The year was 2016.
I was throwing aReset Your Life event in New York that was meant to encourage attendees to not be afraid to press reset versus settling for a life they no longer loved. Although I sat alongside a phenomenal panel of women, I couldn't help but think, What am I doing here? I need to be in the audience. I need to be the one being inspired.
And then it happened.
Best-selling author and Karma Bliss founder Devi Brown turned to me and said a few words that would change my life:
"Necole, you carry yourself with such humility, that you never stand in the fullness of who you are and say 'look at what I'm doing.' But to change your life…
"It was so successful to stay where you were, but you chose DISCOMFORT. And all of us should be that courageous."
At the time, I didn't understand the magnitude of her words. But today, it has become a key component to my journey.
I could have stayed where I was. Where it was safe…
During that time, I was 36 years old and enduring one of the lowest years of my life. I was coming off of my first year of pivoting from running the very popular celebrity gossip blog, NecoleBitchie.com, to launching what is now xoNecole.com, a motivational media empire.
And the future wasn't looking so bright.
A month prior, I had just told the world in an emotional video titled, "What They Forgot To Tell Me About Leaving A Successful Brand", that I was literally struggling with rebranding, and the headlines that followed made me feel as if failure was looming. I started questioning everything: my decision to publicly and abruptly shut down NecoleBitchie.com, my decision to launch a new venture so soon (while swallowing up my own money and resources), and my willingness to go broke to see my vision come into fruition.
Sitting on that stage, as a former big-name bloggerwith little in my bank account and no idea when the next check was coming from, was uncomfortable. And feeling like I was failing, while the readers of my old brand watched, was uncomfortable. But I had to live in that discomfort. I had to learn how to survive in that discomfort. I had to learn how to grow in that discomfort.
Looking back, I'd rather live a few years in discomfort, than live a lifetime of suffering knowing I deserved more than the life I had settled for.
Fast forward to present day, and I am coming off of one of the most progressive years of my career. In 2019, xoNecole moved its headquarters to Atlanta. We launched events such asPajamas and Lipstick - a first to market Girls Night In Experience,ElevateHer - a curated festival celebrating women-owned brands, and the Table of 50 FoundHers Brunch. We also launched popular videos series likeBoss UpandManCrave, and ended the year introducing ourHappy Hour Podcast which peaked at #6 on Apple Podcast All Time Relationship charts. As we've blossomed, our readership has quadrupled, surpassing the audience of my former gossip site.
There were features in Forbes, HLN/ CNN and BET.
And we added a few phenomenal women to the team!
We would have never experienced this success had I given up in 2016.
I wanted to share this as a reminder to keep going!
If you are about to make a major life pivot or are switching career paths, just know, it will be uncomfortable, but you have to be willing to live in that space! That's where you are going to build the muscle you need to climb to the next level of your life.
That's where you are going to grow.
I'll end with this:
In 2020, I'm ready to stretch myself beyond what I thought my capacity could be. But this time, it'll be in the form of choosing life goals that terrify me.
I'm sharing them with you for accountability.
I'm committing myself to:
- Three Keynote speeches (I am terrified of public speaking),
- Be more forward-facing on xoNecole and intentional about sharing my story (the introvert in me is cringing right now…),
- Take up space in rooms that make me feel uncomfortable.
Rooms that are filled with Black Girl Magic is where I feel at home and the most comfortable. But it's time for me to use my influence to pull up in rooms where there are people who do not look like me, so that I can be a voice and create more seats at the table for black women.
Now that I've shared my terrifying goals, I'm ready to hear yours. What are three goals that terrify you? The three goals that you know that if you work to accomplish them, they would push you to the next level in your life, career or relationship?
I want to know!
Drop me a comment on Substack (I'm housing my weekly newsletters to you guys there) or leave me a voice message onspeakpipe! (I'll return the favor and leave you a voice message back!) You can also keep up with me on Twitter orInstagram @hellonecole.
Let's hold each other accountable and claim that 2020 is the year of tremendous growth, and showing up in the fullness of who we are!
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While an evolution is a natural progression that happens as businesses grow, a rebrand is a total change. Lola tells xoNecole, "A total rebrand is necessary when a business’s current reputation/what it’s known for is at odds with the business’s vision or direction.
"For example, if you’ve fundamentally changed what your product is and does, it’s likely that your brand is out of alignment with the business. Or, if you find your company is developing a reputation that doesn’t serve it, it might be time to pump the brakes and figure out what needs to change.
She continues, "Sometimes you’ll see companies (especially startups) announce a name change that comes with updated messaging, visuals, etc. That usually means their vision has changed or expanded, and their previous branding was too narrow/couldn’t encompass everything they planned to do."
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The Brand Doula was born in 2019, and its focus is on putting "the experiences, goals, and needs of women of color founders first," as well as brands with "culture-shifting missions."
According to Lola, culture-shifting is "the act of influencing dominant behavior, beliefs, or experiences in a community or group (ideally, for the better)."
"At The Brand Doula, we work with companies and leaders that set out to challenge the status quo in their industries and communities. They’re here to make an impact that sends ripples across the market," she says.
"We help the problem solvers of the world — the ones who aren't satisfied with 'this is how it's always been' and instead ask 'how could this be better?' Our clients build for impact, reimagining tools, systems, and ways of living to move cultures forward."
The Brand Doula has worked with many brands, including Too Collective, to assist with their collaboration with Selena Gomez's Rare Beauty and Balanced Black Girl for a "refresh," aka rebrand. For businesses looking to rebrand, Lola shares four essential steps.
1. Do an audit of your current brand experience — what’s still relevant and what needs to change? Reflect on why you’re doing the rebrand in the first place and what success would look like after relaunching.
2. Tackle the overall strategy first — before you start redesigning logos and websites, align on a new vision for your brand. How do you want your company to be positioned moving forward? Has your audience changed at all? Will your company have a fresh personality and voice?
3. Bring your audience along the journey — there’s no need to move in secret. Inviting your current audience into the journey can actually help them feel more connected to and invested in your story, enough to stick around as changes are being made.
4. Keep business moving — one of my biggest pet peeves is when companies take down their websites as soon as they have the idea to rebrand, then have a Coming Soon page up for months! You lose a lot of momentum and interest by doing that. If you’re still in business and generating income, continue to operate while you work on your rebrand behind the scenes. You don’t want to cut existing customers off out of the blue, and you also don’t want so much downtime that folks forget your business exists or start looking for other solutions.
While determining whether the rebrand was successful may take a few months, Lola says a clear sign that it is unsuccessful is negative feedback from your target audience. "Customers are typically more vocal about what they don’t like more than what they do like," she says.
But some good signs to look out for are improvements in engagement with your marketing, positive reviews, press and increase in retention, and overall feeling aligned with the new branding.
For more information about Lola and The Brand Doula, visit her website, thebranddoula.com.
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“I’m in constant discovery and learning about myself, about life, about love, about communicating, and I just say discovery is my current era, and to me, the possibilities are endless of what my capacities are,” the “Motivation” singer told xoNecole during an exclusive interview.
A part of that discovery is acknowledging all of the different looks she’s trademarked over the years, whether it’s her classic short red cut or the blonde she’s been known to lean toward recently. She attests a lot of her iconic looks to her bonus mother, Tina Knowles.
“I’m really grateful to Mama T for that because since she owned and worked in a hair salon, she would say, ‘Well, let’s try this. Let’s cut it off. Let’s grow it back. Oh, it’s just hair,’ you know what I mean?” the 43-year-old recalled.
“I’m definitely in that spirit when it comes to hair and glam and just seeing what pops and what doesn’t. I think that there are no rules.”
“For a long time, brown girls were told you can’t do this, you can’t do this, and you shouldn’t do this. It won’t look good on your complexion. That’s not our story. That does not belong to us at all.
"Our possibilities are endless. If anything, we make the trends and we make it look good. We make gem tones look wonderful because of the brown skin that pops off of the gem tone. We make it look wonderful.”
As the mother of two boys, Noah and Titan, Rowland still aims to create tradition through a good meal. She notes how she manages to balance maintaining quality time with her family as a woman who wears many hats.
“One thing that we’re trying to stay on top of right now is one-on-one quality time,” she shared. “I like to do that with my boys. They both get their own afternoon or day with me, so we have these little dates. Noah and I were sitting at this ice cream spot in LA the last time, and we just sat there and talked. It also made me sad because I was like Oh my God, this three-year-old is growing up so fast. I can’t believe he’s even three, and we’re sitting up here and having this whole conversation.”
“One thing that we’re trying to stay on top of right now is one-on-one quality time. I like to do that with my boys. They both get their own afternoon or day with me, so we have these little dates.”
Rowland added, “Then, with Titan, he likes a sushi spot that we go to for hand rolls, and so, we definitely bond over food and over certain outings that we might have. I just like for them to be one-on-one so that we can create our memories together, and they feel seen by me, their mother, and we just enjoy each other’s time. We laugh, and that means a lot to me.”
She is also very intentional in stressing the importance of giving back, something that was instilled in her at a young age by her mother that Rowland is ensuring her sons get a taste of.
“For Christmas, we like to be home, but we also like to give back,” said Rowland.
“Around Christmastime, I want my kids to understand how important it is to give back. So this year, I think we will pile it on because both of them will understand now even more.
"The three-year-old might miss it, but the nine-year-old is definitely starting to catch on. My mom poured that into me about the spirit of giving, and I want my kids to have that same tradition that my mom gave me.”
Today, she continues to give back by pouring into a locally owned eatery that made her, even having a meal named in her honor in a new partnership centered around spreading the love when it comes to patronizing local restaurants nationwide.
This Is It! is one of her childhood favorite Black-owned restaurants in her home city of Houston. During the earlier DC days, she recalled bonding with her bandmates-turned-family members over a delicious plate of soul food at This Is It!, a fourth-generation, family-owned establishment known for its comfort dishes.
Courtesy
“I love the idea that a huge corporation like Pepsi wants to make sure that in their budget, they’re giving back to communities that have supported them for many years,” she said.
Rowland added, "This Is It! is a place that grew me up and helped me to keep my feet on the ground. This always brings back such fond memories for me.”
In honor of Rowland’s favorite This Is It! meal being named after her, which includes pepper steak with rice and gravy, green beans, peach cobbler, and an ice-cold Pepsi, the “Like This” crooner discussed her recipe for a good time.
“I would say good food,” she laughed. “Not that I need it, but a good Espresso Martini or a French white wine. Sometimes, I might lack energy, so I need a Pepsi to pick me right back up.”
“What else? Good energy. You need good energy. Like, good people with good energy who know how to have a good time. Who aren’t going to look around and see what the other person is doing," Rowland added.
"Because just when people are so good in their body and self-aware and self-assured, they are the funnest people to hang out with because they don’t give a crap about what’s happening around them. They just want to have a good time. I like those people.”
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