Fairly recently, I saw a tweet that cracked me up. Not because of the tweet itself but the comments (Black Twitter’s comment section is king!). I’ll let you peep the tweet for yourself and then guess what men said underneath it before actually looking to confirm your suspicions:
i love an \u201ci got it\u201d ass man. you know what else you finna get?— MS. LEO (@MS. LEO) 1638576156
Take it how you want but I’ll be the first to stand in solidarity with my brothers that women who expect all of the finer things in life (I’m speaking to the ones that come with a price tag), only to turn around and only offer up sex on Christmas, Valentine’s Day, their anniversary and their man’s birthday are slightly scamming. Anyone who wants to give pushback, how would you feel if your man did that to you? That’s why I said that while I do think that sex is quite precious (extremely so), if you’re going to take the “Merry Christmas” approach to it without giving much else this year, there needs to be a lot of pre-planning and effort put into it in order to make things extra special.
So, whether money is a little on the tighter side right now or you want to present some holiday sex in a very special way, here are 15 things that will definitely keep your man from being like those dudes in the comment section were (if you catch my drift).
1. Stuff Some Stockings
Stockings are a signature symbol for Christmas and since a “sexy Christmas” is the theme of this particular article, why don’t you and yours purchase a couple of ‘em and then fill them up with things like flavored condoms, DIY sex coupons, handcuffs, body paint, blindfolds, sex dice, massage candles, edible undies, a new sex toy, flavored lubricant and whatever else y’all’s sweet little hearts’ desire? If you like to move discreetly, virtually all of this stuff can be found online if you just put the name of what you’re looking for into the search field of your favorite search engine.
2. Play a Few Rounds of ’12 Sex Games of Christmas’
A cool way to spend some quality time with your partner is to play a couple of games. In the spirit of getting all hot ‘n bothered, one that you might want to purchase is called 12 Games of Christmas. With game titles like Please Go Down for Christmas and Rudolph the Romantic Sex Slave, how can it not, at the very least, pique your curiosity in the naughtiest way possible? You can get it here.
3. Cop Some Peppermint-Flavored Lubricant
Remember how I mentioned lubricant in the stocking suggestion? If there is a signature scent (and flavor) for Christmas, peppermint would definitely have to be one of them, so why not get a tube of some peppermint-flavored lube? A fan favorite is Aloe Cadabra Natural Organic Personal Lube Edible Vegan Peppermint Tingle because it’s water-based (which makes it safe to use with latex condoms), it doesn’t mess with our pH and it tastes great although it’s sugar-free. If you’re interested, you can get it here.
Oh, and if you really want to take things to another level in the oral sex department, put a little lube where you want it and then put some oral sex pop candies into your mouth (you can find some here). Remember Pop Rocks from back in the day? Same thing. Different purpose. #wink
4. Bring in Some Mistletoe
What would a sexy Christmas be without at least one mistletoe, right? As far as where to get some, local home improvement stores, some arts and crafts stores and usually Walmart and Target carry them. Since we all know that the tradition is to kiss underneath it (and also since no one said that the kissing had to only be done on the mouth), how about putting your mistletoe in a place where you want a lot of the action to go down? Over your bed. On your showerhead (check out “So, This Is How To Make Shower Sex So Much Better”). In your kitchen. On top of your washing machine (don’t knock it until you’ve tried it!). On your bra. In your underwear. The possibilities are endless.
Just know that if your partner sees a mistletoe somewhere, there will absolutely be no confusion about what you want to transpire.
5. Get a Mini Christmas Tree and Hang Some Dirty Date Night Tokens from It
Whether you get a big tree every year or this year, you want to scale things down a bit, make things festive in your bedroom by investing in a miniature Christmas tree that you can put on your dresser or nightstand. Then hang some “naughty” tokens from it or put some around it. Etsy is my joint and I found a merchant who sells some wooden ones that say things like “Oral Sex,” “Wild Card,” and “Fantasy Fulfilled”. You can get a set of them here if you’d like.
6. Customize Some Wrapping Paper (Then Wrap Yourself Up in It)
I can’t tell you how many husbands have told me that sex with one woman doesn’t get old, so long as the sex itself doesn’t get boring (check out “10 Men Told Me Why They're Fine Having Sex With One Partner”). Because men are visual creatures, one way to prevent that from happening is by “wrapping up the gift” (the gift would be “you” in this case). If you literally want to wrap yourself up in paper, a fun approach is to hit up the site Gift Wrap My Face so that they can literally put your face on some wrapping paper.
Or, if you’d like to take the lingerie approach, this is the time of year when a lot of shops sell teddies that look like a big red bow. An example of what I’m talking about is located here, here, here, here, and here.
7. Give Your Bedroom a Christmas/Winter Wonderland Theme
Some bedding in traditional Christmas colors like red, green, or silver. Some cranberry garland on your bedposts (that you should be able to find at your local arts and crafts store). A Christmas wreath on your bedroom wall. A string of twinkle lights. Little red bows everywhere. White faux fur throw pillows. Snowflake art. A big basket filled with scented pine cones. Bedding that is slate grey and light blue (a dope Christmas color scheme). Lots of candles in Christmas scents like vanilla, pine, frankincense and myrrh, clove, or pomegranate.
There are all kinds of simple and pretty inexpensive ways that you can totally transform your bedroom into a Christmas winter wonderland so that it literally feels like you and yours are enjoying each other in a different kind of space.
8. Have Fun with Some Fake Snow
What is a winter wonderland without snow? These days, you can create the illusion of having some, even inside of your house, thanks to different kinds of fake snow that’s currently on the market. One brand that a lot of people like is Buffalo Snow. You can get some snowflakes here and some flurries here. A bed full of snow? Pardon the pun but how cool is that?
9. Turn on Some Blizzard ASMR
Although I’ve never really struggled with sleeping well, something that has absolutely changed my life over the past few years is sleeping with rain ASMR on. It just makes the quality of my rest so much…sounder. If you like nothing more than feeling like you are trapped in a snowstorm during your Christmas time off yet it looks like you’re not even going to get flurries this year, one way to work around that is to turn on some blizzard-sounding ASMR videos.
YouTube has quite a few of them and the windy sound really does make you feel like you’re in eight feet of snow. One of my favorites (that lasts for 10 hours, ad-free) can be found right here. Sex in a blizzard? C’mon now.
10. Bring in Some Christmas-Themed Edible Aphrodisiacs
In the article that I wrote, “12 Traditional Christmas Items That Are Low-Key Aphrodisiacs Too” a couple of years ago for the platform, a few edible things that I mentioned included eggnog and candy canes. Some other foods to add to that list includes a full-on entrée like a leg of lamb (it’s got carnitine which is great for men and their fertility), a “cozy drink” like apple cider (it can help to get you wetter), and a dessert, like a pumpkin pie (it’s high in zinc which increases sexual desire). Pick your pleasure.
11. Share Some Hot Chocolate Shots
There really is no telling how often I’ve shouted out dark chocolate when it comes to it being a great food for your sex life. A top reason is because serotonin (a hormone that stabilizes your mood and helps you to feel good) and phenethylamine (a natural chemical that offers up a stimulant effect) in dark chocolate can help to boost your libido. Keeping all of this in mind, what is Christmas without hot chocolate, chile?
To make things extra spicy in the absolute best ways possible, serve up some Mexican hot chocolate shots (recipe is here). The cinnamon will increase blood circulation to your genitalia and, if you decide to go with tequila instead of vodka, well — if you’ve ever had a tequila shot before, you already know what kind of night you’ll be in for. #wink
12. Light a Gingerbread Candle
One of the best things about sex, if it’s good (and I mean, REALLY good), is it involves all five senses — sight, hearing, taste, touch, and smell. As far as scent goes, there is plenty of scientific data to support that one of the reasons why what we smell can strongly affect our mood (good or bad) is because of what we associate a particular scent with. If you used to eat or bake gingersnaps or make gingerbread houses around this time when you were a kid, that can “trigger” feelings of safety and warmth.
So, to smell something that resembles gingerbread while being intimate with your partner, that can make sex “sweet” in the best way possible. Gingerbread candles are not usually very hard to find this time of year. Yankee Candle, Big Lots, DW Home, Kohl’s, and Michaels are just some of the places where I noticed them online.
13. Play a Sexy Round of “Guess Your Gift”
Even if you do plan on going all out in this way, still try and get something that goes in a box or gift bag. Whether it’s a tradition for you and your partner to open presents up on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, make foreplay extra fun by playing a couple of rounds of something that I call “Guess Your Gift.” You each will give a super vague hint. Whoever guesses correctly can make a specific foreplay-related request (kissing a certain erogenous zone, giving a five-minute massage, etc.) If they don’t get it right, then the other person can make their foreplay request known. Talk about making the curiosity as awesome as the gift itself. Whew.
14. Put Poinsettia Petals All Over Your Bed
I’m pretty sure that it comes as no surprise to you that the December birth flower is the poinsettia. That’s pretty cool because they represent things like love, hope, good cheer, and success. Also, a nickname for it is Mexican flame flower. I don’t know about you, but all of these sound like good vibes to have in your sex life.
Although red rose petals are pretty popular when it comes to flowers to sprinkle on your bed, in your bathtub, or on your floors in order to set the mood, since all of this centers around a Christmas theme, why not go with some red or white poinsettias this year? It’ll be just as seductive and a lot more holiday-themed.
15. Fulfill a Fantasy
Want your partner to feel like they were blessed in a mighty way this Christmas? Ask them what their fantasy is and (so long as it doesn’t compromise your core because some people’s fantasies are next-level) do your best to fulfill it. It brings spontaneity into the relationship. It adds newness to the dynamic. And it definitely sets the two of you up to have a pretty unforgettable Christmas in the sex department. A great way to make sex feel like an actual Christmas gift. Straight up.
Featured image by Giphy
Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at firstname.lastname@example.org. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
This article is in partnership with Sensodyne.
Our teeth are connected to so many things - our nutrition, our confidence, and our overall mood. We often take for granted how important healthy teeth are, until issues like tooth sensitivity or gum recession come to remind us. Like most things related to our bodies, prevention is the best medicine. Here are five things you can do immediately to improve your oral hygiene, prevent tooth sensitivity, and avoid dental issues down the road.
1) Go Easy On the Rough Brushing: Brushing your teeth is and always will be priority number one in the oral hygiene department. No surprises there! However, there is such a thing as applying too much pressure when brushing…and that can lead to problems over time. Use a toothbrush with soft bristles and brush in smooth, circular motions. It may seem counterintuitive, but a gentle approach to brushing is the most effective way to clean those pearly whites without wearing away enamel and exposing sensitive areas of the teeth.
2) Use A Desensitizing Toothpaste: As everyone knows, mouth pain can be highly uncomfortable; but tooth sensitivity is a whole different beast. Hot weather favorites like ice cream and popsicles have the ability to trigger tooth sensitivity, which might make you want to stay away from icy foods altogether. But as always, prevention is the best medicine here. Switching to a toothpaste like Sensodyne’s Sensitivity & Gum toothpaste specifically designed for sensitive teeth will help build a protective layer over sensitive areas of the tooth. Over time, those sharp sensations that occur with extremely cold foods will subside, and you’ll be back to treating yourself to your icy faves like this one!
3) Floss, Rinse, Brush. (And In That Order!): Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s not what you do, but how you do it”? Well, the same thing applies to taking care of your teeth. Even if you are flossing and brushing religiously, you could be missing out on some of the benefits simply because you aren’t doing so in the right order. Flossing is best to do before brushing because it removes food particles and plaque from places your toothbrush can’t reach. After a proper flossing sesh, it is important to rinse out your mouth with water after. Finally, you can whip out your toothbrush and get to brushing. Though many of us commonly rinse with water after brushing to remove excess toothpaste, it may not be the best thing for our teeth. That’s because fluoride, the active ingredient in toothpaste that protects your enamel, works best when it gets to sit on the teeth and continue working its magic. Rinsing with water after brushing doesn’t let the toothpaste go to work like it really can. Changing up your order may take some getting used to, but over time, you’ll see the difference.
4) Stay Hydrated: Upping your water supply is a no-fail way to level up your health overall, and your teeth are no exception to this rule. Drinking water not only helps maintain a healthy pH balance in your mouth, but it also washes away residue and acids that can cause enamel erosion. It also helps you steer clear of dry mouth, which is a gateway to bad breath. And who needs that?
5) Show Your Gums Some Love: When it comes to improving your smile, you may be laser-focused on getting your teeth whiter, straighter, and overall healthier. Rightfully so, as these are all attributes of a megawatt smile; but you certainly don’t want to leave gum health out of the equation. If you neglect your gums, you’ll start to notice the effects of plaque buildup, which can irritate the gums and cause gingivitis, the earliest stage of gum disease. Seeing blood while brushing and flossing is a tell-tale sign that your gums are suffering. You may also experience gum recession — a condition where the gum tissue surrounding your teeth pulls back, exposing more of your tooth. Brushing at least twice a day with a gum-protecting toothpaste like Sensodyne Sensitivity and Gum, coupled with regular dentist visits, will keep your gums shining as bright as those pearly whites.
In the crazy world of dating, so much attention is placed on the behavior during actual dates. Whether it is choosing the right outfit or making a good first impression, the focus tends to center on the in-person time spent together. But something that often gets overlooked is the significance of "between date behavior (BDB)." BDB is not just generic good morning text messages (that can be sent to 10 women in one minute), but rather text check-ins during the day and even nightly phone calls. This is the time when two people are apart but still find time for connection.
It is during these in-between moments that the foundation of a truly meaningful relationship is often built. A glaring example of what happens when there isn’t BDB is the early relationship between Carrie and Big from Sex and the City. At the beginning of the series, she was so hyper-focused on the time she spent together that she ignored that Big wasn’t calling or texting her often between dates. Instead, he would reach out and send cars based on his convenience… and not hers.
When it comes to dating, don’t be Carrie!
BDB in Dating
BDB in Dating #datingtips #datingadvice #singleblackfemale #singleblackwoman #blackfemininity #femininityforblackwomen #blackdatingadvice #blackdating #singlelatina #singlelatinas
Please realize that 80-90% of your time will NOT be with your partner while seriously dating, so the BDB will also be a significant part of your relationship. Here are some other reasons why what happens when you're not together is just as, if not more, significant than the hours spent face-to-face…
One of the key factors that makes BDB so crucial is authenticity. When we are with someone on a date, it is easy to put on a front (show one’s representative), showcasing our best qualities and concealing our flaws. But it is in our day-to-day interactions, the text messages and phone calls, that our true selves shine through.
Consistency in behavior is an indicator of authenticity. And authenticity builds trust. And trust is the cornerstone of any meaningful relationship.
Speaking of trust, it is one of the foundations of a successful relationship. Building it doesn't happen in a single evening. It's the consistency in behavior between dates that solidifies trust. When your person consistently communicates, shows interest, and keeps it respectful in the moments between your dates, it is reassuring that your potential partner is seriously interested and invested in the relationship.
Also, in between dates, the channels of communication become lifelines that connect two people and nurture emotional intimacy. How you communicate and what you choose to communicate about can significantly impact a growing relationship. Consistent, thoughtful messages and meaningful conversations like sharing your thoughts, dreams, and vulnerabilities can help create a strong emotional bond. Being supportive and understanding during difficult moments can bring you closer together.
While the time spent on a date is super important, the BDB, I would argue, should not be slept on. It's the glue that holds the connection together, builds trust, and sets the stage for a healthy, long-lasting relationship. So, the next time you find yourself waiting for that next date, remember that the journey between those dates is just as significant, if not more so, in the grand scheme of building a meaningful connection.
Hope this helps!
Coach Anwar is a certified dating and relationship coach who has 13 years of experience helping Black and brown women date with strategy, meet relationship-ready men, and get into the best relationship of their lives.
Featured image by Dimensions/Getty Images