

Twitter can be known as a volatile and politically-driven machine but in 2020, it has become a replacement for social conversation while so many are stuck at home during the pandemic. One topic that's circulated the interwebs for some time is the idea of women, specifically black women, being too high maintenance for men today. It's unclear what source sparked this conversation, but we've seen this narrative play out in pop culture with Birkin bags and in the ongoing conversations surrounding the lack of black women represented in luxurious spaces.
You don't hate high maintenance women. You hate the perceived inconvenience and cost. You hate having to move beyond copy and paste messages, treating all women as if lived up to the negative stereotypes that women-hating men have perpetuated.
— vivawoodlife (@vivawoodlife) October 22, 2020
According to Merriam-Webster, one definition of high maintenance, referring to a thing rather than a person, is "requiring a large amount of care or maintenance." The second definition, referring to a person rather than a thing, is "tending to cause problems or demand attention: extremely sensitive, demanding, or temperamental." In our society though, high maintenance has been interchangeable with materialistic or financial desires.
But it goes a bit further than that.
High Maintenance Women & The Men Who Hate Them- A Thread
— vivawoodlife (@vivawoodlife) October 22, 2020
You don’t hate high maintenance women. You hate the fact that you lack the resources and tools to perform the maintenance. You hate the fact that you lack the discernment and discipline to choose women who fit your budget
It's a matter of rhetoric. When men are referred to as high maintenance, it's because they have high standards for their life or they require a lot of emotional attention. They are often met with some judgment but overall, it doesn't impact the characterization of him.
When it's used to refer to a woman, it's almost always based on a need for money or materialistic things. It is an attack on her character because women who are deemed 'high maintenance' carry around this scarlet letter of being superficial and weak-minded.
If you let Twitter user @vivawoodlife say it, it is a direct reflection of the insecurities of men and their inability to level up to that caliber of woman. In a thread called "High Maintenance Women & The Men Who Hate Them", he goes on to say that men feel inferior at the title of high maintenance primarily due to their ineptitude to perform at that higher level.
Stop confusing a high maintenance woman with an undeserving, underperforming, and unqualified woman and you won’t have that issue anymore. Stop trying to do the bare minimum and you’ll position yourself to attract and collect the maximum. Being less doesn't equal you getting more
— vivawoodlife (@vivawoodlife) October 22, 2020
He goes on to differentiate between being materialistic and being high maintenance, a point that needs to be highlighted more.
A woman who values her own standards and has an expectation to be treated a certain way is often treated as a bad thing. This user points to the flaws in the male ego, rather than the flaws within this woman, that lead to the bad reputation of being high maintenance.
For me, being high maintenance is a state of being. It's about accepting exactly what you feel you deserve, and not an iota less. It's about knowing you like a certain lifestyle, whether that's attainable to someone else is not your problem. Women are constantly being berated for simply wanting to be treated with decency and respect, for wanting someone to want them unabashedly and out loud.
In closing, a great and high-quality woman is always affordable to a great man but never cheap. If you think that affordability is simply a money thing, stay for my next lecture.
— vivawoodlife (@vivawoodlife) October 22, 2020
Step your game up
Thanks for coming to my Zaddy Talk#woodlife #woodlaw #woodtaughtyou #zaddytalk
For black women, we're constantly told that's not for us; that we don't deserve. As @vivawoodlife stated, "a great and high-quality woman is always affordable to a great man but never cheap. If you think that affordability is simply a money thing, stay for my next lecture."
When someone says high maintenance, what do you think of?
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Courtney is a contributing writer, based in Puerto Rico by way of Tennessee. Interested in the intersection of fashion and culture, she has an affinity for fashion, empowerment, and really good tacos. Keep up with her on Instagram (@hautecourtxo).
'Black Girl Magic' Poet Mahogany L. Browne Talks Banned Books And The Power Of The Creative Pivot
You know you’re dealing with a truly talented and profound voice of a generation when the powers that be attempt to silence it. As a poet, educator, and cultural curator, Mahogany L. Browne has carved out a powerful space in the world of literature and beyond.
From penning the viral poem, “Black Girl Magic,” to writing Woke: A Young Poet’s Call To Justice (a book once banned from a Boston school library), to becoming the 2024 Paterson Poetry Prize winner and a poet-in-residence at Lincoln Center—her path exemplifies resilience, reinvention, and unapologetic artistry. She's published more than 40 works and paid the bills with her craft, a divine dream for many creatives seeking release, autonomy, and freedom in a tough economic climate.
A Goddard College graduate, who earned an MFA from Pratt Institute and was awarded an honorary doctorate from Marymount Manhattan College, Mahogany offers unapologetic realness with a side of grace and empowerment. "I started touring locally. I started creating chat books so that those poems will go in the hands of the people who were sitting in the rooms," she shared.
"And then I started facilitating poetry workshops, so I used my chat books as curriculum. And that, in turn, allowed me to further invest in my art and show the community and people who were hiring me that it wasn't just a one-off, that it's not just, you know, a fly by night—that I am invested in this art as much as I am invested in your community, in your children's learning, in our growth."
Mahogany has a special way of moving audiences, and her superpower sparks shifts in perspective, post-performance introspection, and strengthening of community bonds, especially among Black women. (One can undeniably recognize her gift for arousal of the spirit and mind merely from her listening to her insights from the other side of a Google Hangout call. I can only imagine the soul-stirring, top-tier sensory encounter when watching her perform in person.)
In this chat with xoNecole, Mahogany reflects on sustaining a creative career, the aftermath of writing a banned book, and using poetry for both healing, community-building, and activism.
Anthony Artis
xoNecole: What are three key things that have laid the foundation for a sustainable creative career for you?
Mahogany L Browne: What has helped me is that I'm willing to go in being an expert at knowing poetry and knowing the way in which art can change the landscape of our lives, not just as a poet, but also as a poetry facilitator. How you move through classes, those things are mastered, right? So when I go into another space that's maybe tech-heavy, I don't mind learning and being, you know, a student of the wonder of how we can make this magic, work together.
Two, you’ve got to know how to pivot. Sometimes we say, ‘Alright, this is what my life is going to be. I'm going to be a New York Times best-selling author. I'm going to, you know, have an album that's Grammy-nominated. And then, say you get dropped from your record label. That doesn't mean you can't make an album anymore. You can also still create an album that can be submitted to the Grammys. So, what does a pivot look like as an artist who doesn't have an institution behind them? Pivot being a student of the wonder.
Relationships also really help. How do I serve the community? And in turn, that tells me how the community can show up. For me, I have long-standing ties with a community that will outlast my one life. So, what does it mean to create space where these relationships can develop, can be nurtured, can be rooted, can be cultivated? Creating space—it happens through relationships.
xoN: With today’s economic challenges, what does your current creative process look like, and what are you working on?
MB: I’m always thinking five years ahead. I just reviewed the pages for two children’s books and recently released a YA novel. I’m drafting an adult fiction manuscript now.
Anything I create is founded with the root of poetry, but it can exist in captions. It can exist in commercials. It can exist as a musical. So that's where I’m at now.
xoN: You started performing "Black Girl Magic" in 2013, had an acclaimed performance of it via PBS and the work went on to viral success shortly after. Talk more about the inspiration. And what do you think about the continued relevance more than a decade later?
MB: I wrote it as a rally cry for the mothers who had been keeping themselves truly in harm's way by, you know, being a part of the community right after the death of their child or their loved one. They are usually mothers of victims of police brutality—and just seeing how they showed up in these community spaces, they are devout to the cause but obviously still grieving.
"I wanted this poem to be just a space of reclamation, of joy and of you, of your light, of your shine, of your brilliance, in any which way in which you fashion. Every room you enter is the room you deserve to be in. What does it mean to have a poem like that that exists?"
And the first time I did the poem, the Weeping that occurred, right? It was like this blood-letting of sorts. The next time I performed it, I'm moved to tears because I'm seeing how it's affecting other women who have just been waiting to hear, ‘You belong. You deserve. You are good. We see you. Thank you, despite everything that they said to make you regret being born in this beautiful brown, dark-skinned, light-skinned, but Black body.’
Black women are the backbone—period. Point blank. And so, that that poem became a necessity, not just to the fortitude of Black women in the community, but like you know, in service of healing the Black women.
xoN: One of your books was banned at a school in Boston, and it was later reinstated due to parental and activist support. What was that experience like?
MB: Well, I think it happened because they were racist. That's it. Point blank. The reversal of it was empowering, right? I realized, oh, I thought we just had to sit here and be on a banned book list. But no, parents are actually the leaders of this charge.
So to see that, the parents said, ‘Nah, we're not gonna let you take this book out of my baby’s school just because it's a Black kid on the front saying, ‘Woke’ and they're talking about being a global citizen. They're talking about accountability. They're talking about accessibility. They're talking about allyship, and you don't want them to have compassion or empathy or have even an understanding, right? So no, we rebuke that, and we want this book here anyway.’ To see that happen in that way. I was, like, reaffirmed. Absolutely.
xoN: You recently organized the Black Girl Magic Ball at the Lincoln Center in New York. Honorees included author and entrepreneur Rachel Cargle and National Black Theater CEO Sade Lythcott. What impact did it have and what expanded legacy do you hope to leave with your creative works?
MB: I was really interested in not celebrating just the book, but celebrating the community that made the book possible. And so I gave out five awards to women doing that thing, like, what does it mean to be a Black girl in this world?
I just thought it was gonna be an amazing time. Everybody's gonna dress up—we're gonna celebrate each other. And boom, I then realized that it responded to like a gaping hole. There was a missing thing for Black girls of all walks of life, all ages, right?
"It's very intergenerational. That was intentional to come together and celebrate just being us."
You have all these instances where just being you is either the butt of a joke or it's diminished and not worthy of a specific title in these larger institutions. So what does it mean to just to be loved up on and celebrated?
It felt like a self-care project at first. You know, for the first couple of years, folks were coming and they were getting that sisterhood. They were getting that tribe work that they were missing in their everyday lives.
I love the Black Girl Magic Ball because we got us. If I go out with a bang, they'll remember that Mahogany worked her a** off to make sure all the Black girls everywhere knew that she was the light. We are the blueprint.
For more information on Mahogany L. Browne, her work, and her future projects, visit her website or follow her on IG @mobrowne.
Featured image by Anthony Artis
Inside Tiera Kennedy’s BET Awards Night: Hanifa Dress, DIY Glam & ‘Blackbiird’ Nomination
This is Tiera Kennedy’s world, and we’re just living in it.
An Alabama native taking country music by storm thanks to her features on Beyoncé s Cowboy Carter and her recently released debut, Rooted, Kennedy is much more than just a woman living out her wildest dreams; she embodies the role of all-American girl with ease.
“I think for me, an all-American girl, for some reason, brings me back to when I was younger, and just like playing at my grandma’s house and just being outside,” Kennedy told xoNecole ahead of her attendance at the 2025 BET Awards.
“I just feel like when I was younger, you know, you don’t have as many responsibilities. There’s not as much weighing you down, and so I kind of go back to that mindset. Like, even now, being 27, I’m trying to get back to that younger girl.”
The 2025 BET Awards, hosted by Kevin Hart, took place in Los Angeles at the Peacock Theater on Monday night (June 9). The star-studded event was filled with tons of surprises, including a trip down memory lane with a 106 & Park reunion, coupled with performances by artists that dominated the top spots during the music video countdown show’s reign from 2000 to 2014.
Kennedy, who received her first nomination alongside Tanner Adell, Brittney Spencer, Reyna Roberts, and Beyoncè in the BET Her category for “Blackbiird,” the reimagination of the original The Beatles of the same title (minus the extra i), invited xoNecole to get ready with her as she prepared for her first-ever BET Awards.
Beauty Rituals Inherited From Her Mother.
Rather than booking her makeup artist ahead of the big night, Kennedy decided to go on a budget and do the task herself, something that isn’t too out of her norm. She noted how she incorporates some of the things she witnessed her mother do while growing up in her routine.
“I remember being younger and seeing all the makeup laid out on my mom’s counter,” the “I Look Good In That Truck” singer recalled. “I don’t even think she knows this, but there were moments where I would like to go and steal her makeup. She would have Mac. I think it was some kind of foundation powder, and I would go in there and I would put it on, and I’m like I hope she doesn’t see.”
She added, “My mom is very natural with her makeup, so even though I’ve got these big lashes on, I always gravitate towards just neutral looks… I don’t do anything too fancy.”
Tiera Kennedy’s Holy Grail of Products.
Kennedy took it upon herself to take a class to ensure that she’s prepared for nights like these, where she’s the one responsible for bringing her glam look to life.
“We are independent,” she said, reminding us that she is no longer tied to a big machine when it comes to her work as an artist. “We ball on a budget. I have to do my makeup for award shows, events, all the things, and so my makeup artist that taught me how to do all of this, Hailee Clark, she put me on to Nars, the foundation. I don’t know exactly what the name of it is, but I love it.”
“I don’t know all the fancy technicals, but I know that it makes me just look kind of airbrushed, and so I love it. Then, I always use this Laura Mercier [setting] powder because I get real shiny, so I’ve gotta reapply that quite often.”
“We are independent. We ball on a budget. I have to do my makeup for award shows, events, all the things, and so my makeup artist that taught me how to do all of this, Hailee Clark, she put me on."
Her Decision To Wear Hanifa For The Big Night.
Intentionality is essential for Kennedy, which is why she jumped at the opportunity to support Black designer Anifa Mvuemba with a dress from her fashion brand, Hanifa.
“Takirra on my team helped me pick out the dress. I really like to represent in country music, and being in Nashville, I like to represent Black culture through the things that I wear, and I was excited to get to wear a Black brand to the BET Awards,” said Kennedy.
“She was telling me about this brand, Hanifa, and we were on FaceTime just scrolling through the website, and she was like this looks like you. This feels very rooted, like fits those natural tones, and so she bought the dress and was like, ‘This is what you’re wearing.’”
The look was a Raven Knit Dress in Eggplant/Dark Brown Mesh from Hanifa.
Tiera Kennedy in her younger years.
Courtesy
Kennedy also nurtured her inner child for the look, taking it back to her roots with one small detail in her hair that she had her mother carry out before she hopped on the flight to LA.
“I had this vision of wearing beads in my hair because when I was younger, my mom would always do that, and I didn’t love it, but now I’m like, it would be really beautiful to tie all of that together, and the Hanifa dress just fit perfectly.”
“Just even in the past couple of days, I’ve had to take a second, and just look back at all of the awesome things we’ve gotten to do,” said Kennedy when asked what baby Tiera is feeling in this moment.
“I had this vision of wearing beads in my hair, because when I was younger, my mom would always do that, and I didn’t love it, but now I’m like, it would be really beautiful to tie all of that together, and the Hanifa dress just fit perfectly.”
“I dreamed of having a record and having this team that was doing all of these things for me, and now, being an independent artist, and being in control of my career, I’ve gotten to build an awesome team behind me that helps me get to where I am. It’s been a lot of hard work, and I think when I was younger, I would have never imagined that I could do all of these things, and so, yeah, to be here, I don’t even think I would believe it.”
Although “Blackbiird” didn’t win in the BET Her category during Monday night’s show, Kennedy’s future is brighter than ever, which she attests to her faith playing a huge role in guiding her next steps as she continues to rise to stardom.
“Thinking about the next thing, I think that can be really daunting when you’re an independent artist. It’s like you have to be thinking of what’s coming next, to prepare for that, but I think the way that I like to walk through life in general is letting the Lord lead,” Kennedy said.
“I know that a lot of time when I have a vision of what I want things to look like in my head, He always exceed my expectations. So, I think the plan is to continue to release music, and continue to show up as my authentic self. Getting to have these moments like the BET Awards is so awesome, but also, at the same time, that’s not what I do this for. I do it for the humans that are listening to my music, that are [having] fun and healing through my music, so I hope that I can just continue to do that.”
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Feature image by Rob Latour/Shutterstock