

Well y'all, I don't know what you're thinkin' but personally, I'm totally trippin' that we're just a few weeks away from it officially being the summer season. As I was looking at my hair the other day, I said to myself, "How about we give you some extra special attention this year, so that I don't have to do any damage control come fall?". Because, even though I actually write on hair care quite a bit, sometimes a sistah doesn't feel like being proactive. I'm getting better at it, though.
Anyway, if you are like me and you don't want to be pissed off on Labor Day because, all you did, all summer long, was wrap your hair up in a scarf or rock a turban, only to discover a dry matted mess weeks later, I've got some things that you can do to prep your hair (and maintain it) for the summer season. Don't worry. Everything here is cheap and easy yet super effective.
Are you ready to get your hair into great summer shape?
Make Some Coconut Milk Shampoo
Something that I recommend you try this season is making your own shampoo. Not only is it (typically) cheaper than commercial brands, but you're able to know exactly what is going into your tresses. A recipe that's very easy to make, consists of only three ingredients. All you need is coconut milk, castile soap and your favorite essential oil(s).
Coconut milk is great because the antibacterial properties in it will help to cleanse your scalp while removing any bacteria that may be on it. Coconut milk is also packed with nutrients like protein (our hair is made up of mostly protein), iron (something that many of us, as Black women, tend to be deficient in) and magnesium (it promotes follicle hair growth) that help to strengthen our hair. As a bonus, coconut milk is mad moisturizing too.
Castile soap removes product build-up without stripping your hair of the natural oils that it needs. Essential oils smell great and come with all sorts of benefits, depending on which one you decide to go with. For a fresh and summery scent, I recommend orange oil. It moisturizes your hair, plus it also can smooth your strands so that they look less frizzy too.
For a simple coconut milk shampoo recipe, check out Wellness Mama's here.
Dust Your Ends
If one of the things that you're committed to this year is length retention, I am totally with you. Because of this, you probably want to keep shears as far away from your head as possible. But if you don't at least dust your ends, not only could you end up with split ends that will only result in long-term hair damage, but you could prevent your natural hair from holding any real shape as well. If you don't trust a professional to trim your hair—again, I feel you because some stylists don't know the difference between cutting and trimming—you can always take matters into your own hands. Literally. Dusting your ends is about taking no more than around ½" (on average) off of the ends of your hair. All you need is a good pair of shears, a video tutorial and a lot of patience.
Check out some naturalistas and how they dust their ends here, here and here.
Apply a Leave-in Conditioner
Hopefully, deep conditioning your locks is already a part of your hair routine. But because the sun can be particularly harsh during the summer season, it's important to apply a leave-in conditioner to your hair too. Not only will it add some extra moisture to your hair, it can also make detangling and styling so much easier in between washes (especially if you'd prefer not to wet your hair every day). If you decide to go the commercial brand route, make sure that the first ingredient on the label is water. Or, if you want, you can make some of your own.
Kinky Curly Yaki totally has your back in this department with the article "14 Homemade Leave-In Conditioner Recipes".
Use a DIY Anti-Frizz Serum
When it comes to my natural hair texture, probably the two top things that get on my nerves about summer is 1) the massive amount of shrinkage that it causes and 2) how frizzy my hair can sometimes become. As far as shrinkage goes, we'll tackle that in the next point. On the frizz tip, something that can help to tame your mane is to create your own anti-frizz hair serum. One of the best recipes I've seen in a hot minute consists of avocado oil (it's extremely moisturizing), argan oil (it nourishes your scalp, fights dandruff and helps to prevent brittle ends) and geranium oil (it's antibacterial, balances the production of serum and helps to keep hair strands smooth). If you apply a little to your hair on a daily basis, you'll notice more curls and less frizz.
For the complete anti-frizz serum recipe, click here.
Define Your Curls with Bentonite Clay and Apple Cider Vinegar
Yeah, I already know. There are definitely a billion hair hacks out here. But if there's one that I promise you is pretty close to mind-blowing, it's the bentonite clay and apple cider vinegar hair mask. The benefits of bentonite clay, frankly, deserves a write-up of its own but some of the main point is it's the kind of clay that draws out toxins, helps to heal psoriasis and seborrheic dermatitis, removes product build-up on the hair and scalp, conditions and moisturizes and definitely brings the best out of your natural curl definition. Know what else it does? It helps to elongate your hair so that shrinkage isn't as much of an issue. As far as apple cider vinegar goes, it's a one of a kind type of hair clarifier. The combo will have your hair feeling mad soft and with bouncy curls that you didn't know you had; whether you've got 3 or 4 type hair.
An easy recipe: Pull out a non-metal bowl (metal can affect the potency of the clay, not in a good way either) and pour 1/3 cup of bentonite clay into it. Then add about four tablespoons of distilled water (maybe a bit more; the objective is for the mixture to have a thick yogurt-like consistency). To that, add four tablespoons of apple cider vinegar and maybe some sweet almond oil (to lock extra moisture into your hair). Mix everything with a non-metal spoon and immediately apply the mask to clean and damp hair (make sure your locs are wet enough to show your curl pattern). Apply the mask, cover your head up with a plastic bag and let it sit on your hair for 30 minutes. Then get into the shower to rinse it all out (it's kind of a mess if you go the sink route) and follow it up with your favorite hair conditioner. Allow your hair to air dry and sis, you're totally good to go. (If you want to see some final results, check out this video, this one or this one.)
Invest in Some Anti-Humidity Hair Products
You would think that, since humidity is all about moisture, that it being in the air that it would work for, not against, our hair…right? Yeah, naw.
While it's kind of a science class, the bottom line is our hair is made up of tiny tubes of keratin (protein). What humidity does is manipulate those tubes which causes our hair cuticles to swell, resulting in frizz.
One way you can reduce how much this happens to your own hair is to coat your hair with anti-humidity hair products on a daily basis.
If you'd like to do this, Naturally Curly totally has your back. Check out "20 Humidity-Proof Products to Fight Frizz".
Create Some Sunscreen for Your Locs
Don't get it twisted. We might be full of melanin, but Black women need sunscreen too; this includes when it comes to our hair. UV rays have a tendency to do a real number on tresses. For one thing, they produce free radicals that can lead to oxidative stress that can weaken our hair's natural structure. Extreme sun exposure can also strip our natural hair color and give us dry and brittle strands too. That's why some hair sunscreen is another effective way to get and keep your hair summertime ready.
Naturally Curly has your back on this one too. Check out "6 DIY Sunscreen Recipes to Protect Your Hair".
Drink More Water
One of the big mistakes that a lot of us make when it comes to caring for our hair is we're far more preoccupied with what we put on our hair that we forget to pay attention to what we put into it from the inside out. Your hair is definitely not going to survive the summer season if you don't make sure to stay hydrated all throughout the day. Not only do you need water to replenish the fluids you lost from sweating, but since each strand is made up of roughly 25 percent of water, you can see why your hair especially needs it too. If you're averaging eight glasses of water before summer, up that to around 10 as summertime eases its way on in.
Not a water fan? Get what you need by drinking some infused water instead. You can get some awesome recipes here.
Get a Hair Oil for the Swimming Pool
Chlorine and salt water can wreak real havoc on hair, especially ours since our tresses tend to lean more towards being on the drier side of the hair spectrum anyway. If you'd prefer to not rock a swimming cap, something that you can do to give your hair some of the extra moisture that it needs is to apply a thin coat of oil before taking a swim.
Jojoba oil moisturizes. Grapeseed combats frizz. Lemongrass has antifungal and antiviral properties. My recommendation is to put two tablespoons of each into a plastic bottle, heat them up in the microwave for 15 seconds and add the oil to your hair. The combo will feel great and your tresses will be all set.
Keep a Hair Spritz Handy
On the super hot days when you want to give your natural hair a bit of a moisture-rich pick-me-up, why not go with an all-natural hair spritz? All you need is a small plastic spray bottle, some rosewater and a couple of other ingredients. You can keep the bottle in your bag and lightly mist your hair whenever you get the urge. Your scalp will instantly feel refreshed and your curls will instantly feel hydrated. It's a wonderful summertime treat for your hair from its roots right down to its ends.
A cool recipe: Fill your bottle halfway with rosewater (it'll stabilize your hair's pH balance). Then add a tablespoon of sweet almond oil, a teaspoon of vegetable glycerin (when combined with oil and water, it can reduce hair breakage) and 5-7 drops of lavender essential (it cleanses the scalp while stimulating hair growth in the process). Make sure to shake well before every use. Then spritz your hair and that's it. Your hair will totally be summer set!
Do you have a beauty, wellness or self-care find that you've tried recently and want to share your experience? Join the xoTribe members community to connect with other beauty lovers and share your wins with the tribe.
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'Sistas' Star Skyh Black On The Power Of Hypnotherapy & Emotional Vulnerability For Men
In this insightful episode of the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker talked with Sistas star Skyh Black, as he opened up about his journey of emotional growth, resilience, and self-discovery. The episode touches on emotional availability, self-worth, masculinity, and the importance of therapy in overcoming personal struggles.
Skyh Black on Emotional Availability & Love
On Emotional Availability & Vulnerability
“My wife and I wouldn't be where we are today if both of us weren't emotionally available,” he shared about his wife and Sistas co-star KJ Smith, highlighting the value of vulnerability and emotional openness in a relationship. His approach to masculinity stands in contrast to the traditional, stoic ideals. Skyh is not afraid to embrace softness as part of his emotional expression.
On Overcoming Self-Doubt & Worthiness Issues
Skyh reflected on the self-doubt and worthiness issues that he struggled with, especially early in his career. He opens up about his time in Los Angeles, living what he calls the “LA struggle story”—in a one-bedroom with three roommates—and being homeless three times over the span of 16 years. “I always had this self-sabotaging thought process,” Skyh said. “For me, I feel therapy is essential, period. I have a regular therapist and I go to a hypnotherapist.”
How Therapy Helped Him Heal From Self-Doubt
On Hypnotherapy & Empowering Self-Acceptance
Skyh’s journey is a testament to the power of tapping into self-development despite life’s struggles and being open to growth. “I had to submit to the fact that God was doing good in my life, and that I'm worthy of it. I had a worthiness issue and I did not realize that. So, that’s what the hypnotherapy did. It brought me back to the core. What is wrong so that I can fix it?”
Watch the full podcast episode below:
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Women Are (Still) Spelling 'Coconut' With Their Hips. And Guys Are Losing Their Damn Minds.
While prepping for a podcast interview a while back, because I received the questions beforehand, I did a bit of research into one of the inquiries: what are men’s current favorite sex positions? I doubt any of you are shocked by the fact that what continued to pop up (like here, here, and here) was doggy style and the cowgirl position (i.e., when a woman is on top).
When it comes to ridin’, specifically, that got me to thinking about something that was all over the internet a few years ago: women who were advising that you spell “coconut” with your hips, during sex, in order for you and your partner to receive maximum pleasure and satisfaction.
When I asked a few women I know if they ever tried that before, I was surprised to discover that not only had they, but many didn’t treat it as some random social media fad — they actually still do it to this day. Partly, because it’s fun to them and partly because their partner(s) seem to go crazy for it.
Listen, any time something sexual works like a charm, I’m going to shout it out — (late) trend or not. And so, if you’ve never heard of the whole coconut thing, you tried it and forgot all about it, or you just want to try something new/different/else tonight — here’s a reminder, in article form, that coconut-ting is still alive and well, y’all. And the men are all about it!
But First, The Grapefruit Technique
Video Credit: Myem/YouTube (Funny part starts at 2:40)
If this woman is not familiar to you on sight, you ain’t a real one. LOL. Although I know that a lot of people think that the concept of grapefruiting came from the movie Girls Trip (you can see the clip from the film here) that absolutely is not the case. Auntie Angel (whose real name is reportedly Denise Walker) is the creator of the Grapefruit Technique and although I thought that this video came out way earlier, apparently it made its way onto the YouTube streets sometime back in 2014.
If for some reason, you’re not familiar with grapefruiting on any level, I will tell you right now that I had to download this video because it is absolutely NSFW — so you should probably watch it on your lunch break (on your phone with the volume as low as possible) or at home…because chile, the sound effects? Whew, the sound effects. LOL. However, when I sat down to pen this piece, I thought it was hilarious that this video is what immediately came to mind because it seems like, when it comes to “blow his mind sex hacks,” fruit is constantly on the menu.
When it comes to oral sex, it’s grapefruit.
When it comes to ride ‘em cowgirl, it’s a coconut.
What Is the “Coconut” Sex Trend?
@windy_moraba #duet with @mysteri0us.gir1 spell coconut with your waist 😂😂😂
Okay, so what in the world does a coconut have to do with intercourse? Well, for starters, if you and your partner are looking for an all-natural lubricant, coconut oil works well. HOWEVER, do keep in mind that the disclaimer on this is you shouldn’t use it if condoms are in the mix because they can actually cause rubbers to be less effective (silicone lube is a solid bet for condoms, by the way).
There is another way that coconuts are kinda-sorta incorporated when it comes to making sex more pleasurable — and it actually became pretty popular right after COVID lockdown (2021): spelling C-O-C-O-N-U-T with your hips while you’re on top of your partner.
It’s wild how I forgot all about this until a client of mine was telling me how much her husband liked her on top while it wasn’t her favorite thing to do because it felt awkward to her. When I said, “Have you ever heard of spelling ‘coconut’ with your hips before?” — at first, she looked at me like I was crazy and then she busted out laughing: “Girl, no” was her reply.
Hmph. Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it because, as wild as it might sound on the surface, the word isn’t the point so much as the movements that come with spelling it out are.
When you’re moving your pelvis around to make a “c,” “o” or U-turn, not only does it intensify the level of sensation that both you and your partner feel during intercourse, it can also increase the level of blood circulation to both of your genitalia which can make your orgasms more satisfying too.
At the end of the day, spelling “coconut” is simply reminding you that there are more options to riding than simply sitting there while your partner pumps for all he’s worth or you humping up and down like you’re on a pogo stick.
Spelling “coconut” is an easy hack to bring some variety into cowgirling. However…
Honestly, the “Fruit” Isn’t the Point. THIS IS.
From grapefruiting and spelling “coconut” to reading articles that I’ve penned for the platform like “How To Improve The Taste Of Sperm” — fruit and sex are always going to be a winning combination, one way or another. However, the main point of this article isn’t about making sure that you are a master speller so much as providing you with tips that will make the cowgirl position something that you are confident about and you find a ton of fulfillment in doing.
You can make both of these things happen by incorporating the following things:
Stretch beforehand. A charley horse during sex is the worst thing ever — and chile, don’t let it be right before you’re about to climax. SMDH. Yeah, if you want to feel more comfortable when you’re on top, make sure that you stretch beforehand and that you are well-hydrated. That will reduce the chances of experiencing a totally-out-of-nowhere muscle spasm — whether you decide to “spell” during sex or…not.
Bring pillows into the mix. Sometimes riding is a challenge because your partner feels farther away from your body than you would like. Putting a pillow underneath him can help to elevate his pelvis, so that you don’t feel like you’re stretching and straining. Speaking of pillows, a longer one can really come in handy because it can give your knees some additional support as well.
Also, ask him to put his knees up. Speaking of making the “grind” easier for you, ask your partner to put his knees up. That way, your back can recline on his legs as you’re moving your hips around. You’d be amazed how much this one hack can do for you. Straight up.
Add lube. When you get a chance, check out “The Wetter, The Better: 10 Creative Ways To Use Lubricant” and you will automatically see why bringing lubrication into a cowgirl session is an absolute must. It reduces friction. It makes your movements glide with ease. And it’s just more fun. Promise you that.
Lean in. If your partner happens to be on the larger side of life, one way that you can control his depth is by leaning forward into him. That way, your hips can better control how much or little he is inside of you, so that you can get into a position that gives you the sensation that you are looking for.
Get him to multitask. Again, whether you are spelling “coconut” or not and whether you are riding cowgirl or reverse cowgirl — something that is awesome about being on top is it frees your partner’s hands to do, umm, other things. And since it is so much easier to have an orgasm while your clitoris is being stimulated, get your partner to put some of the lube that we discussed earlier on his fingertips, so that he can gently rub on your clitoris while you are riding him. It doesn’t get much better than that!
Don’t wanna spell? Hula Hoop then. What if you try the whole coconut thing and it’s not a favorite for you (or him)? No problem — when’s the last time that you hula hooped? Pretend that you have one of those around your hips and move around that way. I’d be shocked if you ended up feeling “meh” about that option.
5 Guys Tell Me What They Love When Their Partner Is on Top
A part of the reason why I am “team cowgirl” is because it provides a lot of benefits to the woman: she has more control, it tends to be more comfortable for her, it’s a great position for a quickie and the orgasms tend to be that much more — wonderful. However, as I was thinking about spelling coconut, in general, I couldn’t help but wonder what guys thought about it and the cowgirl position overall.
If you’re curious, here’s what five of ‘em said.
1. Braxford. Engaged. 35. “Y’all be spelling up there? Who knew? My favorite thing about when my fiancée is on top is what I think every man likes: the view. It’s a chance to see her entire body and experience it at the same time. Not even doggy style accomplishes that. Damn, where’s my lady at?”
2. Denez. Single. 42. “Do you know how many ‘spots’ you have access to when y’all are on top? Breasts are in my mouth. Hickeys are on her neck. Prop my head up on a pillow and her tummy is getting licked. When a woman is riding you, it’s sensory overload! It’s crazy how each one looks amazing in that position too.”
3. Omar. In a Serious Relationship. 29. “[He said her name yet I’m not going to share it] isn’t a very vocal lover. Her body and technique are insane, so even though I love dirty talk, I’ve learned to compromise — except when she’s on top. She’s not saying much but those moans? And yeah, we tried the coconut thing. ‘Cs’ and ‘Os,’ hell yeah. ‘Ns’ and “Ts’? Nah.”
4. Nolen. Single. 45. “45 isn’t old but it’s old enough for your back to show out on you when you least expect it. My experience has been that women don’t want a lot of thrusting when they are on top, so it’s like having some of the best sex without having to do much at all. Well, aside from trying not to bust too quickly. I take that back: riding is easy on the body; it’s work on the brain.”
5. Ivan. Married. 37. “I like the spelling sh-t because it switches things up. We make a game out of it by her picking a word and spelling out while I try and guess what it is. We also try to see how many words that we can get to before one of us cums. 12 words is pushing it unless it’s like ‘dog’ or ‘cat’ or something. I’ve guessed ‘coconut’ a few times and I get what the excitement is all about. Spelling bee sex: try it.”
Yep. I concur.
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