Lessons I Learned In The Stillness Of Recovery
We speed through our lives, driving ourselves into early graves to get to the next thing. We fly through life as if the best of our lives is always just out of reach and we must bolt towards it. I pushed this reality to the back of my mind until one day I collapsed.
Recently, I moved back in with my mother in New Jersey after deciding to completely change careers. Washington, D.C. offered little to no opportunities in screenwriting and production so I needed to move back as close to New York City as possible to get into the business.
After almost a year of smaller stomach pains that I ignored, attributing to overeating, a few weeks ago, my mother found me on the living room floor on my knees unable to stand.
I was taken to the ER, not knowing that a few hours later, I would be in the OR with portions of my small intestine and colon being removed due to endometriosis. As someone who has always had reasonably good health, this hit me like a ton of bricks. I did not know what to expect in recovery. I did not understand the extent to which I would need to slow down.
I didn't understand that in order to begin to live fully again, I would have to decrease speed and pay more attention.
It's a lesson I can look back and see that God was trying to teach me at least 3 different points in my adult life. This time, I got it. I had nothing but time to dig deeper, journaling and meditating to find just what this downtime is supposed to be teaching me.
1. Accept help.
The hardest thing for me was to accept that I couldn't even lift my own body or bathe myself for the first few weeks. I had to rely on nurses, CCTs, and family members. I didn't realize how prideful I was until I had to accept others' help on a larger scale than I ever have before. It doesn't point to weakness when you must rely on others, it shows your humanity. It's cliche but true, no one is an island and sometimes we can become arrogant in our ability to give and help others. So, it's paramount to living our best lives to learn how to receive help graciously and gratefully.
2. Find your own pace.
It is difficult to be in recovery in any capacity while trying to move at others' speeds. Social media advertising friends' accomplishments and escapades can do a number on us psychologically when we are in a state of stillness. We want to be doing more when we physically cannot or should not. Don't rush yourself to be doing more if you don't have the energy. Try not to obsess over what other people are doing, talking about, or posting. Focus on yourself, doctor's orders, and how you want to be on the other side of recovering.
3. Stop and listen for lessons.
What do you hear when you get quiet and listen? What adjustments have you wanted to make to your life but felt you never could because you had to keep moving? While you have the time, it's worth it to establish a daily practice of prayer or meditation to ensure you're where you need to be mentally and emotionally. One of the main lessons I'm learning during my recovery is to redefine success. I didn't notice until I had to sit still that I was defining success as constantly being in motion, constantly doing something, producing something. Am I no longer successful now that most of my attention goes to recovering from surgery?
Have I lost my value?
At first, I felt that way. Over the course of a couple of weeks journaling, sitting in silence, praying, and meditating, I recognized this was a major lesson God was trying to teach me. Movement is not most important; being present, grateful, and whole is.
While I was constantly traveling, mixing and mingling, talking, and creating, I lost sight of that truth and wrapped my worth in constant motion.
Stillness is a gift in how it offers us time and space to scoop up the bits of wisdom we leave on the table when we're typically rushing through life. There is no shame in taking that time to reevaluate and reemerge with new perspective and appreciation for life.
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- Lessons I Learned In The Stillness Of Recovery - xoNecole ›
- What Embracing Stillness Truly Means - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
Ashley is a storybuilder and storyteller who writes and produces to inform, connect, encourage and evoke. Vibe with her on Twitter/Instagram: @ashleylatruly.
How This New Bond Repair Line Transformed One Mother's Postpartum Shedding Into The Ultimate Curl Comeback
This article is in partnership with SheaMoisture
For Crystal Obasanya, her wash day woes came shortly after her son did. The beauty and lifestyle content creator had been natural for years, but during postpartum, she quickly learned about one reality many mothers can relate to experiencing: postpartum hair loss. “Sis had thinning hair. Sis had split ends,” she shared about her hair changes in a Reel via xoNecole.
Over a year into her postpartum journey, Crystal explained she also had dry, brittle hair, noting that keeping it hydrated before pregnancy had already been “a task.” The 4C natural recalled going from thick hair during pregnancy to a thin hairline due to postpartum shedding as “devastating.” When it came to strengthening and revitalizing her hair, the new SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection was just the thing she needed to elevate her damaged coils to revive and thrive status and get them poppin' again.
SheaMoisture is providing us with the cheat code for transforming dry and damaged strands into thriving and deeply nourished crowns. By unveiling their 4-step hair system, the SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection is equipping you with the tools to reverse signs of hair damage caused by protective styling, heat, and color and is uniquely formulated for Type 3 and 4 hair textures.
The haircare system revives damaged natural hair by repairing and rebuilding broken hair bonds through a game-changing combination of HydroPlex Technology and AminoBlend Complex, a unique blend of fortifying amino acids formulated specifically for curly and coily hair. Scientifically proven to reduce breakage by 84% and make your hair six times stronger (vs. non-conditioning shampoo), the collection infuses your hair with the nourishment it craves and the strength it deserves.
All five products of the SheaMoisture Bond Collection are infused with natural strengthening ingredients like Amla Oil and fair-trade shea butter. The collection consists of the 4-step breakage-fighting Bond Repair system, as well as the Bonding Oil.
“When trying it out, I quickly noticed that my hair felt revived and renewed, and my curls were so hydrated,” Crystal said while using the Amla-infused Bond Repair Leave-In Conditioner. “I also felt my hair strands were stronger.” So much so that the influencer felt brave enough to get her hair braided shortly thereafter. “I can definitely say that I will be keeping it in my hair wash routine,” she added in the caption of her Reel about her positive experience using the products.
SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection is making bond-building a key player in your wash day routines and the purveyor of life for thirsty manes. Because who doesn't want stronger, shinier, happier hair?
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Rejuvenate your hair with SheaMoisture Bond Repair Shampoo, your go-to solution for luscious locks. Packed with hella hydration power, this shampoo adds moisture by 60% while removing buildup without stripping your strands. This shampoo gently cleanses impurities while significantly enhancing shine, smoothness, and softness.
The Bond Repair Collection Shampoo is the first step in the 4-step Bond Repair system, all of which are powered by the uniquely formulated AminoBlend, and HydroPlex, SheaMoisture’s technology that rebuilds hair strength at its core.
Step Two: Bond Repair Collection Conditioner
Tailored to repair styling damage, this creamy conditioner locks in 12x more moisture than standard non-conditioning shampoos, boosting damaged hair strength by 1.5x with significantly less breakage. The creamy SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection Conditioner deeply hydrates, enhances manageability, and leaves your hair looking healthier and shinier.
Step Three: Bond Repair Collection Masque
This Ultra Moisturizing reparative masque is a moisture-rich game-changer for those dealing with the aftermath of hair damage caused by styling. The SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection Masque delivers 13 times more moisture compared to non-conditioning shampoos, ensuring your hair feels nourished and soft. Designed to repair and rejuvenate, this masque significantly strengthens damaged hair — making it twice as strong while reducing breakage.
Step Four: Bond Repair Collection Leave-In Conditioner
Elevate your curl game with SheaMoisture’s Bond Repair Collection Leave-In Conditioner. Lightweight and hydrating, the Bond Repair Leave-In Conditioner provides 12x more moisture than non-conditioning shampoos and tames frizz with 24-hour humidity control. Designed to define curls and coils, the leave-in conditioner enhances softness and shine allowing you to detangle effortlessly.
Bonding Oil
The SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection Bonding Oil is a multitasking all-in-one formula that acts as a heat protectant and provides the hair with moisture, strength, shine, damage protection, and intense nourishment. This lightweight oil not only offers 24-hour frizz and humidity control but also fortifies your tresses, making them up to 5 times stronger with significantly less breakage.
Featured image courtesy
Draya Michele And Jalen Green Address Backlash Over Age Gap In Their Relationship
Romantic relationships with significant age gaps often attract heightened attention and scrutiny, especially when they involve an older woman dating a much younger man.
This criticism is usually viewed as a double standard, considering society's general acceptance of couples like Jay-Z and Beyoncé or Julius Tennon and Viola Davis, where the male partners are over a decade older than their female spouses.
The debate surrounding age gaps in celebrity relationships reignited in March when Draya Michele, a 39-year-old former reality star and entrepreneur, revealed she was expecting her first child with her boyfriend, 22-year-old Houston Rockets player Jalen Green, after nearly a year together. Immediately following the announcement, Michele, who has two sons from previous relationships, faced massive backlash due to the couple's 17-year age difference.
In response to the scrutiny, Michele posted a quote on her Instagram story, which has since been deleted, suggesting she was comfortable with being "misunderstood." The post read, "Get comfortable being misunderstood. Only a fraction of people will be able to truly grasp your essence. You are not on anyone else's timeline of comprehension."
Since then, the couple welcomed their daughter in May and maintained a relatively low profile regarding their relationship. However, during a recent outing in Hollywood, Michele and Green shared their thoughts with TMZ about the criticism they have received.
Draya And Jalen On Age Gap Backlash
When asked about the online chatter surrounding their relationship, Michele revealed the couple's strategy for dealing with negativity. "We try to stay off the internet and not really listen to that kind of stuff," she explained.
Green echoed this sentiment, stating they don't care about the public backlash. The former Basketball Wivesstar elaborated that they strive to live as normally as possible by blocking out the hate.
“We block it out and we mind our business,” she stated.
When questioned about why she was facing scrutiny despite the pair looking the same age, Michelle disclosed that the entire ordeal was strange.
“I don’t know what people’s problems is,” she said. “We are two adults– being in love. I don’t know why that would rub people the wrong way. It’s kind of weird. Love is love at the end of the day.”
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