This article is in partnership with Ulta Beauty.
With the season changing so quickly, it feels like summer just packed its bag and ghosted us. Whether we're ready or not, the new season calls for a new shift in mindset, style, and hair routines. When it comes to taking care of my natural hair, what I do in the summer is simply not enough for the fall and winter. The cool crispness of the season tends to bring about more dryness and hydration becomes a top priority. In these uncertain times, who knows what the next few months will look like, so here's what you can do now to prepare your hair for the next few months.
First things first, we'll need to rack up on all our hair needs, and Ulta Beauty is making it easier for all of us with their Gorgeous Hair Event. As one of their biggest sales of the year, you can expect up to 50% off of brands like PATTERN Beauty (today for 24 hours only all PATTERN Conditioners are half off), The Mane Choice, and so much more. Their sale is available online, curbside pickup, and in-store starting October 4 until October 24. Make sure you grab your mask and hand sanitizer and get everything you need for half the price.
I already grabbed a few of my favorites products from Melanin Haircare, which is new and exclusively available Ulta Beauty, and PATTERN Beauty to show you how I get a hydrated and juicy twist-out. It's one of my favorite styles because it can be worn as a protective style and a curly fro'.
Check out my step-by-step routine using Black-owned products from Ulta Beauty.
Step 1:
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Start on freshly washed hair and part your hair the way you prefer: side part, middle part, or straight back.
Step 2:
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Create smaller sections to create twists.
Step 3:
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Spray your hair with water and PATTERN Beauty's Hydrating Mist for maximum hydration. I like to mix the aloe vera and avocado infused spray with water to boost the hydration in curls that way the style can last a little longer before needing to remoisturize my hair. You can also use the spray to add back moisture to dehydrated strands.
Step 4:
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Apply a generous amount of the new Melanin Haircare Multi-Use Softening Leave-In Conditioner, which can be found exclusively at Ulta Beauty. The water-based leave-in makes detangling easy because the product melts right into your hair and softens your curls. An added bonus is that it smells amazing!
Step 5:
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Finger detangle or use a detangling brush to remove any knots or tangles.
Step 6:
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Apply a generous amount of Melanin Haircare Twist Elongating Styling Cream (found exclusively at Ulta Beauty) to your stands. The twisting cream is the thickest product of the collection but is good because it adds a ton of moisture on top of what the leave-in has already provided.
Step 7:
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Apply Melanin Haircare Multi-Use Pure Oil Blend, which can be found exclusively with Ulta Beauty. The lightweight oil helps seal moisture and soften hair without weighing it down.
Step 8:
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Twist and repeat.
Step 9 (optional):
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Add PATTERN Beauty Satin Scrunchie to your hair to stretch your twists and cut down on some of the shrinkage. Apply the satin scrunchie from the top of the twists as far down to the end as you can. You don't have to worry about any damage or dryness from the scrunchie because it is satin and cuts down on tension and friction.
Step 10:
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Let your hair air dry.
Step 11:
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Once your hair is is dry, add the Melanin Haircare Multi-Use Pure Oil Blend, which is new and exclusively available at Ulta Beauty, to your roots and fingertips and start to untwist your hair.
Step 12 (optional):
Ulta Beauty
Use thePATTERN Hair Pick to increase the volume in your hair and enjoy your hair.
The Final Look:
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Krissy Lewis for xoNecole.com
When it comes to getting a hydrated twist-out, you have to make sure that you use moisture-boosting products and always add water before adding any product. To keep moisture throughout the night, make sure you sleep with a silk/satin scarf or bonnet so everything you used doesn't dry out overnight.
Lastly, don't forget to head to Ulta Beauty's Gorgeous Hair Event now through 10/24 to discover your best hair with these products and more. Click below to shop!
Melanin Haircare Multi-Use Softening Leave-In Conditioner
Ulta Beauty
New and exclusively at Ulta Beauty.
Grace Eleyae Black Satin-Lined Knot Turban
Ulta Beauty
Regular Price: $29.99
HOW TO Achieve A HYDRATED Twistout
A super easy tutorial on how to achieve the perfect twistout that's hydrated and keeps your curls poppin!
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Featured image by Krissy Lewis for xoNecole.com
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Ding. Ding. DING.
A life coach by the name of Thomas Leonard once said that “Clarity affords focus” and, believe you me, when it comes to dealing with other human beings, if you don’t get clear on where you stand when it comes to your interactions with them, you can very easily find yourself “focusing too much” on those who don’t deserve it and too little on those who absolutely do. And y’all, this lil’ PSA couldn’t be more relevant than when it comes to what I call “casual friendships.”
Let’s dig — and for some of us, dig our way out of — what it means to have a casual friend, so that you can get clear on if you really need those in your life…and if so…why?
Article continues after the video.
It Can’t Be Said Enough: Always Remember What “Casual” Means
GiphyThere’s a reason why I decided to share two videos by mental health coach Isaiah Frizzle at the top and bottom of this article. It’s because a lot of what he shares in both of them complements a piece that I wrote for the platform last year entitled, “This Is Just What Purposeful Relationships Look Like.”
It’s the author M. Scott Peck who once said, “Until you value yourself, you won't value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it” and please believe that the older (and hopefully more mature) you get, the more you tend to see just how valuable — and fleeting — time is; and that is what plays a huge role in motivating you want to only involve yourself with people, places, things and ideas that will honor your time — and when something is casual? In my opinion, it’s highly debatable that it’s worth much of your months, days, hours, or even too many of your minutes.
The main reason why is addressed in an article that I wrote back in the day entitled, “We Should Really Rethink The Term 'Casual Sex.'” The gist? When it comes to relationships, “casual” is certainly not a favorite word of mine because I know what it means. Have mercy — why would you want to invest your time, energy, and emotions into something that is, by definition, apathetic, indifferent, careless, lacking emotional intimacy, and/or is without purpose?
I don’t know about y’all but that sounds like a complete and total crap shoot to me — especially if you are going to go so far as to consider this type of dynamic a true friendship (check out “Ever Wonder If A Friend Is Just...Not That Into You?,” “6 Signs You're About To Make A Huge Mistake In Making Them A Close Friend,” “5 Signs Of A Toxic Friendship That Is Secretly Poisoning Your Life,” “12 Friend Facts That Might Cause You To Rethink (Some Of) Your Own,” and “Less & Less Of Us Have Close Friends These Days. Why Is That?” ).
To me, when you decide to call someone “friend,” it means that they are loyal, reliable, consistent, trustworthy and willing to be there to support you to the very best of their ability — even if it’s inconvenient to do so sometimes (check out “Life Taught Me That True Friendships Are 'Inconvenient'”). How in the world can you expect that from something that has the word “casual” in it?
And you know what? That actually segues into my next point about casual friendships pretty darn well.
Ponder the Purpose “Casual Friends” Serve in Your Life
GiphyA couple of years ago, Verywell Mind published an article entitled, “How the 4 Types of Friendship Fit Into Your Life.” The four that it listed were acquaintances (which I actually don’t consider to be friends; check out “6 Differences Between A Close Acquaintance And An Actual Friend”), casual friends, close friends, and lifelong friends. After reading the piece, I think they consider casual friends to be the “pleasure” friends that I mentioned in the article, “According To Aristotle, We Need ‘Utility’, ‘Pleasure’ & ‘Good’ Friends.”
And although I certainly get that, I think my “cause for pause” is calling those people “friends” when they probably should be called something like an associate or possibly even a buddy instead. Why do I feel this way? Well, I’ve shared in other articles that I think social media has jacked up vocabulary words and their true meaning on a billion different levels.
Take “friend,” for example. Facebook had us out here calling everyone we connected to on their platform “friends” when some of them, we’ve never even spoken to before — and I personally think that influenced, affected and perhaps even infected our psyche to the point where we will call folks, both online and off, “friend” even when they haven’t earned it and/or who possibly don’t deserve it.
That said, do I think that we all could use lighthearted interactions that don’t go very deep and are filled with not much more than fun? Sure. However, if we were to move this over into a sexual thing — those types of people would probably be called a sneaky link, and there is nothing significant or substantial about ‘em. In fact, if anything pretty much automatically comes with an expiration date, sneaky links would have to be it.
And that’s kind of the point that I’m trying to make about a casual friend — so long as you know that the word “casual” is being used to describe them, while you may enjoy the people who fit that bill, they aren’t really anything that you can or even should fully rely on. Instead, take them for what they are and don’t really expect much more than that. Otherwise, you could be in for some profound levels of disappointment. And who wants that?
Final point.
How a Casual Friend Can Become a Huge Red Flag
GiphyI’m telling you, y’all gonna quit clowning Tubi. LOL. To me, the best way to describe it is it’s the Cricket of current streaming apps. What I mean by that is, back when Cricket (the cell phone service) first came out, people, like me, who used it service got incessantly clowned because it was seen as a bootleg provider. Now it’s owned by AT&T, and as someone who has rocked with them since I was in my 20s, I don’t have one regret for doing so. Cricket has always been good to me, chile.
And Tubi? Well, when you get a chance, check out CNBC’s article, “CEO at 33, Tubi’s Anjali Sud on success hacks she learned at Amazon, IAC on way to top of Fox streaming” — take note of the moves the streaming app is making and the quality of programming that is transpiring in real time.
Anyway, I find myself bringing up Tubi more and more in my content because it helps to amplify some of the points that I like to make. This time, it’s a movie that’s (currently) on there calledRight Man, Wrong Woman. If you haven’t seen it before, I don’t want to give too much of the film away. What I will say is that the main female character, she had a casual friend and then she had a close friend.
That casual friend—the one who liked to kick it all of the time—was a lot of fun; however, dealing with her came with a ton of semi-unforeseen consequences. Meanwhile, the close friend? She’s what the Aristotle article (that I mentioned earlier) would call the “good friend” because she tried her best to hold her friend accountable.
And really, it shouldn’t be a shock that the casual friend turned out to be a plum trip because if someone is loads of entertainment and pleasure and yet they are indifferent towards you, they make careless decisions around you and/or they don’t really make known the purpose for you being in their life other than to pass some time — where really do you and that person have to go past drinks after work or dinner on a rooftop restaurant from time to time? And if that is all that the two of you are doing, again, why are they deserving of the word “friend”?
Hmph and don’t get me started on the lack of reciprocity that typically transpires when it comes to dealing with people like this because, while they won’t mind you spending your coins on them, taking their calls in the middle of the night or listening to all of their issues — when it comes time for them to show up for you, they very well may gaslight you into thinking that you are being dramatic, clingy or “doing the most.” Why? Well, it’s mostly because the two of you never really established what the hell the both of you are to one another.
And so, while you’re somewhere taking them seriously, they are out here seeing you casually, and as much as it might hurt to hear, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily make them a bad person. You shouldn’t expect much where no clarity is involved. After all, casual is just that: CASUAL.
____
I’m hoping that you can now see why I entitled this piece in the way that I did. It’s because a red flag is pretty much a warning, and to me, a casual friend is about as big of an oxymoron (again, to me) as casual sex is. Friends and sex are both too intimate to be seen or treated casually. Oh, but if you step out and take that risk, you could find yourself getting far more involved than the other individual ever wanted to go, because casual is how things have always been. “Friend” was simply to get you more mentally and emotionally invested. SMDH.
American columnist Walter Winchell once said, “A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.” A wise person once said, “One good friendship will outlive forty average loves." Former President Ulysses S. Grant once said, “The friend in my adversity I shall always cherish most. I can better trust those who helped to relieve the gloom of my dark hours than those who are so ready to enjoy with me the sunshine of my prosperity.” Does any of this sound casual to you? Yeah, me neither.
Again, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have people in your life who aren’t on deep levels. I’m just saying that you might want to consider putting them into another category than friend, because what friends do for people? There ain’t nothin’ even remotely casual about it, sis. Not even a lil’ bit.
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