

We can discuss all of the awkward parts about riding d*ck, but it has to be acknowledged that so much of that awkwardness seems to come from your damn thighs being tired. I commend guys for their stamina and the work that they put in to get and give that nut when they're stroking because hooooney, my thighs turn into Jello after what feels like 30 minutes and is truly only about a quarter of that. Right about then is where I just fall flat on dude's chest and silently beg for him to flip my ass like a burger on a flat top grill.
I'll throw this ass back for you all day long if it means you'll get me a cookie, some water, and a pat on the back for that thorough ass five minutes that I put my life on the line trying to saddle up.
If cats have nine lives, then I've used three of mine trying to master cowgirl while being out of shape. Yet, this is something I so badly desire to master. Every time sex is on the books, I find myself purging the internet looking for ways to improve while not sounding like I need an oxygen tank after a short while. Like Allen Iverson when he graced the courts back in the day, Sexpert Tyomi Morgan-Najieb was the answer with her online riding workout.
But it was working out, so of course, I talked my roommate into doing it with me. Months passed and my roommate completed the series of workouts and I was still stuck. Fast forward nearly a year later, I got myself together and hit play on the first workout.
Days deep into the New Year, working out was still high on my list of year-end resolutions and this was me trying to make good on them but clearly, I wasn't ready-ready because in what world does someone who hasn't worked out at all in the previous year come empty-handed without a water bottle? Especially because each of the workouts is anywhere from 60 to 90 minutes. I pushed through and here's my review of the four-part workout, which, full disclosure, I did in a one week span (if you value life, maybe don't follow my example).
Burn Baby, Burn
Experts estimate that while riding or in cowgirl, women burn anywhere from a buck twenty in calories to a buck seventy-five, depending on how hard you get your blood pumping. This can be done by incorporating more hip movements and with this workout, you will have the stamina to do so.
The main muscle being worked while in cowgirl are our quads, but as always we forget how valuable and useful our cores are. One thing I can undoubtedly say is that Tyomi makes sure she hits the core and every other muscle you will need to use to take first place at the Rodeo — every week was a full body workout and left me gasping for air. Of course, this got easier over the course of the week like any fitness routine.
Find Your Flow
What I will say is that with this being a workout that required me to channel my sensuality and thus confidence, I felt uber uncomfortable watching my awkward but full hips roll in the mirror. Yet, thoughts of self-doubt distracted me from the slow burn I was feeling in the lower half of my body and that's definitely a benefit. As someone who hates dancing, mostly because repeatedly saying I can't dance has become a self-fulfilled prophecy that I play up to avoid uncomfortable attention — I often transfer that same energy to sex because they feel as though they're one in the same.
But with every day that I carried on, I took Tyomi's advice and truly tried to wrap my mind around doing it for myself. I mean I'm not having sex and haven't in quite some time, so in a way, it was for me but everything in me was still worrying about how embarrassed I'd be if I actually mirrored what I saw in the mirror on the D.
In overthinking, I realized I was making the experience about men and their pleasure and not myself, my pleasure, and my comfort. Although these thoughts were still present, I did these workouts in the span of a week but if I were to do them three times per week (as suggested) for the next couple of months, I could envision the inevitable change in my confidence and body that might come.
Have Fun With It
And, while I have no doubt that the workout would improve my skill, I'm adamant that developing my abilities in the bedroom has a lot to do with the growth of confidence in ways I hadn't even realized I lacked. The confidence that comes from simply letting go and embracing where you are in order to just have fun with it.
One might say it's one part core and quads working and two parts confidence that builds the skill we're all looking for when it comes time to be on that tip.
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Motor City native, Atlanta living. Sagittarius. Writer. Sexpert. Into all things magical, mystical, and unknown. I'll try anything at least once but you knew that the moment I revealed that I was a Sag.
Devale Ellis On Being A Provider, Marriage Growth & Redefining Fatherhood
In this candid episode of the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker talked with Devale Ellis, actor, social media personality, and star of Zatima, about modern masculinity, learning to be a better husband, emotional presence in marriage, fatherhood for Black men, and leading by example.
“I Wasn’t Present Emotionally”: Devale Ellis on Marriage Growth
Devale Ellis On Learning He Was a ‘Bad Husband’
Ellis grew up believing that a man should prioritize providing for his family. “I know this may come off as misogynistic, but I feel like it’s my responsibility as a man to pay for everything,” he said, emphasizing the wise guidance passed down by his father. However, five years into his marriage to long-time partner Khadeen Ellis, he realized provision wasn’t just financial.
“I was a bad husband because I wasn’t present emotionally… I wasn’t concerned about what she needed outside of the resources.”
Once he shifted his mindset, his marriage improved. “In me trying to be of service to her, I learned that me being of service created a woman who is now willing to be of service to me.”
On Redefining Masculinity and Fatherhood
For Ellis, “being a man is about being consistent.” As a father of four, he sees parenthood as a chance to reshape the future.
“Children give you another chance at life. I have four different opportunities right now to do my life all over again.”
He also works to uplift young Black men, reinforcing their worth in a world that often undermines them. His values extend to his career—Ellis refuses to play roles that involve domestic violence or sexual assault.
Watch the full episode below:
On Marriage, Family Planning, and Writing His Story
After his wife’s postpartum preeclampsia, Ellis chose a vasectomy over her taking hormonal birth control, further proving his commitment to their partnership. He and Khadeen share their journey in We Over Me, and his next book, Raising Kings: How Fatherhood Saved Me From Myself, is on the way.
Through honesty and growth, Devale Ellis challenges traditional ideas of masculinity, making his story one that resonates deeply with millennial women.
For the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker peels back the layers of masculinity with candid conversations that challenge stereotypes and celebrate vulnerability. Real men. Real stories. Real talk.
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
Featured image by YouTube/xoNecole
From Rock Bottom To Redemption: Paula Patton Opens Up About Her New Film 'Finding Faith'
When Paula Patton’s name is on a project, you already know it’s going to bring some soul. From Jumping the Broom to Baggage Claim, she’s long been a radiant presence on-screen. But in her new film Finding Faith, premiering in theaters June 16–17 via Fathom Events, Paula digs deeper—into grief, healing, and ultimately, redemption.
The film follows Faith Mitchell, a wife and mother whose life is upended by a devastating loss. As she spirals into despair, it’s the love of family, friends, and God that slowly leads her back to light. And for Paula, this story wasn’t just a role—it was personal.
“It connected to a time in my life that I could really relate to,” she says. “That feeling of having lost so much and feeling like so much pain, and not knowing how to deal with the pain… and numbing out to do that.”
Courtesy
A Story That Hit Close to Home
Having been sober for seven years, Paula says the emotional territory was familiar. But more than anything, it brought her closer to a deeper truth.
“Once you give [the numbing] up, you have to walk in the desert alone… and that’s when I truly found faith in God.”
Turning Pain Into Purpose
While the film touches on loss and addiction, Finding Faith ultimately lives up to its title. Paula describes the acting process as cathartic—and one she was finally ready for.
“Art became healing,” she says. “That was the biggest challenge of all… but it was a challenge I wanted.”
More Than an Inspirational Thriller
Finding Faith is described as an “inspirational thriller,” with layered tones of romance, suspense, and spiritual reflection. Paula credits that dynamic blend to writer-director LazRael Lison.
“That’s what I love about Finding Faith,” she explains. “Yes, she goes on this journey, but there’s other storylines happening that help it stay entertaining.”
"Finding Faith" cast
Courtesy
On-Set Magic with Loretta Devine
With a cast stacked with phenomnal talent—Loretta Devine, Keith David, Stephen Bishop—it’s no surprise that the film also came alive through unscripted moments.
“We did this kitchen scene… and Loretta changed it,” Paula shares. “She wouldn’t leave. I had to change my dance and figure out how to work with it, and it took on this whole other layer. I’m forever grateful.”
Faith When It Feels Like Night
The film leans on the biblical verse: “Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.” Paula says that reminder is something she’s lived.
“When you’re feeling so anxious, and you look out in the distance and see nothing there… that’s when you have to trust God’s timing.”
Divine Timing Behind the Scenes
Paula didn’t just star in the film—she produced it through her company, Third Eye Productions. And the way the opportunity came to her? Nothing short of divine.
“I said, ‘Just for one week, believe everything’s going to be perfect,’” she recalls. “That same day, my friend Charles called and said, ‘I have a film for you. It’s called Finding Faith.’ I thought I was going to throw the phone down.”
What’s Next for Paula Patton?
When asked about a dream role, Paula didn’t name a genre or a character. Her focus now is on legacy—and light.
“I want to make sure I keep making art that entertains people, but also has hope… That it has a bright light at the end to get us through this journey here on Earth.”
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Feature image by Lev Radin/ Shutterstock