Last year, I wrote an article for the site entitled, “Viral Sensation Christiana Sabino Is Using 'Pure Black Love' To Build Her Brand.” There are dozens of reasons why I’m a fan of Christiana and her brand and, as I was recently watching an Instagram post of hers, I was reminded of one of them: that woman’s skin. HAVE. MERCY. I’m going to feature it underneath this intro simply because it is definitely a salute to what having a skincare routine — and consistently practicing self-care — can do for a sistah. It’s also a PSA that if you yourself don’t have a daytime and nighttime skin regimen, hopefully, she will inspire you to cultivate one.
Anyway, I have watched enough of Christiana’s content to know that she and her husband Arismarlyn Sabino eat pretty healthy. She works out a lot too. That’s why, I would be super surprised if taking probiotics isn’t a part of her diet (because I’ve definitely seen her use fermented foods in her recipes like in this videohere). It’s a wise thing to do because probiotics do so much for the body — both inside and out.
Either way, whether she does or not, as I was thinking about what is required to have healthy, youthful, and vibrant skin like hers, I wanted to make sure to give probiotics a special mention because, although you may already know that they can help to strengthen your immune system, reduce your stress levels, manage your weight, decrease allergy-related symptoms and help to prevent heart disease, they can also do wonders when it comes to giving you the flawless skin that you desire too.
What Are Probiotics and Why Does Your Skin Adore Them So?
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Although probiotics is a word that comes up quite a bit in cyberspace, in order to explain how your skin is able to flourish with them, I want to make sure we’re all on the same page about what they are: probiotics are live microorganisms (in the form of bacteria and yeast) that help to keep your gut in good condition which ultimately helps to improve every part of you. Because your body naturally has both good and bad bacteria in it, probiotics help to keep the bad bacteria from overtaking your system, so that the good bacteria can help to keep you in optimal condition.
Although I already shared some of probiotics’ health benefits in the intro, some additional ones include their ability to reduce inflammation; help you to (better) manage your appetite; help to prevent and speed up the recovery of vaginal infections and urinary tract infections (UTIs); decrease the chances of cavities and gum disease; support you having a healthy digestive tract; lower stress and anxiety levels; help to keep your blood pressure where it should be — and yes, probiotics can also support you in having beautiful skin.
When it comes to your skin, specifically, why are probiotics so good for it? Well, the reality is that not only is 80 percent of your immunity in your gut (check out “80% Of Your Immunity Is In Your Gut. Take Care Of It Like This.”), it’s also true that when your gut is not working at its best, it can show through your skin in a myriad of different ways — ways that I will address in just a moment.
That’s why it’s a good idea to eat foods that are full of probiotics (including fermented ones like pickles, yogurt, and cheese), and that you consider taking a probiotic supplement (although you might want to speak with your doctor first because there are different strains of probiotics to choose from) and, that you use skincare products that are also rich in probiotics. As far as that last tip goes, probiotic skincare is simply about putting forth the intentional effort to apply products to your face, neck, and other parts of your body that have probiotics — yes, live bacteria — in them.
When it comes to this, the strains that you should specifically look for (you know, on the labels of the products) include:
- Lactococcus
- Bifida
- Streptococcus thermophilus
- Saccharomyces
- Lactobacillus
- Leuconostoc
The reason why you should take note of these is they are reportedly the most effective at doing the following things for your skin…
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1.Probiotics Can Reduce Dry Skin
If it seems like, no matter what you do, your skin is always dry, you should consider taking a probiotic. What research reveals is, that by doing so, not only can probiotics help to decrease transcutaneous water loss (TEWL) that’s in your system, but they can also reduce the amount of water that your skin loses throughout the day by strengthening your skin’s barrier (more on that later).
As far as which probiotics you should apply to your skin in order to keep dryness at bay, look for the strain that is called Vitreoscilla; it will help to strengthen your skin’s barrier and reduce dryness as a direct result.
2. Probiotics Can Soothe Eczema and Psoriasis
If eczema or psoriasis flare-ups are what’s driving you up the wall, probiotics can help with that. The science behind this is, that when you have these types of health-related issues, it can lead to inflammation as well as a different type of bacteria in your gut (in comparison to those who don’t have eczema or psoriasis). By taking a probiotic, it can reduce the inflammation and alter the bacteria that you have which can, in turn, reduce the symptoms.
And just what kind of probiotic-based skincare products can help with this? Strains likeBifidobacterium lactis and Lactobacillus acidophilus currently show the most promise.
3. Probiotics Can Speed Up the Healing Process of Breakouts
I’m telling you, if you want to look and feel better, you’ve got to pay more attention to your gut health. Take breakouts, for example. Did you know science says that the condition of your gut and acne actually on hand in hand? The gist is that when the gut’s microbe is not where it should be, that can trigger inflammation which oftentimes results in pimples forming.
This is just one more reason to add a probiotic to your diet and to apply probiotic skincare strains of Lactobacillus acidophilus or Bifidobacterium bifidum to your skin; they help to reduce breakouts.
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4. Probiotics Can Balance Your Skin’s pH
If you’ve ever wondered what pH stands for, it’s “potential hydrogen;” it basically speaks to how acidic or alkaline something is. When it comes to your skin, this matters because if it’s too acidic or alkaline (which basically means basic), that can result in dry skin, itchiness, inflammation, sensitivity, and other skin-related issues. That said, if your skin is healthy, it will have a pH of somewhere around 5.5 which is slightly acidic. And how can you know what your skin’s pH is?
The best way to test this is by booking an appointment with a dermatologist. However, if you notice some of the symptoms that I just mentioned, take a probiotic and see if your skin improves within a few weeks. Oh, and when it comes to sensitive skin, especially, skincare that has Streptococcus thermophilus in it should be able to help you out by elevating the ceramide levels that are in your skin.
5. Probiotics Can Improve Your Skin’s Barrier
The outermost layer of your skin is your skin’s barrier — and it goes through a lot. In fact, a Healthline article that I read on it stated, “This fantastically thin brick wall is literally keeping you alive. Without it, various harmful environmental toxins and pathogens could penetrate your skin and cause adverse effects inside your body.” Therefore, if there is anything that you should want to go almost overboard about in maintaining, your skin’s barrier would be it.
And since it is the “front line of defense” for your skin, in a lot of ways, that means your skin’s barrier is vulnerable to things like rough skin, itchy skin, fungal infections and inflammation. It’s a good thing that probiotics can help with strengthening your skin’s barrier so that there is less of a chance that these things will happen. A list of some of the best probiotics for your skin’s barrier can be found here. The types of bacteria strains (probiotics) to look for in skincare as it relates to your skin’s barrier are Bifidobacterium, Lactobacillus, and Vitreoscilla.
6. Probiotics Can Reduce UV Damage
It can’t be said enough that everyone needs to be proactive when it comes to keeping their skin from experiencing UV damage (which is damage that the sun causes). Believe it or not, probiotics can help in this department as well because they can help to reduce oxidative stress, and inflammation and they also help to protect your skin’s barrier while you are outdoors. As far as your skincare plan, your best bet here would be to look for sunscreens that have probiotics in them. COOLA is one brand that many people are fond of.
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7. Probiotics Can Slow Down the Signs of Aging
One more. Although aging is a natural part of life (that should be embraced, by the way), when you factor in things like the years of what the sun can do; the loss of elastin and collagen over time; the shifts in pH balance; the fluctuations of your hormones; the damage that comes from oxidative stress; the decrease in melanocytes (pigment cells); the less natural oil that your skin produces; the natural fat layers that begin to thin out more and more — if nothing else will convince you to be hypervigilant in taking care of your skin, all of this stuff should.
And yes, probiotics can even assist with slowing down the signs of aging in your skin because, thanks to what is known as the skin-gut axis, the more good bacteria that are in your gut, the less inflammation your skin will experience, the more elasticity it will have and the less oxidative stress that it will go through.
So, definitely take a probiotic for this and look for skincare products that contain the strain known as Bacillus coagulans. It’s directly connected to helping your skin to age at a slower rate, so that your skin is looking fabulous, from the inside out, for many years to come.
All this from probiotics? Yep.
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While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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Personally, that is just one of the things I experienced while growing up, although the main reason why I’ve been estranged from my mother for (I think) about six years now (I honestly haven’t really been keeping track at this point) is because she simply doesn’t respect my boundaries. Even well into my adulthood, she has refused to do it and it was messing with my inner peace and personal growth on a few different levels — and y’all, I don’t care who it is, no one should have that kind of power over someone else’s life (if you want to read more about my journey with estrangement, I tackle the topic in my latest book).
And before some of you come with the ever-so-manipulated Bible verse “Honor your father and mother” (Exodus 20:12), I hope you also remember that there is a Scripture that says, “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4 — NKJV) To provoke is “to stir up, arouse, or call forth (feelings, desires, or activity)”; know what else it is: “to anger, enrage, exasperate, or vex.” Funny how it is not preached or taught nearly enough that parents are absolutely not supposed to raise their kids or treat their adult children in a way that angers, enrages, exasperates, or vexes them — and think about it: when’s the last time you heard a sermon on that? I’ll wait.
Besides, unless you’re someone who has made the courageous decision to put distance between the person/people who’ve raised you, you honestly don’t get how much of a sacrifice it can be. Very few of us are flippant about that decision. Very few of us saw our adult life without our parent(s) in it. Very few of us wanted to deal with all of the “fallout” that comes with making that kind of choice because listen, for me, it’s almost like being in witness protection in the sense of having to also leave certain people who are associated with her alone as well because either they also don’t respect boundaries or they try further victimize me by attempting to impose their opinions into something that they absolutely shouldn’t (for instance, when I shared what I went through with her, one of my closest friends at the time, more than once called me “petty”…yeah, he had to go; you don’t have to defend why you need to protect yourself…if you are doing that, those are unsafe people you are talking to).
It’s not like I’m rare either. In fact, it’s been reported that close to 30 percent of adults are currently estranged from at least one of their parents (you can read about it here, here, here, here, and here). And with that being said, today, we’re going to hear from 10 women (well, technically 12 if you include the videos at the beginning and end) as they share their own reasons why they made the decision to go “no contact” with their own parent/parents.
If you are estranged, I hope you will see that you are not alone. If you aren’t, I hope it will help you to have more compassion for those who have made this kind of choice. Because although “adulthood is surviving childhood” is true for many of us, it actually wasn’t supposed to be that way. And so, we’ve had to take great lengths to go from “surviving” to “flourishing”…even if that meant doing it without the ones who — alongside God, of course — created us.
Article continues after the video.
*Middle names are used so that people can speak freely*
1. Michelle. 32. Estranged from Her Mother for Four Years.
Giphy“My mother is a narcissist — only I didn’t know it because I didn’t have much to compare her to because she kept me away from a lot of…everything. Ironically, that is a telling sign that you’ve got a narcissistic parent: they think you are an extension of them, so they try and make you do everything just like them. Since they are so bad at respecting boundaries, they don’t care how old you are — they think they have a say in every decision that you make because their ego is bigger than their love.
It took me years of therapy to recognize this but once I did and I told my mom that she was hypercritical, that she used to pit me and my siblings against each other, that she only knows how to gaslight and manipulate — she played the victim and told me that if I couldn’t accept her as she was, we couldn’t have a relationship.
That’s another thing about narcissist: they hate accountability. I think there should be more articles about parents who are estranged from their kids because they pull that ‘my way or the highway’ BS. I didn’t exactly leave my mom, but I did tell her what I wasn’t going to tolerate. We haven’t spoken in four years, ever since I drew that line. She left because she didn’t know how to humble herself, and I am fine with that. Arrogant people are toxic to be around.”
2. Iyan. 36. Estranged from Her Parents for 11 Years.
Giphy“I don’t think that a lot of parents get that they act like their kids should idolize them, which is crazy. We’re not toys or puppets who are supposed to do whatever they say, whenever they say it. Even as a parent myself, I think there is a difference between a child’s individuality and a child obeying me. Too many other parents have too much ego to think the differences through. To your question — I am estranged from my parents because they disapproved of who I chose to marry. He’s not the same faith as them but I don’t think that would even matter because they damn near betrothed me when I was a kid.
They wanted to choose my career path, my husband, my role in church — everything. It got to the point where they were disrespecting my husband, our relationship, and my feelings, and so it was time to boomerang their own Bible and remind them that when you get married, you ‘leave and cleave’ to your spouse and move on from your family. If your family accepts that, they can be in your life. If not, you’ve got to move on. They chose for me to be estranged, not me. I put my husband first, just like I was supposed to.”
3. Jahkai. 29. Estranged from Her Mother for Four Years.
Giphy“Sometimes I think that people just have children so that they can have someone to boss around as kids and intimidate when they become adults. My mother is one of those people because it’s like her whole existence centers around trying to force me to live the life that she wants me to live. I used to be so afraid of her, even if that just meant afraid of her rejection, that I would go along with it.
Then I got pregnant with my daughter and saw that she wasn’t even going to respect me as a mom — and when I saw signs that she was going to try and pull that shit with my own child? The claws came out. I tried expressing my concerns and setting some boundaries, but she dismissed my feelings and walked right over my boundaries, so she had to go. There was no way that she was going to try and raise the child I birthed. My child needs peace. So do I.”
4. Gillian. 24. Estranged from Her Parents for Almost Two Years.
Giphy“I’m bisexual. That’s the beginning and end of it. I personally think it’s creepy when a parent can be so invested into their grown child’s sexuality that it ends up wrecking their own world. You sleep with who you want to sleep with, and I will do the same.
My parents don’t see it that way. They told me that unless I stop loving women, we have nothing to talk about. You only love me if I love who and how you love? That doesn’t sound like love at all.
I don’t expect my parents to agree with my life or even like it. I just don’t want you penalizing me because we are different. Seems really immature to be any other way…to me, anyway.”
5. Aubrie. 27. Estranged from Father for Four Years.
Giphy“My father always wanted me to be an accountant, and I hate math. That’s insane. That’s what happens when you don’t make the time to get to know your own children. So many parents are egomaniacs in that way — just because I look like you doesn’t mean that I am you. Until my sophomore year in college, I just held my tongue and suffered through my education because when I was living at home, I didn’t really have a choice, and when I went to school, my parents paid for my education.
They didn’t want me to have any debt, and I appreciated that, but my spirit was going into debt anyway because my dad had me on a path that I didn’t like or want, and my mom was too weak to speak up for either one of us. By my junior year, I couldn’t take it anymore and decided to get student loans, so that I could start over and major in English. That pissed my dad off two ways because I was changing my major and I was going to take on debt.
We’re not estranged in the classic sense. It’s more like he doesn’t come to the phone whenever I call, and he grunts words over the holidays. So, I call less and go home even less than that. We’re headed towards ‘no contact’ if he doesn’t get over the fact that he has a life, and so do I.”
6. Lameeya. 41. Estranged from Her Mother for Eight Years.
Giphy“My mother? I just don’t like her — I never really have. I can’t stand how we’ll all agree that you should choose your friends wisely, but when it comes to your blood, it’s like you should be all in their lap simply because they are related to you. Toxic is toxic, and my mother is the embodiment of that. She plays mind games. She manipulates. She gaslights. She’s spoiled and entitled. I would never pick her as a friend. She drains me in every way. It’s like whenever I would even sense that she was going to call or come around, I would get hives, and it got to the point where it didn’t make sense that I should suffer just because she’s my mother. Who came up with that?”
7. Sloane. 25. Estranged from Her Mother for One Year.
Giphy“I grew up COGIC. If you know, you know. When you’re a kid, you don’t know any different or better, but once I started to seek out my own path, I realized that Christianity just wasn’t for me. My mother damn near lives at church and so, of course, I was declaring that I wanted to go to hell in her eyes when I told her that I had chosen the Baháʼí faith. Christians can be so rude. Somehow, they want you to respect what they believe, but they are so comfortable preaching hell and damnation if you don’t think like them.
Anyway, a part of why I chose Baháʼí is because it’s very peaceful to me, and religion never brought me peace in my mother’s house. Now that I’m all about this peace-filled life, anything that is ‘anti’ it has to go. She was on the top of my list. If you can’t respect what makes me ‘me,’ why are you here? It’s just been a year now. If we remain out of contact, that’s kind of on her, but I have no desire to hear her preach every time we speak. Be my mom. I don’t want a pastor.”
8. Torrin. 33. Estranged from Her Parents for Six Years.
Giphy“You have your own dysfunctional issues going on if you think that you owe someone your sanity simply because they birthed you. A good parent doesn’t just give you life — they provide a safe environment for that life, and my parents didn’t.
My mother was hell on wheels, and my father was a weak man who let her be that way. She was controlling, erratic, and exhausting, while he just let it all happen.
I recently read that Khloe Kardashian said that her mom didn’t like it when she first started therapy. Controlling parents never do. It took me a lot of therapy to stop beating myself up mentally the way that my mother did emotionally and sometimes physically, but once I got that she was the problem and healing was the solution, I had no problem letting them both go: her for being abusive and my father for being complacent.”
9. Kristine. 40. Estranged from Her Mother for Six Months.
Giphy“You always want your parents to get along with your husband — I just didn’t bet on my mother loving him more than me, especially now that we are divorced. That man cheated on me, more than once, and although I didn’t tell my mom while we were married about it, once we separated and I explained why I made what was a really difficult decision for me, she kept finding excuses for him and even tried to make me feel bad for not trying to make it work. Divorces are hard, and the last thing I needed was my mother trying to ‘beat me up’ for standing up for myself.
Now I’ve got questions about her marriage because if you think that I should tolerate nonsense, have you been tolerating your husband’s? Has he been tolerating yours? You get a certain age, and you start to wonder how much projecting your parents do onto you. Anyway, we haven’t talked to each other in six months. She and my ex apparently still go out to dinner, though. You two enjoy.”
10. Madolyn. 45. Estranged from her Father for 20 Years.
Giphy“I had an abusive father. He was an alcoholic while I was growing up, and so fear instead of love kept me in communication with him once I became an adult. The plot twist is, he got clean while I was in college, but he suddenly had all kinds of amnesia about the pain that he caused. His apologies were sh-t like ‘I don’t remember that, but if you need me to apologize, okay.’ So, our lives were a living hell, and that’s all you’ve got because it hurts you too much to face it? Ain’t that a bitch.
The last time we spoke was right before I turned 25. I think someone is more harmful when they can’t own their sh-t than when they are actually doing it, because that means they could do it again. No thanks. I’ll take wholeness.”
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As you can see, being estranged from a parent, going “no contact” with them, it has many layers, reasons, and scenarios. For me, as I listened to all of these women, what did come to my mind, though, is — how beautiful is it that, if the “beauty for ashes” in their stories is they had the strength to become self-aware, self-sufficient and healthy adults in spite of the cracks in their foundation, then there is a silver lining in it all. You should never feel guilt or shame for protecting yourself in ways that your parents absolutely should have. NOT. EVER.
And so, the sacrifice was well worth it — because ladies, look at you now. Salute.
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