Although I've seen a good chunk of the world at this point, unlike a lot of the xoTribe team, travel isn't really my thing. My mother says it's because I'm a writer and heavy thinker who tends to travel a lot in my head. There's probably some truth to that, but the bigger issue is I hate what comes with travel. Packing. Paying hundreds for tickets. Crowded airports. Ugh. But since teleporting isn't something that any of us are able to do, when we want to get somewhere as quickly as possible, airplanes are pretty much our best bet.
If every year, you tell yourself that you aren't going to wait until the last minute to make your travel plans but here you are, with only a few days before the holiday travel season officially begins, no worries. I've got some tips that can make finding flights and traveling in general a lot easier and a heck of a lot less stressful. Consider it an early Christmas present from all of us here at xoNecole—to you.
1. Be Flexible When Booking Flights
I'll be honest. In order to get the best deal, the best time to look for flights is about 6-8 weeks before you need to head out (which means this is the week to book your Christmas ticket, if you can). But, if you're like me and you always tend to wait until the last minute, flexibility is what you need in order to get a good rate. As far as Thanksgiving goes, tickets are usually the cheapest on the Monday prior to Thanksgiving (this year, that would be the 25th), on Thanksgiving (the 28th), or on Black Friday (the 29th). As far as Christmas goes, your best bet is Christmas Eve (the 24th), Christmas Day (the 25th) or the Saturday following Christmas (which on this year is the 28th).
When it comes to other flexibility tips that could save you some coins—be open to mixing and matching airlines (one airline for departing and another for coming back); be willing to not always fly direct (layovers can be annoying, but they are also pretty cost-effective); test out budget carriers like Southwest, Spirit or Frontier (US), Eurowings (Europe) or Swoop (Canada), and look for tickets that leave super early in the morning or really late at night—they are always gonna be cheaper than "standard business hour" tickets.
Oh, and if you're curious about what the worst holiday travel dates are, click here for a breakdown of those. Try and avoid those at all costs.
2. Look for Tickets in Other Currencies
Here's a hack that might trip you out. If you've done your fair share of international traveling before, you probably know that some countries have a strong currency while other countries do not. One way to save money on your flights (especially international ones) is to look for tickets that are listed under a lower currency than the American dollar. For instance, if you want to go to New York for Christmas, check to see what the price would be for a ticket via a site from another country (you can compare currency exchange rates here). While an American airline might list a ticket for $800, an Indonesian or New Zealand version of the same site could list the price for what translates into being half of that in American dollars.
While this isn't an automatic hack, it's certainly worth trying. Just make sure to use a no-foreign-transaction-fee card so that you won't incur a surcharge. Oh, and if you're going with other people, don't look for prices for all of you at once. What I mean by that is, if you search for tickets for three people to travel together, the airline is going to post the highest rate for group tickets; that's why you're better off booking one at a time. Hey, not being able to sit together might suck, but if it saves you a couple of hundred bucks in the process, it's worth it.
3. Use Bubble Wrap, Drinking Straws and Dryer Sheets
If you don't feel like bringing the bulky laptop case that your laptop typically comes in, you can always put your computer in some bubble wrap. You can either put your laptop inside a sturdy bubble wrap envelope or wrap it up yourself; that's one hack. Another? One of the things that really gets on my nerves is trying to travel with jewelry and everything getting all tangled up. One way to keep your necklaces from becoming an entangled mess is to use drinking straws. Run one part of the necklace down the straw and then clasp it to the part that is outside of the straw and—voila! No twisted-up drama. One more thing—while I'm not sure why there isn't any aromatherapy on airplanes, if you're like me and you absolutely hate the smell of planes, you can prevent the stench of them from affecting your clothing by putting some of your favorite-scented dryer sheets into your luggage. Trust me, it works.
4. Get Yourself a Charge Key
Airports have come a long way, as far as charging ports for cell phones go. But if you're someone who always seems to run out of battery life or you're notorious for losing your own charger, it's worth the money to invest in what is known as a charge key. It's the kind of charger that doubles up as a key chain that you can plug in to a USB port (like your laptop) to charge up your cell phone, anywhere, anytime. You can find a cheap tiny one on Amazon here.
5. Make Yourself a Travel-Friendly Care Package
If you already know that it's gonna be a long day of flying, something else that can make your day a lot easier is creating a care package that you can put inside of your carry-on. It can include things like a couple of your favorite snacks; a collapsible water bottle (that you can fill up with water, juice, etc. after going through security); some noise-cancelling headphones; some Advil and/or Dramamine; a travel-size of moisturizer (with a few drops of essential oil in it to make your skin smell amazing) and, some lipstick or lip gloss (never forget that!).
Speaking of carry-ons and luggage in general, if it's time for some new gear, try and go with a color other than black, red or the usual neutrals. Airports are mad busy; you can make it harder for someone to mistake your baggage for theirs if yours happens to be as unique looking as possible.
6. Digitize Your Documents
In a perfect world, nothing would ever get lost or stolen—but that is not the world that we live in. If your wallet or purse happens to go missing, it can be easy to freak out, mostly because you won't have any identification on you. One way to give yourself some peace of mind is to put the numbers to your driver's license, passport and credit cards in your smartphone. As a back-up, also email them to yourself and send them to an emergency contact too—just in case.
7. Create a Cash Decoy
If you're someone who travels with cash, one way to make sure it doesn't get stolen is to have a wallet on your body that is basically empty and to put your money into something like an empty lip balm tube that you can put into your front pants pocket. You might be surprised by how ingenious this little decoy tip actually is, especially in the midst of airport pick-pocketers.
8. Communicate with Your Airline via Social Media
If you're someone who loathes waiting on the phone to connect with an airline about something, hit them up on Twitter instead. It's kind of a trip how little this particular hack is publicized, but if you contact them via their handle or you shout-out a message with their hashtag, you might be amazed by how quickly they're respond to you. The same thing goes for TSA if you happen to have a question prior to going through security.
9. Keep a Pen Handy
Sometimes, it's the little things that can make traveling the easiest. Although most things do transpire electronically these days, it can never hurt to have a pen on hand, just in case you need to write something down. If that "something" happens to be documentation forms as it relates to international travel, while you should still keep a pen close-by, you might want to download the Mobile Passport app. It can actually expedite your entry to a lot of airports and even cruises. (Just make sure to check if it's available in your city before downloading; it's an app that's still growing.)
10. Send Gifts Ahead of You (and Insure Them)
With articles out in cyberspace like "TSA Agents Reportedly Say Body Scanners May Single Out Black Women Because of Their Hair" (SMDH), we women already have enough to contend with while going through security; the last thing that you need is to be held up because you've got too many presents in your hand. During the holiday season, TSA tends to be even stricter, so rather than making the attempt to be a personal Santa who shows up to where you are going with gifts in tow, mail them a couple of days before you leave. Just make sure that you put a return address on them (just in case) and that you also pay a little extra for insurance and delivery confirmation. Otherwise, you can always wait until you arrive to do some last-minute shopping or go the gift card route. Travel safely, y'all.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
Why Every Woman Should Travel Alone At Least Once In Her Life
This Is How To Get The Most Out Of A 4-Day Trip To London
The Holidays Are Still Difficult For Me 16 Years After My Parents' Divorce
10 Packing Hacks You Need Just In Time For Holiday Traveling
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In an xoNecole exclusive, the mom of two opened up about many things, including starting her wellness journey at 13 years old. However, a near-death experience during a procedure at 20 made her start taking her health more seriously.
“There's so many different levels, and now, I'm in a space of just integrating all of this good stuff that I've learned just about just being human, you know?” Dreka tells us. “So it's also fun because it's like a journey of self-discovery and self-mastery. That's what I call it. So it's never-ending.”
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If you follow Dreka, then you’re familiar with her holistic lifestyle, as she’s no stranger to promoting wellness, self-care, and holistic living. She even lives part-time on a Mississippi farm, not far from her grandmother and great-grandmother’s farm, where she spent some summers as a child.
While her grandmother and great-grandmother have passed on, Dreka reflects on that time in her life and how having a farm as an adult is her getting back to her roots. “So the farm was purchased back in 2017, and it was like, ah, that'll just be a place where we go when we're not touring or whatever,” she said.
“But COVID hit, and I was there, and I was on the land, and I just started remembering back to going to my grandmother's during the summertime and freaking picking peas and going and eating mulberries off the freaking tree in the bushes.
“And she literally had cotton plants. I know some people feel weird about picking cotton and stuff. She had cotton plants and I would go and pick cotton out of her garden. And she had chickens, and I literally just broke down in tears one day when I was on the farm just doing all the things, and I'm like, ‘Oh my gosh. I'm literally getting back to my roots.”
"I literally just broke down in tears one day when I was on the farm just doing all the things, and I'm like, ‘Oh my gosh. I'm literally getting back to my roots."
You can catch glimpses of Dreka’s farm life on Instagram, which shows her picking fruit and vegetables and loving on her animals like her camel Eessa. Her passion for growing and cultivating led her to try and grow all of her ingredients for her wellness brand, Dreka Wellness. However, she quickly realized that she might be biting off more than she could chew. But that didn’t stop her from fulfilling her vision.
Watch below as Dreka talks more about her business, her wellness tips, breaking toxic cycles, becoming a doula, and more.
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As far as the dating apps that led to some type of long-term success, a survey from The Knot says that Hinge leads the pack (with 35 percent) followed by Tinder (with 25 percent). Then, if you take into account a Lovehoney survey of 2000 people, which revealed that 60 percent of men and 42 percent of women have admitted to having sex on the first date — uh-huh, now do you see why a piece like this is both relevant and necessary?
Virtual dating isn’t going anywhere any time soon, and although “first date sex” used to be somewhat taboo, clearly, that isn’t even close to being the case anymore. So, since both are a big part of our culture, let’s explore how to approach merging the two (if you’ve been wondering if you should…that is).
What’s the Purpose/Agenda of a First Date?
GiphyOkay, so let’s start by laying a bit of foundation because, personally, I am a big believer that when we don’t know the purpose of something, it’s almost guaranteed that on some level and in some way, we are going to either misuse or abuse it — dating is no exception. And what’s the purpose of a first date?
To get to know if there is more of a connection than just an initial attraction or surface-level chemistry (check out “What's The Difference Between Chemistry And Compatibility?”). And honestly, that’s why all of the social media debates about women expecting a $200 date off the rip and men expecting sex in return if that does indeed go down are nothing short of nauseating to me. ON BOTH SIDES, all it sounds like is a transactional hustle.
Nothing about that type of motive says, “I’m trying to see if there is something real here;” both are about nothing more than how much juice is in the squeeze (and that’s putting it politely — SMDH).
Although there are dozens of reasons why I think dating has become so chaotic for a lot of people these days, here are two of the main ones as it relates to this article in particular:
1) More people need to remember what author M. Scott Peck once said, "Until you value yourself, you won't value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it." When it comes to first dates, specifically, that’s why I don’t get what all of the drama is behind coffee dates. While TikTok is telling you that agreeing to those means that you are settling, if you value your time, you absolutely aren’t — especially if there have been no real conversations prior to the initial meet-up.
A coffee date or drinks after work doesn’t say, “He’s cheap,” so much as, “If there’s something here, then we can build on that. If there’s not, you got 30 minutes of my time; no harm, no foul.” Time is something that you can never get back, so why waste it? Besides, if you feel the need to brag about going on an expensive dinner, go out with some of your girls, and y’all split the tab.
At least you’ll know that you’re going to have a good time because you actually know those people (by the way, if that triggers you, that already reveals a lot, as far as your motives are concerned). No one should need a date to validate them — especially a first date. If they do, there’s some stuff going on that a date, a man nor a relationship is going to fix (just sayin’).
2) Talk to the long-term couples who are 50+ (if they’re 50, that now means they were in college in the early 90s, by the way). Ask them about what dating was like when they were younger and single. I’m wiling to bet that, for one thing, expensive ass first dates weren’t even on their radar, and two, it was rare that they went out with someone before talking to them, at least a couple of times on the phone.
Yep, as semi-antiquated as it may sound in the world that we live in now, it was pretty standard that if you saw a stranger who caught your attention, you would get their number, talk on the phone to see how the two of you vibe and then some successful conversations down the line, if you both believed that something was there between the two of you, you would mutually decide to go on a date.
And because some type of foundation was already laid, if the first date did end up going beyond just coffee or drinks, it was because the two of you had already invested time — you already knew that you wanted more. And honestly, to me, that is one of the benefits of virtual dating or talking on the phone for a couple of weeks before going on a first date — you can actually get to know someone…beyond what you can get out of them.
“Sex on the First Date” Has Levels to It
GiphyAnd when you take into account all of what I just said, it seems to me that there are two kinds of “sex on the first date” scenarios that should be pondered. One is the kind where you meet someone, text each other about a place to meet up, get to know each other for 1-2 hours max, and then go back to somebody’s place to get it in. The other is when you meet someone and, whether online or by phone, you both decide to ease into things by talking first…for a while. Then, after an awesome first date, sex comes naturally to both of you.
And how long is a while? I mean, because this platform is for women — until you feel safe. Until you have asked the kind of questions that make you feel like you want to spend more time with him on a deeper level. Until you get that his intentions aren’t just shallow…or physical. Until you know that you aren’t just attracted to him — you know that there are things about his personality and character that you actually like. Until you want to go on a first date.
And unless the two of you are talking for 2-3 hours a day, every day, for a week straight, you can’t really come to this kind of conclusion in record time. It may take a few weeks or even a few months — and that is perfectly fine. Someone who wants to know you for you is going to be okay with communication being set as the foundation of the relationship that the two of you are potentially building anyway, so…by the time that you both decide to meet up for a first date, it will be the icing on the cake.
And, because you actually like him for him, the kind of date that he plans, you won’t be grading it based on nothing more than the price tag; it’s a win for all parties involved.
Okay, so if you do decide to go the route of a “slow build,” you do take your time before a first date, and then you do decide to have sex with him — does it constitute as “first date sex”? I mean, technically, probably. However, the reputation of first-date sex is someone is getting to know everything about you (you know what I mean) without knowing much about you at all. On the other hand, when you opt to communicate for some time before a first date (and the sex that follows), it’s not so casual…and yes, that makes it — different.
3 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Sleeping with Anyone New
GiphyNow that I hope I’ve brought some peace of mind to if it’s a standard “sex on the first date” type of situation if you’ve been virtually hanging out with someone for a while, let’s talk about some of the main things that you should consider before having sex with anyone who you are beginning to interact with on a physical level.
What is the energy like?
One day, I’m going to write about how true it is that energy is exchanged during sex. A big part of the reason is that we are sources of energy — and honestly, the kind of energy that you experience with someone when you’re not in their physical presence vs. when you actually are? It tends to be quite different.
Therefore, it’s a good idea to intentionally “tap in” to see what kind of vibes are exchanged when you’re around each other before deciding to take it there because there is a possibility that how you feel about someone in person may be different than how you do online or over the phone.
What type of sexual accountability conversations have you had?
One of the biggest mistakes that people make is thinking that real life is a soap opera or a rom-com — for instance, you can have sex, and there be no real consequences. Chile, please.
Don’t ever put yourself in the position where you think that the two of you connect so well that you shouldn’t talk about how often you both get tested, what your approaches are to birth control, what your sexual deal-breakers are, and what your sexual expectations may be.
And listen, if all of this seems like too much for a first date, then you already have your answer about if you should have sex after the first date…RIGHT? Because how is it that you don’t want to get into his mind, yet you’re okay with him getting inside of you? Nope. Uh-uh. Nada.
What would sex on the first date accomplish?
Back when I used to mentor teen moms in public schools here in Nashville, I would always call them out whenever they told me that unprotected sex “just happened.” NO. IT. DOES. NOT. There are so many steps involved, from calling the person, setting up a plan, meeting up, pulling off clothes, etc. — all of us have plenty of opportunities to rethink what we are doing. Same goes for first-date sex.
Listen, no matter how much you are feeling the guy from communicating before the date and even more once you meet him, take the time to ask yourself, “What will sex right now accomplish?” An accomplishment is something that brings about credibility. An accomplishment is something that makes you feel fulfilled. An accomplishment is something that causes you to believe that you achieved something great.
That said, if all you’re after is a good time and maybe an orgasm, perhaps sex on the first date will be an accomplishment for you. However, if after starting off solid with this new guy, if you’re not sure what sex will accomplish, in the grand scheme of things, pause until you know. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that — and the right guy for you will agree.
____
Bottom line, if it’s a first real date and you do have sex after it, yes — you just had sex on a first date. Although, when there has been a foundation built prior to it, via healthy communication…it’s less risky and something that you (typically) can feel more confident about — especially if you take all of what I just said into (serious) account.
Sis, when it comes to giving any of yourself to someone new — online or not — please make sure that you do.
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