7 Mother/Hustlers On How To Secure A Bag & Your Sanity At The Same Damn Time
In xoNecole's series Mother/Hustler, we sit down with influential mom bosses who open up about the ups and downs of motherhood, as well as how they kill it in their respective industries, all while keeping their sanity and being intentional about self-care.
Securing a check shouldn't cost you your sanity. Let that sink in for a minute. Your hustle shouldn't hustle you out of your peace of mind and these smooth Mother/Hustlers refuse to let the grind, grind them to death. xoNecole sat down with 7 mommy moguls who broke down the secret to getting both your mind and your money all the way in alignment and according to LA-based digital content creator Jessica Pettway, there's power in having patience with yourself.
"Listen, I'm still trying to figure this out!" she explained, "Especially since I do it on my own––no nanny, no childcare, plus I homeschool. Life as a mom is so unpredictable at times, that you sometimes go off schedule. But I don't beat myself up over it. You just make adjustments and move on."
Along with saying goodbye to doubt and negative self-talk, Jessica, who has a six-year-old daughter and a bun in the oven, says that getting a good night's sleep and creating boundaries between her personal and professional life has allowed her to stay in her bag while keeping others out of her business. "I love the fact that my life is my life and I don't have to explain it to the internet. I share just enough, but my business is my business. That's how you stay sane in these social media streets."
For more tips from 7 wise Mother/Hustlers on how to secure a bag without sacrificing your sanity, scroll below!
Jessica Pettway, Fashion & Beauty Blogger
How (and how often) do you practice self-care?
"I try to practice it as much as I can, even if that means just 30 minutes a day. I love just getting fresh air and walking outside. It can be by the beach or someplace in LA. I enjoy people-watching too, so sitting in a cafe with a latte and watching strangers is my idea of 'me time.'"
What tips do you have for financial planning, both professionally and for your family?
"I always say, do not try to impress folks who aren't financially contributing to your lifestyle. Enjoy life, but be honest about your income. Be content with what you have and you'll always have more than enough."
For more of Jessica, click here!
Nadirah Ali, CEO of For Brown Gurls
How (and how often) do you practice self-care?
"I practice self-care every day. I believe if you look good, you feel good, you'll do good. I work out every day to keep my body in shape. I eat healthy and regularly pamper myself. My favorite way to spend me time is visiting the spa. I like to get massages and facials. I also love to read new books and listen to motivational speakers."
What tips do you have for financial planning, both professionally and for your family?
"Time management is so important when being a mommy mogul. If you don't plan, you're planning to fail. If you can't buy it 10 times, you can't afford it. Whether its a piece of gum, a brand new car, or getting your nails done. You should be putting your money into things that can make you more money."
For more of Nadirah, click here!
Monica Bencomo, Lifestyle & Fitness Coach
How (and how often) do you practice self-care?
"Every. Day. I won't get out of bed until I've meditated, prayed, gone over my gratitude, and asked for guidance. For me, self-care is not an option or a luxury; it's vital to my overall health and happiness as a mom."
What tips do you have for financial planning, both professionally and for your family?
"Have family meetings. If you're married, you and your partner need to be on the same page. If you're single, you can do this yourself. My husband and I meet weekly and monthly to go over things like finances, goals, etc so we're on the same page. Develop a vision as a family, and practice discipline! If you decide you want to buy a home in the next two years, for example, plan to spend more frugally and save a certain amount each time you're paid. Set tangible goals you can measure. And check progress each time you meet."
For more of Monica, click here!
Kathlyn Celeste, Lifestyle Blogger
What is your favorite way to spend "me time"?
"Do trips to Target count? This is something I'm trying to get better at. This [past] year, I made it a priority to have 'date days with Jesus' where I schedule out a huge block of time one day a week where I spend time in my word, journaling, and just talking to God all day. Through this, I've learned so much about myself by spending time with the One who created me. It's literally changed me in ways I'm so grateful for. [This] year, I'm planning to start taking violin lessons as part of my me time! I played in elementary school and when I think about doing something for myself that has nothing to do with work or anyone else, I thought that would be cool to try again!"
What tips do you have for financial planning, both professionally and for your family?
"Budget, budget, budget! Save, save, save! Take some time to create a spreadsheet and list out all of your income coming in, and every penny going out. Each week, you should update this sheet and it'll give you a better idea of what you can actually afford and where you may have to cut back. I think once you get started, you'll fall in love with managing your money and being in control of it, rather than it controlling you!"
For more of Kathlyn, click here!
Shanicia Boswell, CEO of Black Moms Blog
How (and how often) do you practice self-care?
"You hear this a lot now, about self-care not just being about getting your nails done and spa days. It is true. I practice self-care mentally by reserving time to myself. I practice self-care financially by protecting my assets and creating stability in my credit to be able to purchase a home. I practice self-care in my spirit by not being involved with things that truly serve no higher purpose to my well-being. On a not-so-deep level, I love to tell moms, find a way to make self-care realistic for you. Every woman doesn't need a two-week vacation out of the country. Sometimes you just need a Snickers bar hiding in the bathroom from your kids. Don't feel guilty for that."
"Find a way to make self-care realistic for you. Every woman doesn't need a two-week vacation out of the country. Sometimes you just need a Snickers bar hiding in the bathroom from your kids. Don't feel guilty for that."
What tips do you have for financial planning, both professionally and for your family?
"Financial planning is self-care. Can we put that on a t-shirt? My advice to women for financial planning is don't let the daunting thought of getting your finances in order scare you from actually doing it. Get help. There are so many programs and companies that help with credit repair and homeownership. When it comes to your business, learn how tax breaks can help you and where to invest your money for greater returns. Financial freedom should always be the goal and the only way to do it successfully is to just start the process. Just start."
For more of Shanicia, click here!
Jehava Brown, Lifestyle Blogger
How (and how often) do you practice self-care?
"Once a week, I have a night out with a girlfriend. We typically go somewhere good for dinner, but it's so relaxing to unwind and eat alone in peace. When I go back to my family, I feel energized and ready to take on the busyness of life. This is something I made a priority a few years ago, and it has made all the difference."
What tips do you have for financial planning, both professionally and for your family?
"Every month my husband and I sit down to plan out our household budget and where we want our money to go. We also do quarterly goals for savings, paying off debt, investing and so on. We did this when we had 2 cents to our name and we were trying to save $50 in a month, and we still do this now with a six-figure household.
"As far as business goes, I have multiple accounts for business expenses, savings, and taxes. This makes everything so much easier at the end of the year. I make sure that I pay everything out of these accounts, and never cross them with our family accounts. A plan makes all the difference in reaching your financial goals. Be sure to give yourself little rewards to stay encouraged along the way as you meet those milestones."
For more of Jehava, click here!!
Brandi Sellerz-Jackson, Doula
How (and how often) do you practice self-care?
"I try my hardest to practice self-care before I become overextended or in need of it. Keyword… try. For me, sometimes self-care looks like going to the Korean Spa and taking a soak. Sometimes, it looks like me preparing an amazing dish, just for me. Other times, self-care looks like me intentionally going to bed early. Self-care is all about listening and responding to your body's needs. Because I have three boys, one can imagine that our home is pretty loud. When I need 'me time', it usually involves some level of quiet. I love to sit in complete silence and just gather my thoughts. Put pen to paper. Breathe."
What tips do you have for financial planning, both professionally and for your family?
"Budget, budget, budget. Vision board or simply write down your financial goals. Whatever it looks like, keep the goal front and center."
For more of Brandi, click here!!
Featured image by Shutterstock
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Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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How To Tell If You're Disciplining Your Child Or Seeking Revenge
When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
Momo Productions/Getty
Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images