The ItGirl Directory is like the ultimate group chat for women to connect with a fierce selection of women-led ItGirl agencies and businesses. This is your digital link-up for collaboration, empowerment, and nurturing your personal and creative ventures. Connecting with like-minded women who get you is essential, and the ItGirl Directory makes it possible.
We’re committed to supporting the girlies by providing access to resources and opportunities that amplify personal and creative endeavors.
Get connected with ItGirl-certified and Black women-owned companies, agencies, and freelancers, across marketing, creative production, branding, and more.
Featured Categories: Marketing & Branding | Talent & Creator | Photo & Video
MARKETING & BRANDING
Meet the dot connectors across marketing, branding, strategy, campaigns, experiential, and more. These women pull off large-scale campaigns, brand partnerships, strategic marketing, consulting, press and communication strategy, and much more.
19th & Park
Founded by Tahira White and Whitney Headen, 19th & Park is an agency rooted in strategy, innovation, ideation, and execution — allowing them to create stories that make people feel again and build with brands including Bumble, L'Oreal, and Meta.
SLUG Global
SLUG is a team of young artists from diverse professional backgrounds and disciplines founded by creative director and musical artist Brittany Bosco. The agency specializes in graphic design, web design, digital marketing, original content curation for web and social media, creative direction, immersive set design, and event production across the intersectional spaces of music and culture—leading them to work with brands such as Spotify, Facebook, and many more.
Crown and Conquer
Based in Los Angeles, April McDaniel's Crown + Conquer is an independent agency redefining success for brands based on authenticity. By fostering meaningful cultural interactions, the agency has curated campaigns for Adidas, Amazon Studios, Google, and others.
RTTR
Rachel Wims, a marketing executive, author, and global philanthropist, serves as the founder and CEO of RTTR. Her agency specializes in content production, talent management, and artist creative/brand development. Among Rachel's clientele are notable names such as Jayda Cheaves, Dess Dior, and the beauty brand Topicals.
D28
Specializing in fashion, entertainment, lifestyle, hospitality, and tourism— Shenell Renwick is a Brooklyn-based publicist, storyteller, and co-founder of d28. D28 is a PR and digital marketing agency working with emerging brands and talent including True To Us and Sondér New York.
All Angles Agency
Founded by Evangeline Elder, All Angles Agency is a brand partnerships and integrated marketing engine, powering multicultural platforms in music and entertainment with strategy & consulting across brand deals. AAA connects the dots between the hottest cultural entities and brands looking to create authentic touchpoints with diverse audiences. AAA has worked with artists such as Jean Deaux, Free Nationals, Ambre, as well as cultural platforms Femme It Forward, Hoorae/Raedio, Roc Nation, and more.
OneDayCMO
Emmelie De La Cruz is the founder, marketing consultant, and AI enthusiast of OneDayCMO. Curated through the love for growing small businesses and startups, her omnichannel strategy service allows companies to confidently delegate their marketing thanks to Emmelie and her in-house team of vetted experts.
Third & Hayden
Third & Hayden, founded by Kei Henderson, is a Creative Incubation Hub functioning as a record label, management, and publishing company. We support artists and creators in establishing enduring careers by providing startup artists with foundational capital, strategic guidance, operational support, and essential resources for success. Recently the agency inked a joint venture label deal with SoundCloud.
Creative Collective NYC (CCNYC)
Imani Ellis is the Founder and CEO of The Creative Collective—the largest community of diverse creative professionals in the country. Additionally, Imani is also the creator of CultureCon—an annual IRL event extension of The Creative Collective that prioritizes visibility and opportunity for Black and Brown creatives. With ongoing partnerships with Max, Cash App, and others, Imani continues her mission of building community and fostering cultural collaboration.
Worque + Off Worque
Cristina Jerome, the founder of Worque, operates as a freelance marketer and creative, excelling in talent collaboration, social media, and brand marketing. Initially known for her achievements in the music industry, she spearheaded digital strategy for R&B acts at Keep Cool (RCA Records). Expanding into TV, she contributed to projects like Red Table Talk, Bel-Air, and Rap Sh!t. Subsequently, roles at Topicals and Adidas tapped Cristina to direct social content and lead global brand marketing campaigns. These diverse experiences culminated in the creation of Worque, a community and content marketing agency where Cristina's work, worth, and wins speak for themselves.
SydTheCreative
Sydney Price, also known as SydTheCreative, is a Spelman graduate, creative strategist, content creator, and storyteller. She specializes in helping entertainment and lifestyle brands develop bold creative and meaningful content and strategy. Sydney has collaborated with clients such as Twitter and Adobe.
Sunset Works
Based in LA, Deena Morrison is the founder and producer of Sunset Works Entertainment, a full-service agency specializing in content production and artist development. With over 8 years of experience and a dynamic team, Deena has served clients such as Spotify, ESPN, Nike, Blavity, META, and more.
The Elle Empire
Founded by Elle Houston, the Elle Empire creates dope events for cool brands and cooler people. This agency has been responsible for partnering with Apple Music, Savage X Fenty, and many more.
PopNCreative
After being tired of not seeing women launch and lead in the advertising and marketing industries, founders Lori Hall and Jessica Lane started the Pop’N Creative agency during the pandemic. This agency operates with a mission to see brands win in marketing within a multicultural world— working with brands such as H&M, Hulu, Netflix, Discovery, and many more.
League Twenty Two
Founded by Ashley Henderson, League Twenty Two is a diverse team of forward-thinking millennials bringing unique and bold perspectives to an experiential strategy with over a decade of experience. They infuse cultural authenticity and relevance with expertise to make moments memorable and redefine what’s possible. They specialize in experiential production and fabrication, content curation, and creative strategy rooted in culture. They’ve worked with Clinique, Nike, PrettyLittleThing, SiriusXM and more.
Jessica Roner
An LA native now based in New York, Jessica Roner is a consultant who thrives through illustration, brand storytelling, and creative strategy. With a background in ideating and executing pitches for both global and local campaigns, she excels in repositioning and establishing value within brands. Her diverse portfolio includes collaborations with solo entrepreneurs and larger corporations such as Louis Vuitton and Atlanta Apparel Mart.
Marz Enterprise
Founded by Jasmine C. Green, MARZ Enterprise is committed to revolutionizing the modeling industry through a strong emphasis on diversity and authentic representation. We specialize in tailored creative talent solutions for ad agencies, production companies, casting directors, and beyond.
24:Ours
Founded by Goldie Harris in 2016, 24:OURS is a creative label based in NYC that bridges the gap between music, media, and marketing. Specializing in event and content production, they curate experiences for diverse audiences and true music enthusiasts. Additionally, the 24:OURS Creative Studios serves as a co-working space and full-service rental photography/video studio, offering tailored meeting and event spaces for the musical and creative community.
A Same Different Story
Since 2020, Reegan Houston has orchestrated major global cultural events through her agency, A Same Different Story. Specializing in brand strategy, creative direction, and executive production, she has collaborated with luxury brands and institutions. As a freelance executive producer and creative director, Reegan has partnered with Kendrick Lamar, Migos, Drake, Shawn Carter, The Recording Academy, GQ, LaQuan Smith, Google, Netflix, and others.
Refine Collective and IBandfriends
Founded by IB Majekodunmi, Refine Collective is a digital community promoting and supporting minority-owned businesses and freelancers. Our mission is to empower the underrepresented by directing purchasing power their way. Additionally, our sister company, IB&FRIENDS, specializes in event production and creative consulting.
Ghetto Yolie
Yolanda Hoskey is a Brooklyn native and multi-disciplinary artist based between New York and Los Angeles. Her work challenges the monolithic perception of Blackness — leading to opportunities for partnership with prominent institutions and brands including The New York Times, Bloomberg, FUJIFILM, SNIPES USA, Walmart, and Aperture Magazine.
Imperial Marketing Group (IMG)
Founded by Anastasia Wright, IMG is a strategic marketing agency, consulting house, and talent management company with a long resume across music, culture, and entertainment. They’ve worked with Samsung, Soho House, and more in the brand realm–along with strategic marketing and deals for talent such as Janet Jackson, Mýa, Andrea Valle, Juvenile, Janelle Monáe, and more.
Chanel Hinds
As a freelance creative production manager, Chanel Hinds oversees the planning and execution of creative projects for clients in the fashion, music, and entertainment industries. She manages teams, budgets, schedules, logistics, and vendor relations for projects ranging from modest independent films to sizable commercial shots. Across the span of her career, she has worked with Amazon, Google, Nike, Prada, Awake NY, and more.
The Brownie Agency
The Brownie Agency was founded to address a gap in the market that overlooked the magic of women of color. With backgrounds in fashion and music, founders Ayanna Wilks and Brianna Agyemang leverage their experience to curate events and lifestyle experiences centered around celebrating women of color.
A Gold Consulting
A Gold Consulting, an international boutique agency, was established by New York native Ah-Niyah Gold. As a fashion and beauty consultant, A Gold Consulting is dedicated to carving out space for the next generation, shaping the future of fashion, beauty, and beyond through innovative approaches to PR and VIP relations. With nearly a decade of experience in event production and creative services, Ah-Niyah embarked on her industry journey nearly nine years ago, collaborating with Brittney Escovedo of Beyond 8. Together, they assisted notable clients such as Pyer Moss, Betsey Johnson, and Bobbi Brown. Today, Ahniyah's agency represents exciting brands including Topicals, Black Fashion Fair, Theophilio, Advisry, Black Boy Knits, Bed on Water, and Homage Year.
ASHYA + Equator Productions
Ashley Cimone is a creative director, designer, and producer based in Brooklyn, NY. She co-founded ASHYA in 2017, a New York-based eco-friendly accessories design label that embraces travel, cultural awareness, style, and utility in its DNA. Additionally, she is a partner and executive producer at Equator Productions, a full-service studio at the intersection of art and advertising that has worked with brands like Ghetto Gastro, Nike, New Balance, Spotify, and Amazon.
Private Yard
When it comes to developer Caláh Jones, she is truly in her own lane! Using the power of intuition and technology with the goal of elevating and innovating the creative landscapes of others, Caláh started her experiential design and ideation lab Private Yard to fuel the web design and development needs of the culture — taking on partners who are genuinely committed to evolution. Her clientele has ranged from Renell Medrano and JT of The City Girls to the Collective Gallery and multiple brands within the fashion space.
TALENT & CREATOR AGENCIES
Meet the women who connect POC creators and influencers with brands & help our favorite social media mavens get paid what they deserve.
Agency Cliquish
Taylar Barrington-Booker is the Founder and Head of Talent & Partnerships at Agency Cliquish. Established in 2021 in response to the BLM protests, the agency is dedicated to providing not just corporate commitment but also guidance and support to help Black talent reach their full potential. Today, Agency Cliquish remains committed to culturally relevant, conscious, and advocacy-led influencer management for Black talent in the digital realm.
Kensington Grey
Kensington Grey is an Influencer management agency with a network of over 150+ creators rooted in diversity. Every day, brands, influencers, and social media managers are identifying gaps in the ever-evolving arena of content creation and digital marketing. Founded in 2019, Kensington Grey Agency was created to fill one such hole. Kensington Grey was created to be a direct answer to the lack of representation within the industry.
Black Girl Digital
Created by Latoya Shambo, Black Girl Digital is a mission-driven, award-winning, premium influencer marketing agency advancing the creator economy for Black women and all multicultural creators through fair and equitable brand partnerships.
Human Relations
Founded by PR genius Makensy Smith, LA-based Human Relations is a growth agency specializing in strategic communications and intentional partnerships for unconventional individuals. Smith's clientele includes Iddris Sandu, D Smoke, and NFL linebacker Bobby Wagner.
Agency.ab2
Amber Ajee is a multi-hyphenated muse + force. When she's not steering creative on the RCA label, she's pushing her creative talent house and management company AB2, a management consulting firm and agency that assists individuals and brands in building their true potential and producing their star ideas through the lens of a strategy. One of her clients currently includes the successful emerging artist 4batz who you can hear on every Reel and TikTok right now thanks to his song "act ii: date @ 8."
MEF Agency
MEF Agency, founded by Gabrielle Amai Williams, is a full-service marketing, creative, and social agency dedicated to maximizing the potential of businesses, brands, influencers, and entrepreneurs. They specialize in sales, social media, brand awareness, and PR— garnering clientele from Sephora, NARS, Nike, and Live Nation.
Blk Girl Studios
Ibukun Oladejo is the founder of Blk Grl Studios, a creative agency for Black influencers. She spearheads digital marketing, collaborating with major Black influencers on TikTok, Instagram, and YouTube to amplify their presence and partner them with brands for inclusive social media campaigns. Notable clients include Nike, Afropunk, Sony Music, and MissGuided.
Beyond 8
Brittney Escovedo is an event producer and owner of the internationally successful agency Beyond 8. Beyond 8 is an events and lifestyle marketing company that curates events that go beyond the ordinary—offering innovative and immersive experiences. Beyond 8 has worked with Google, Saint Heron, Kering, Hood By Air, Uniqlo, Red Bull, and many more as their clientele list is ENDLESS! We stan!
abc group NYC
Jodi-Lee Reece is an experiential producer who's skilled in event management, production, contract negotiation, leadership, and experiential design. She is also the co-founder of ABC GROUP NY— a boutique experiential agency that specializes in event production and brand marketing within the fashion, lifestyle, tech, and entertainment industries.
BLK Girl Fest Studios
Founded by Nicole Krystal Crentsil, Black Girl Fest Studios is a cultural studio and consultancy specializing in social innovation, community, and experiences. Notable clients include Pinterest and eBay.
PHOTO & MEDIA VENDORS
Meet the women who create visual magic on the daily, across music videos, short- and long-form content, production, design, web, and more.
Trey Dgtl | Director + Producer
Founded by the visionary Treya Bolin, TREY DGTL is a dynamic production powerhouse specializing in visual storytelling. From immersive documentaries to short-form content, TREY DGTL has directed and produced for renowned clients such as Parsons, BET, Complex, American Express, Givenchy, Milk Makeup, and more. Treya Bolin's capabilities know no bounds.
Annie Bercy | Director + Photographer
From film directing, photography, video editing, graphic designing, and producing, Annie Bercy plays many roles in media. Working with the likes of SZA, Cardi B, and countless brands, there's no doubt that Annie's work has an iconic look and feel that simply cannot be duplicated.
Babe Cave LA | Director + Photographer
Randijah Simmons is a multidisciplinary artist and entrepreneur. In the summer of 2020, she opened up The Babe Cave LA and whether you're in the LA area or glued to your socials, you can always catch Randijah's work going viral across your timeline. Tinashe, Kari Faux, Flyana Boss, and Amaarae have been amongst her clientele and we think it's safe to say that this is just a taste of the opportunities to come.
Renell Medrano | Director + Photographer
Reigning from the Bronx, Renell Medrano is a Dominican-American photographer and director who continuously dominates our mooboards, TL's, and every editorial moment in between. Known for her raw and authentic approach to creative direction, Renell has photographed people like Kendall Jenner and Tyler The Creator to Jay-Z and André 3000, beauty brands like Burberry and Fenty, and has had multiple editorial pieces published under her name. And when she's not capturing shots, you can catch her steering her Ice Studios brand or inspiring the girls through her passion for fashion.
Keenan MacWilliam | Director + Photographer
Keenan MacWilliam is a Guyanese-Canadian filmmaker, creative director, and photographer whose style is inspired by the beauty of spontaneity and the observation of the human experience. Throughout her career, Keenan has collaborated with industry entities such as i-D, Spotify, The North Face, SZA, Hawa, and many others.
Exquisite Eye Studios | Director + Photographer
Breyona Holt who you may recognize as "Exquisite Eye" is an Atlanta native and artist who celebrates the timeless beauty and richness of Blackness. Inspired by her father's archival photography, Holt's work sparks dialogue about depicting Black skin, infusing vibrant colors and lushness to convey the intricacies of Black experiences. Collaborating with figures from sports, music, and fashion, including Serena Williams, SZA, Normani, and Kimora Lee Simmons, her imagery explores spiritual liberation and ethereal connections.
Nailah Howze #NaiShotThat | Director + Photographer
Nailah Howze, known as CloudNai, excels at capturing the essence of the Black community through her photography, showcasing the beauty of various cities and providing representation for the underrepresented. Her clientele includes New Balance, Adidas (with Yara Shahidi), Migos, Summer Walker, Big Sean, and numerous others.
Brain Studios
Kin Marie is a Chicago-based artist, film producer, post-colorist, and co-founder of the production company Brain Studios. Kin passionately prioritizes the visual culture of Afrofuturism—exploring its social implications and its potential as a blueprint for cultural evolution. Her work continues to serve as a platform for critical research and experimentation, examining the intersection of art, media, and social dynamics.
Dana Scruggs | Director + Photographer
Dana Scruggs, originally from Chicago's Southside, is a photographer and director based in New York. Her work centers on movement, abstraction, and eliciting emotion from the human form. Scruggs' distinctive vision has attracted clients worldwide, including Vanity Fair, SKKN, TIME, Rolling Stone, Glossier, The New York Times, Nike, Apple, GQ, and others.
The Ally Green | Director + Photographer
Alexandria Green, aka "The Ally Green," is a highly accomplished Black woman photographer and director based in LA, with NY as a secondary base. Starting in Houston, TX, she turned her early passion for photography into a full-time career by 18. Her impressive portfolio features collaborations with brands like Nike, HBO, and Toyota, and artists such as Travis Scott, Normani, and Kehlani. She's also partnered with Delta Airlines, Puma, Adidas, and luxury fashion houses like Dior, Versace, and Brandon Blackwood.
Renae Watson | Director + Photographer
Renae Wootson, also known as IIRONIC, is a visionary photographer whose work blends expressionism, portraiture, and documentary photography. With a focus on authenticity and depth, her work is described as 'visual poetry,' balancing simplicity with layered complexity. Collaborating with notable names such as Rolling Stone, Billboard, Alicia Keys, and Ralph Lauren, Wootson captures the intricacies of life and people through mood, emotion, and expression, embodying the core of her artistic ethos.
Milana Burdette | Director of Photography + Artist
Venice native Milana Burdette, a director of photography and artist, delves into the universal human experience through surreal visual narratives. By combining analog and experimental techniques, she crafts distorted dreamscapes that explore the essence of existence and challenge brutal subject matter. Her recent collaboration with Hennessy, Chad Easterling, and director Tevin Tavares showcases her ability to translate the reality of creating a legacy.
To learn more about the ItGirl 100 List, view the full list here.
RELATED
So, we handpicked one hundred It Girls who embody that palpable It Factor moving through us as young Black women, the kind of motion lighting up the world both IRL and across the internet.
It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.
In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.
In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.
And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.
We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
And through it all, we continue to lift one another. Emma Grede is creating seats at the table. Valeisha Butterfield has started a fund for jobless Black women. Arian Simone is leading in media with fearless conviction. We are pouring into each other in ways the world rarely sees but always feels.
So yes, we are in the midst of societal warfare. Yes, we are being tested. Yes, we are facing economic strain, political targeting, and public scrutiny. But even war cannot dim a light that is divinely ours.
And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.
That is the quiet magic of Black womanhood, our ability to hold both truth and triumph in the same breath, to say yes, and to life’s contradictions.
It is no coincidence that this year, as SheaMoisture embraces the message “Yes, And,” they stand beside us as partners in celebrating this class of It Girls. Because that phrase, those two simple words, capture the very essence of this moment.
Yes, we are tired. And we are still rising.
Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.
This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
So without further ado, we celebrate the It Girl 100 Class of 2025–2026.
We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
Because we are still IT, girl.
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
It’s not like it has to be a bad thing. In fact, studies say that somewhere around 15 percent of engaged couples actually met through a friend. All I’m saying is, before you entertain someone’s “I’ve got someone I want you to meet” invitation, it would benefit you to interview them first — for the sake of all parties involved.
The questions that I recommend asking? The following six are what I think can get everyone on the same page, so that there is more pleasure than regret from the hook-up attempt.
1. Why Are They So Invested?
GiphyTwo things that I recently watched over again are the series Survivor’s Remorse (the writing is so damn good) and a movie called Trapped in Temptation (both are currently on Tubi). Something that both of them made me think about is the fact that motive reveals a lot when it comes to why people say and do the things that they do.
When it comes to the movie, specifically, without giving the film away — let me just say that, if you are in a relationship, be really careful about listening to individuals who try to talk you out of maintaining it. More times than not, the motive is shady as hell. And honestly, sometimes people who are close to obsessed with you being in one deserve a bit of side-eye too.
Now, if it’s someone who loves all things love, they are in love and they want you to experience something similar — that’s sweet. Just make sure that they are approaching the set up from a healthy space. What I mean by that is they don’t see singleness as some sort of relational handicap or they aren’t trying to override what you want for your life as if they somehow know better (there are so many ways to be a control freak, y’all).
Hmph. Now that I think about it — make sure that the set-up crew isn’t trying to use you to “save” some male friend or relative of theirs. I say that because I once knew a mother whose son had — count ‘em — 10 kids and she was FOREVER trying to get me to date him. Girl, that wasn’t for me. She was looking for a Holy Ghost Jr. for that child of hers. I’ll pass. HARD PASS.
Bottom line with this one — if someone wants to set you up with someone else, the first thing to ask is why? Make sure to really listen to what their answer is. Then pay attention to if your mind, body and spirit are at peace with their answer(s).
2. Do They Know What You Want?
GiphyI don’t know about y’all, but the people (and let’s be honest, by far, it’s usually women) who have tried to set me up with someone? They didn’t even know what my preferences or type was. Hell, they didn’t even know my thoughts or timeline as it relates to being in a serious relationship were either. And what that boils down to is they were trying to hook me up based on their agenda, not mine — and that usually meant that the guys who they came up with? Yeah…I was good on them. LOL.
Yeah, if someone wants to hook you up, you definitely should ask them if they know what you are looking for in a guy when it comes to his looks, personality, passions, spirituality, relational desires and goals, location, etc. Because, indeed, what is the point in going out with someone who is fine as hell and yet, you want kids and he doesn’t (or vice versa) or who has a great personality yet he isn’t even in the same ballpark of your spiritual beliefs?
If your friend really wants to help you out, valuing your time should come with that — and that means bringing someone into your life who complements your lifestyle. No wiggle room here.
3. Are They Aware of Your Deal-Breakers?
GiphyLast year, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “Should Bad Sex Actually Be A Relationship Deal-Breaker?” The thing that I think needs to go on record about deal-breakers is they aren’t exactly standards that you have. No, a deal-breaker is something that can’t be worked out even after trying to negotiate or compromise. When it comes to relationships, a deal-breaker might be how long two people should date before becoming exclusive or getting engaged. Another deal-breaker might be if being religious is more important than being spiritual and how that manifests itself (church or no church, etc.). And yes, another deal-breaker may be what each other’s sexual needs and expectations are.
When someone is setting you up, it is imperative that they know about your standards. For instance, for me, I am not interested in dating a divorced person, pretty much ever (I Corinthians 7:10-11). I’ve had friends who have tried to hook me up with that demographic before and it has always been a moot effort. The fact that some of them have gotten frustrated with my convictions has absolutely nothing to do with me. Some have tried to get me to compromise my deal-breakers too — like a long-distance relationship. Is it a firm “naw”? No. However, it’s not really something that I am interested in, so why not just…recommend someone local?
Yeah, if someone thinks that they know you well enough to hook you up, they absolutely should be well-versed in what your deal-breakers are before they do. And if they’ve never asked, all they are doing is assuming — and we know what that typically means. LOL.
4. What Is Their Track Record?
GiphyIt’s kind of wild that we now live in a time when more couples meet online than they do through “old-fashioned ways” like via their friends (although some reports say that Gen Z is getting back to that) — and yet, here we are. Still, if you are willing to let someone play pseudo matchmaker in your life, you are well within your rights to inquire about their track record in that department. Have they hooked others up, successfully, before? Has any of their “Cupid work” caused both people to get exactly what they wanted out of the situation? If/when things went awry, why was that?
I know someone who is constantly trying to hook people up. Thing is, maybe 10-15 percent (no joke) of their efforts have proven to be positive and fruitful — and we’re talking about close to close to two decades of them doing it. Listen, time is too precious to be out here doing stuff ONLY to please other people. That said, if someone wants you to devote some time to one of their grand ideas, you are well within your rights to ask about their past and current success score when it comes to it.
5. Can They Keep Their Own Feelings Out of It?
GiphyWanna know if someone who is offering to do something for you is actually doing it more for themselves? If they try to make it be about them when things don’t go the way they would like, that is a dead ringer. An example? They post a message about you on social media and then question you about why you didn’t do the same thing in return. Another example? They do something for you and then throw it in your face during an argument. Still another example? They set you up with someone, it doesn’t work out, and suddenly you’ve put them in a weird spot. No dear — you put your own self in that position by trying to hook two people up in the first place.
I promise you, it will spare everyone unnecessary energy spent (or even drama experienced) if, before you agree to be hooked up, you get the matchmaker on record stating that they will keep their emotions out of it as much as possible. MEANING — they will do the introductions and then let the chips fall where they may. If they can’t do this, my two cents (save it or spend it) would be to decline the offer. Because all you need is someone texting you about why you haven’t called their cousin back or having an attitude with you when you break up with some guy at their church who they thought was the perfect catch (P.S. These aren’t hypothetical examples — LOL).
6. Will They Respect Your Boundaries? Start to Finish?
GiphyYeah, this final one is a biggie. Just because someone sets you up with another person, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily mean that they should have the right to the details of the dynamic. I don’t care if it’s the first date or the 10th date. I don’t care if you decide to just be sex buddies or to have a full-blown relationship. I don’t care if you stay together or break-up — it’s your relationship which makes it your business. Whatever you share is privileged data.
Yeah, I would say that probably the most challenging thing about being hooked up by someone you know is they have a tendency to think that they are a part of the relationship too — and that is a lie. If things go well beyond a couple of dates, you and the guy should discuss what you will both share with the person who introduced you and then agree to stick to that boundary, no matter what. It’s a great way to protect the dynamic, to keep “outside voices” from influencing the growth and to navigate how you want to move, moving forward.
Someone who hooked you up for the right reasons and knows how to honor limits? They will understand. Will they ask questions? Absolutely. Will they pry? Nah.
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Should you sit and let someone hook you up? I mean, you never know how your blessing will come. Just make sure that they are prepared for you to do some digging into their mindset before they start sweetly meddling into your love life.
It’s only fair. Hell, and right. LOL.
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