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Still Don't Know Your Purpose? Answer These 7 Questions.
I’m pretty sure that at least once in your life, you’ve heard the ever-so-popular Mark Twain quote that says, “The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.” Your birthday? That’s a given. However, when it comes to knowing, without hesitation, what you were put on this planet, for such a time as this, to do, did you know that only 25 percent of individuals say that they do?
Nevermind the fact that studies indicate that knowing what your purpose is will help you to live a longer and healthier life; if you don’t know what you’re here for, that can make another definition of purpose very challenging: setting goals and achieving the things that you really wish to accomplish.
Questions To Ask Yourself To Find Your Purpose
So, what do you do if you find yourself being in the majority in the sense that, even if you have a pretty good job and/or hobbies that you enjoy, deep down, you still feel like you don’t know what your purpose is? First, some quotes:
- “Find a purpose to serve, not a lifestyle to live.” (Criss Jami)
- “Make your work to be in keeping with your purpose.” (Leonardo da Vinci)
- “What am I living for and what am I dying for are the same question.” (Margaret Atwood)
And with that framework now laid, as someone who is happy to be among the 25 percent, let me share seven questions that, from my own experience, have helped to confirm to me what my own purpose is — my own “why” when it comes to me being born.
Ask yourself the following 7 questions to find your purpose:
1. What Brings You Peace?
I’ve been studying Hebrew for many years now. It’s interesting because something that my mother used to tell me is I’m violent about my peace and my healing (and yes, it’s a play on words by design). Hmph. Maybe that’s why I like the Scripture in the Bible where Christ says, “Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword” (Matthew 10:34), and then it goes on to explain certain relationships that needed to be separated for the sake of spiritual evolution and transformation.
Anyway, because I am such a fan of peace (and Hebrew culture; Christ was a Jew, after all — Matthew 27:11), I know that the Hebrew word for it is “shalom.” I also know that it also means things like wholeness, prosperity, and security and that it also speaks to walking in agreement with others (bookmark that). All of this is why I thought that there was no better question to lead this all out with than to sit and ask yourself, “What brings me peace? What makes me feel whole and secure? And what could I do to ultimately bring me prosperity without compromising my peace of mind in the process?”
That last part is a real doozy when you factor in that, reportedly, 85 percent of people hate their job. SMDH. If you take this purpose-related question literally and seriously, could that mean that close to 9 out of 10 people are NOT spending most of their waking hours fulfilling their purpose? Have mercy.
2. What Complements Your Personality?
The word “complement” basically means something that completes you. Completion is all about “feeling whole” and “lacking nothing.” With that said, the Hebrew meaning of my name is “Mine; Belonging to Me,” which is basically what Ezekiel 16 references which is why it’s like an anchor text or mission statement for me:
“’When I passed by you again and looked upon you, indeed your time was the time of love; so I spread My wing over you and covered your nakedness. Yes, I swore an oath to you and entered into a covenant with you, and you became Mine,’ says the Lord God.” — Ezekiel 16:8(NKJV)
My mother said that when she was carrying me, her plans were to name me Ryan, whether I was a boy or a girl. Then, when I came out, she said that God told her to name me “Shellie” instead. When I look back over my life and how so much of it consists of covenant work — marriage, sex, and the biblical Sabbath (Exodus 20:8-11 and Hebrews 4) is what I write, speak, and teach on easily 80 percent of the time — I believe her. And you know what? Pretty much all of my 30s and 40s have consisted of me doing something that is tied to those things. I’m a marriage life coach. I’m a doula. I write about sex and relationships. I used to tour with an organization that got people out of the porn industry. I used to be a teen mom director for the local chapter of a national nonprofit. The list goes on and on.
Know what else? Every single gig that I’ve had (including this one at xoNecole) has not asked me to compromise my delivery, my perspective, my qualities — my personality. I mean, even with my first two published books, the publishers came to me. It’s only been when I’ve tried to make myself fit into something that it’s been counterproductive and draining — and oftentimes, “it” wanted me to sacrifice my purpose and passion by altering my personality in order to do it. Red flag…RED FLAG.
So yeah, that’s something else that you need to factor in. Since purpose means “the reason for which something exists or is done, made, used, etc.,” what sense would it make for you to be out here trying to make stuff happen while acting like someone you’re not…while abandoning the core traits that make you…YOU?
3. What Doesn’t Feel Like (Grueling) Work?
Do I have days when I open my eyes, look up at the ceiling, and find myself on some, “I absolutely do not feel like banging on my laptop’s keyboard” or “If one more person hits me up about their problems today, chile…”? Yes. I’m human. And because a lot of my work consists of getting all up into the psyche of humanity, it can be exhausting at times. However, do I ever feel like my work is toilsome or grueling? I can honestly say that not one day in my life has that been the case.
Now, do I have moments when I am not in the best of moods? Yeah, but that’s not purpose-related; that’s because I didn’t eat right, get enough sleep, or honor the boundaries that I set so that folks don’t have me out here running on fumes. Yet when it comes to my purpose, overall, though, it excites me, I’m always doing more reading and research on it, and I feel honored that I would be given the kind of work that I do — that I was created for. It feels like a perfect fit to the point where I am still learning to become financially wiser when it comes to what I charge (especially when it comes to my coaching services) because it really is true that when you do what you adore, it oftentimes doesn’t feel like “work” at all.
That said, what do you find yourself doing, even if it’s only in your leisure time, that doesn’t feel like work at all? It doesn’t feel like work AND you know that it is benefitting you and other people at the same time in some way.
This brings me to the next question.
4. What Do You Get Complimented About Often?
It’s kind of hilarious how “fist in the air” I am (the real ones know what I mean by that) vs. how many white clients I have. Some of them are really white, too — like evangelical white (if you know, you know, chile). If you add that I’ve never been married before (some of us use discernment to avoid being a divorce statistic; real talk), I’m pretty sure you get that many are quite skeptical…initially. That is, until we get a few sessions in, and then there are affirmations galore; no joke.
For instance, a white couple who I’ve been working with for about a year now came to Nashville for a marriage conference. The next time we met (I meet with them separately for now), the husband and wife said to me, “We couldn’t get over how many times we said, ‘Shellie has said that before.’ You really do have a gift.”
It’s another message for another time that a gift is something you naturally have while a talent tends to be an ability that you have to refine (for instance, my brother has the gift of singing while I have a talent for it) yet, I think that the fact that I also study marriage as if my life depended on it, that helps to give me some additional insight and knowledge that even a lot of married folks don’t have (because a lot of people don’t look deeply into marriage let alone marriage as a covenant) — and so, when I share what I’ve learned, compliments come.
That’s why this particular question makes the list. What is something that you do that generally comes with great ease for you that folks think you are amazing at? Another example, is my godchildren’s mom (I see you, Rissi!) recently got shouted out on this platform. People are moved by her singing all of the time, yet she underestimates how good of one she is. A part of it is due to her super beautiful level of humility; another is because…it’s her gift. It comes naturally to her, so it can be difficult for her to grasp why/how it moves so many others.
Your purpose? Whenever you discover what it truly is, you’ll be able to relate to all of what I’m saying. People will be constantly giving you props around a certain thing and you’ll be wondering why. It’s because you were created to do something in a way that no one else can — or ever will. And others recognize it…almost as if you’re moving in supernatural ways (and you just might be).
5. What Spiritually Transforms You?
Although I think that all of these questions are super essential, if you don’t get anything else out of this read, GET THIS: your purpose is designed to spiritually transform you…for the better. Now, does this mean that everyone who is in their purpose is spiritually maturing? Nope. You can look at the entertainment industry, for instance, and know that isn’t true. At the same time, though, if you believe in a Higher Power and you are doing something with your life that has you suffering spiritually in the process, that is a clear sign that something is out of serious alignment because your Creator wouldn’t create you to abandon your spirit just to get something accomplished. To abandon your spirit is to be distracted from fully fulfilling your purpose in life.
And while we’re here, for the record, when I say “spiritual,” I don’t mean religious(check out “What's The Difference Between Being 'Religious' And Being 'Spiritual', Anyway?”). I mean your spirit in the sense of your intellect, emotions, passions, and creativity — because all of those things help to make up your spirit. For me, whether I’m working with a married couple, helping to birth a child, or writing an article like this one, there’s not a time when I don’t walk away from the work that I’m doing not feeling like I have been stretched, I’ve had a significant ah-ha moment, or I have been changed in some significant way — that my spirit (my intellect, emotions, passions, and creativity) has not experienced all of that.
Back in the day, I had some jobs that brought home a paycheck, yet never really did any of this — and that’s a big part of how I knew that they had nothing to do with my life’s work: MY PURPOSE. See, one thing that a lot of people miss when it comes to discovering what their purpose is is you will experience life-altering exponential growth when you are living it out. If that’s not happening for you, something is…off.
6. What Can Your Mind, Body and Spirit Get on the Same Page About?
I have several different email accounts. The one that is tied to this platform, if you were to email me and I replied from my phone, you would (at the time of this article first being published) see a signature that I made up: “If your mind, body and spirit are not all in agreement…pause.”
Back when I wrote my first book, my editors wouldn’t let me say “human trinity” because they were a Christian publisher and thought that it was sacrilegious. Uh-huh (insert eye roll here). Nevermind the fact that trinity isn’t even a word that’s found in the Bible (the Godhead speaks of a holy three-ness; I John 5:8), I know what the word literally means: “a group of three” or “a state of threefold.” And, because I believe that the mind, body, and spirit are what make up each human, that’s why I call those three the “human trinity.”
Okay, so remember how I said earlier that one thing that being at peace means is walking in agreement? Another sign that you are living out your purpose is your mind, body, and spirit will all be in agreement with one another; meaning, not one part of your own trinity will feel like it has to compromise itself for you to fulfill the goals and intentions that are directly tied to your purpose.
Listen, when I’m out here doing my purpose thing, it’s when I feel the most mentally clear, the most physically energized, and the most spiritually balanced. It’s like all three parts of me fuel each other to keep going — and there is no feeling like it. It’s truly divine.
To tell you the truth, this particular point? When it comes to just about every choice you make — if your mind isn’t aligned with your body and spirit, if your body isn’t aligned with your mind and spirit, or if your spirit isn’t aligned with your mind and body, take a moment to do some meditating, praying and/or journaling why. More times than not, what you’re experiencing is a message that is encouraging you to slow down and rethink (or retrace) some of your steps. It’s a cheat code like no other.
7. Can You Break It Down in "Threes"?
Last question. Sometimes, my life coaching expands to people looking for answers about their purpose or what to do with it. When it does, something that I share is a sign that you know what your purpose is, is that you’re able to explain it in three words or three phrases. Me? I already shared mine: marriage, sex, and the Sabbath. Quick. Clear. Concise. And you know what? When you know that you know something, that is just how your answers should be. So, if you know your purpose, the answer will come quickly to you as well, and you’ll be able to articulate it in a way that is very easy for people to understand. If this is not the case, keep working on it until it is.
____
Aight y’all, I started all of this with three quotes, so I will end it the same way:
- “People don’t buy WHAT you do, they buy WHY you do it.” (Simon Sinek)
- “Efforts and courage are not enough without purpose and direction.” (John F. Kennedy)
- “When you walk in purpose, you collide with destiny.” (Ralph Buchanan)
Out of all of the things that you prioritize in life, short of your relationship with God, NOTHING should come before your purpose because, again, it means “the reason for which something exists or is done, made, used, etc.” So, in the midst of all of the things that are currently on your plate, if deep down, you know that you’re not sure what your purpose is yet, take this as a blaring sign that it’s time to MAKE TIME and to remain committed to discovery until you know what it is.
A wise person once said that wisdom lies in the right questions before the answers. Hopefully, these will help to get you to where you need to be: walking in your purpose. FULFILLING YOUR PURPOSE.
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Featured image by Westend61/Getty Images
- What Does It Mean To Have 'Purposeful Relationships'? ›
- Please Stop Picking People Who Don't 'Fit' Your Purpose ›
- 5 Questions To Ask Yourself To Get Clear On Your 2024 Career Goals ›
Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
These Newlyweds Found Love Thanks To A Friend Playing Matchmaker
How We Met is a series where xoNecole talks love and relationships with real-life couples. We learn how they met, how like turned into love, and how they make their love work.
Jason and Elise Robinson’s union is a reminder that kind people still get their happily ever after. The pair had their first date in October of 2021 and tied the knot on June 15, 2024. Both of them have dedicated their lives to celebrating and supporting Black culture so it was only fitting they get married in what's considered the Black Hollywood of America during the Juneteenth celebration weekend. From the florists to Elise and Jason's gown and suit designers to the table signage and so much more, everything was Black-owned. It's no wonder their love for Black culture was the jumping-off point for their love story.
When they met, Jason had just moved to Atlanta for a new job opportunity, and Elise was living happily in her career and had put dating on the backburner. But luckily, a mutual connection saw something in both of them and thanks to a yoga-themed baby shower and a chance text message, they found their forever. Check out their beautiful How We Met story below.
I’ll start with the easiest question. Can you both tell me a little bit about yourself and your background?
Elise: Sure, my name is Elise. I’m actually from Atlanta, GA – not a transplant. I grew up here and left right after college to pursue my career. Now I’ve been back going on eight years, and I’m in my early 40s.
Jason: And I’m Jason. I’m originally from Racine, Wisconsin. I went to school at Florida A&M University, so I am a rattler. I went back to the Midwest for a period of time, in Indianapolis. Now, I’ve been in the Atlanta area for a little over two and a half years.
Jason and Elise Robinson
Photo by FotosbyFola
Wow, that’s nice because Atlanta gets a bad rap when it comes to relationships. So you have to give us the deets. How did you two find each other?
Elise: So I work in TV and I was on-air for a number of years and then transitioned into being a producer and then a manager. As a producer, I’d always have guests on. And there was a woman who came on frequently named Rosalynn (@Rosalynndaniels, often referred to as The Black Martha Stewart), and we connected instantly. Anyway, she got pregnant right before COVID and invited me to a “modern-day yoga baby shower.” I came to support, but was also just curious about that theme.
I had an amazing time. And when it was over a few of us stuck around and convos got personal. She ended up asking me the infamous ‘Are you dating’ question. When I told her no, she decided to set me up. So I should tell you, in both of my only two serious relationships, I was set up – so I was like no.
But she pointed at her husband, who was folding up chairs, and said that another friend set her up with him. Sometimes, it takes people outside of us to see what we need. A few months later, she reached out and said she had family relocating and thought I’d really like him. So she gave him my number, and I reached out with a text. He responded with a call, and that night, we talked for about 2-3 hours. So that’s how we met. I was a little nervous because me and Rosalynn were starting a friendship, and here I was, talking to her family!
Jason: It was new for me too. Remember, I was new to the area, and I had heard so many “stories” about how people have been done wrong in the dating world. Whether it’s by theft or scamming (laughs). Plus, I had just got a new job and wanted to focus on that. But I did want to be able to date someone in a more personal way and see where it led. I felt like who better than someone who I trust to connect me. Rosalynn knows I’m private, about business life, and my personal life is important to me.
So let’s get into your courtship. What was your first date like?
Elise: We had our first convo on a Monday, and he asked me out the next day. I didn’t have any plans, but I still said no. I was just playing hard to get (laughs). But we were talking every day, and he told me he wanted to take me somewhere I’ve never been. And I’m like, you’re in my city! But he sends me three options, and sure enough, two of the places I hadn’t gone to. So, our first date was October 1, 2021, and somebody was 45 minutes late.
Now Jason, why were you 45 minutes late?
Elise: It was me – in my own city. I just got turned around, and the traffic was horrible. I kept calling him and giving him permission to leave. Full transparency: I probably wouldn’t have waited if the shoe was on the other foot. But this was my first sign of what I now know and love the most about him. It’s his patience. When I got there, I was frazzled and everything, but he was just super calm. It ended up being a great first date.
Jason: I remember just waiting and being concerned for her well-being. Because I know how traffic can be, especially when someone is rushing. I was just scrolling through my phone and looking through the menu. It was cool.
Elise and Jason Robinson
Courtesy
That’s beautiful. Now let’s talk about the “what are we” convo? Did you have one of those and if so, who initiated it and how was it?
Elise: I initiated it. Jason was dating me – and still does. But by this time, we had been on a number of dates. We were on our way to a winery, and we had a bit of a drive. So I decided to state my intention. We were just a few weeks in, but we were spending a lot of time together and we are people of a particular age. So I told him, I know Atlanta can be a Black man’s playground. There’s so many beautiful professional women here. But I’m dating with intention. I don’t want to kick it or hang with a good guy even though he’s not my person. I was done with all of that. So I’m “laying down the law” in my eyes, and he didn’t flinch. He let me finish and basically let me know we were on the same page. He was not trying to sow his royal oats.
Jason: Yeah, I was not trying to be Prince Akeem. But also, it was more so about setting a tone and goal for myself. My mama always told me to set my goals. And having a family was always one of mine. I think the biggest thing of it all, was I felt blessed – in terms of moving for work and meeting Elise, now being married. There’s victories being placed in my life.
I love that you both shared that because sometimes I get feedback on these stories and it seems like sometimes we’re afraid to really voice what we desire, no matter what that looks like.
Elise: Yeah, I think sometimes women feel like they don’t want to put pressure on their partner. But it’s not pressure. Look, Jason and I are based in faith, and what is for us is for us. Being upfront and honest is best – and early makes sense. You don’t have to convince someone to be your person.
Jason: I think her sharing those values resonated with me, and hearing her “lay down the law” was fine because I was there, too. I would say to millennial women, don’t be afraid to tell a mate what you want. You never know what that would lead to. Time is a precious commodity. Elise saying that early on showed me that she values both of our time. It showed her heart, character, and integrity, and I was drawn to that and the mature conversation. In the social media world, we don’t have those pointed conversations face-to-face. I would challenge readers to have those conversations in person, and you would get more from that convo than any post or reel. Because you see body language reactions and have deeper communication.
Yeah, I think sometimes women feel like they don’t want to put pressure on their partner. But it’s not pressure. Look, Jason and I are based in faith, and what is for us is for us. Being upfront and honest is best – and early makes sense. You don’t have to convince someone to be your person.
You both have mentioned time, family, and integrity. I’m curious what other core values do you both share?
Elise: Early on, our faith. Not just do you believe in God. It had to be deeper in that. I needed someone who would lead me, our home, and our family. I didn’t want to be in a push-and-pull relationship about prayer, church, or have conversations about being better people. Also, we discussed finances. That doesn’t just mean going to work. We chatted about ownership and what it looks like for us. How do we support each other individually and together? I know I like having my hands in a few different pots, and I needed someone who was supportive of that and likewise.
Jason: My background is that I was raised in the church. My father is a deacon and my mom is a deaconess. They've been married for 55 years. Faith was very important to me and it was crucial that my wife have that relationship as well.
Elise and Jason Robinson
Photo by FotosbyFola
Can we talk about challenges? Big or small, what are some things you had to grow through together?
Elise: I have never lived with anyone – not a roommate, a sister, friend, boyfriend or anything. Now, I’m in my 40s and I'm living with someone. When you’ve been by yourself for so long that was a challenge for both of us. We weren’t pulling each other's hair out but I’m a bit extreme. Things are color-coded in my closet. For me, working in news is chaotic so I want my home to be peaceful and organized.
Jason: I’m a man, and she’s a woman. That dynamic alone adds a flair to it. She wants things a certain way. She’s a Capricorn. But just in terms of how she wants to keep a home was a big adjustment for me. It took time.
On a smaller level, what are some of the things you disagree about day-to-day?
Elise: Cleanliness and systems. Like, he recycles and I do not. But sometimes I just have to decide if it really needs to be a thing or if I can just take care of it.
Jason: This is where my organization takes over (laughs).
What are your love languages? Do you know?
Elise: Jason’s is an act of service which works because I love cooking for him. It doesn’t feel like a chore to me. I love when I’m out, picking up his favorite juice. The other day I saw he needed t-shirts while folding clothes. So I just like doing small things for him that he doesn’t expect. He’s very much that guy that will ask to help so it doesn’t bother me.
Jason: I’d say Elise is all of them, but physical touch would probably be the biggest one. I had to get used to that. She’s taught me it in a number of ways. I remember we actually talked about love languages, and I sent her this song called “More Than Words” by Extreme. That explained to her how I felt.
Finally, can we end with the proposal? Tell us everything!
Jason: It was at a restaurant. And again, I was trying to find somewhere she hadn’t been. Also, I didn’t want to do it on our anniversary because that would have been too obvious. I contacted one of the restaurant’s staff and decided to change up the dessert menu. Each item was something special to us.
Elise: We go on so many date nights, so I just thought it was a regular night. We had finished eating, and I had to go to the bathroom. They had a nice mirror, girl. So I’m in there taking videos and stuff.
Jason: While she’s in the restroom, I’m getting everything in place with the waitress.
Elise: So as I’m reading the menu, I realize it’s telling our story and he eventually proposed. It was so special; I actually had the menu framed! It was so beautiful and thoughtful.
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Feature image by FotosbyFola
Sexual compatibility is one of the more spicier sides to Astrology that most people haven’t heard of. These are the details you get to once you have learned about your “Big 3” (sun, moon, and rising sign), and want to dive deeper into what Astrology can really tell you about yourself. Why not have more of an understanding of your sexual chemistry with others and what excites you in bed? Astrology not only gives you a blueprint of what your best match is in love, professionally and platonically, but it also provides insight into who you are most sexually compatible with.
When discovering more aspects of yourself through the stars, you don’t want to overlook the power of this celestial study when it comes to the bedroom.
There are a few key components you want to look at when it comes to sexual compatibility in Astrology. Your traditional sun and moon sign first and foremost, as this simple aspect can tell you a lot about who you are, your emotions, and your needs; Mars, the planet that rules sex in Astrology; Venus, the planet that rules love in Astrology; the 8th house, the astrological house that rules sex, sexuality, and sensuality; the 5th house, the astrological house that rules romance, flirtation, and sex. And lastly, you can also look at where Scorpio is in your birth chart, the sign that rules the reproductive system.
Read below to see who you're best sexually compatible with. (Read for your sun, moon, Mars, and Venus signs.)
ARIES
Like all fire signs, Aries needs a lot of heat in the bedroom. Aries are ruled by Mars, the planet of sex, passion, and energy, so you can be sure that this sign has a high sex drive. Aries love the spontaneity of sex, and they have a lot of fun in this area of life. Sexual compatibility is high with fellow fire signs, Leo and Sagittarius, and the same element makes the best match for an Aries overall. They want someone who is going to be just as intense and exciting in the bedroom, and they find that with Leo and Sagittarius.
Scorpios also make good matches for Aries being that they are sitting in Aries’ 8th house of sexuality. A dynamic duo like Aries and Scorpio brings not just the heat, but also an emotional connection as well.
Best sexual compatibility with Leo, Libra, Sagittarius, Aquarius, and Scorpio.
TAURUS
Taurus are no strangers to the bedroom. This is a very sensual sign whose love language is physical touch (and gift-giving). They love to feel wanted and needed in the bedroom and prefer for the atmosphere to be set with candles, roses, and chocolates. This is a sign that take their time in bed, and they want both parties to feel good first and foremost. One of the best matches for Taurus, sexually is their opposite sign, Scorpio. These two bring together earth and water and create a good balance in bed.
Leos and Taurus are often drawn to each other, and there is an underlying sexual tension between these two. Virgos are also high on the scale of compatibility with Taurus, and they have a sexual chemistry that is comfortable and sincere, which is what Taurus is looking for.
Best sexual compatibility with Scorpio, Virgo, Cancer, Leo, and Sagittarius.
GEMINI
Gemini is a wildcard in the bedroom. No two Geminis are the same, and this is true when it comes to sexual chemistry. However, there are a few key components Geminis look for when it comes to sex. They want to be with someone who is completely and authentically themselves and someone who isn’t shy in the bedroom. They do well with Sagittariuses as they can match each other’s freaks. However, they also have a unique chemistry with Capricorns, who are in their 8th house of sensuality. Capricorns and Geminis are like two different people, teaching each other something new, and they have a lot of fun. One of the best matches for Gemini overall, though, would be another air sign, Aquarius.
Best sexual compatibility with Libra, Aquarius, Sagittarius, Aries, and Capricorn.
CANCER
Cancer is the type to keep their love life and sexual world hidden or more secret than most. They don’t let others in easily, and deeply value keeping this part of their life hidden or sacred. They look for partners who are devoted to them or are showing this type of dedication and attraction to them in the bed. They have amazing chemistry with other water signs, Pisces, and Scorpio, and often form intense and emotional bonds with these signs in bed. They also love to show off their wild side with signs like Aquarius and Virgo, as they see these intellectuals as people needing to let loose and get into their emotions more, and they want to be the one to help them do that.
Capricorns are one of the best matches for Cancer overall because they won’t rush anything and will be able to form a deep connection with Cancer first and foremost, which would make their sexual chemistry off the charts.
Best sexual compatibility with Pisces, Capricorn, Scorpio, Virgo, and Aquarius.
LEO
Leos are more traditional in the bedroom than most people expect. Like all fire signs, they have a passion and self-confidence that is undeniable, but in the bedroom, they want to be treated like the royalty they are. Leos love to be courted or to be shown how adored and admired they are. They go well with Geminis because of this, as this air sign is often a talker in bed, and will never miss an opportunity to whisper something sweet in their ear. Leos also have a soft spot for Pisces in the bedroom, and this water sign tends to bring out a more kinky and sensual side to Leo.
One of the best sexual matches for Leo overall would be Sagittarius, who Leo feels is someone who can truly match their energy.
Best sexual compatibility with Leo, Sagittarius, Aquarius, Gemini, and Pisces.
VIRGO
Virgos are the definition of a lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets. Being represented by the Virgin or the Maiden in Astrology, people often have Virgos sexuality misconstrued. Their typical organized self goes out the window when they are comfortable with someone sexually, and their service-oriented attitude makes them some of the best lovers in bed. Virgos have a sincere and compatible connection with other earth signs, Taurus and Capricorn. Earth signs have a way of making everything feel better, and there is a lot of touching between these signs.
Cancers also have great sexual compatibility with Virgos, as they have similar styles and needs in the bedroom. Virgos have instant sexual compatibility with Scorpios, and this is a very common combo you see in life.
Best sexual compatibility with Scorpio, Taurus, Capricorn, Cancer, and Aries.
LIBRA
Opposites attract when it comes to Libra in the bedroom. This sign is always looking for balance, and they find that with a partner who brings something different to the table than they do. This makes their opposite sign, Aries, the sign that rules their 5th house of romance and flirtation, one of their best matches when it comes to sexual compatibility. Libra loves foreplay. They enjoy dressing up, role-playing, and a lot of talking in the bedroom, which makes Gemini and Aquarius another great match for Libra, because they also don’t keep quiet in bed.
Taurus has one of the best sexual compatibility for Libra, overall, however, as they are both ruled by Venus, the planet of love. These two quite literally have the capacity to not just have sex, but make love to one another, which is the most ideal for Libra.
Best sexual compatibility with Leo, Aries, Aquarius, Taurus, and Gemini.
SCORPIO
Scorpios are known for their reputation in the bedroom. When people think of Scorpio, they often think of sexy energy, and this is because Scorpio quite literally rules the reproductive system and the 8th house of sex in Astrology. They are no strangers in the bedroom, and they are people who know what they want. Scorpio and Pisces often have an instant connection, and these two are usually rushing into bed with one another.
Another sign that surprisingly flows well with Scorpio in bed is Geminis, who provide Scorpio with a non-judgmental atmosphere that makes them feel in tune and sexy. Scorpio has high sexual compatibility with earth signs: Virgo, Capricorn, and Taurus, as they show Scorpio a more sensual and grounded approach that is enticing to them.
Best sexual compatibility with Pisces, Virgo, Capricorn, Gemini, and Taurus.
SAGITTARIUS
Sagittariuses aren’t the pickiest in the bedroom and just like they can get along with anyone if they want to, the same fact applies in bed. They are looking for a more immediate and instant attraction than anything; however, just because you got them once doesn’t mean you can get them again. Sagittarius are wanderers, and they are constantly seeking new stimulation. This is why they have such strong sexual chemistry with Aries, who are also more spontaneous in the bedroom.
They are very flirtatious and want things to be fun and light-hearted here, and they find that chemistry with Aries. Sagittarius also has a soft spot for Cancers in bed, and they let out their more sincere, compassionate, and deep side for this water sign.
Best sexual compatibility with Libra, Aries, Sagittarius, Aquarius, and Cancer.
CAPRICORN
If you can get Capricorn to take their mind off work and focus on intimacy in the bedroom, then you are already a great match for this logical sign. They don’t open up to many people, and some Capricorns can approach sex as a duty rather than a desire or a connection. This is why this sign does so well with water signs in bed like Cancer, Pisces, and Scorpio because these are people who know how to let go of the mind and live in their emotions for a while.
Capricorns also have strong sexual compatibility with Taurus and Leo because there is a sense of dominance imbalance here that is sexy to Capricorn. Leo and Capricorn both want to take the lead in bed, and they have fun playing around with each other and teasing.
Best sexual compatibility with Taurus, Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces, and Leo.
AQUARIUS
Aquarius is a more sexually inclined individual than most people would assume. They are known for their mind, intelligence, and eccentricity, but this doesn’t mean they don’t have the same amount of intelligence and knowledge when it comes to sex. Aquarius are very intuitive in the bedroom, which makes their compatibility with Virgo so strong here. These two know what each other needs without saying anything, and they have a lot to bring to the table.
Gemini, on the other hand, brings out a wild side to Aquarius, and they have a lot of fun in bed and even more to talk about afterwards. Aquarius has one of the best sexual compatibility with Aries, as they can open up to each other about their weird kinks or needs in bed in a judgment-free zone.
Best sexual compatibility with Aries, Gemini, Libra, Leo, and Virgo.
PISCES
Pisces are more fluid and open in the bedroom. Their sexual compatibility deals with emotions first and foremost, and they look for an emotional connection in their partners, no matter how long or short they have known them. They are one of the signs who doesn’t really have a “type,” and they are most attracted to generally nice and romantic people. Earth signs Taurus and Virgo have great sexual chemistry with Pisces, as there is a good give-and-take between them. Scorpios bring out Pisces' freakier side, and the imagination of these two definitely shows in the bedroom.
Pisces' best match sexually would be Cancer, as these two have a more erotic and romantic type of connection here. They are slow lovers and have such a strong bond sexually because of the emotional compatibility they have as well.
Best sexual compatibility with Cancer, Scorpio, Virgo, Taurus, and Libra.
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