If you know nothing else about South Korea, you must know that they rule the spa scene.
One of the things that intrigued me the most about the prospects of living in South Korea was indulging in the true blue Korean spa experience, or the jjimjilbang.
While I love being naked and the liberation that comes with baring the skin I'm in, showing love and feeling love for the body that gets me through this life, thinking about that part of the jjimjilbang experience filled me with anxiety. Because, as much as I love spas, the idea of being naked in a room full of Korean women was rather intimidating.
To those of you who may be unfamiliar, the jjimjilbang is a Korean public bathhouse and sauna that’s separated into two parts. First, is the co-ed communal area that includes ice rooms, saunas, sleeping rooms, restaurants, and more. Second, is the gender-segregated bath and shower room where you can lay in hot tubs, use the steam rooms, or get the famous Korean scrub. In Korea, the jjimjilbang is for everyone – young couples, old people, families, and friend dates with your besties.
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WiSpa, Los Angeles
As a black woman living in Korea, I already had garnered my fair share of stares, gawking, and the occasional creeping hand trying to touch my hair. I definitely didn’t want to deal with that while trying to bask in a space that's meant to allow me to relax.
But one holiday weekend, my boyfriend and I took a trip down to the south of Korea to Busan, and that's where my life was forever changed. Busan is home to what CNN has called Korea’s “most outrageous sauna,” the Spa Land Centum City. I wouldn’t say it’s "outrageous", but going there was definitely one of the best experiences I’d had in Korea.
After changing into the standard jjimjilbang pajama spa uniform, my boyfriend and I spent an hour or so lounging in the saunas, cooling off in the ice room, and eating smoked eggs with tea. We both kept remarking on just how awesome the experience had been so far and how we needed to come back more often. But I was still hesitant about what was yet to come, the wet and dry sauna/shower rooms.
WiSpa Sauna, Los Angeles
As I got undressed in the locker room, I noticed that no one was really paying me any attention at all - actually, no one even looked my way. Everyone there was just enjoying themselves, chatting with friends, helping each other wash their backs, or just relaxing in their own world. All of the fear and anxiety I felt about being naked in a spa full of women was for nothing. Feeling confident, I stepped into the sauna, and it was pretty much game over. I took an awesomely long shower, washed my hair, sat in the hot tubs, and went to the steam room.
It felt so liberating and relaxing! But what really threw my experience into OMG YES, I MUST DO THIS ALL THE TIME NOW territory was the Korean body scrub.
A woman clad in black underwear guided me to a wet massage table where she proceeded to put soap all over my body and with a Brillo pad-type scrubber, scrubbed me so hard I thought she was trying to take the black off of me. It was both amazing and terrifying. She scrubbed literally everywhere, no holds barred. I regularly exfoliated on my own at home, but it was no match for this scrub. After she finished, she rinsed me off with warm water, and then gave me a scalp massage, which was the icing on the cake. My body had literally never felt so smooth. It was like I was a newborn baby! And from that day forth, I made a vow to myself that I’d try to go to a Korean spa at least once a month.
Olympic Spa
I now have my Korean spa game down to a science. I go regularly and am no longer afraid of being naked around strangers. If anything, it’s made me realize even more so that women come in all shapes and sizes, and honestly no one really cares what you look like.
In the U.S., there are Korean spas sprinkled everywhere in most major cities. When I lived in LA, Wi Spa and the women’s only Olympic Spa were the hot spots. Wi Spa is basically the Disneyland of Korean spas and is open 24/7. They have a computer room, a restaurant, a gym, a nail salon, and more. Olympic Spa is for women only, which makes it a great place for a squad get-together. With massages, scrubs, manicures and facials, you could be there all day!
And for my friends on the east coast, have no fear! My friend Tiffany from TiffanyandLupus gave me her recommendations for the NYC area:
- Spa Castle Premier 57 in Midtown. It's a Korean spa with a sleek minimalist design that provides ultra comfort. Most jjimjilbangs are family friendly, however, you have to be at least 18 to enjoy this one.
- King Spa & Fitness in NJ is one of my favorite jjimjilbangs! Children are welcome, as long as an adult accompanies them. The beauty of this spa is that it's open 24 hours. You can spend the night sleeping on a plush reclining chair bed! But find a spot to sleep by 9 pm or else you'll be left to find a not so comfy floor spot.
Have you ever been to a Korean spa? What did you think? Let us know in the comments.
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While an evolution is a natural progression that happens as businesses grow, a rebrand is a total change. Lola tells xoNecole, "A total rebrand is necessary when a business’s current reputation/what it’s known for is at odds with the business’s vision or direction.
"For example, if you’ve fundamentally changed what your product is and does, it’s likely that your brand is out of alignment with the business. Or, if you find your company is developing a reputation that doesn’t serve it, it might be time to pump the brakes and figure out what needs to change.
She continues, "Sometimes you’ll see companies (especially startups) announce a name change that comes with updated messaging, visuals, etc. That usually means their vision has changed or expanded, and their previous branding was too narrow/couldn’t encompass everything they planned to do."
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The Brand Doula was born in 2019, and its focus is on putting "the experiences, goals, and needs of women of color founders first," as well as brands with "culture-shifting missions."
According to Lola, culture-shifting is "the act of influencing dominant behavior, beliefs, or experiences in a community or group (ideally, for the better)."
"At The Brand Doula, we work with companies and leaders that set out to challenge the status quo in their industries and communities. They’re here to make an impact that sends ripples across the market," she says.
"We help the problem solvers of the world — the ones who aren't satisfied with 'this is how it's always been' and instead ask 'how could this be better?' Our clients build for impact, reimagining tools, systems, and ways of living to move cultures forward."
The Brand Doula has worked with many brands, including Too Collective, to assist with their collaboration with Selena Gomez's Rare Beauty and Balanced Black Girl for a "refresh," aka rebrand. For businesses looking to rebrand, Lola shares four essential steps.
1. Do an audit of your current brand experience — what’s still relevant and what needs to change? Reflect on why you’re doing the rebrand in the first place and what success would look like after relaunching.
2. Tackle the overall strategy first — before you start redesigning logos and websites, align on a new vision for your brand. How do you want your company to be positioned moving forward? Has your audience changed at all? Will your company have a fresh personality and voice?
3. Bring your audience along the journey — there’s no need to move in secret. Inviting your current audience into the journey can actually help them feel more connected to and invested in your story, enough to stick around as changes are being made.
4. Keep business moving — one of my biggest pet peeves is when companies take down their websites as soon as they have the idea to rebrand, then have a Coming Soon page up for months! You lose a lot of momentum and interest by doing that. If you’re still in business and generating income, continue to operate while you work on your rebrand behind the scenes. You don’t want to cut existing customers off out of the blue, and you also don’t want so much downtime that folks forget your business exists or start looking for other solutions.
While determining whether the rebrand was successful may take a few months, Lola says a clear sign that it is unsuccessful is negative feedback from your target audience. "Customers are typically more vocal about what they don’t like more than what they do like," she says.
But some good signs to look out for are improvements in engagement with your marketing, positive reviews, press and increase in retention, and overall feeling aligned with the new branding.
For more information about Lola and The Brand Doula, visit her website, thebranddoula.com.
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Now, while it’s another message for another time that if this type of sex-related craving feels impulsive or out of one’s control, it could be a sign of someone who is leaning into some level of sex addiction; however, that is not what we’re going to unpack today. Today, we’re going to look into what could be going on with you if it seems like, lately, you’ve been having a greater desire for sex, and you can’t quite pinpoint why.
Because, just like, say, a craving for a particular type of food oftentimes reveals something that is going on with you physically or mentally — sex cravings tend to bring certain things to light in those same areas, too.
Let’s dig in…
Hormonal Shifts
GiphyAlthough I don’t have social media accounts, I do tiptoe out there to see what’s going on — and boy, do I roll my eyes whenever I hear folks act like being over 40 is old. SMDH. It’s especially annoying when I hear about it in the context of sex because, believe it or not, there are a lot of late perimenopausal and menopausal women who are “gettin’ theirs” more than some of these 20 and 30-year-olds are (just ask them).
One reason is that the fear of experiencing an unplanned pregnancy, for many, is now in their rearview mirror. Another is because some are taking a form of hormone therapy to treat the changes that their system is going through — and when you’re getting more estrogen, progesterone, and/or testosterone into your body (in order to level things out) — HUNNAY.
For other women, even consuming phytoestrogens (plant-based estrogen) like peaches, garlic, berries, spinach, and cabbage can make them want sex more than when those aren’t a part of their diet. Bottom line here, a shift in your sexual hormones can definitely cause you to desire sex more than you have before (or have in a while).
Ovulation
GiphyBack when I was a teen mom director for the local chapter of a national non-profit, something that I used to tell “my daughters” all of the time is when you know that you’re ovulating, that’s when you need to be hypervigilant about using wisdom when it comes to the sex-related decisions that you make. I’m thinking that most of you get why: your body was designed to feel its horniest when you’re able to get pregnant — and that is during your time of ovulation.
That’s why it really is a good idea to keep up with your cycle and, if a baby is not something that is on your priority list right now, you either avoid having sex during that time of the month or make sure to use some form of birth control. Chile, even women with low libidos can find themselves wanting to hang off of a chandelier or two when they are ovulating. It’s nature’s way.
A Healthy Diet
GiphyIf you happen to be someone with a sluggish sex drive and you know that you spend most of your time in a drive-thru, there is probably a direct correlation there. No joke. There is plenty of research out in cyberspace to support the fact that a wack diet and low sex drive have a lot in common. While processed foods and unhealthy fats can throw your (sex) hormones off, foods that are filled with zinc, vitamins B12 and D, and iron can ramp up your desire for intimacy.
This is why many people who decide to make a lifestyle change as far as their eating habits are concerned are oftentimes surprised by how much sex is on their minds and how much easier it is for them to orgasm because of it. While a part of it can be due to a boost in their sexual confidence, a lot of it has to do with consuming foods that will literally feed their libido (in a healthy way).
More Exercise
GiphyPlainly put, exercise makes you hornier. Not only does it boost your testosterone levels, (consistently) working out also lowers your stress levels and gives you a boost in the self-esteem department. On top of that, exercise makes you more flexible, builds up endurance, and increases blood circulation which can turn around and intensify your climaxes as a direct result. In fact, this is oftentimes why people will want to have sex right after a workout session.
While we’re here, let me also share that too much of a good thing can end up being counterproductive. What I mean by that is, that although it is wise to exercise on a regular basis, make sure to not overdo it. Something known as overtraining syndrome can result in fatigue, insomnia, and irritability; no one can really have amazing sex when all of that is going on.
Being a Certain Age
GiphyWhile it used to be said that the sexual peak for men is in their teens and for women, it’s in their 30s (some believe it’s because after 35, it’s more challenging for women to get pregnant and so our biological clock plays a role in it all), some research believes that coming to that conclusion isn’t fair because aging affects people differently. For instance, while on one hand, people in their 40s tend to see a dip in their sex hormones, as we’ve already discussed, hormone therapy (for both men and women) can level some of those issues out, if not increase some people’s sex drives altogether.
Adding to that, it should also go on record that some studies indicate that women between the ages of 27-45 actually have a stronger desire — or craving — for sex than women between the ages of 18-26. So honestly, there goes the myth that being younger (automatically) means that you’re hornier. #Elmoshrug
Certain Medications
GiphyIf you used to have a higher sex drive and you’re currently on an antidepressant, that could be why your desire for copulation has decreased. Some studies say that as much as 40 percent of people who are on these types of medication end up having a lower libido (by the way, antihistamines and beta-blockers can have this effect, too).
On the other hand, if you’ve been taking a prescribed drug to increase your sex drive (perhaps like Vyleesi or Addyi), then it would make sense that you may have an increased libido level. Other meds that may have a similar effect include birth control pills (since they alter your hormones), medications that help to treat Parkinson’s disease, along with dopamine-related drugs.
Less Stress
GiphyIf, on the days when you don’t seem to have a care in the world, you also desire sex more than usual, that’s not a coincidence either. Thing is, when you’re all stressed out, that can cause the stress hormone known as cortisol to work overtime and, when that happens, that can end up suppressing your sex hormones which can deplete you of sexual urges. Ironically, there is a flip side to this because when you engage in sexual activity, that actually elevates feel-good (and bonding) hormones like dopamine, oxytocin, and endorphins, which can also de-stress you.
So basically, if you’re craving sex, you probably aren’t very stressed out (right now), and if you want to stop being stressed out, you probably should have some sex (some protected sex, if you don’t want to be stressed later up the road…if you know what I mean).
Having an Amazing Sex Life
GiphyTo me, this one right here should be a given because when something is both good to and for you, why wouldn’t you want more of it? So yeah, if you have a great sex life with someone, it’s common sense that you’d want to engage in that act with them as much as possible. Hey, not to mention the fact that orgasms activate your brain in a way similar to a drug high does.
So, if while reading this, you’re thinking about sexting your bae to make arrangements to — eh hem — satisfy your craving, I say go for it! To “greatly want” to connect with your partner in order to have some fulfilling and satisfying sex? What in the world could possibly be wrong with that?! Not a damn thing.
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