Some of us aren't quite ready to take that overseas trip, while others have long given in to the travel bug and have been on flights since before the U.S. required negative COVID tests to return home. (Oh, I know I'm not the only one). If you're a travel lover like me, you might have been keeping a watchful eye on those coins in the past few months, looking for ways to save just to book the flight and luxe accommodations. Well, I'm also a discount lover with the I-got-it-but-I-ain't-spending-$5,000-on-nobody's-travel-package bougetto kind of traveler.
Whether you're among those waiting another six months or so before using those travel credits, or you're all set to go on your next adventure soon, check out a few tips that have helped me in planning luxury travel on a budget:
1. Venture beyond the usual third-party discount sites for booking trips.
Listen, we all know about the whole savings tip of traveling during off-peak times, and we know that Groupon is the go-to OG for booking discounted trips. (So are Expedia, Orbitz, Hopper, and Kayak.) However, sometimes I don't have the time or just don't want to fly out somewhere during some weird season where the vibes are nonexistent or just not festive. (Oh, and let's not forget the "revenge travel" that's going on now, making us all forget what a "peak" season even is with all the crowds and price surges.)
I've found great deals and discounts by going directly on a hotel's or airline's official website and signing up for their membership programs. Doing this allows you to avoid missing out on perks like having the ability to upgrade or have to deal with the sneaky third-party fine print that says the booking can't be changed or adjusted. For example, Hilton Honors offers some amazing perks for members to stay at their more than 5,900 properties around the world, their options are diverse and fabulous for staycations and overseas trips, and their customer service is everything.
I also love the Marriott Bonvoy program, where you can earn free nights and get updated on special member rates. (And don't think of Marriott as that budget hotel your family always stayed in for the annual reunion. They've got some pretty amazing luxury properties around the world including the W and the Ritz Carlton brands.)
2. Tap into rewards.
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It's also a good idea to check out your favorite airline's rewards programs and, for trips that take more than 8 hours or might be that one-time-a-year treat, book directly with them as a member. I absolutely love American Airlines Advantage, and they're my fave for my many trips to the Caribbean. The miles seem to rack up pretty quickly, the boarding process is typically seamless and stress-free, and miles can be used without a lot of annoying and inconveniencing stipulations.
Many credit card companies offer rewards on travel (NerdWallet has an excellent list of the best, by the way) and if you travel a lot, it's a good idea to look into the best ways you can make both your debit and credit cards work for you in terms of saving coins. Several banks offer cashback rewards on your purchases, so check out a few of those as well. (Here's a link to get you started, sis. You're welcome.)
3. Add luxury touches pre-trip.
You might have a coach ticket, but that doesn't mean you can't have a bit of luxury during your commute. I'm a huge fan of airport lounges, and if you're not into spending $600-$800 for access, try a day pass. American Airlines offers one for its Admiral's Club access where, for $59, you can get chef-inspired food and drinks, comfy seats to scroll the web via their free Wifi, and some even have shower suites. United, which has more than 45 lounge locations, also offers a $59 day pass that can be purchased via their app.
I also have no shame in bringing my own mini-bottles of top-shelf alcohol (if it's that kind of trip!), which can run you just $1.50 to $7.00 per bottle for brands like Johnnie Walker Black, Patron, Kettle One, or Ciroc. I simply pack my "nips" in my carry-on bag and add them to mixed drinks (virgin, of course) or juices for a pre-boarding cocktail.
You can also add luxury to the commute to and from the airport by spending a few extra dollars with Lyft Lux and ride in style via a high-end sudan or SUV. Only drivers who are highly rated and experienced are allowed to participate. And who wouldn't like getting picked up from the airport in a nice, clean BMW, Lexus, or Cadillac?
For the times when I can't swing hundreds of dollars a night for lodging, I pack luxury items to take with me to the budget digs. Items like a silk robe or lingerie, aromatherapy bath oils and gels, satin pillow cases, small scented candles or bottles of sparkling water (bought at the airport of course) all add that luxe touch to my stay.
4. Book a villa or home rental vs. the usual resort packages.
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I get that many people are just used to resorts and like the one-stop-shop vibes of just booking a weeklong stay for $2,500 or more and enjoying all-inclusive amenities the property offers. But I've found that traditional resorts just aren't my cup of tea. My idea of the "luxury" I should be getting for that price just never seems to match up with what many offer. (Either I don't like the food or the customer service as much as I should for the price, or the entertainment is just not within my tastes.)
Sometimes spending that same $2,500 to book a longer stay at a villa or home rental is a much better experience, and you get to really tailor or choose the version of "luxury" you prefer.
For example, in Negril, Jamaica you can get a private home with a pool, proximity to a private beach, and modern amenities for $250 to $300 per night, and simply hire someone to come in to cook custom meals for you. (Trust me, they're out there. If the host can't connect you, it's easy to find one by asking a taxi driver or restaurant host.) You can create your own fun, utilize the technology, and have privacy. To me, that's a more luxurious experience (and more bang for my buck) than being limited to cafeteria-style and chain-food-serving restaurants, sharing a resort pool with dozens of people (who apparently flew thousands of miles to hear Top 40 hits of the early 2000), or being underwhelmed by drunken tourists doing absurd versions of twerking.
5. Think outside the (location and type) box when it comes to lodging.
There are so many so-called hidden gems that have a luxury vibe but are not among the popular or well-advertised spots. For example, instead of staying on the popular Hip Strip of Montego Bay, sometimes I opt for Lucea, Jamaica, a small town located between Negril and Montego Bay. Try the Grand Palladium, which will run you about $250 to $321 per night vs. popular resorts in Negril that cost upwards of $400 per night for similar amenities. Or instead of staying in Tulum or Cancun, Mexico, where luxury hotels might run you upwards of $350 per night, try Playa del Carmen or San Jose del Cabo, where the average prices for luxury stays start around $200 per night.
Boutique hotels in popular vacay destinations also tend to offer good deals on room rates, and you'll still get the luxury feel of a resort. I like Villas Sur Mer which features the cutest cottages, a beautiful pool, cliff-side access, and amazing views for as low at $126 (during some seasons).
Also, luxury hostels are a thing. (Travel Binger has an awesome list of top spots around the world.) You get luxe touches like modern amenities (think: underground clubs, laundry services, private terraces, chic cafes, and travel shops), great views, and customized extras at super-affordable rates.
6. Research organizational affiliation and student deals or corporate discounts.
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I often overlooked this until I found out that as a grad student, I qualify for quite a few discounts or deals on everything from plane or train tickets, to transportation vouchers, to hotel stays. If you're part of a sorority or volunteer organization, you're a military veteran or active service member, or you're a church leader, you might be eligible for discounts. Also, memberships with orgs and companies like AAA, Costco, BJs, and credit unions can have the added benefit of travel deals. Your school's alumni association might even offer discounts.
I've also, in the past, worked for companies that had partnerships with other brands and offered discounts via those partnerships. Check your job's website or ask an HR rep about any sort of travel discounts you might be eligible for as an employee. (Oh, and check out these companies that offer competitive benefit packages that put vacation at the forefront.)
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“There's so many different levels, and now, I'm in a space of just integrating all of this good stuff that I've learned just about just being human, you know?” Dreka tells us. “So it's also fun because it's like a journey of self-discovery and self-mastery. That's what I call it. So it's never-ending.”
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If you follow Dreka, then you’re familiar with her holistic lifestyle, as she’s no stranger to promoting wellness, self-care, and holistic living. She even lives part-time on a Mississippi farm, not far from her grandmother and great-grandmother’s farm, where she spent some summers as a child.
While her grandmother and great-grandmother have passed on, Dreka reflects on that time in her life and how having a farm as an adult is her getting back to her roots. “So the farm was purchased back in 2017, and it was like, ah, that'll just be a place where we go when we're not touring or whatever,” she said.
“But COVID hit, and I was there, and I was on the land, and I just started remembering back to going to my grandmother's during the summertime and freaking picking peas and going and eating mulberries off the freaking tree in the bushes.
“And she literally had cotton plants. I know some people feel weird about picking cotton and stuff. She had cotton plants and I would go and pick cotton out of her garden. And she had chickens, and I literally just broke down in tears one day when I was on the farm just doing all the things, and I'm like, ‘Oh my gosh. I'm literally getting back to my roots.”
"I literally just broke down in tears one day when I was on the farm just doing all the things, and I'm like, ‘Oh my gosh. I'm literally getting back to my roots."
You can catch glimpses of Dreka’s farm life on Instagram, which shows her picking fruit and vegetables and loving on her animals like her camel Eessa. Her passion for growing and cultivating led her to try and grow all of her ingredients for her wellness brand, Dreka Wellness. However, she quickly realized that she might be biting off more than she could chew. But that didn’t stop her from fulfilling her vision.
Watch below as Dreka talks more about her business, her wellness tips, breaking toxic cycles, becoming a doula, and more.
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As far as the dating apps that led to some type of long-term success, a survey from The Knot says that Hinge leads the pack (with 35 percent) followed by Tinder (with 25 percent). Then, if you take into account a Lovehoney survey of 2000 people, which revealed that 60 percent of men and 42 percent of women have admitted to having sex on the first date — uh-huh, now do you see why a piece like this is both relevant and necessary?
Virtual dating isn’t going anywhere any time soon, and although “first date sex” used to be somewhat taboo, clearly, that isn’t even close to being the case anymore. So, since both are a big part of our culture, let’s explore how to approach merging the two (if you’ve been wondering if you should…that is).
What’s the Purpose/Agenda of a First Date?
GiphyOkay, so let’s start by laying a bit of foundation because, personally, I am a big believer that when we don’t know the purpose of something, it’s almost guaranteed that on some level and in some way, we are going to either misuse or abuse it — dating is no exception. And what’s the purpose of a first date?
To get to know if there is more of a connection than just an initial attraction or surface-level chemistry (check out “What's The Difference Between Chemistry And Compatibility?”). And honestly, that’s why all of the social media debates about women expecting a $200 date off the rip and men expecting sex in return if that does indeed go down are nothing short of nauseating to me. ON BOTH SIDES, all it sounds like is a transactional hustle.
Nothing about that type of motive says, “I’m trying to see if there is something real here;” both are about nothing more than how much juice is in the squeeze (and that’s putting it politely — SMDH).
Although there are dozens of reasons why I think dating has become so chaotic for a lot of people these days, here are two of the main ones as it relates to this article in particular:
1) More people need to remember what author M. Scott Peck once said, "Until you value yourself, you won't value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it." When it comes to first dates, specifically, that’s why I don’t get what all of the drama is behind coffee dates. While TikTok is telling you that agreeing to those means that you are settling, if you value your time, you absolutely aren’t — especially if there have been no real conversations prior to the initial meet-up.
A coffee date or drinks after work doesn’t say, “He’s cheap,” so much as, “If there’s something here, then we can build on that. If there’s not, you got 30 minutes of my time; no harm, no foul.” Time is something that you can never get back, so why waste it? Besides, if you feel the need to brag about going on an expensive dinner, go out with some of your girls, and y’all split the tab.
At least you’ll know that you’re going to have a good time because you actually know those people (by the way, if that triggers you, that already reveals a lot, as far as your motives are concerned). No one should need a date to validate them — especially a first date. If they do, there’s some stuff going on that a date, a man nor a relationship is going to fix (just sayin’).
2) Talk to the long-term couples who are 50+ (if they’re 50, that now means they were in college in the early 90s, by the way). Ask them about what dating was like when they were younger and single. I’m wiling to bet that, for one thing, expensive ass first dates weren’t even on their radar, and two, it was rare that they went out with someone before talking to them, at least a couple of times on the phone.
Yep, as semi-antiquated as it may sound in the world that we live in now, it was pretty standard that if you saw a stranger who caught your attention, you would get their number, talk on the phone to see how the two of you vibe and then some successful conversations down the line, if you both believed that something was there between the two of you, you would mutually decide to go on a date.
And because some type of foundation was already laid, if the first date did end up going beyond just coffee or drinks, it was because the two of you had already invested time — you already knew that you wanted more. And honestly, to me, that is one of the benefits of virtual dating or talking on the phone for a couple of weeks before going on a first date — you can actually get to know someone…beyond what you can get out of them.
“Sex on the First Date” Has Levels to It
GiphyAnd when you take into account all of what I just said, it seems to me that there are two kinds of “sex on the first date” scenarios that should be pondered. One is the kind where you meet someone, text each other about a place to meet up, get to know each other for 1-2 hours max, and then go back to somebody’s place to get it in. The other is when you meet someone and, whether online or by phone, you both decide to ease into things by talking first…for a while. Then, after an awesome first date, sex comes naturally to both of you.
And how long is a while? I mean, because this platform is for women — until you feel safe. Until you have asked the kind of questions that make you feel like you want to spend more time with him on a deeper level. Until you get that his intentions aren’t just shallow…or physical. Until you know that you aren’t just attracted to him — you know that there are things about his personality and character that you actually like. Until you want to go on a first date.
And unless the two of you are talking for 2-3 hours a day, every day, for a week straight, you can’t really come to this kind of conclusion in record time. It may take a few weeks or even a few months — and that is perfectly fine. Someone who wants to know you for you is going to be okay with communication being set as the foundation of the relationship that the two of you are potentially building anyway, so…by the time that you both decide to meet up for a first date, it will be the icing on the cake.
And, because you actually like him for him, the kind of date that he plans, you won’t be grading it based on nothing more than the price tag; it’s a win for all parties involved.
Okay, so if you do decide to go the route of a “slow build,” you do take your time before a first date, and then you do decide to have sex with him — does it constitute as “first date sex”? I mean, technically, probably. However, the reputation of first-date sex is someone is getting to know everything about you (you know what I mean) without knowing much about you at all. On the other hand, when you opt to communicate for some time before a first date (and the sex that follows), it’s not so casual…and yes, that makes it — different.
3 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Sleeping with Anyone New
GiphyNow that I hope I’ve brought some peace of mind to if it’s a standard “sex on the first date” type of situation if you’ve been virtually hanging out with someone for a while, let’s talk about some of the main things that you should consider before having sex with anyone who you are beginning to interact with on a physical level.
What is the energy like?
One day, I’m going to write about how true it is that energy is exchanged during sex. A big part of the reason is that we are sources of energy — and honestly, the kind of energy that you experience with someone when you’re not in their physical presence vs. when you actually are? It tends to be quite different.
Therefore, it’s a good idea to intentionally “tap in” to see what kind of vibes are exchanged when you’re around each other before deciding to take it there because there is a possibility that how you feel about someone in person may be different than how you do online or over the phone.
What type of sexual accountability conversations have you had?
One of the biggest mistakes that people make is thinking that real life is a soap opera or a rom-com — for instance, you can have sex, and there be no real consequences. Chile, please.
Don’t ever put yourself in the position where you think that the two of you connect so well that you shouldn’t talk about how often you both get tested, what your approaches are to birth control, what your sexual deal-breakers are, and what your sexual expectations may be.
And listen, if all of this seems like too much for a first date, then you already have your answer about if you should have sex after the first date…RIGHT? Because how is it that you don’t want to get into his mind, yet you’re okay with him getting inside of you? Nope. Uh-uh. Nada.
What would sex on the first date accomplish?
Back when I used to mentor teen moms in public schools here in Nashville, I would always call them out whenever they told me that unprotected sex “just happened.” NO. IT. DOES. NOT. There are so many steps involved, from calling the person, setting up a plan, meeting up, pulling off clothes, etc. — all of us have plenty of opportunities to rethink what we are doing. Same goes for first-date sex.
Listen, no matter how much you are feeling the guy from communicating before the date and even more once you meet him, take the time to ask yourself, “What will sex right now accomplish?” An accomplishment is something that brings about credibility. An accomplishment is something that makes you feel fulfilled. An accomplishment is something that causes you to believe that you achieved something great.
That said, if all you’re after is a good time and maybe an orgasm, perhaps sex on the first date will be an accomplishment for you. However, if after starting off solid with this new guy, if you’re not sure what sex will accomplish, in the grand scheme of things, pause until you know. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that — and the right guy for you will agree.
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Bottom line, if it’s a first real date and you do have sex after it, yes — you just had sex on a first date. Although, when there has been a foundation built prior to it, via healthy communication…it’s less risky and something that you (typically) can feel more confident about — especially if you take all of what I just said into (serious) account.
Sis, when it comes to giving any of yourself to someone new — online or not — please make sure that you do.
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