Although I've seen a good chunk of the world at this point, unlike a lot of the xoTribe team, travel isn't really my thing. My mother says it's because I'm a writer and heavy thinker who tends to travel a lot in my head. There's probably some truth to that, but the bigger issue is I hate what comes with travel. Packing. Paying hundreds for tickets. Crowded airports. Ugh. But since teleporting isn't something that any of us are able to do, when we want to get somewhere as quickly as possible, airplanes are pretty much our best bet.
If every year, you tell yourself that you aren't going to wait until the last minute to make your travel plans but here you are, with only a few days before the holiday travel season officially begins, no worries. I've got some tips that can make finding flights and traveling in general a lot easier and a heck of a lot less stressful. Consider it an early Christmas present from all of us here at xoNecole—to you.
1. Be Flexible When Booking Flights
I'll be honest. In order to get the best deal, the best time to look for flights is about 6-8 weeks before you need to head out (which means this is the week to book your Christmas ticket, if you can). But, if you're like me and you always tend to wait until the last minute, flexibility is what you need in order to get a good rate. As far as Thanksgiving goes, tickets are usually the cheapest on the Monday prior to Thanksgiving (this year, that would be the 25th), on Thanksgiving (the 28th), or on Black Friday (the 29th). As far as Christmas goes, your best bet is Christmas Eve (the 24th), Christmas Day (the 25th) or the Saturday following Christmas (which on this year is the 28th).
When it comes to other flexibility tips that could save you some coins—be open to mixing and matching airlines (one airline for departing and another for coming back); be willing to not always fly direct (layovers can be annoying, but they are also pretty cost-effective); test out budget carriers like Southwest, Spirit or Frontier (US), Eurowings (Europe) or Swoop (Canada), and look for tickets that leave super early in the morning or really late at night—they are always gonna be cheaper than "standard business hour" tickets.
Oh, and if you're curious about what the worst holiday travel dates are, click here for a breakdown of those. Try and avoid those at all costs.
2. Look for Tickets in Other Currencies
Here's a hack that might trip you out. If you've done your fair share of international traveling before, you probably know that some countries have a strong currency while other countries do not. One way to save money on your flights (especially international ones) is to look for tickets that are listed under a lower currency than the American dollar. For instance, if you want to go to New York for Christmas, check to see what the price would be for a ticket via a site from another country (you can compare currency exchange rates here). While an American airline might list a ticket for $800, an Indonesian or New Zealand version of the same site could list the price for what translates into being half of that in American dollars.
While this isn't an automatic hack, it's certainly worth trying. Just make sure to use a no-foreign-transaction-fee card so that you won't incur a surcharge. Oh, and if you're going with other people, don't look for prices for all of you at once. What I mean by that is, if you search for tickets for three people to travel together, the airline is going to post the highest rate for group tickets; that's why you're better off booking one at a time. Hey, not being able to sit together might suck, but if it saves you a couple of hundred bucks in the process, it's worth it.
3. Use Bubble Wrap, Drinking Straws and Dryer Sheets
If you don't feel like bringing the bulky laptop case that your laptop typically comes in, you can always put your computer in some bubble wrap. You can either put your laptop inside a sturdy bubble wrap envelope or wrap it up yourself; that's one hack. Another? One of the things that really gets on my nerves is trying to travel with jewelry and everything getting all tangled up. One way to keep your necklaces from becoming an entangled mess is to use drinking straws. Run one part of the necklace down the straw and then clasp it to the part that is outside of the straw and—voila! No twisted-up drama. One more thing—while I'm not sure why there isn't any aromatherapy on airplanes, if you're like me and you absolutely hate the smell of planes, you can prevent the stench of them from affecting your clothing by putting some of your favorite-scented dryer sheets into your luggage. Trust me, it works.
4. Get Yourself a Charge Key
Airports have come a long way, as far as charging ports for cell phones go. But if you're someone who always seems to run out of battery life or you're notorious for losing your own charger, it's worth the money to invest in what is known as a charge key. It's the kind of charger that doubles up as a key chain that you can plug in to a USB port (like your laptop) to charge up your cell phone, anywhere, anytime. You can find a cheap tiny one on Amazon here.
5. Make Yourself a Travel-Friendly Care Package
If you already know that it's gonna be a long day of flying, something else that can make your day a lot easier is creating a care package that you can put inside of your carry-on. It can include things like a couple of your favorite snacks; a collapsible water bottle (that you can fill up with water, juice, etc. after going through security); some noise-cancelling headphones; some Advil and/or Dramamine; a travel-size of moisturizer (with a few drops of essential oil in it to make your skin smell amazing) and, some lipstick or lip gloss (never forget that!).
Speaking of carry-ons and luggage in general, if it's time for some new gear, try and go with a color other than black, red or the usual neutrals. Airports are mad busy; you can make it harder for someone to mistake your baggage for theirs if yours happens to be as unique looking as possible.
6. Digitize Your Documents
In a perfect world, nothing would ever get lost or stolen—but that is not the world that we live in. If your wallet or purse happens to go missing, it can be easy to freak out, mostly because you won't have any identification on you. One way to give yourself some peace of mind is to put the numbers to your driver's license, passport and credit cards in your smartphone. As a back-up, also email them to yourself and send them to an emergency contact too—just in case.
7. Create a Cash Decoy
If you're someone who travels with cash, one way to make sure it doesn't get stolen is to have a wallet on your body that is basically empty and to put your money into something like an empty lip balm tube that you can put into your front pants pocket. You might be surprised by how ingenious this little decoy tip actually is, especially in the midst of airport pick-pocketers.
8. Communicate with Your Airline via Social Media
If you're someone who loathes waiting on the phone to connect with an airline about something, hit them up on Twitter instead. It's kind of a trip how little this particular hack is publicized, but if you contact them via their handle or you shout-out a message with their hashtag, you might be amazed by how quickly they're respond to you. The same thing goes for TSA if you happen to have a question prior to going through security.
9. Keep a Pen Handy
Sometimes, it's the little things that can make traveling the easiest. Although most things do transpire electronically these days, it can never hurt to have a pen on hand, just in case you need to write something down. If that "something" happens to be documentation forms as it relates to international travel, while you should still keep a pen close-by, you might want to download the Mobile Passport app. It can actually expedite your entry to a lot of airports and even cruises. (Just make sure to check if it's available in your city before downloading; it's an app that's still growing.)
10. Send Gifts Ahead of You (and Insure Them)
With articles out in cyberspace like "TSA Agents Reportedly Say Body Scanners May Single Out Black Women Because of Their Hair" (SMDH), we women already have enough to contend with while going through security; the last thing that you need is to be held up because you've got too many presents in your hand. During the holiday season, TSA tends to be even stricter, so rather than making the attempt to be a personal Santa who shows up to where you are going with gifts in tow, mail them a couple of days before you leave. Just make sure that you put a return address on them (just in case) and that you also pay a little extra for insurance and delivery confirmation. Otherwise, you can always wait until you arrive to do some last-minute shopping or go the gift card route. Travel safely, y'all.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
Why Every Woman Should Travel Alone At Least Once In Her Life
This Is How To Get The Most Out Of A 4-Day Trip To London
The Holidays Are Still Difficult For Me 16 Years After My Parents' Divorce
10 Packing Hacks You Need Just In Time For Holiday Traveling
Feature image by Shutterstock
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RELATED
Let me start this off by saying that of course, to a certain extent, the answer is subjective because it’s mostly opinion-rather-than-fact driven. However, I personally think that sex is hella impactful, which is why I hope that my personal breakdown will at least cause you to want to think about what you do, who you do it with, and why, more than you may have in the past.
Because although, at the end of the day, the physical aspects of making love, having sex, and f-cking are very similar, you’d be amazed by how drastically different they are in other ways…at the very same time.
Making Love
GiphyBack when I wrote my first book, I wasn’t even 30 at the time and still, one of the things that I said in it is, I pretty much can’t stand the term “make love.” Way back then, I stated that sex between two people who truly love each other and are committed for the long haul, when it comes to what they do in the bedroom, it’s so much more about CELEBRATING love than MAKING it. To make means “to produce” or “to bring into existence;” to celebrate means “to commemorate,” “to perform” or “to have or participate in a party, drinking spree, or uninhibited good time.”
The act of sex, standing alone? It can’t make love happen and honestly, believing otherwise is how a lot of people find themselves getting…got.
What do I mean? Tell me how in the world, you meet a guy, talk to him for a few weeks, don’t even know his middle name or where he was born and yet somehow, you choose to call the first time you have sex with him (under those conditions) “making love.” You don’t love him. You don’t know him well enough to love him. He doesn’t love you either (for the same reason). And yet you’re making love? How sway? Oh, but let that sex be bomb and those oxytocin highs might have you tempted to think that’s what’s happening — and that is emotionally dangerous. And yes, I mean, literally.
If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times before, that one of the reasons why I like that the Bible defines sex between a husband and his wife is by using the word “know” (Genesis 4:1) is because, well, I think that is what celebrating love is all about — we know each other well enough to know that we love each other, we know each other well enough to know that we aren’t going anywhere, and that knowing is what makes us want to celebrate that union by getting as close to one another and bringing as much physical pleasure to each other as we possibly can…as often as absolutely possible.
To me, that is what the peak of physical intimacy is all about — and the people who choose to use the term “make love,” it should be seen through this type of lens. When this type of mental and emotional bond comes together via each other’s bodies, they are amplifying love, enjoying love, embracing love.
Making it, though? Chile, the love has already been made. Sex is just the icing on the cake.
Having Sex
GiphyA few nights ago, I found myself rewatching this movie called Four of Hearts (which you can currently view on yep, you guessed it: Tubi). It’s about two married couples — one that is in an open marriage and another that isn’t although they somehow thought that sharing a night with the other couple would be a good idea (chile). Anyway, as one of the partners found themselves getting low-key sprung, the one they fell for said in one of the scenes, “It wasn’t a connection. It was just sex.” JUST. SEX.
Listen, when you decide to let a man put an entire part of his body inside of you at the risk of potentially getting an STI/STD or pregnant (because no form of birth control is 100 percent except for abstinence), it can never be “just sex” (somebody really needed to hear that too). At the same time, though, I got the character’s point because, if one or both people do not love each other or even deeply care for one another and/or sex is treated as an activity more than an act to establish a worthwhile connection and/or you and the person you are sleeping with have not really discussed what you are expecting from sex besides the act itself — you’re definitely not making/celebrating love.
Not by a long shot. What can make things get a bit complicated, though, is you’re doing the same act that “love makers” do without the same mental and emotional ties…or (sometimes) expectations.
You know, back when I decided to put all of my business out there via the piece “14 Lessons I've Learned From 14 Sex Partners,” now more than ever, I am quite clear that most of those guys fell into the “having sex” category. I wasn’t in the type of relationship with them where “making love” even made sense; however, because I was friends with most of them, we weren’t exactly f-cking (which I will get to in just a moment) either. We had a connection of some sort for the bedroom yet not enough to be together in the other rooms of the house.
We were really attracted and curious, so we decided to act on that. Oftentimes, the sex was good and so we rationalized that “having sex” was enough because if the friendship was, eh, “sound enough”, that we could justify the physical pleasure.
And y’all, that’s kind of what having sex is — it’s the limbo (or purgatory, depending on your situation) between making love and f-cking. The thing about limbo ish is it’s a lot like something being lukewarm: it’s not really one thing or another which means that it can completely blindside you, if you’re not careful (and totally honest with yourself as well as your partner(s)).
So, if you are contemplating having sex, I really — REALLY — recommend that you figure out how you feel, what you want (outside of the act itself) and if you are prepared for what “not quites” can bring. My mother used to say that the consequences of sex don’t change just because the circumstances do — and there is some solid “wow” to that, if you really stop to think about it.
GiphyAnd finally, f-ck. Although most experts on the word (and yes, there are some) agree that its origin is rooted somewhere within the German language (although some say that it might’ve come from Middle English words like fyke or fike which mean “to move about restlessly” or the Norwegian word fukka which means “to copulate”), you might have also heard that it is an acronym that once stood for “Fornication Under Consent of the King”; and there is actually some data that is connected to that as well.
Legend has it that way back in the day, in order to keep reproduction rates where a particular king wanted them to be, he would instruct his residents to have sex with each other — whether they were married or not (hence, the word “fornication” being in the acronym). However, because sex outside of marriage was taken far more seriously at the time, residents had to apply for a permit to participate so that the king could determine if things like their occupation and lineage would prove to be beneficial for the kingdom overall. F-ck: no love; just necessity. And although some believe this to be more myth than fact, what is certain is it was only over time that f-ck was seen as a profane/swear/cuss word — a word that was perceived to be so offensive, in fact, that between the years 1795-1965, it didn’t even appear in dictionaries.
Personally, when I think of this four-letter word, the first thing that actually comes to my mind is animals. Take a dog being in heat, for instance. That’s basically when a female dog is ovulating and wants to have sex the most. It’s not because they are “in love” with another dog; they are simply doing what instinctively comes to them — and since animals do not reason or feel at the same capacity that humans do, although they science says that many of them do experience pleasure when they engage in their version of sexual activity, it’s not nearly as layered or even profound as what we experience.
Let’s keep going. Another reason why f-cking makes me think of animals is due to the doggy style position. Hear me out. Ain’t it wild how, most of us pretty much know that the term comes from how dogs have sex, even though most animals have sex that same way — and think about it: Doggy style doesn’t consist of making eye contact or kissing while having intercourse. It’s “hitting from behind” without much emotional energy or effort at all. Just how animals do it. And so, yeah, f-cking does seem to be more about pure animal — or in our case, mammal — instinct. I don’t need to feel anything for someone, so long as the sexual desire is there. Hmph.
Something else that I find to be interesting about f-cking is how dictionaries choose to define it. Many of them are going to provide you with two definitions: “to have sexual intercourse with” and “to treat unfairly or harshly (usually followed by over)” and that definitely makes me think of another term — casual sex and words that define casual like apathetic, careless and without serious or definite intention. So, the dictionary says that while f-cking is about having sexual intercourse — just like making love and having sex is — it goes a step further and says that it can include being treated unfairly or harshly.
And although that can make you think of assault on the surface, for sure — sometimes being treated unfairly or harshly is simply feeling like someone had sex AT you and not really WITH you; instinct (i.e., getting off) and that’s about it. Yeah, the way this puzzle is coming together, f-cking seems to be more about lust and self and not much else.
Now That You Know the Difference, What to Keep in Mind
Y’all, this is definitely the kind of topic that I could expound on until each and every cow comes home. That said, here’s hoping that I provided enough perspective on each act to close this out by encouraging you to keep the following three things to keep in mind:
1. Before you engage in copulation, be honest with yourself about what you’re ACTUALLY doing — and that your partner agrees with you. You know, they say that our brain is our biggest sex organ and honestly, breaking down the differences between making love, having sex and f-cking helps to prove that fact. I say that because, although the sex act itself is pretty much the same across the board, you and your partner’s mindset can make the experience completely different. That said, if you think that you are making love and they think y’all are just having sex — stuff can get pretty dicey. Bottom line: communicate in the bedroom before attempting to connect outside of it. It’s always worth it when you do.
2. Yes, you can feel one way and do something else. I can just about guess what some of y’all are on: Shellie, we can love our partner and still just want to f-ck. If what you are saying is you can emotionally love someone and physically lust them and want to act sometimes on the lust without really factoring in the love — yes, I agree. Doggy style continues to be a favorite sex position for people, in general, and I’m more than confident that many of the participants polled are in a serious relationship. However, having lust-filled sex with someone who you know loves you is vastly different than doing it with someone who you have no clue what they think about you or you barely know at all. Y’all, please just make sure that you know…what you should know. Sex is too amazing to have a lot of regret after it.
3. Have realistic expectations about sex. Listen, so much of my life consists of writing and talking about sex that I will be the first one to say that it deserves a ton of props for what it is able to do, in a wonderful way, for people mentally, emotionally and physically. Yet again, I’m not a fan of “make love” because something that feels really good doesn’t always mean that it is good for you. Meaning, you’ve got to be real about what sex with someone will do to your mind and spirit — not just what it will do for your body. An author by the name of Gabriel García Márquez once said, “Sex is the consolation you have when you can't have love.” For no one, should this be a constant norm. Feel me? I hope you do.
____
One act. Three very different experiences.
It’s kind of wild that sex has the ability to create that — and yet, clearly, it does.
Please just make sure that you know which experience you’re signing up for.
So that you’re having sex (you know, in general) instead of sex having you. Real talk.
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Featured image by Giphy