
There are many professional and career/family oriented WOC who put in so much work for their jobs/families, whom have also have struggled with juggling all the above in conjunction with mental health challenges.
Whether it's dealing with high anxiety, or chronic depression, many powerful WOC have to do it all, and seemingly keep it all together, in a society where they are often oppressed and marginalized.
Speaking from experience, it takes great strength to work very hard externally and still manage to beat your mental health struggles internally by embracing self-love and self-care. This read will spotlight how four inspirational professional millennial women of color in different industries have dealt with challenging mental health issues while being active in their career paths.
Octavia Yearwood, Author & Motivational Speaker

Octavia Yearwood works in arts education creating intersectional arts programming. She is also known as a motivational speaker and author of her upcoming book, How The Hell Did You Do That, which is an interactive journey, serving as a guide book, memoir, and workbook helping readers to walk through the process of self-healing.
A Day in the Life:
"My days vary because I do several things. I teach, I create art programming, I have a book with a curriculum, I host events, and I'm a keynote speaker. On a normal busy day, I am returning emails between 7am-9am and then preparing to do any of those things or heading to a meeting in regards to any of those things. Today, in particular, I have to be at the University of Miami to work with some dance students who have a video shoot today, I have two classes, so I will be cleaning their choreography, getting them placed, and talking about the shot list with the program Director, Shedia Nelson, who also shoots and edits the video.
"I will need to get out of there by 12, so I head up to another private school and work with, and teach from 1pm till 4pm. On my ride up to the school, I am answering these interview questions and working through a proposal I'm working on for an Art Institute, [and finally] my foster brother is also in town, so I will need to make time to see him before he leaves in the morning to head back to NYC."
How She Grew Into Self-Love & Self-Care:
"I am actually fresh off of a depression that took me out for a good part of the beginning of the year. A lot of my work is for the benefit of the world, so it gets really rough to be so focused on helping the world, women, and our youth in particular, and hit roadblocks when it comes to nonprofits and getting funding to materialize things.
"I am an artist first, so working within corporate structures made me pick up a lot of bad habits that hurt me, like always trying to say or do things perfectly, being passive-aggressive, and not being completely honest about how I felt. I was fresh off resigning from a nonprofit that I put a lot of energy into, and a romantic relationship that I also put a lot of my energy into. Both ended around the same time last year, and I threw myself into my independent work even harder; by the time February hit, and one deal fell through, I was ready to be done with this world."
"I had suicidal thoughts in a way that I never experienced before."
"I isolated myself so much and was going through it, but no one knew because I was still 'booked and busy' in publications and throwing events, etc. I had to get recentered. I could feel that my spirit was weak because I wasn't doing what it needed. So, I called a sister of mine for a reading with my ancestors who told me what I needed to do, which was what I knew I needed anyway. I got myself back into my meditative practice, being active (working out and dancing more), cleansing my energy, and prayer."
"I had abandoned those things. I needed them for self-care."
"My self-love showed up in a different way. It came in the form of caring less about people's thoughts, and what I thought people needed from me. I got into the habit of navigating people instead of letting them navigate me. I was like, 'Nah, I'm not doing that anymore.' I had already got in touch with how valuable I was theoretically, but I had to begin to move in that in a real way."
How She Navigates Career & Mental Health:
"Firstly, the work is nothing without me. If life is a game like they say, I'm not doing it right if I don't have fun and if I'm not winning. All of our goals are a means to an end, which is why once we achieve a goal, our masochistic asses just create another one! So, it's all about the lessons along the way of the process, making self-awareness a huge key in regards to self-care because it makes you do a self-check-in. It's more important than ever for me to say what I want, be who I am, and enjoy the moments."
"I remind myself that I make time, so I actively do that for my friends and all the things that feed my spirit."
Her Advice to Working Women:
"YOU FIRST! Selfishness gets a bad rap. Do the things that feed your spirit, whether it's singing karaoke or laying in bed naked for a day. Please create some type of spiritual practice for yourself so you can maintain or attain a balance spiritually. It translates to everything else. You are everything, so you can do everything but you can do nothing alone. So, ask for support when you need it. I love you."
For more of Octavia, follow her on Instagram.
Shaunette Stokes, Attorney & Professor
Shaunette Stokes is a practicing attorney, licensed in the state of Florida. For the last four years, she's owned and managed her own law firm, Stokes Law Group, located in Tampa, Florida. She practices primarily Small Business Law and Intellectual Property Law, and is also a professor in the Paralegal Studies department at the local community college.
A Day in the Life:
"On my busiest days, I spend a significant amount of time in court for my cases that are in litigation. I like to schedule my court appearances in the morning in an effort to avoid losing any hours of productivity on other cases/client files. Ideally, I spend my mornings in court and my afternoons in the office working on client files unless I have a trial, in which case I am typically in court for a full day. On the days I do not go to court, I reward myself with an extra hour of sleep. I typically get in the office by 10:00 am and leave at around 4:00 pm to prepare my lectures for my evening classes at the local community college. Once class is over and all of my student meetings are complete, I get home around 9:00 pm. Most days, I continue working for a few hours once I arrive home."
How She Grew Into Self-Love & Self-Care:
"Prior to May 2018, I practiced Family Law, which is typically a highly litigated area of law and therefore a highly lucrative practice area as well. The courts have very strict rules and deadlines, which can have a serious impact on the outcome of your case. Not to mention the fact that the clients are going through an extremely life changing event for both themselves and their family, so emotions tend to run high. As a result of the nature of these cases, I dealt with a large amount of anxiety."
"My anxiousness did not come from a fear of failure but rather from a fear of disappointing my clients."
"Unfortunately, there is never a guarantee that the outcome will go as expected. At the end of the day, even if you win a Family Law case, no one really wins because it does not heal a broken family. Often times, I found myself absorbing my client's emotional burdens and would treat them as if they were my own issues. I was extremely stressed and unhappy but it took me five months and an actual panic attack for me to make the decision to stop accepting Family Law cases."
"For me, recognizing the need for help and making this huge decision to stop accepting cases in such a lucrative practice area was honestly the biggest self-care and self-love decision I have ever made."
How She Navigates Career & Mental Health:
"It has not been easy but I have learned that I have to put my personal wellbeing, and therefore self-care, first and foremost. The practice of law is very stressful and I strive to create a work environment in the office for both myself and my staff where self-care is a priority. At my firm, we take mental health days at least once a month to help decompress from work."
"In addition to taking mental health days, both myself and my staff have the flexibility to work remotely from home at least twice a week. This allows me the flexibility of taking care of myself while still ensuring that the work gets done. On days that I work remotely, I go to the salon and get my hair done or treat myself to a pedicure. I have structured my business in a way that I can work remotely and still reach a high level of productivity whether it's in my office, from the comfort of my own home, or at the salon."
"I also strive to make the effort to go to the gym at least three or four days out of the week. I have found that when I take the time to put myself first, I am not drained from work and oftentimes I am more productive."
Her Advice for Working Women:
"I would advise any working woman that is trying to juggle any combination of the three to take the time to put herself first. Period. In order to establish a healthy work-life balance, you should prioritize yourself and what is important to you. Do not feel guilty for taking a break and allowing yourself to rest. You cannot be at your best on a professional level if you are not physically and mentally at your best on a personal level."
"Love yourself. Care for yourself. Learn to take the time to make yourself a priority and reap the rewards."
For more of Shaunette, follow her on Instagram.
Alana Blaylock, Documentary Film Producer

Galore Mag
Alana Blaylock works in the Film & TV Industry as a Documentary Producer. Her job responsibilities vary from role to role, whether she's prepping for a shoot in the office, physically in the field working with talent, or sitting with editors in post-production putting episodes together. Working on Lebron James' docu-series, "Best Shot," helped her find her own redemption after a mental health breakdown.
A Day in the Life:
"When I'm not on a set, I usually wake up by 7 every day. I'm a morning person and enjoy being active when my brain is most fresh. After heading to the gym, I'll go to my local coffee shop and order a Matcha Latte, catch up on the news, read my horoscope, and a verse from my bible app for an inspiring message. Then, I'll head into the office around 9 to start whipping off emails in order to book talent and find locations for shoots. During the afternoon, I write creative documents to send to my team. Every day is different and every series I work on varies in content, so it's an exciting job! On a weekday night, I'll cook dinner at home and catch up on my shows. On the weekends, I'm usually traveling so my plans depend on the city I'm located in at the moment."
How She Grew Into Self-Love & Self-Care:
"After going through a rough period last year, my mood dropped and healthcare professionals diagnosed me with clinical depression and acute anxiety. I was forced to talk about traumas I had been quietly dealing with alone for years. After keeping my problems under wraps, I finally opened up to therapists to get emotional help. Today, I have a solid treatment team and I'm on the right medication, which helps tremendously."
"I go on mindful walks for reflection time and set aside time to work out to clear my head."
"I never want to experience the mental anguish I felt before again. That being said, I work really hard to keep a positive mindset and be around people who will uplift me. I recognize that every day is not going to be perfect, and I'm not going to be perfect every day. The old me was not that kind to herself and held unrealistic standards. Now, I'm gentle with myself and most importantly, patient with myself as part of my recovery."
How She Navigates Career & Mental Health:
"I have to admit that it's difficult finding stability in such a fast-paced business. You sometimes have to be ready for a job in 24 hours and get in shape. The old me used to be type A and panic when things weren't going my way. Now, I realize that everything works itself out and nothing is more sacred than my sanity. Keeping that in mind, I move ahead with confidence, grace and understanding that flexibility and agility are key."
Her Advice for Working Women:
"Don't panic - The world will not end if something does not go your way! Set aside personal time for 30 minutes a day at least, and don't keep things bottled up inside until you want to explode. Communicate to others your expectations of them and what you can realistically deliver to them in both your personal and professional life. If your gut is telling you that you need a break, you probably do. Running on fumes does not do anyone any good. Take that vacation with your girlfriends or go on a solo wellness retreat."
"Be intentional about your self-care and happiness."
For more of Alana, follow her on Instagram.
Alie Jones, Educator & Entrepreneur

Alie Jones is a body positive entrepreneur, teaching artist, and self-care advocate. She's an art teacher at an after school program in an East Oakland middle school who encourages her students to reflect on the influence that art can have on justice and healing. She's passionate about empowering youth to speak their truth, and cultivate artful expression. In her piece for Afropunk entitled, "How Revolutionary Self-Care Becomes An Act Of Radical Activism," Jones channels Audre Lorde, expressing how "self-care is an act of self-preservation," and a radical political right, encouraging young people to practice the revolutionary art of self-care.
A Day in the Life:
"My most chaotic and rewarding day of the week is Wednesday. I start my day with yoga or meditation. I grab my weekly planner and create a list of my three daily intentions and tasks to achieve them. In our program, we go from an hour of homework time, activity time, snack, and two enrichment classes. From work, I go home to shower, change, and eat dinner. After resetting, I head to my weekly spoken word open mic, Speak On It."
"Having a space to authentically express myself in my community is so rejuvenating."
How She Grew Into Self-Love & Self-Care:
"My mental wellness journey has been turbulent yet transformative. I battle high functioning anxiety and severe depression every day. Last April, I was haunted by thoughts of suicide. In a very dark space emotionally and didn't know how to ask for support when I needed it, I allowed my negative self talk to tear me down. These feelings were amplified after experiencing emotional abuse and sexual assault during my second time living in France."
"I told myself that if I was gone, it wouldn't matter to anyone."
"In an effort to foster communities of self-care and self-love, I started a creative collective in Oakland called Bodacious Bombshells. Being in spaces with other women of color who have struggled with body image and mental health, self-care has taught me to explore body acceptance and mindfulness. Through one on one and group therapy, I've examined how I cope and challenged my ideas of isolation with community."
How She Navigates Career & Mental Health:
"My self-care and professional life align so well. I create spaces to share the healing of aromatherapy, deep breathing, and processing through creative writing. When I put my wellness first, I'm able to encourage those around me to go the same. I'm fortunate enough to have a workplace that inspires me to keep going on my darkest days."
Her Advice for Working Women:
"My advice for women working to thrive is be who you are, love who you are. You have to make space for authentic living and love without conditions."
"Self-care has to be intentionally practiced."
"Your mental health is top priority, there is no way to be completely present at work or in your families unless you're taking time to recharge your batteries. Self-love is an active choice, hold space for recharge and reset."
For more of Alie, follow her on Instagram.
Featured image by Getty Images
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Your December 2025 Monthly Horoscopes Are All About Surrender & Alignment
December is about letting go. We end the year with the need for more peace, reflection, and rejuvenation, and that is exactly what December is providing for us. The Sun is in Sagittarius, and anything is possible. This is the month to believe in that and to know that the universe is supporting you. With a Supermoon in Gemini as we begin the month as well, we have an opportunity to gain the closure we have been looking for this year and to wrap up old projects, ideas, and communication breakthroughs.
This is the month to make your peace the priority and let go of trying to control the way the tides are turning. Trust in your new beginning, and give yourself time to prepare for it this month.
A big part of the clarity that is coming through this month is due to Neptune going direct in Pisces on December 10, after being retrograde here since July. With Neptune now direct, we are able to see our inspiration and creativity a little more clearly, providing the perfect energy for dreams and manifestation to be built upon. The smoke is clearing, and it’s up to you to decide what you want to do with this newfound clarity that this transit is bringing. Mercury also moves back into Sagittarius on December 11, which is great for communication and clarity, and the adventures you were trying to see through at the beginning of November come around for you again with greater purpose and support.
On December 15, Mars enters Capricorn until the end of January 2026, and this is the extra push we need to make important changes and to be on the path towards greater abundance, stability, and prosperity. Mars in Capricorn takes care of business, and we have extra energy at our disposal during this time to do so. This transit is an ideal time to focus on your career or financial goals for next year and to start putting some of these plans into motion now. A few days later, we have the New Moon of the month, which will be in Sagittarius on December 19, and this is the perfect New Moon to manifest.
The energy is high, magic is in the air, and it’s all about moving forward with the new beginnings that are inspiring you and bringing you joy to think about right now.
Capricorn Season officially begins on December 21, and this earth sign energy is how we heal, gain closure, and build new foundations in our world. With Venus also moving into a Capricorn a few days later, there is something about peace, prosperity, and security that we are gaining in life and in love as we close out the year, and this is what we need right now. This month is about reflecting on what was, letting go of old hurt, and renewing. December is an ending and a new beginning in one, and there is magic in this space to be created.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see what December 2025 has in store for you.
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleARIES
December is a full-circle moment for you, Aries. You are seeing the gifts in your world and have a lot of gratitude for the way things have come about for you as of late. There are culminations in your world that are providing you with more abundance, stability, and community, and you are exactly where you are meant to be this month. With the Sun in a fellow fire sign and in your 9th house of travel for most of the month, December is a good time to get out of your comfort zone, explore the world around you, and get your body moving.
Mars, your ruling planet, also makes a change and moves into Capricorn on December 15, which will fuel your inspiration and power in your career space. You are making a lot of professional progress as we close out the year; however, make sure to be more mindful of your competitive drive right now. The New Moon on December 19 is the perfect opportunity for you to create some new plans and goals when it comes to traveling, education, and where you want to gain some new inspiration in your world. Overall, this is a month of things coming together for you serendipitously.
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleTAURUS
December is about trusting your intuition, Taurus. You have a lot on your mind this month, and it’s best to delegate, communicate, and allow yourself some relief by opening up to someone and not feeling like you have to hold everything in. As we begin the month, we have a Supermoon in Gemini happening in your house of income, and the plans and projects you have been building here come to fruition for you now. This is the time to gain clarity on your financial world and to take a look at what spending habits you want to let go of here as well.
With Venus in your 8th house of shared resources for most of the month, you are doing a cleanse on your commitments, partnerships, and business ventures. You are taking a look at what you want to dedicate yourself to in the future, and what commitments you may need to let go of now in order to be in the space you truly want to be, both financially and within some of your relationship dynamics. Before we end the month, we have a New Moon in this same area of your chart, and it’s time to look at the opportunities that are presenting themselves and to trust your internal guidance system to lead you forward.
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleGEMINI
You are moving forward fearlessly this month, Gemini. December is your month of love, passion, and dignity, and you are owning the light that you shine. We begin the month with the last Supermoon of the year, happening in your sign, and you are stepping up to the plate. You are showing up, owning how much you have grown this year, and allowing yourself to heal while also acknowledging that you have done your best and you deserve to have fun in the midst of the changes you are creating.
Mercury, your ruling planet, is officially out of retrograde, and you can use this energy to the fullest potential now. With Mercury in your 7th house of love, it’s time to speak from the heart and to talk about the things that matter and that are inspiring you right now to your loved ones. You never know what kind of epiphanies you may have when you open up the conversation to others. Before the month ends, you have a New Moon in this same love area of your chart, and this New Moon is all about manifesting romance, commitment, and abundance in your world.
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleCANCER
December is an opening for more love, more joy, and more freedom in your life, Cancer. You have come to a place where you hold so much gratitude in your heart for where you are today and where your heart is shining, and things come together for you with more ease right now. With the Sun in your 6th house of health, work, and daily routines for most of the month, you are getting your ducks in a row while also putting more energy and effort into taking care of yourself, your priorities, and your well-being. This month surprises you in many ways, and it’s because you are showing up.
Mars and Venus both move into your house of love, relationships, marriage, and abundance this month, and you are making strides in your love life. You have both of these opposing forces on your side and are being recognized for the love you are while also receiving the love you want. This month, overall, is about focusing more on the positives in your world and letting your heart have its joy. Before December comes to an end, there is a New Moon in Sagittarius, and this is the perfect opportunity to create the plans you want to see through next year, especially when it comes to your work life, colleagues, business ventures, and health.
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleLEO
The scales of karma are balancing, and they are balancing in your favor this month, Leo. December is your month of truth, and of seeing it clearly in your world. The Sun is in your house of romance, pleasure, and happiness for most of the month, and it’s time to relax, be in the present moment, and allow what is meant to be, to be. With a Supermoon in your 11th house of manifestation as December begins, this is a powerful month for seeing your dreams come to fruition, and for feeling like the intentions you have set this year are finally here for you now.
Mars also moves into your 6th house mid-month, and this is the perfect energy to have to move into the new year. You have extra energy at your disposal right now and are feeling fearless with what is possible for you and your daily routine. Before the month ends, we also have a New Moon in a fellow fire sign, Sagittarius, and this is a breakthrough moment for you and your heart. December, overall, wants to show you how loved and supported you are and will be doing so in magical, unexpected, and concrete ways.
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleVIRGO
December is a month of victory, Virgo. You are showing up and experiencing some new successes in your world that move you forward on your path in life. With a Supermoon in your 10th house of career as we begin the month, the effort and intentions you have made this year come into full bloom, and you are being recognized for who you are and the good work you have done. This month is all about showing up and allowing yourself to be seen and loved, knowing that you deserve the support and opportunities you are receiving.
Mars moves into Capricorn on December 15, which brings the passion and excitement into your love life, hobbies, and little pleasures in life that light you up. You want to have fun this month and are going to be walking into the new year with this fearless, happy, and spontaneous energy within you. Before the month ends, Venus also enters Capricorn, and in this same area of your chart, you have a lot to look forward to and believe in right now. Overall, December wants you to be happy and will be doing everything possible to make that happen for you. This is your month to shine, Virgo.
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleLIBRA
December is a month of opportunity for you, Libra. New doors open, and you are financially making breakthroughs this month because of it. December begins with a Supermoon in your 9th house, and you are getting a clearer view of where you have been making strides in your life and how it has all brought you here to this present moment of freedom. This month is showing you what happens when you are fearless with your purpose and when you believe in yourself and what you are worthy of.
Moving further into December, Mars moves into your 4th house of home and family mid-month, and you are closing out the year in your safe spaces. You are spending more time with your loved ones and taking the time to quiet your mind and listen to what your heart has been telling you. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, happening in an area of your life that deals with communication. This is a great time for getting the answers you have been looking for and for feeling more clear-headed and confident about the decisions you are making as you move into the new year.
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleSCORPIO
Patience is a virtue this month, Scorpio. December is all about remaining patient and vigilant with what you are creating in your world, and knowing that the universe has your back. It’s time to be reminded of the power of hope, and this month is an opening to greater clarity in your life. There is a lot of energy in your financial zones right now, and this is providing you with new opportunities and new insight; however, the speed at which things come about for you may feel daunting. Keep your head up and eyes focused on what you want and know that you are more than worthy of receiving it.
With Mercury in your 2nd house of income this month, December is a good time to plant new seeds and to think about where you want to be financially a month from now or even a year. This month is asking you to think bigger and to think more long-term so that you can set the appropriate plans into motion now. We also have a New Moon in your house of income before the month ends, and this is when you will see more of your dreams come to fruition in this area of your life, and have more opportunities to build. Overall, December will be teaching you a lot, Scorpio.
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleSAGITTARIUS
Sagittarius Season is here, and there is a lot in store for you this month, Sag. December is all about what you are dedicating yourself to. It’s about setting your intentions and putting the work in to back up your dreams, and about getting things in order so that when the new beginnings come, you are ready for them. The Sun and Venus are in your sign for most of this month, and there are a lot of eyes on you right now. You have the potential to create a new beginning for yourself, and it’s time to invest in yourself, your love life, and your dreams.
Mercury moves into Sagittarius on December 11, and this is giving you another opportunity to see through some of the plans that you had initiated in November. Mercury was retrograde in your sign last month, and there may have been some disruptions to your vision and plans for the future, and now this energy is turning around for you. Before the month ends, we also have a New Moon in Sagittarius, and you are walking through new doors fearlessly. You are catching others by surprise by your growth this month, and you are thinking a lot about your purpose, future, and plans for the new year.
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleCAPRICORN
December is all about the vision, Capricorn. You are moving through a lot of changes and transformations this month, yet they are giving you a chance at a new beginning in the process. You are focused more on the future and what goals you want to manifest for yourself right now, and are ready to let go of what hasn’t been working for you. With the Sun in your 12th house of closure for most of December, this is your time for healing, but remember, healing doesn’t have to be isolating or boring; you can thrive while you renew, and you are this month.
Mid-month, the excitement picks up for you, and you are feeling more energized than you have in a while. Mars moves into Capricorn until the end of January 2026, and you are being proactive with your goals, intentions, and passions. You are a force to be reckoned with this month, and you are making things happen for yourself with confidence. Capricorn Season officially begins on December 21 this year, and this is definitely speeding up your healing process. You are breaking free from what was, and with Venus also moving into Capricorn before the month ends, you are leaving this year in high spirits and with love opening a new door for you.
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleAQUARIUS
December is all about community, creativity, and manifestation, Aquarius. This is the month to work together with others to help bring your dreams to life. You are in a space of inspiration, empowerment, and beauty, and are creating more of this energy around you and in your world. Look out for what support comes your way this month and know that you don’t have to do everything alone to succeed. With the Sun in your 11th house of manifestation and friendship, your intentions are coming to fruition, and it’s time to celebrate with the people you love and to own how far you have come this year.
On December 19, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, lighting up your life in all of the best ways possible. This is your New Moon of freedom, victory, and magic, and you are seeing new beginnings appear that you were once just hoping for. Before the month comes to an end, Venus moves into your 12th house of closure, and after an active and successful month, you are ready to relax, heal, and give your heart some of the attention it has been asking for. You are moving into the new year with the need to release and renew what hasn’t been working in your relationships, and you are finally ready to.
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecolePISCES
December is a big month for you, Pisces. You are making some huge accomplishments this month, and are feeling like everything you have been through this year has been worth it for these moments that are coming to fruition for you now. The Sun is in your 10th house of career and reputation for most of the month, and this is where a lot of your focus is right now. You are claiming your successes and putting yourself out there in ways that not only serve you, but that inspire others as well.
Neptune officially goes direct on December 10, after being retrograde in your sign since July, and you are finally seeing things a little more clearly. You are feeling renewed inspiration and passion in your life, and your intuition is your strongest asset right now. Before December comes to an end, we also have a New Moon in your 10th house of career, and what happens now not only changes things for you in the present, but it also opens new doors and what is possible for you in the new year as well. Overall, you are on top of your game this month and are owning the joy and empowerment you feel.
Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
Do You Expect Others To Read Your Mind? Here's The Problem With That.
Omniscience. If someone were to offer you $100 right this second for the definition of that word, could you immediately provide it? If you’re not sure, basically omniscience is about being able to know everything — and to those who believe in God, only he is given that honor. For those who believe in Satan? Not even he is omniscient (as much as he would like people to think otherwise).
Sometimes, it might feel that otherwise because some beings and even people are truly masterful when it comes to reading body language, observing patterns, and picking up on cues. Still, no matter how much it might seem like someone can read someone else’s mind, they can’t. It is literally impossible — and I will briefly expound on that in just a moment.
Oh, but there are plenty of people whose egos have them thinking that they can read someone else’s mind. Then there are others who have fantasies, which create unrealistic expectations that others in their lives actually should read their mind. And you know what — both of these things can cause unnecessary stress, drama, and trauma, if folks aren’t careful.
And that’s why I think it’s important that we unpack this a bit more. Because if you’re someone who thinks that if another person truly cares for you, they should be able to read your mind, it’s time to let that ridiculous yet semi-popular notion absolutely and completely go.
Here’s why.
It’s Scientifically Impossible for Someone to Read Your Mind
There are a couple of reasons why I am starting this off with R&B singer Avant. For one thing, I don’t think that he gets nearly enough flowers and secondly, clearly, this is a more-than-fitting song for today’s topic, wouldn’t you say? Because, lawd, there really is something that makes some of us feel all warm ‘n fuzzy about the mere thought of a man telling us that he is so in tuned with us that he can basically read our mind.
Hmph. Problem with that is, as I said in the intro, it is scientifically impossible (for us and for AI to do, praise the Lord!). And yet the fact that so many individuals think that they defy scientific data and research is oftentimes why there are so many breakdowns in communication — because if you run on assumption (that you can read someone’s mind) without clarification and confirmation, you can create issues that didn’t exist before you decided to fall for your own mind-reading theories.
Now to be fair, while science is still trying to figure out why we can’t read minds, what is sure is that we do have the capability to perceive the thoughts and actions of others if we’re willing to pay really close attention. However, do keep in mind that reading and perceiving are different. Reading? It’s about being able "to apprehend or interpret the meaning of" and "to anticipate, expect, or calculate by observation." Perceiving? It’s all about “to become aware of, know, or identify by means of the senses” and “to recognize, discern, envision, or understand.”
And already, do you see the differences? So much certainty comes with reading while perceiving is about humbling oneself (bookmark that) to not try to know everything but instead to try and understand what is transpiring. And since no one person (or their mind) is ever truly static, that is a huge part of the reason why believing that you can read someone’s mind — no matter how close you may be to them — is futile. You can change your mind on a dime. Others can do the same. Learning to perceive what is going on instead of assuming that you can “read” folks is far more beneficial.
Besides, you might be surprised by a particular demo who thinks that if you are truly who they need you to be, you will read their minds — and boy, once you know who they are, that may cure you of the whole “read your mind” ish…quick, fast and in a hurry.
The Expectation Is Oftentimes Rooted in Egomania
GiphyWhile doing a bit of research on this topic, I thought it was interesting that a particular type of person kept coming up. Can you guess which one? A NARCISSIST. What I kept noticing is a telling sign of a narcissistic individual is they expect others to read their mind.
I must admit that I was caught off guard by that at first because narcissists and their damn egos are so out of control (bookmark that) that it would seem like they would be more focused on acting like they know the thoughts of other people. Here’s the thing, though — the reason why narcissists want others to read their mind is because they want you to do things like guess what they want and need before they ask — and they want that to happen because they believe that they are so damn special that you should put in the extra blood, sweat and tears to figure it all out. Hmph. Now that tracks.
Another reason why narcissists want you to be able to read their mind is so they can manipulate and deflect. Meaning, if you say and do things based on what you thought they wanted you to, should everything crash and burn, they can dodge accountability and blame you for it. Hmm, does reading someone’s mind seem romantic and beautiful now? SMDH.
And again, all of this is tied to ego because, at the end of the day, mind-reading is a form of control and narcissists are definitely very controlling people. And honestly, mind-reading is as well because why do you even want to know someone’s private thoughts before they share them and, at the same time, why would you want someone to have that kind of power in your life either? “Eww” is what immediately comes to my mind. “Yuck” is what follows.
So, why is it that so many people think that it’s a good thing to have someone read their mind — I mean, the ones who don’t show narcissistic tendencies, that is? Good question.
5 Reasons Why Some People Wish Someone Would/Could Read Their Mind
GiphyOkay, so ego and pridefulness aside, what would be some other reasons why people think that it’s such a wonderful thing if someone who they are in some sort of intimate relationship with can read their mind.
1. They are caught up in Disney and rom-coms. One day, I am going to do an article on all of the ways that Disney and rom-coms have destroyed the reality of relationships. For now, I’ll just say that the scripted tales of both have caused a lot of people to think that if someone loves them, they should be able to read their mind. Nooo…if someone loves you, they should care to know what is on your mind. And that brings me to the second point.
2. They aren’t as good at communicating as they think. Are you a good communicator? One way to know if you are is you’re able to clearly articulate your wants and needs — because really, if you are able to do that, why should anyone even need to read your mind? Feel me? Let’s move on.
3. They want someone else to work harder at their relationships than they do. I say it in my sessions often — it’s beyond crazy to think that someone should work harder at figuring out what your wants, needs and expectations are than you are willing to express them. Hmph. It makes me think of a friend of mine who says that “should” is a dangerous word. What she means by that is saying that someone should do or not do something simply because YOU THINK that’s how it “should” go is a surefire way to stay disappointed and even be disillusioned. No, your man shouldn’t just know what you want every year for your birthday. Did you state it? If not, why aren’t you playing fair? Who has time for all of the guessing games and then getting penalized if they guess wrong? Stop it.
4. They think it’s the sign of a healthy relationship (it isn’t). Anyone who knows me knows that I am always and forever going to be Team Healthy over Team Happy and my reason why never changes. Only children expect to live in a world where they are happy all of the time — and yes, there are a lot of childish people out here. People who want their mind read? They tend to live in happy land. Meanwhile, a healthy relationship knows that clear communication, mutual respect, keen listening, patience and understanding that humans make mistakes are foundational to its success.
5. They are lazy. And yes y’all, some people want others to read their mind because they are lazy and it really is just as simple as that. Thing is, while they are being passive aggressive, dropping hints or giving the silent treatment so that you can figure out whatever it is that they…want you to figure out, that tends to take more effort than simply speaking up. Ridiculous, chile.
How to Let the Myth Go
GiphyGee, after reading all of this, suddenly reading minds just seems like a lot of silliness with a sprinkle of drama and potential trauma, doesn’t it? And it’s all because some people choose to treat something that is a myth like it’s a bona fide fact. SMDH.
And what if you happen to be one of those individuals? How do you break free? COMMUNICATE. Openly, clearly and maturely share what’s on your mind and heart because, the true tell of a solid relationship isn’t that someone can read your mind; it’s that they can retain what you’ve already stated.
Less reading. More perceiving. That’s the secret sauce.
And when you accept this for what it is, you will realize that it’s far better for you, your partner and your relationship to stop expecting the impossible and to accept what is actual: that learning your partner, as they strive to do the same thing with you, is better than you both assuming that you know what…maybe you do, maybe you don’t.
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Author Frank Sonnenberg once said, “People can’t hear what you don’t say. Thinking isn’t communicating” — and I think this is a perfect place to bring all of this to a close.
Find the kind of relationship(s) where intention is so strong that mind-reading isn’t even desired.
At the end of the day, it really is as simple as that.
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