I like the word strange. Hell, I even like the throwback Cameo joint, “She’s Strange” (my dad used to play the entire hell out of that bassline back in the day). Strange doesn’t just mean “odd,” it also means things like unusual, extraordinary, and curious. Strange is also defined as being “outside of one’s previous experience” and “unacquainted.” In the right context with the proper understanding, there is nothing wrong with being strange — and wanting to know about things that are oftentimes considered to be strange as well.
And that’s why I gave this article the title that it has. After you check out these 12 fascinating facts about sex, I’m pretty sure that you will find at least five of them to be pretty damn strange…and honestly, when it’s all said and done, how cool is that?
1. “Having a Headache” Is the Worst Excuse Ever to Not Have Sex
GiphyImagine if you were in a long-term committed relationship, where monogamy (marriage) or exclusivity (dating) was expected, and every time you wanted to have sex, your partner claimed that they had a — le sigh — headache. Yeah, don’t even get me started on if your partner pulled the same stunt about going to work to get the bills paid, how you would really get just how annoying the “I have a headache” thing can be… I digress. Anyway, I don’t know who came up with that piss-poor excuse; however, if that’s your go-to, science says to find something else.
As wild as it may sound, it appears that the same brain chemical that triggers sexual desire is the one that can cause a migraine. If you add to that the fact that endorphins from sex can actually reduce the tension of a headache — it really does look like the jig is totally up as far as that popular excuse is concerned. #Elmoshrug
2. If You Suck at Work, Umm…Suck at Home (Kinda)
GiphyIf you want a promotion at work, you might want to engage in some morning sex before you leave the house. Research indicates that having a healthy and fulfilling sex life can ultimately result in more productivity, engagement, and overall job satisfaction at the office. A part of the reason why is sex reduces stress. Another is that it causes endorphins (“feel good” chemicals) to kick in. Another is that sex helps to boost your creativity levels. So, if it’s been a while since you’ve indulged and your professional performance has dropped…there may be some dots to connect there.
3. Masturbation May Not Be Helping Your Sex Life As Much As You Think, Chile
GiphyI went to a Christian high school, and although I could write an entire book about so much of the BS that went on up in there (especially on the racist tip), there were some silver linings, too. One was the Bible teacher that I had during my last two years: Chuck Stanford. He was raw and researched and that combo made him a blessing. Anyway, I remember him saying that when you get caught up in the cycle of doing “everything but” (you know, intercourse), it could cause issues in your sex life up the road because you have put yourself in the habit of stopping at a certain point.
Guess what? Masturbation can potentially share in this — in a bit of a different way.
Although it has been proven that masturbation can improve the quality of orgasms, “sex with yourself” could also cause you to become sexually selfish and disconnected from your partner if you’re so used to “gettin’ yours” on your own that you no longer want to share the experience with them. Not only that, but it could also reduce the sensation of pleasure (if you’re a chronic masturbator), or it could lead to idiosyncratic masturbation style, which is what transpires when you have gotten so caught up in what you can accomplish alone that you struggle with replicating it — whatever “it” — may be with an actual partner.
Yes, “too much of a good thing” is, indeed, a thing.
4. As Much As Sex Is Crammed Down American’s Throats, Guess What?
GiphySex may sell; that doesn’t mean that it’s automatically a fulfilling experience, though — at least in the United States. I prefaced this fact this way by design because, as much as we see (and hear) sex in this country, it’s interesting that India currently holds the title for being the most sexually-satisfied country (guess the Kama Sutra really ain’t nothin’ to play with) with The Philippines, Mexico, Columbia, and South Africa not being too far behind. As far as who has the most exciting sex, Mexico and Nigeria get top ranking — meanwhile, who don’t you see up in this? Yeah…EXACTLY.
5. Bet You Don’t Know What “Gymnophoria” Means
GiphyChile, now, if you knew that the word “gymnasium” ultimately comes from a Greek word that means nakedness, hop in the comments and tell me how you found that out. Anyway, if you factor that in, I guess it makes sense that someone who deals with gymnophobia may fear nudity, or if they struggle with gymnophoria, they might be consumed with believing that people are mentally undressing them whenever they are in their presence.
6. A Man’s Hands Actually Prove Something
GiphyBack in my — eh hem — heyday, I had enough sex to know that the myth that never seems to die about being able to tell a man’s penis size based on his shoe size is just that: A MYTH. At the same time, what I will tell you that you should hone in on is a guy’s fingers. Word on the (science) street is if a man’s ring finger is longer than his index one, not only will his penis be longer, his testosterone levels will be stronger too. Do with that what you will.
7. According to Science, Seniors Have Top-Tier Sex
GiphyLess distractions. More privacy. Not having to worry about an unwanted pregnancy. Practice making perfect with the same partner. A keen awareness of one’s body. These are just some of the reasons why many seniors end up having better sex than when they were younger (and more than those who are younger than they are). Hmph.
And when you stop to consider the fact that many of our elders are running circles around folks half their age when it comes to sexual consistency and satisfaction — you might wanna watch less TikTok and go talk to your grandma if you’ve got some questions about how to enjoy coitus more. Dead serious.
8. Republicans Cheat the Most
GiphyAlthough I have plenty of thoughts about this upcoming election (and again, I digress), I’ll just put this out here, and y’all can also do with it what you will. When it comes to the party who is inclined to commit the most infidelity, it’s not “the donkeys” (some of y’all will catch that later). Moving on.
9. Some People’s Orgasms Can Last Longer than Commercial Breaks
GiphyListen, I’m all for a good orgasm; I don’t know if I’m down for one that lasts longer than six hours, though. Yep, apparently, the longest recorded orgasm for a woman is 6 hours and 30 minutes, and 8 hours and 30 minutes for a man. So, how long do climaxes last for the rest of us? Somewhere between 10-60 seconds — although if you’re someone who can go two minutes, that is considered “normal” too.
And if you are, personally, I’m pretty impressed because that is the length of four average commercials (which is a pretty long time if you really stop to think about it).
10. Men’s Sperm Is Actually Pretty Damn Brilliant
GiphyI’m a fan of sperm. A huge part of the reason is that it played a pivotal role in what got me here (some folks need to remember that). Another is I continue to learn so many fascinating things about it (check out “Do You Swallow? The Unexpected Health Benefits Of Sperm”). Like did you know that a single sperm holds somewhere around 37.5MB worth of data?
Something else that’s a trip is a man can produce enough sperm in two weeks to impregnate every fertile woman on the planet. The more you know, chile. The more you freakin’ know.
11. An STI/STD Can Be in You for Years…and You Not Even Know It
GiphyThis one right here is something that I can personally cosign on. Many years ago, after coming down with a bout of both mono and strep throat, I also found out that I had chlamydia. At the time, I wasn’t sexually active, so I couldn’t figure out what the hell was going on. What my doctor told me was that it had been lying dormant in my system for what seemed to be a couple of years, and my other illnesses “activated” it.
If you add that to the fact that literally thousands of people have an STI/STD right now with no symptoms — moral to the story? Get tested every six months, y’all, and wear condoms. NO EXCUSES.
12. Yes, Sex Can Literally “Blow Your Mind”
GiphyOn this platform, I use the term “mind-blowing” when it comes to sex fairly often. And while it might seem like an exaggeration, there is scientific proof that says otherwise. Long story short, some activities (including sex and especially once you reach your 50s and 60s) can put the kind of pressure on certain parts of your body that can throw you into what is known as transient global amnesia (TGA) which is a form of memory loss that can last for up to 24 hours.
Although it can be frightening, it’s typically nothing to worry about, although if you can pull that off on your partner — talk about some serious bragging rights!
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Now tell me that those sex-themed facts weren’t, oh so very literally, STRANGE.
Uh-huh. What are you gonna do with all of this intel is my question? (Hmm…)
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So, we handpicked one hundred It Girls who embody that palpable It Factor moving through us as young Black women, the kind of motion lighting up the world both IRL and across the internet.
It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.
In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.
In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.
And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.
We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
And through it all, we continue to lift one another. Emma Grede is creating seats at the table. Valeisha Butterfield has started a fund for jobless Black women. Arian Simone is leading in media with fearless conviction. We are pouring into each other in ways the world rarely sees but always feels.
So yes, we are in the midst of societal warfare. Yes, we are being tested. Yes, we are facing economic strain, political targeting, and public scrutiny. But even war cannot dim a light that is divinely ours.
And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.
That is the quiet magic of Black womanhood, our ability to hold both truth and triumph in the same breath, to say yes, and to life’s contradictions.
It is no coincidence that this year, as SheaMoisture embraces the message “Yes, And,” they stand beside us as partners in celebrating this class of It Girls. Because that phrase, those two simple words, capture the very essence of this moment.
Yes, we are tired. And we are still rising.
Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.
This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
So without further ado, we celebrate the It Girl 100 Class of 2025–2026.
We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
Because we are still IT, girl.
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
It’s not like it has to be a bad thing. In fact, studies say that somewhere around 15 percent of engaged couples actually met through a friend. All I’m saying is, before you entertain someone’s “I’ve got someone I want you to meet” invitation, it would benefit you to interview them first — for the sake of all parties involved.
The questions that I recommend asking? The following six are what I think can get everyone on the same page, so that there is more pleasure than regret from the hook-up attempt.
1. Why Are They So Invested?
GiphyTwo things that I recently watched over again are the series Survivor’s Remorse (the writing is so damn good) and a movie called Trapped in Temptation (both are currently on Tubi). Something that both of them made me think about is the fact that motive reveals a lot when it comes to why people say and do the things that they do.
When it comes to the movie, specifically, without giving the film away — let me just say that, if you are in a relationship, be really careful about listening to individuals who try to talk you out of maintaining it. More times than not, the motive is shady as hell. And honestly, sometimes people who are close to obsessed with you being in one deserve a bit of side-eye too.
Now, if it’s someone who loves all things love, they are in love and they want you to experience something similar — that’s sweet. Just make sure that they are approaching the set up from a healthy space. What I mean by that is they don’t see singleness as some sort of relational handicap or they aren’t trying to override what you want for your life as if they somehow know better (there are so many ways to be a control freak, y’all).
Hmph. Now that I think about it — make sure that the set-up crew isn’t trying to use you to “save” some male friend or relative of theirs. I say that because I once knew a mother whose son had — count ‘em — 10 kids and she was FOREVER trying to get me to date him. Girl, that wasn’t for me. She was looking for a Holy Ghost Jr. for that child of hers. I’ll pass. HARD PASS.
Bottom line with this one — if someone wants to set you up with someone else, the first thing to ask is why? Make sure to really listen to what their answer is. Then pay attention to if your mind, body and spirit are at peace with their answer(s).
2. Do They Know What You Want?
GiphyI don’t know about y’all, but the people (and let’s be honest, by far, it’s usually women) who have tried to set me up with someone? They didn’t even know what my preferences or type was. Hell, they didn’t even know my thoughts or timeline as it relates to being in a serious relationship were either. And what that boils down to is they were trying to hook me up based on their agenda, not mine — and that usually meant that the guys who they came up with? Yeah…I was good on them. LOL.
Yeah, if someone wants to hook you up, you definitely should ask them if they know what you are looking for in a guy when it comes to his looks, personality, passions, spirituality, relational desires and goals, location, etc. Because, indeed, what is the point in going out with someone who is fine as hell and yet, you want kids and he doesn’t (or vice versa) or who has a great personality yet he isn’t even in the same ballpark of your spiritual beliefs?
If your friend really wants to help you out, valuing your time should come with that — and that means bringing someone into your life who complements your lifestyle. No wiggle room here.
3. Are They Aware of Your Deal-Breakers?
GiphyLast year, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “Should Bad Sex Actually Be A Relationship Deal-Breaker?” The thing that I think needs to go on record about deal-breakers is they aren’t exactly standards that you have. No, a deal-breaker is something that can’t be worked out even after trying to negotiate or compromise. When it comes to relationships, a deal-breaker might be how long two people should date before becoming exclusive or getting engaged. Another deal-breaker might be if being religious is more important than being spiritual and how that manifests itself (church or no church, etc.). And yes, another deal-breaker may be what each other’s sexual needs and expectations are.
When someone is setting you up, it is imperative that they know about your standards. For instance, for me, I am not interested in dating a divorced person, pretty much ever (I Corinthians 7:10-11). I’ve had friends who have tried to hook me up with that demographic before and it has always been a moot effort. The fact that some of them have gotten frustrated with my convictions has absolutely nothing to do with me. Some have tried to get me to compromise my deal-breakers too — like a long-distance relationship. Is it a firm “naw”? No. However, it’s not really something that I am interested in, so why not just…recommend someone local?
Yeah, if someone thinks that they know you well enough to hook you up, they absolutely should be well-versed in what your deal-breakers are before they do. And if they’ve never asked, all they are doing is assuming — and we know what that typically means. LOL.
4. What Is Their Track Record?
GiphyIt’s kind of wild that we now live in a time when more couples meet online than they do through “old-fashioned ways” like via their friends (although some reports say that Gen Z is getting back to that) — and yet, here we are. Still, if you are willing to let someone play pseudo matchmaker in your life, you are well within your rights to inquire about their track record in that department. Have they hooked others up, successfully, before? Has any of their “Cupid work” caused both people to get exactly what they wanted out of the situation? If/when things went awry, why was that?
I know someone who is constantly trying to hook people up. Thing is, maybe 10-15 percent (no joke) of their efforts have proven to be positive and fruitful — and we’re talking about close to close to two decades of them doing it. Listen, time is too precious to be out here doing stuff ONLY to please other people. That said, if someone wants you to devote some time to one of their grand ideas, you are well within your rights to ask about their past and current success score when it comes to it.
5. Can They Keep Their Own Feelings Out of It?
GiphyWanna know if someone who is offering to do something for you is actually doing it more for themselves? If they try to make it be about them when things don’t go the way they would like, that is a dead ringer. An example? They post a message about you on social media and then question you about why you didn’t do the same thing in return. Another example? They do something for you and then throw it in your face during an argument. Still another example? They set you up with someone, it doesn’t work out, and suddenly you’ve put them in a weird spot. No dear — you put your own self in that position by trying to hook two people up in the first place.
I promise you, it will spare everyone unnecessary energy spent (or even drama experienced) if, before you agree to be hooked up, you get the matchmaker on record stating that they will keep their emotions out of it as much as possible. MEANING — they will do the introductions and then let the chips fall where they may. If they can’t do this, my two cents (save it or spend it) would be to decline the offer. Because all you need is someone texting you about why you haven’t called their cousin back or having an attitude with you when you break up with some guy at their church who they thought was the perfect catch (P.S. These aren’t hypothetical examples — LOL).
6. Will They Respect Your Boundaries? Start to Finish?
GiphyYeah, this final one is a biggie. Just because someone sets you up with another person, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily mean that they should have the right to the details of the dynamic. I don’t care if it’s the first date or the 10th date. I don’t care if you decide to just be sex buddies or to have a full-blown relationship. I don’t care if you stay together or break-up — it’s your relationship which makes it your business. Whatever you share is privileged data.
Yeah, I would say that probably the most challenging thing about being hooked up by someone you know is they have a tendency to think that they are a part of the relationship too — and that is a lie. If things go well beyond a couple of dates, you and the guy should discuss what you will both share with the person who introduced you and then agree to stick to that boundary, no matter what. It’s a great way to protect the dynamic, to keep “outside voices” from influencing the growth and to navigate how you want to move, moving forward.
Someone who hooked you up for the right reasons and knows how to honor limits? They will understand. Will they ask questions? Absolutely. Will they pry? Nah.
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Should you sit and let someone hook you up? I mean, you never know how your blessing will come. Just make sure that they are prepared for you to do some digging into their mindset before they start sweetly meddling into your love life.
It’s only fair. Hell, and right. LOL.
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