Now that the summer season is officially here, hopefully, you’ve got some plans that will have you traveling more often and/or hanging out by some water and/or spending time with friends in the great outdoors. And while it’s always a great time when you can pull out your distressed jean shorts, super cute sandals, and big ass straw hats, let’s not act like the heat ain’t a mutha while the thought of putting on anything more than what is absolutely necessary is stressful as hell.
Especially when it comes to wearing makeup. When it’s hot ‘n sticky, who wants to have on a full face of stuff? The dilemma is, when you want to still look cute, how do you figure out what will give you a made-up face without you having to go through the drama of it feeling heavy on your skin or, worse, melting off due to the extreme heat?
If that’s what’s been crossing your mind lately, I hear you, and I’ve got you. During the season when less really is more as far as cosmetics go, here are some things that you can apply that will give you a makeup face without overdoing it in the process.
Rosemary Oil
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To anyone who will listen, if there is one skincare product that I will shout out for the rest of my life, it’s rosemary oil (well, that and sulfur soap). When it comes to helping to heal and prevent acne, keeping my skin hydrated, and giving my skin a natural glow, rosemary oil is that one. Not only that, but some skin experts say that it also helps to reduce inflammation, get rid of dark circles underneath the eyes, and soften the appearance of cellulite too.
Personally, I don’t use foundation, so I’ll just put on some rosemary oil and head on out the door. Yet even if you do, if you’re looking for a moisturizer that’s a great primer for your skin as well as the makeup you plan to apply to it or if you want an overnight oil so that your skin will be soft and smooth, the following morning, look no further than rosemary oil for your face and neck (don’t forget your neck, chile). You will not have one regret. Straight up.
Tinted Moisturizer
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If the main thing that stresses you out when it comes to wearing makeup in the heat is you don’t want it to smear or look “caked on,” or you would prefer a much sheerer and natural-looking end result, have you ever tried tinted moisturizer before? If not, it’s just what it sounds like, and the cool thing is, it can provide you with a bit of coverage without you looking like you have a full face of makeup on. Plus, it tends to offer a natural glow that works really well during the daytime hours.
Another awesome thing about this option is some tinted moisturizers come with SPF (sunscreen) already in them — and yes, this is a good thing because we melanated women need that kind of skin protection too (check out “Here Are 10 Black Girl-Friendly Sunscreens That Will Keep You Glowing This Spring”). By the way, Allure did you a solid by publishing “The 15 Best Tinted Moisturizers With Sunscreen That Smooth and Protect Skin.” It’s worth a skim when you get a chance.
Bronzer
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Back when I was shifting out of wearing foundation, something that worked like an absolute charm was bronzer. It gave me enough coverage to camouflage any blemishes that I wanted to smooth out while making my skin appear absolutely radiant at the same time. In fact, the only thing that I wasn’t super fond of when it came to bronzer was, I had to be careful not to get it on my clothes (or someone else's when I hugged them). But if you’re looking for something that will complement your skin, immaculately so, whenever you’re out in the summer sun, bronzer is what you’ve been looking for all of your life.
Another bonus with bronzer is it’s something that you can make yourself from the comfort and convenience of your own home; that way, you can be in complete control of the ingredients that you end up putting on your face (and possibly other parts of your body). If you want to go the all-natural route, a recipe is here. If you want to try a hack that combines a powder bronzer with a liquid primer, the YouTube video is here.
Eyebrow Gel
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At the time that I’m writing this, I am two days out from an eyebrow wax appointment. Something that I just shared with my waxer is how wild is it that your face can look like it’s been made up just by taming your brows — especially professionally. Well, something that can keep your eyebrows looking on point in between appointments is eyebrow gel. If you’re curious about which ones can withstand the summer heat, check out Byrdie’s article, “The 11 Best Eyebrow Hold Gels of 2023, Tested & Reviewed.”
Waterproof Mascara
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Recently, someone asked me if my eyelashes were real, and I didn’t know whether to be flattered or slightly triggered. LOL. The answer is “yes.” I was blessed with naturally long lashes; however, when I want them to be a bit thicker, I will apply some Jamaican black castor oil on them at night and then apply 2-3 coats (make sure to let them dry in between) of mascara during the day. Not any mascara either; it needs to be as black as black can get; plus, it needs to be waterproof. That way, I don’t have to worry about sweat causing them to smear.
Just make sure that you wash that stuff off before turning in at night. Some formulas are super thick and can actually cause your lashes to break if you’re not careful.
Lip Liner
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While perusing through Sephora not too long ago in search of a particular lip liner that I wanted, you should’ve seen the look on my face when an associate shared that lip liners are slowly being faded out. What in the world? Personally, I’m always gonna be a fan because, not only do they help to give my full lips some nice definition, but lip liners also help to keep lipstick in place for a longer period of time.
Personally, I don’t even wear lipstick that much, especially during the summer season. What I will do instead is line my lips with a liner and then fill them in with lip gloss. It gives a shearer look that still “pops.” Plus, I can enjoy my popsicles ‘n stuff in peace because, since all I had on was lip gloss, to begin with, I don’t have to worry about losing color while eating or drinking anything. Yeah, lip liners are bomb. Always have been, always will be.
Sparkling Lip Gloss
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Speaking of lip gloss, aside from the fact that it helps your lips to look (and feel) nice and hydrated, one of my (other) favorite things about it is it can keep your lips looking fuller and sexier from day into the night; especially if you get the kind that has some sort of glitter in it (perhaps like this one here or here). The way that this particular kind of lip gloss shimmers in the summer sun and by candlelight is truly unmatched — I can personally attest to that.
Shoot, you can even make your own sparkling gloss by adding some cosmetic glitter to a container of gloss that you’ve got. Or if you really wanna be a boss with yours, make your lip gloss totally from scratch. The YouTube videos here, here, and here can walk you through how to make that go down. Or, if you want to go the totally natural route, Kimspired DIY has a recipe that can get you right here.
DIY Shimmer Lotion
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Even though we’re mostly talking about makeup, because there is nothing more alluring than gorgeous skin, I did think it was important to give the rest of your body a bit of a shout-out too — and this is where shimmering body lotion comes in. Not only will it cause your skin to glow, but it also has a way of minimizing the appearance of blemishes as well. So, if body acne (or the scars that it can sometimes leave behind) is something that you’re worried about this summer, why not make a batch of your own shimmer lotion (or oil)? Some YouTube shorts that will show you how to DIY it are located here and here.
Bomb Ass Frames
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Okay, so what about the days when you honestly don’t want to do a damn thing? You’d be amazed what a pair of some bomb ass shades will do for you. Then all you’ve got to do is make sure your eyebrows are groomed, that you curl your lashes, that you put something on those lips of yours and you’re basically all set.
For the record, even eyeglasses have trends. According to InStyle, round frames, wired rims, and an upgraded cat-eye are all the rage right now. So are clear frames. Meanwhile, StyleCaster shouts out oversized frames and sporty wrap frames as far as trendy sunglasses go.
BONUS: Matte Makeup
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So, what if you’ve got a (pardon the pun) hot date coming up, and you want to apply some makeup, yet you just don’t want to pile it on? Your best bet would be to go with something that gives you a matte finish. That’s because matte is designed in a way that will help to absorb more sweat and oil. Plus, it helps to give your skin a smooth and even complexion. Just make sure to not overdo it by going all-matte. Mix things up a bit by avoiding a matte lipstick (go with a glossy finish instead) or adding some glitter eyeshadow…or the kind that is actually my next suggestion.
BONUS: Cream Eyeshadow
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Since it appears that white and pastel eyeshadows are trending big time this year, you definitely should get some cream eyeshadow if ramping up your eyes is totally your thing. The reason why cream eyeshadows are dope during the summer season is that they tend to not crease up and also last much longer — both are good to know since humidity likes to make makeup evaporate, often at the most inopportune moments.
For the record, one of the best things about cream eyeshadow is that it goes on pretty smoothly, even with your fingertips, so if you need to do quick touch-ups while you’re out at the beach, all you need is to pull out a compact from your big straw purse, and you’re good to go.
BONUS: Blotting Pampers
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For the love of all things summer and sane, definitely make sure to have some blotting papers in your possession. More than anything, they’re specifically designed to absorb excess oil. However, another bonus is, since many of them contain salicylic acid, using blotting papers on a consistent basis can also help to keep your pores clear, which can reduce the chances of you experiencing breakouts which is also a major win. Just make sure to go with eco-friendly ones if you can; they are biodegradable, which makes them good for the environment too. Now get out there and be gorgeous and great!
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While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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Thinking about them kinda-sorta inspired this piece because they caused me to reflect on the times when some of my clients have come to me, semi-freaking out, and it was because their thoughts about someone had gone beyond “Hey, she’s pretty” or “Hey, he looks good.” Instead, they were starting to fantasize about certain folks, and they weren’t sure what to do about it, especially when some of those fantasies were transpiring while they were engaging in sex with someone else.
You know, it’s been reported that somewhere around 50 percent of people do indeed have fantasies about other people while having sex with another person. And that is definitely a high enough number to tackle some things about the topic here.
If you’re someone who fantasizes about other individuals, especially sexually, here’s some intel into why that could be the case, along with when it gets to the point and place where you might want to consider actually doing something about it.
What’s a Fantasy and What Exactly Causes Them?
GiphyWhenever you think of the word “fantasy,” what immediately comes to your mind?
Personally, what I find to be interesting is the fact that the dictionary says that there are actually a lot of things that can be considered a fantasy: your imagination, hallucinations, visions, ingenious inventions, illusions — I mean, there is even a genre of fiction that falls into the fantasy category. However, when it comes to what we’re going to discuss today, a psychological term for fantasy is “an imagined or conjured up sequence fulfilling a psychological need; daydream.”
And yes, before we get to the end of all of this, that definition is going to answer quite a few questions as it pertains to the topic of this particular piece. But first, more about the origin story of fantasies.
Apparently famed neurologist, Sigmund Freud spent some time analyzing fantasies and came to the conclusion that, more than anything else, a fantasy represents something that is either a suppressed urge or desire and when you stop to think about what you imagine, what your visions are, what you may long to invent — that certainly tracks. However, something that you should also keep in mind about fantasies is that, oftentimes, they are rooted in few boundaries and can even go well beyond what is considered to be reality (which is something that is based on facts and truth).
Oh, something else that needs to be kept in mind about fantasies is that they are typically relied on as a mental form of escape from something or someone (bookmark that).
And now that fantasies are more clearly defined, if your immediate question is, “Is it wrong to fantasize?” — no, I certainly don’t think that. What I do believe, based on what a fantasy is, though, is if you are fantasizing a lot about a particular person, place, thing or idea, it would be a good idea to ponder why that is the case — why is that a suppressed desire for you, why are you using that as a mental escape and perhaps, the most important question of all, does your fantasy come with any limits?
Now let’s build on top of this…
Now What Causes Folks to Fantasize About Other People?
GiphyAs I was doing more research on the topic of fantasies, I came across an article entitled, “What Happens In Our Brains When We Fantasize About Someone.” The author of it started the piece out by talking about a cool connection that she made with someone on a plane, only for her to find herself fantasizing about him once they parted ways. As she went deeper into her story, she mentioned a word that definitely needs to be shared here: heuristics.
If you’re not familiar with it, heuristics is simply a mental shortcut. For instance, if you find yourself needing to make a quick decision (check out “Before You Make A Life-Altering Decision, Read This.”), you may rely on heuristics to do it (even if it’s subconsciously). The challenge with that is oftentimes heuristics will only provide you with a limited amount of data and information, and relying only on that could cause you to not make the best choice, if you’re not careful. And boy, when heuristics jump into your fantasy space — well, something that immediately comes to my mind is celebrity culture.
Ain’t it wild how people will be on social media, speaking so confidently, about someone—or someone’s relationship—as if they personally know them (when they absolutely don’t)? I mean, just because someone is attractive or you’ve seen them carry themselves well in an interview or two, that doesn’t automatically mean that they are the ideal person or that they are someone to set your own dating standards by. If you’re not careful, though, heuristics and fantasies may encourage you to think otherwise.
That’s because the combo will try and get your brain to jump to all sorts of conclusions and, if you don’t keep that in check, it could result in you making premature, counterproductive, or even straight-up reckless decisions — because remember, a fantasy tends to be about suppressing an urge or desire.
Honestly, whether you are in a relationship or not, if you are fantasizing about a particular individual, understanding why you are doing that should definitely be explored.
However, if you are with someone and you’re fantasizing about someone else, you really shouldn’t ignore what is transpiring because, although by definition, there’s a good chance that whatever and whomever you are fantasizing about will never come to pass, the fact that it’s taking up some of your mental and emotional space, that needs to be acknowledged. Because if there is something that you want or need, and you seem to believe that your fantasies are better at supplying that for you than the reality of your relationship, why is that?
Let’s keep going…
What Does (or Could) It Mean If You Fantasize About Someone Else During Sex?
GiphyIt’s pretty common that a random song will come to mind whenever I’m writing an article. Today? It was Guy’s “My Fantasy.” Then a sitcom did — King of Queens, and the episode when Doug and Carrie were talking about his sexual fantasies. The song is about images that the fellas randomly have about beautiful women. The episode was about Carrie wanting to dictate to Doug what and whom he could fantasize about because some of his sexual fantasies made her feel uncomfortable or intimidated.
And both of these are a pretty solid intro into whether there is something wrong with sexually fantasizing about someone, especially while having sex with someone else. Well, before getting into all of that, I think another article that I read on the topic brings up a pretty good point — that it’s important to think about where your fantasies are coming from: your imagination, things you see on social media, porn that you may have watched, people who you actually know…and if it’s the latter, is it someone from your past or someone from your present?
Yeah, knowing the source of your fantasies can definitely help you to understand how “deep” into your fantasies you might be.
What I mean by that is, seeing a beautiful man one time and randomly thinking about what it would be like to have sex with him on some beach vacation is quite different than constantly thinking about your ex, the sex you used to have with him and then fantasizing about it For one thing, the beautiful guy, you will probably never have access to. That ex, though? Well, at the very least, that is a bit more realistic, right?
Then there’s the fact that, again, a fantasy is a suppressed urge or desire. When it comes to the beautiful man, is it his looks that you long for, or is it something deeper? And that ex of yours? Lawd, now why, when you have your own man in your own bed, is your ex “scratching some sort of itch”? Because we all know what they say — “he’s your ex for a reason,” so why is he creeping up into your intimacy space now that the relationship is over? Is something unresolved?
Are there sexual needs that he met that your current partner isn’t (check out “You Love Him. You Prefer Sex With Your Ex. What Should You Do?”)? Is something currently transpiring in your current relationship that you are using fantasies about your ex to escape from?
You see, although when it comes to the topic of fantasizing about others when you’re having sex with someone else might seem like the a cut-and-dried, “Don’t do it, end of discussion” — as someone who works with couples for a living, I think the bigger concern isn’t if another guy comes into your mind during sex with your partner…it’s more about WHY is that happening to begin with. Because if you need to escape from where you are, if you can’t be present with your partner, something is definitely up.
When Should You Be Concerned About the Fantasies You Are Having?
GiphyDuring the last several months of breaking up (because we all know that sometimes breaking up is a process) with the last boyfriend whom I will have in this lifetime, I recall fantasizing about other people while having sex with him. It’s because I really wasn’t attracted to or interested in him, sexually, anymore — but I was a bit fearful of what it would mean to let the entire relationship go.
And boy, is that a huge red flag because I wasn’t fantasizing about some random famous person one time during sex — I was relying on images, my imagination, and previous experiences with other people to literally get me through the act. NOT. GOOD.
Y’all, one of the greatest and most profound forms of communication and connection between two people is sexual intimacy, and so, when it transpires, it really should only be about the two of them. That said, should you freak out over a thought about someone who creeps up into your mind every once in a while? Chile, more people have that happen than they will ever admit out loud.
On the other hand, should you worry if you’re like I was? I’ll put it this way — you should definitely be concerned because the last thing that you should be feeling during sex with someone is like you are suppressing what you need and/or that you want to escape from the moments that you are experiencing with them.
And yet, if that is indeed the case, though, what should you do?
Start with doing some sex journaling. Write down your fantasies, the sources of them, and why you are leaning on them in this season (check out “The Art Of Sex Journaling (And Why You Should Do It)”). If they are tied to unrealistic situations, be real with yourself about that. If they are rooted in potential possibilities, do some journaling about how much you are “feeding into” that reality and what you think would be the wisest way to move forward, both for your sake as well as your relationship.
Talk to your partner. Each relationship is different, and so, while I’m not going to recommend that everyone just blurt out that they’ve been thinking about having sex with their co-worker or college sweetheart while having sex with their partner, I do think that the suppressed urges and desires (in general) should be mentioned. Sometimes, fantasies are birthed out of boredom (check out “If You're Not Having Great Sex, This Is (Probably) Why” and “Common Sex Problems Couples Have (& How To Fix 'Em)”) and doing something like creating a sex bucket list (check out “This Is How To Create The Best Kind Of ‘Sex Bucket List’”) can breathe new life into your bedroom.
Plus, sharing some of your deepest thoughts, feelings, and needs (in a kind, thoughtful, and mature way) can cultivate more emotional intimacy with your partner, and that can definitely be a good thing.
Consider seeing a sex therapist. If, after doing both of these things, the fantasies seem to be getting stronger and louder, you might need to make an appointment with a reputable sex therapist (check out “Have You Ever Wondered If You Should See A Sex Therapist?”). They may be able to help you to “connect some dots” about what’s going on that you wouldn’t have considered without their help, because sex therapists are trained in helping individuals sort out the mental and emotional sides of intimacy, not just the physical ones.
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Are fantasies bad? They aren’t. However, when it comes to sexual ones, a quote by Benjamin Franklin absolutely comes to mind: “If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins.”
And that, right there, should be a guiding message for how you should process the fantasies that you do have.
Amen? Sho’ you right.
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