships are highly personal and rooted in mutual respect, communication, and friendship.
Intimacy in an Asexual Polyamorous Marriage
Mikki says she and her husband, Raheem, still share intimate moments despite being in a polyamorous marriage. “Our intimacy is emotional, intellectual, spiritual, and physical, although non-sexual. We are intentional about date nights weekly, surprising and delighting each other daily, and most of all, we communicate our needs regularly. In my opinion, our intimacy is top-tier! I give my husband full-body massages, mani-pedis and make sure I am giving him small physical touches/kisses throughout the day. He is also very intentional about showing me his love and affection.”
Raheem and Mikki now use their lives as examples for others. On their website, thepolycouplenextdoor.com, they coach people interested in learning how to be consensually non-monogamous. “We are both relationship coaches. I specialized in emotional regulation, and Raheem specializes in communication and conflict resolution. The same tools we use in our marriage help our clients succeed in polyamory."
Mikki advises people who may be asexual or seeking non-monogamy to communicate their needs openly and to consider seeking sex therapy or intimacy coaching. Building a strong relationship with a non-sexual partner requires both empathy and compassion.
For more of Mikki, follow her on Instagram @getmikkibey. Follow the couple's platform on Instagram @thepolycouplenextdoor.
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